Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or the song used
So this is a sequel to The Blues but could be read without reading that one first but please feel free to read that story as well.
This story takes places years after the last one ended. Nathan and Haley are brought together again when it's time for Lucas and Peyton's wedding and they have to deal with issues from their past.
Your Love Is a Song
Nathan sat at the counter of the crowded bar. He couldn't tell you what the date was, what the time was, anything. He'd been there every night for the past week and all the nights had been blurring together. He'd lost count of the number of whiskeys he'd been drinking. He'd really lost track of everything. He felt like he was losing everything. When had his life spiraled so out of control?
Well, part of him knew exactly when. When he'd left her. That's when it all went wrong. She told him it was fine. She wasn't going to let him let go of his dream just to be with her. They were being pulled in two completely different directions. Duke and Stanford were on opposite sides of the country. When she spoke those words all those years ago it all seemed to make sense. She spoke them in a way that made them seem rational, but now as he thought about them he was certain. He would have given up everything to be with her.
He shouldn't have been so selfish back then. He should have gone with her. He should have told her loved her. But he didn't. He held his tongue. Just like he held his pride.
He set down his glass on the counter and watched as Owen flashed him a look before shaking his head and filling up another glass. Nathan had told him to keep them coming until he left. Even if that was a bad idea, Owen knew he couldn't talk him out of it.
"Drinking your sorrows away, huh?"
Nathan slowly turned his head and saw the brunette sitting down next to him. She placed her purse on the counter and turned to look at him. She had a look in her eye that said she knew it all. But, she'd always been that way. She was always able to read people and know the truth even when they refused to tell it.
"What do you care?" Nathan bit back.
Brooke Davis rolled her eyes before looking away from him. She tapped her fingers against the counter of the bar while she waited for him to apologize. She knew Nathan. He would eventually apologize.
Nathan took a sip of the whiskey that had been placed in front of him and felt it burn down his throat. He took a deep breath before looking back at her. "I'm sorry."
"I know."
"Do you know how hard this is for me?"
"What? Seeing her? Or admitting that it's hard?
He shrugged a bit. "Both I guess."
Brooke nodded. She understood. She understood all to well. It wasn't like she was still in love with Lucas but seeing him again was hard. Seeing him with Peyton was hard. She'd forgiven them all those years ago, she really had. But that didn't mean the hurt wasn't still there. Watching them, seeing how completely in love they were was hard. But, they were her friends; she was going to support them at their wedding.
"I understand."
He took another sip and then said, "you still in love with him?"
She shook her head. "I don't think so. I mean, I love him but I'll never love him the way I used to. It hurt too much."
"He was a dick to you."
Brooke laughed and nodded a little bit. "Yeah. Well, that was a long time ago."
"Well still. You loved him. And she was your best friend. And they totally went behind your back and then lied to you about it. How could you ever forgive them?"
"We were in high school, Nathan. I'm not gonna keep re living that. I can't or I'll go crazy."
Maybe she was right. Maybe he had to forget everything that happened in high school. It was all in the past. He was a different person now than he was then. He couldn't keep pretending to be that guy anymore. "I guess."
Brooke turned in her chair and looked at him. "Look Nate," she said, "you either need to tell her the truth about how you really feel or you need to move on. You can't keep doing this in between bullshit. Trust me, it's not healthy." She glanced down at the drink in his hand and then back at his face. "I think you've had enough for the night. Let me help you home."
Nathan put the drink back down on the counter before standing up on shaky legs. The alcohol in his system was definitely taking it's toll on him. But it was like every time he saw her; especially with him he had to drink. It was the only thing that numbed him.
Brooke grabbed his arm and wrapped it around her shoulders. She tried to steady him as they walked towards the exit of Tric. They made their way outside and down the iron steps towards the parking lot. She saw his black Jeep and then kept walking towards her car parked just a few rows down. When she got to the car she unlocked it and helped him into the passenger side.
Nathan slumped down into the seat and then rested his head against the cool glass of the window. When Brooke got in the drivers seat he let his eyes close. His head was beginning to pound and he knew in the morning he was going to have a killer hangover.
