The lyrics to Owl City's song "The Saltwater Room" appear as their own paragraphs in italics. I do not own the song or the characters of Glee. Please review, constructive criticism is appreciated!
Finn groaned as he reached over to turn off the alarm clock. Surely it couldn't be time to get out of bed. As he stumbled to his feet and fumbled for the light switch, he rubbed what little sleep he got the night before from his eyes. His nights had been increasingly restless over the past few weeks. The dreams were returning more often, and becoming increasingly vivid.
I opened my eyes last night and saw you in the low light
Walking down by the bay, on the shore, staring up at the planes that aren't there anymore
I was feeling the night grow old and you were looking so cold
Like an introvert, I drew my overshirt
Around my arms and began to shiver violently
Rachel was beginning to haunt his nights as well as his days. When Jesse left New Directions, Finn thought things would improve between them, but so far the culminating point in the relationship had been only sideways glances across the choir room. That damn "Run Joey Run" video kept running through Finn's head. Acid churned in his stomach when he thought of the images of Rachel with Puck and Jesse. It was one thing to deal with Rachel's relationships privately, but to have them screened in front of the entire class was just too much. The ball of sorrow in his gut wouldn't allow him to even speak to her. It hurt too much. But his feelings for her were so real.
You happened to look and see the tunnels all around me
Running into the dark underground
All the subways around create a great sound
To my motion fatigue: farewell
With your ear to a seashell
You can hear the waves in underwater caves
As if you actually were inside a saltwater room
Sometimes the room would spin when she sang. Her voice was like adrenaline pumping through his veins, keeping him on edge. His vision would cloud, the room would darken. The first time it happened he thought he was going to pass out. Or drown. He didn't quite understand how you could drown in someone's voice, but Finn was quite sure it was possible when he listened to Rachel Berry. Her voice was like an ocean: learn to navigate the waters safely and you'll witness the otherworldly beauty of the deep. But despite its splendor, the danger is immense. One wrong move and your gone forever. Time together isn't ever quite enough
When you and I are alone, I've never felt so at home
What will it take to make or break this hint of love?
We need time, only time
When we're apart, whatever are you thinking of?
If this is what I call home, why does it feel so alone?
So tell me darling, do you wish we'd fall in love?
All the time, all the time
As Finn poured a bowl of cereal, he tried to remember the dream from the night before. Funny how these dreams made him feel like he hadn't slept a wink, and yet they were the fuel that got him through the days where his only interaction with Rachel was in Glee. In his dreams he got to be alone with her again, be vulnerable with her again. He could trust her, and she him. But in real life it just didn't work that way anymore. Can you believe that the crew has gone and wouldn't let me sign on
All my islands have sunk in the deep, so I can hardly relax or even oversleep
I feel as if I were home some nights, when we count all the ship lights
I guess I'll never know why sparrows love the snow
We'll turn out all of the lights and set this ballroom aglow
Finn tried to relax as he drove to school, and not think about the dreams so much. When he tried too hard to understand them, they only confused him more, and made the school day all the more unbearable. He was jealous of his dream-self, who got to spend time with Rachel, hold her, share secrets with her, laugh with her, talk with her, be silent with her, just be with her.
The monotony of school allowed Finn to mentally check out, to avoid dealing with his emotional struggles. It wasn't until Spanish that he was forced to face them head on.
He caught Quinn staring at him. But not the way she used to, with that gleam in her eyes of mingled dominance, victory, and attraction. Their relationship had changed. No, Quinn's eyes spoke of something different, something more:
The concern and love that comes from being a family.
They were no longer romantically connected, but they also were no longer enemies. Glee Club had brought them together in new ways over the past weeks and months, just as it had for all the members. Perhaps there was the slightest twinge of jealousy in Quinn's gaze, but for the most part she seemed to understand his pain.
At the end of class, as Finn was gathering his things, Quinn walked by and lightly touched his shoulder.
"I hope you find what you're looking for Finn, but just remember, good things come to those who wait." Then Quinn smiled her sweet smile, a smile that Finn had rarely seen when they were dating, and walked gracefully away.
