AN: So basically I'm a Duncan apologist. I think season one Duncan is such an interesting and complex character who was unfortunately let down by uneven writing and acting and a whole bunch of other things. But the idea of the character fascinates me. He's going through some pretty heavy stuff in season one. He's having a really, really bad year. And as badly as I want to write an epic LoVe story (so badly) I can't get Duncan out of my head. So first I'm going to get this one down and then hopefully the swirly ideas for a Logan story bridging the series and the movie will have settled in to something workable.
This story goes from preseries through to the end of season one. By season two any positive feelings for Duncan shrivel up and die. There ain't no 'pologising for season two Duncan. But I digress, I liked Duncan. And if you're reading this, maybe you did to. So hopefully you enjoy this little look in to his story.
So your girlfriend's your sister? Your eyes don't focus as you sit on the edge of the bed looking at your reflection. Your girlfriend is your sister. Girlfriend, sister. The two used to be antithetical. Your girlfriend is your actual sister's best friend, and they couldn't be more different. But then, you guess, they're both your actual sisters now.
You're half expecting your parents to come through the door any moment and tell you it was all a joke. Why would they leave it so long to tell you? After all the - oh god. All the touching, all the kissing, all the dreams and all the promises. Your girlfriend is your sister.
Your eyes harden and you finally see your reflection. Are you crying? You grit your teeth hard. You toss whatever was in your hand at the mirror and the picture breaks. The glass bottle of whatever it was that you were drinking shatters on the ground but the mirror stays in place. A spider web of cracks distorts your image and somehow it just seems right.
Seven years of bad luck can't be worse than this.
You pass her in the hall at school. She turns when she sees you coming. There's pure delight in her eyes. Delight from seeing you. You keep walking.
Logan is saying something to you. You don't know what. You can't hear anything over the thump of your own heart. You can't feel anything except the rising nausea because now it's real. You've seen her and she's your sister and you can't just forget about her.
You dreamt about her last night. You dreamt about being with her. And it felt so good. It was one of those dreams you didn't want to wake from. And when you did wake you tried to hang on to it for as long as you could. You tried until the nightmare of reality came back. You were sick then too.
You mutter a half apology to Logan as you fling yourself in to the bathroom and empty the contents of your stomach in to the first empty stall.
You didn't make a pact with yourself to ignore her. After that first time in the hall you can't imagine what else you would do. Just seeing her smile makes your head spin.
You know you can't will her out of existence but you figure the less time you spend in direct contact with her, the easier it will be to forget.
But how can you forget? She's the first girl you ever loved and for a long time now she's felt like the only one you ever will.
Sometimes when you close your eyes you still see her smiling face. It's still your brain's default screensaver even with what you know.
You held hands and whispered secrets and generally exuded the kind of cute that had Lilly and Logan rolling their eyes at you. You really loved her.
That's all gone now. You're a normal kid. You're a good guy. It'll be easy to move on and you'll see that. It was all just the glow of first love. There was nothing special about her at all. One day, ten years from now, you'll laugh about the time you thought you were in love with your sister. Well, maybe you won't laugh out loud but it won't be nearly as a big a deal.
For now, avoidance seems like the best medicine.
Logan is at your house after school. You're going to play some video games, maybe hang by the pool. Your homework is all finished; relaxation is the only thing left.
Logan is talking again and you realise it's become a habit of yours to not listen to what he's saying. You try to make an effort. He's talking about how you don't need Veronica. He's talking about how he respects your decision. But you should probably give her a reason. She is your sister's best friend after all; you can't just avoid her forever.
Logan gets up off the couch after thoroughly destroying you at Tekken. He heads in to the kitchen to get a drink.
Your head is swirling with his words. Best friend, sister, forever. And then your dad is walking in. He's smiling and trying to make conversation and in that moment you hate him.
It's all a blur after that. Somehow you end up on top of him with your hands around his neck. You want him to die. You want him to know how it feels to struggle for breath. He's the culprit in all of this. Maybe him being gone will lift the crushing weight off your chest.
And as soon as it starts, it's over. You find yourself sitting on the couch as your dad shakes himself off. Logan is standing off to the side.
It seems like someone else was just trying to choke your father and that disturbs you. The world feels too surreal. As everything falls apart you can only stand and watch from the outside.
You dismiss Logan through silence and head up to your room to shower. You're fairly certain you were trudging but it's like the transit time didn't happen at all. One conscious minute you're in the living room, the next you're being pelted by your shower – set to "tropical rain".
The water is hot, close to scalding but your skin feels clammy. It's like you're made of rubber.
Or maybe it's like when you were a kid and you wondered whether you were the only real human and that you were living in a sea of robots. Except now you're the automaton. Your thoughts and feelings are preprogramed and there's nothing you can do to change that.
The next conscious minute you're lying half-dry in your bed staring at the ceiling. You're restless but then again it is only five in the afternoon.
Your pillow sags as your wet hair soaks in to it. If you close your eyes, it's like you're slowly sinking in to the earth. You close your eyes.
Your girlfriend is your sister.
AN: Thank you for reading this, singular Duncan fan. It's going to be pretty wangsty so I apologise but the kid really isn't having a fun time at this point in his life. I'd also like to apologise for my handle on grammar. Sometimes when I don't know whether to use a comma or not, I'll just throw in a couple extra because as long as I feign confidence, no one will call me out, right? Oh well, I'll work on it. Please try not to say anything too mean, I'm fragile.