The drive back to his apartment didn't take long and when they finally arrived she helped him up the stairs and to his door. She told him she'd take him to get his car in the morning and for now he should just sleep it off. When she left he looked into his apartment. It was a mess. He'd left the TV on with NBA Live hooked up to his Xbox. There were beer bottles on the counter and clothes thrown everywhere. He wasn't like this two weeks ago.
He stumbled back towards his room. He striped his shirt off over his head and then worked on the buckle on his jeans. He let them drop around his ankles, not even bothering to step out of them before he collapsed into his bed. As soon as his head hit the pillow he was out for the night. The alcohol in his system was enough to put him to sleep for the night.
Nathan and Haley sat on the beach watching the waves roll in. She'd called him an hour ago asking him if he could come pick her up. Her parents were fighting again and her mother had been drinking. The last place she wanted to be was home. He'd immediately told her he was on his way. When he reached her house she was already sitting on the steps of her porch. She ran to his car when she saw him and instantly jumped in the passenger seat.
He didn't even need to ask her where she wanted to go. He just drove to the beach. It was the place they'd gone when he'd first convinced her to ditch school with him. The place they went when Taylor had overdosed and was in the hospital. The place they went when Dan took out his frustrations on Nathan. Haley would never forget the time she found him at the beach with a swollen lip and bruised cheek.
"Thank you," she whispered as she continued to lean her head against his shoulder. "You didn't have to come tonight, but you did and I'm really glad."
"You know I would. I'm always here if you need me," he said looking down at his girlfriend.
She looked up at him with a smile on her face before looking back at the waves. The sky was turning dark and heavy storm clouds were rolling in. It wasn't long before rain started to lightly fall on them.
"We should go somewhere else," Nathan said after a minute.
"Can we just go sit in your car?" Haley asked. "I don't wanna go anywhere else."
He nodded before standing up and offering his hand to her. She took it and they walked to his car. He unlocked it and they climbed into the back seat. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer to him. He rested his head against hers and watched as the rain fell down around the car.
"I hate my life," she whispered.
He'd never heard her say anything like that. He knew that her family was going through a lot of trouble right now and things must have been hard, but he'd never heard her say that. He wished that he could take all the hurt away and be the person to save her. He wanted to always be the guy to make her feel better. He wanted to be her knight in shining armor.
"But I love you," she said moments later while looking up at him.
"I love you too," he said, "just don't… don't ever leave me ok?"
She shook her head and shifted in the seat and rested her hand against his cheek. "I won't. Not ever."
"If you ever left.." he started, "I'd go with you. Anywhere."
"I'm not going anywhere."
Nathan's eyes shot open at the loud crack of thunder from outside. It had been raining for hours now and he was thankful that at least it wasn't sunny out. The bright sun shining into his room would do nothing for his hangover. But the loud thunder wasn't exactly helping either. If anything it was making him feel worse.
Rain had always made him think of Haley. Most people thought of rain as bad weather. But not Nathan. He would have much rather had a rainy day than a sunny day. Rain was like his little piece of Haley. It was something they shared. All of their big moments always seemed to happen when it was raining.
He sat up in his bed and then looked down at himself. He saw his jeans around his ankles and his shirt thrown on the floor. He didn't even remember getting himself to his bed. What time had even gotten home anyway? He looked over at his clock and saw that it was now almost 1:30. Must have been a long night for him.
He stood up slowly and stepped out of his jeans before walking out of his room. He made it to his kitchen and threw open the fridge before grabbing a slice of cold pizza from a box in the fridge and a Gatorade that sat on the shelf above it.
"Breakfast of champions."
Nathan turned around and saw Haley sitting on his couch. She wore an oversized black knit sweater dress that hung off her shoulders and stopped mid thigh. On her feet were knee high black boots with gray high socks. Her hair was wavy like she'd let it air dry and her make up was natural. She was gorgeous. As always.
"What are you doing here?"
She stood up and walked over to the kitchen island before taking a seat at the counter. She looked at all the beer bottles strewn about and then back up at Nathan. "I wanted to see you," she said, "I've been home almost a week and you've been avoiding me."
"No I haven't," he said.
"Liar," she said with a hint of a sad smile. "Come on Nathan, I think I know you better than that."