What the hell is that supposed to mean? Thought Finn angrily. He got up from his seat, and walked out of class, ignoring Mr. Schuster's questioning looks. Finn worked to wipe the scowl that was materializing on his face to avoid further questioning. But he couldn't help but be angry, and terribly confused. And what's with the philosophy lesson anyway? Quinn never used to talk like that.
Funny how things can change so fast. Between everyone.
So tell me darling, do you wish we'd fall in love?
All the time.
As Finn left Spanish and headed for football practice, he caught a glimpse of Rachel walking down the hallway. As usual, an imaginary fog detracted from his ability to see. His surroundings seemed to disappear, but he could see Rachel herself as clearly as the summer heat.
She was alone, now that Jesse was no longer in the picture. She looked happy enough, but Finn could detect the sadness in her eyes. He knew that that smile was her way of detaching herself from the world she knew.
Just then Puck entered Finn's line of vision. He appeared to be approaching Rachel, and Finn saw the gleam of recognition in Rachel's eyes as well. Finn tensed, upset that Puck had found it within himself to make the first move while he watched from afar, still hurt. But Puck passed Rachel by, apparently not to even noticing her.
Finn was almost relieved, although it didn't really surprise him all that much. Puck was always one to hold a grudge. What did surprise him though, was Rachel's reaction. She didn't seem to notice, or at least didn't seem to care. She went on her way to her locker, matter-of-factly slipped her books onto their shelf, and headed to class, humming a show tune. Was she really that self-absorbed, or did she not have feelings for Puck anymore?
It had bothered Finn to no end that Puck was the first of the three males to appear in the "Run Joey Run" film, while he himself was the last to appear. Was there an underlying meaning in the order? Was he really just an afterthought? Of the three, he thought that Puck had the least hold on Rachel's heart. Yeah, they had had a fling. But do flings ever really mean anything? He had convinced himself that they didn't. He had tried to convince himself that Rachel had just been with Jesse and Puck to get back at him. They were rebound guys. He was really the center of her world.
How selfish, Finn thought. Suddenly the "Run Joey Run" video didn't seem as important anymore. It paled in comparison to the realization that his self-centeredness had hurt Rachel. Why does it always have to be about me? Why do I ignore how other people feel?
Finn headed to his locker and slammed his books inside. This wasn't what he wanted for himself, and it sure as hell wasn't what he wanted for Rachel. In reality, he had dumped her first and broken her heart, and any pain her inattentions and her relationships with other people caused him were well-deserved. But instead he had thrown himself a pity party. He had retreated from the world and pushed away the people that meant most to him. He had lost himself in a cave, a world of his own creation, in an attempt to protect himself from being hurt again. He had locked himself away, crying his selfish saltwater tears.
At least Rachel had reached out to others when she had been hurt. She had welcomed help, and allowed love back into her life.
Finn was ashamed that he had accused her of being a slut by making the video. Rachel hadn't wanted to be a slut at all. All she had really wanted—even if she hadn't realized it herself—was to be wanted, needed and loved. She just didn't know how to find a way to fill the void. Finn realized that she would have to learn for herself. She would have to make the mistakes that hurt her, like Finn had made the mistakes that hurt him. Finn would let her make those mistakes, and he would be the friend that she needed when the pain became too much. And maybe in the end she would realize that the love she so desperately needed had been there all along.
Good things come to those who wait. Time together isn't ever quite enough
When you and I are alone, I've never felt so at home
What will it take to make or break this hint of love?
We need time, only time
When we're apart whatever are you thinking of?
If this is what I call home, why does it feel so alone?
So tell me darling, do you wish we'd fall in love?
All the time, all the time
When Finn entered the choir room, Rachel seemed to be the center of attention, as always. She had stolen the floor, and in her flamboyant manner was relating the latest series of events in her life to anyone and everyone who would grant her their attention. Finn just happened to hear part of Rachel's rant.
"I had the weirdest dream last night."
Rachel turned around as she said it, looking straight at Finn.
Their eyes locked, and Finn didn't think he would ever be able to look away.