"I haven't been avoiding you," he said. "I've just been… busy."
"I can tell," she said looking around his messy apartment. She stood up from the chair and walked around to where he was standing. She was now standing right in front of him and she smiled up at him. "I just wanted to tell you that I miss you."
He nodded and tried to avoid looking her in the eye. If he did then he'd be lost. Then he would forgive everything and he couldn't do that. But it was hard to do when she was so close to him and her sweet scent was invading his senses.
She leaned close to him and stood on her toes before wrapping her arms around his neck. He was hesitant for a moment sure that he would lose it because she was so close. He awkwardly wrapped one arm around her loosely. "Miss you, too," he said quietly before dropping his arm and stepping back from her.
"Well," she said and then pushed her hair behind her ears, "I guess I should go. It's just that Brooke gave me your address and I just wanted to stop by and… I don't know."
He watched as she searched for words and he listened to everything she was saying. But none of it was stuff he wanted to hear. Sure it was great to hear that she missed him. But she didn't miss him the way he missed her and she probably never would. "I'll see you later Haley."
She nodded and sent him a smile. But it wasn't the one that he'd fallen in love with all those years before. This was something completely different. It was sad and it was forced. It wasn't Haley at all. She turned away from him and headed towards the door. She opened it and looked back at him once more before walking out into the storm.
That was the first time since she'd been back that he'd spoken more than two words to her. He'd been avoiding her at all costs. It was far to painful to be around her. It was a pain he couldn't describe to know that she wasn't his and she never would be. But that fact that she'd brought her boyfriend from California here with her, well that was something that made him feel like his heart had been ripped out and stomped on.
Nathan was never the guy to get heartbroken over a girl. At first, Peyton was his only serious relationship. But even when they broke up, it only took him a few days to get over it. And then there was Haley. And he was sure that he'd never truly been in love until her. She was the best thing that ever happened to him. After being in the hospital because of pills he'd taken before the game, he was sure that he loved her. He had never known someone who was as good as she was. She had an amazing heart. Everyday he fell more and more in love with her.
When they had broken up, he was heart broken. To say that it effected his game was and understatement. For the longest time he couldn't seem to keep his head in the game. Every time he played, no matter where he played, he saw her face in the crowd. His coach at Duke had yelled at him countless times for not trying harder. Eventually, basketball was the only thing that he loved in his life. He had to focus all of his attention and energy on it so he wouldn't ever think about her.
He'd dated a little bit after her, but never anything as serious. Rachel was mostly just a hook up when he was drunk or feeling sorry for himself. Carrie was only someone he'd dated out of pity. Of course that didn't last. Renee lasted a little longer than her, maybe a month or two. But she was nothing compared to Haley. No girl in his life had ever been anything compared to her. No girl ever would be.
He put the bottle of Gatorade back on the counter and dropped the slice of pizza in the trash before walking back to the bathroom. He walked in and over to the shower. He turned it on as high as it could go. It didn't take long for the steam to billow out through the top of the glass cubicle. He stepped inside and felt the stinging of the water hitting his skin. It hurt, but hurting because of this was better than hurting because of her.
Haley walked through the glass doors of the store in front of her. It had been so long since she'd been here. The last time she was here was when it was Karen's Café. Now it was Clothes Over Bros. Brooke had really done it and Haley was so proud of her. She always knew that Brooke had it in her to reach her dreams. She was sure that everyone she loved had it in them. Brooke had proven it.
She saw Brooke standing behind the counter with her back facing the door. Haley walked farther in the store and up to the counter. "Too busy to talk to a friend?" Haley asked.
Brooke turned around and smiled at her old friend who stood on the other side of the counter. She pushed her hair behind her ears and rested her elbows against the counter while quirking an eyebrow. "Hmm let me think about it… no."
Haley smiled. "Good because I really need someone to talk to."
"Well lay all your troubles down," Brooke said with a smile and then looked at Haley. "Wait before you do… is that dress one of mine?" she asked looked at Haley's sweater dress.
"A Brooke Davis original."
Brooke looked at it longer and then smiled. "That's the dress I made for you in college when I was starting all this. I can't believe you still have it!"
"Of course I do! It's still the most comfortable thing I own."
Brooke smiled as she thought back to the days of when she was starting her own business. She'd come so far since then and sometimes she couldn't believe it. It all seemed like a dream to her. She snapped out of her thoughts while looking at her friend. "Sorry.. Keep going I wanna hear all you have to say."
"Well," Haley began, "it's Nathan."
"It always is."
Haley rolled her eyes and tossed her head back with a groan. "I'm pretty sure he hates me."
"Oh trust me," Brooke said, "he doesn't hate you. Far from it actually."
"Yeah well he refuses to have an actual conversation with me. I showed up at his apartment to talk to him and he wouldn't really say anything. I really think he hates me."
Brooke shook her head and sent Haley a look of irritation. "I can't believe you'd ever think that. Hales, that man is completely in love with you. He always will be. But just like when he was sixteen, he's not good at being vulnerable. He may be 24 but he's still that boy who's scared to be hurt. I mean look at everyone in his life. His dad who's always put pressure on him to be the best and his mom who's never really been much of a mom. I mean you know all this probably better than anyone. He's been hurt a lot and when you left, it killed him. And now that you're back… and now that you're here with Andrew… you can't really think that he'd be taking that all that well."
For years Haley had been telling herself that Nathan didn't love her anymore. It was the only way to get herself to stop loving him. She couldn't move on if she thought he still loved her.
It had taken so long for her to really believe it. And when she finally did, she allowed herself to open up more. That was when she met Drew. He played football at Stanford all four years that they had been there. He was from Connecticut and he was loud and out going and funny. She loved that about him. He was able to become friends with anyone easily and he treated her well.
Drew was tall, somewhere around six foot three. He had short dark hair and brown eyes. Maybe the reason she fell for him was because in some ways he was like Nathan. He was athletic and smart. There were things that made them similar, but in the long run, they were completely different.
"Well," Haley began, "I moved on a long time ago. I guess I just thought that he had too."
"I don't think he ever will."
There were many great things about being emancipated. For one, Nathan didn't have to live with his crazy parents. That was huge on his lists of reasons why being emancipated was great. He wasn't sure how much longer he could have handled it with them. They were still fighting constantly. His mother was still popping pills even though she had promised that she'd stop. His dad was still a complete douche bag, like always. That was clearly never going to change.
But the other great thing was that he could have his girlfriend over, whenever he wanted for as long as he wanted without fear of his parents interrupting them. That was probably the best part of it all. He got to spend even more time with her than he would have at his house. And it was so much better that way.
Nathan walked into his bathroom in a pair of boxer and a t-shirt. Steam billowed out from shower and he could hear Haley singing from inside. He smiled as he continued to look in the mirror. She was so cute. Even when she was singing some awful song that he couldn't even name. At least she sounded good while she did it. "That's pretty Hales."
The sliding door opened just enough for her to stick her head out. "No one asked for your commentary thank you very much."
She slid the door shut again and he laughed. "Hey, you're singing in my house, in my shower, I think I can comment if I want to." He heard her scoff and he laughed again before walking over to the CD player he'd brought in there days ago and pressing play. Soon a new song began to play through out the bathroom.
"Really?" Haley asked as she slid the door open again. "You'd put on a CD just to block out my singing?"
"Yes," he said with a laugh. "It's not your singing. It's just the song that sucks."
She kinked an eyebrow and listened to the song that was playing. It was Unforgettable by Drake. A song that she'd heard from Nathan and one that she'd grown to love. "Well luckily for you I love this song. But you're still an ass."
She slid the door shut again and Nathan's jaw dropped. "Ok," he said with a laugh as he stripped his t-shirt off and dropped it to the ground. "You're so dead." He walked over to the shower and pushed his boxers down before opening the door and stepping into the hot shower.
Haley squealed when Nathan reached out and grabbed her before pulling her closer to him. His fingers danced over her sides, tickling her causing her to scream and laugh at the same time. "Nathan!" she yelled, "stop it!"
He laughed and then pulled her body flush against his before crashing his lips against hers. She moaned against his lips and then relaxed into his touch. She could kiss him forever.
He rested his forehead against hers and backed her up to the tile wall. He picked her up with ease and she wrapped her legs around his waist. His lips pecked hers again and she smiled against his lips. "I want you so much," she mumbled.
"I want you."
He wanted her all the time. She was the only thing in the world that he wanted for the rest of his life. He was sure that feeling would never go away when it came to her. He was completely in love with her and he wanted to spend his whole life showing her just how much he loved her.
He took himself in his hand before thrusting into her. They both released moans of satisfaction against each others lips as he began to move inside of her. He used his hand to push her wet hair away from her neck before placing lingering kisses on the column of her throat. "I love you," he mumbled.
She ran her hands through his hair and pulled him up to her level so she could kiss him again. "I love you, too," she moaned as he began to move harder against her. She could feel his hands running along every inch of her skin and she couldn't help but moan his name in appreciation.
"Haley," he said quietly while continuing to move within her. Her eyes met his and she saw nothing but love shining back at her. "I wanna marry you."
Nathan stood at the bar in the middle of the crowded room watching as she danced with her boyfriend on the dance floor. It made him sick to see her laughing and smiling at the things he whispered in her ear. That should have been him. It should have always been him to make her laugh and to make her happy. He could barely stand to watch this.
He brought his beer bottle back up to his lips before chugging down the rest of its contents. He looked at the bartender and signaled for another beer. When it was placed in front of him he brought it to his lips. He was well on his way to being drunk, but that was the only thing that could get him through this night.
"Dude," he heard from next to him, "it's not even the wedding. You might wanna pace yourself."
Nathan looked next to him and saw his best friend Clay standing beside him. Clay was dressed in a dark pair of dress pants and a navy button down shirt. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows and he had a glass of water in his hand.
"Whatever," Nathan mumbled before looking back at Haley on the dance floor.
"Stop watching them. You're beginning to look like a stalker."
Clay looked out at the dance floor and watched Haley. He knew that this was killing Nathan. How could it not? He knew that if the girl he loved was with someone else it would rip him to pieces. But lucky for him he wasn't ever going to have to worry about that. But for Nathan, that worst fear was being lived out in front of him.
He felt a pair of arms wrap around him from behind he instantly knew it was her. "What are you guys talking about?"
Quinn James walked around so that she was standing in front of Clay. She leaned back against him and he wrapped his arms around her waist before resting his head on the top of her head. "Nothing," Clay replied.
Quinn looked at Nathan and could tell by the scowl on his face and the beer clenched tightly in his hands that it was not nothing. She'd known Nathan a long time and she was able to read the fact that he was clearly pissed off. She really didn't even have to guess what he was so pissed about.
"She's happy, Nathan."
Nathan looked down at Quinn, his scowl still firmly in place. "Did I say anything?"
"Come on," she said, "it's not like everyone doesn't know you're still in love with her. But she's happy Nate-"
"That's great," he said harshly cutting her off before chugging his beer and walking off.
Quinn turned around so she was facing Clay. "Geez, who knew my sister could cause that."
Clay shrugged, "yeah. God this dinner was really a bad idea."
The rehearsal dinner for Peyton and Lucas was causing nothing but drama so far. Deb had showed up and was drunk before the main course was even served. Dan on the other hand had done nothing but make snide comments to Karen and Keith through out the meal. And Nathan, he was well on his way to being wasted. Watching Haley and her boyfriend had done nothing but serve to further piss him off.
When Clay was getting ready for this dinner he knew that it wasn't going to end well. He felt bad for his best friend, he really did. And he knew that if Haley made Nathan feel any where close to how Quinn made him feel, then Nathan must have been going through hell.
When Clay met Quinn he felt like he had instantly fallen for her. But he was so hesitant about starting any relationship with the girl who was Haley James's sister. He was afraid that any form of ties with that family would hurt his friend. It wasn't until Nathan had reassured him over a million times that it was fine that he began to date her. And now he was sure that was the best choice he'd ever made. He was completely in love with her.
"I know," Quinn agreed. "I feel really bad for Nathan."
"Yeah. So do I."
Clay looked back out at Haley who was still with Drew on the dance floor. Nathan was sitting at one of the far tables, now with a glass of scotch in his hand still watching the two of them. He was only making it harder on himself.
The night was almost over and now Nathan knew that he was completely wasted. He really had no clue of how many drinks he'd had that night, but it was one too many.
He looked over to the other side of the room and saw Peyton and Lucas talking to some of the other people that had come to the dinner. Nathan stood up and made his way over to them. He knew that he was drunk, he knew that very well. But he really didn't care if he made a fool of himself, he had something he needed to say to his brother.
"Lucas," Nathan said loudly when he was close enough to his brother.
Lucas looked away from the people in front of him and over at his younger brother. It was clear to anyone that Nathan was completely trashed. Lucas walked towards him and grabbed him by the shoulders to steady him. "What Nate? Are you alright?"
"No," Nathan said with a shake of his head. "I have to talk to you!"
"Ok," Lucas said, "but maybe you should quiet down a little bit."
"Maybe you should shut up," Nathan said and scoffed, "I'm trying to tell you something."
A waiter walked by with a tray in his hand. An unopened beer bottle sat on the top and Nathan reached out and took it off the top. He popped the cap off before bringing it to his mouth and drinking some of it down.
Haley heard Nathan's loud voice and looked over to where he was standing with Lucas. Now everyone in the room could hear what he was saying, they'd all quieted down to hear him.
"Listen to me," Nathan said, "don't get married. Trust me. She's gonna break your heart some day. I mean it. Nobody ever really knows anyone, ya know? Love isn't real."
"Nathan, you're drunk. You need to go home and go to bed."
"No! You need to listen to me! Are you hearing me? You're gonna wanna listen to me."
Nathan felt someone grab him by the shoulder and he turned around and saw Dan Scott standing behind him. "Come on Son, you're making a fool out of yourself."
"Oh fuck you," Nathan mumbled, "like I give a shit what you think."
"Look at yourself. No wonder she doesn't want you."
Nathan felt those words cut deep into him. He looked past his father and saw Haley standing in front of Drew watching the whole scene play out in front of her. Nathan looked back at his dad. "And no wonder mom hated you so much. I woulda been a pill junkie if I was married to you too."
"Well you're on your way aren't you? You're an embarrassment."
Clay hurried over to where his best friend was standing arguing with his father. He grabbed Nathan by the arm and pulled him towards the door. Nathan turned and looked back at Haley once more.
"I hope you're really happy," he yelled back at her before Clay pulled him through the door and out to the parking lot.
"What the hell, man?"
Nathan stumbled away from him and braced his weight against a parked car. "I'm hurtin'."
"I know you are," Clay said walking back towards him.
Nathan had never felt hurt quite like this. He was sick and he was heart broken and he wanted to find a way to end all the pain he was feeling but he knew the only way to do that would have been to be with her again.
Nathan walked out to his living room in a black hoodie with the hood over his head and a pair of basketball shorts. All light was killing his head and he wished that he could turn off the sun for a little while. But that probably wasn't an option.
He stopped in his tracks when he saw Haley standing in his kitchen with a giant trash bag. She was clearing off the counters. It looked like she'd actually cleaned the whole apartment. How did she keep getting in here?
"How are you here?"
Haley turned around and saw Nathan standing behind her. He looked completely hung over. It was clear that any sort of light or noise was hurting his head. "You're not very good at hiding your key."
He scoffed before walking over to the couch and collapsing on top of it.
"So you're cleaning my apartment?"
She put the now full trash bag on the ground next to the front door before walking over to where he was now laying down. "Yeah," she replied. "Someone should."
He rolled his eyes before shutting them and throwing his arm over his eyes. He really didn't need a lecture from her on how he should keep his apartment clean. As far as he was concerned it wasn't any of her business anymore. And besides, arguing with her was just going to hurt his head more.
She stood in front of the couch with her hand on her hip waiting for him to look at her. She wore a pair of true religion jeans, the cuffs rolled twice and a pair of red boat shoes on her feet. On top she wore an old white Raven's Basketball shirt. Her hair was pulled into a low ponytail and her long bangs were pushed behind her ears.
"What do you want Hales?"
He moved his arm and sat up so he was looking at her now. She looked annoyed. Which didn't make much sense to him since she was the one who came over here on here own. He hadn't done anything to her.
"Nathan, what's wrong with you?" she asked and then took a seat on the edge of the coffee table in front of him. "Last night… that's not you. I know you and you're not like that. I've never seen you like that-"
"Things change Haley."
"Maybe."
A minute of awkward silence passed between them and then Nathan said. "You should go. Isn't your boyfriend waiting for you somewhere?"
"This is what that's about, isn't it? You can't handle seeing me with him, can you?"
Part of her already knew the answer. That had been in the back of her head since the day Brooke brought it up. But she needed to hear him say it.
"Whatever, Haley."
Nathan stood up and walked back into the kitchen where he opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water. She hurried out of the room and followed him. "You can't walk away from me, Nathan. I mean really, don't you ever get tired of doing that?"
"Me?" he asked, "I'm not the one who pushed us away all those years ago, Haley. That was all you. You're the one who said we couldn't make it work if we were so far apart. You're the one who told me to go to Duke."
"I wasn't gonna let you turn down your dream for me! What kind of person would I be if I did that? Huh? I couldn't do that to you."
"I wanted you! Damn it, Haley. You were my dream. You were what I wanted but you made it all seem like it was right that we wouldn't be together anymore. Face it, you never loved me as much as I loved you."
She couldn't believe he thought that. What could have ever made him think that? He was completely insane.
"How dare you?" she asked, "how could you ever think that? I loved you Nathan. I loved you so much it hurt. When you left for Duke I didn't know how to be without you. You were the only person for the longest time that I thought cared about me. And I loved you so much, it killed me to be away from you. So don't you ever tell me that I didn't love you as much."
He didn't want to hear that. He didn't want to think that all the time they were apart she loved him just as much as he loved her. It was too hard. He needed to move on and he couldn't if he heard those words.
"Yeah Haley, you loved me. I know that you don't anymore."
"God!" Haley yelled, "you don't get it do you? I love you Nathan. I'm always going to love you. Nothing's ever going to change-"
"Don't tell me that!" he yelled, "don't you see that it's hard enough for me to get over you? I don't need to know that you still love me. If you hated me it would make things so much easier."
"Well I don't hate you," she said quietly.
A few more minutes of silence passed between them and Haley could feel the tears that were threatening to spill from her eyes. "You're right. I should go."
She turned around and was about to head for the door when Nathan grabbed her by the arm and pulled her back to him. He crashed his lips on to hers for the first time in years and it felt so right. He'd missed kissing her so much.
It took her a moment to respond to his kiss and when she did she finally wrapped her arms around his neck and began to kiss him back. She didn't think about how this was wrong. She couldn't think about anything like that. All she could think about was how much she'd missed him and she never wanted to stop kissing him.
Her lips parted and his tongue darted in to meet hers. It had been so long since they'd been like this and he never wanted the moment to end. His lips moved gently over hers while her tongue continued to mat against his gently.
Her mind was completely fogged. All thoughts about the fact that she was supposed to be getting ready for the wedding flew out of her head. It wasn't until their lips parted for air that Drew came to her mind.
She took a step back from Nathan and shook her head. "I have to go," she said. "I'm sorry."
"Haley-"
"I'll see you tonight."
She hurried away from him and out the door before she could get caught up in again. And just like that, Nathan was watching her leave again.
Haley stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom of the hotel she was staying in. She had been working on her hair and make up while getting ready for the wedding. She wore a tight black dress with a pair of dark red heels on her feet. Her hair was curled and pulled into a half back and her make up was smoky.
Drew walked into the bathroom and smiled at her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her neck. "You look beautiful, Babe."
"Thanks," she said back quietly.
He could tell by the far off look on her face and the quiet tone of her voice that something was wrong. "You ok?"
"Yeah," she said looking into his eyes through the mirror. "Let's go."
By the time they got to the wedding it was almost time for it to start. They took their seats on Lucas's side and Haley smiled at Lucas who was standing at the front of the church waiting for his bride. Her eyes then traveled to Nathan who was standing beside Lucas. He looked handsome in his suit. His eyes caught hers but looked away before she had the chance to even smile at him.
Through out the whole ceremony she couldn't think of anything else besides Nathan. Admitting to him that she still loved him made it impossible to think of anything else. All she could think of was how much she still loved him, it didn't matter that her boyfriend was sitting next to her. All she could think about was the best man; and it was killing her. She wished more than anything that she hadn't said anything. Now it was all too real.
Drew reached over and took her hand in his. She looked up at his handsome face and smiled, but she could feel it in her heart that it was forced. Everything was different with him.
She looked back up at Nathan and saw him watching the two of them. She could see the hurt in his eyes before he looked away again. She hated to think that she might be hurting him, she wished that he knew that she was hurting too.
After the ceremony she walked into the large white tent where the reception was being held. She saw Brooke and hurried to make her way over to her. She needed to be distracted. She needed something to keep her mind off Nathan and off Drew.
On the other side of the room Nathan watched as she talked with Brooke. Even from far away he could tell that she wasn't really listening to whatever it was that Brooke was saying. He could see it in the far off look in her eyes. He knew that she was thinking about what she'd said to him earlier. She was thinking about how she still loved him and he knew that she was thinking of that kiss. How could she not be? It was all he was thinking about. Well, that and how much he wanted to kick her pretty boy boyfriend's ass.
Nathan watched Clay make his way over to him and he nodded at his friend. "Hey man," Clay greeted, "how you holding up?"
"Fine," Nathan replied. He was sick of Clay treating him like he was grieving over her death or something. They were broken up and she was with someone else. That was it.
"Well good," Clay said and then sighed, "this is going to be a long night."
"Yeah, tell me about it."
Quinn walked up to them and placed her camera in front of her eye. "Smile boys."
Clay smiled for the camera but Nathan kept a straight face. As far as he was concerned, there wasn't much to smile about. She pressed the button on the top of the camera and then brought it back down. "Ok," she said, "not everyone smiles in pictures, it's not a big deal."
Clay shook his head before taking Quinn's hand in his and walking with her across the room to take more pictures. Nathan was glad to not have to spend the whole night with them. He seriously considered cutting out early. Who was really going to notice if he wasn't there anyways?
"Hey loser."
He turned his head and watched Brooke walk towards him. She had a glass of champagne in her hand and her purse in the other. "Don't even think about trying to leave early. You're my date for the night. And if you leave I might kill myself."
Nathan laughed a little and shook his head.
"Was that a smile?" Brooke asked. "And were you… were you laughing? I never thought I'd see that again!"
"Whatever," Nathan said and smiled, "I still have emotions and everything."
"Coulda fooled me," Brooke responded and kinked an eyebrow. "But seriously Nathan, please try and have a good time."
"I'll try. Just for you Brooke."
She smiled, "well thank you."
Brooke was right. He had to at least pretend to have a good time tonight or he would go insane. He needed something to keep Haley off his mind. Maybe tonight that would be his friend, and a lot of alcohol.
Brooke had made sure that Nathan didn't get drunk. She told him she refused to carry him back to his apartment. He needed to stay sober tonight. He'd already made a fool of himself the night before. He needed to cool it with the drinking. She was probably right. But being sober sure made this night even longer.
"Time for our toasts," Brooke said, "aren't you glad I kept you from drinking tonight?"
"Thrilled."
Brooke smirked and then stood up before getting the attention of everyone in the room. She turned to look at Peyton and Lucas as she started her speech. Nathan caught bits and pieces of what she said but he was mostly focusing on Haley. He could tell that she was in her own little world. She obviously wasn't listening to Drew when he was trying to talk to her, and she wasn't paying attention to Brooke's speech.
There was no way that her head wasn't the same place as his. Everything about that kiss had told him what he needed to know. She wasn't over him. Even if she pushed him away and was avoiding him now, he knew the truth. She'd even said it herself; she was always going to love him. What was it going to take to get her to realize that that was ok. She was supposed to love him.
He was broken out of his thoughts by the sounds of cheers from around the room. He looked at Peyton and Lucas and watched them smile at each other before placing a kiss on each others lips. He glanced up at Brooke who smiled at the couple before taking a sip of her champagne. "You're up Nate."
Nathan stood up and grabbed his glass off the table. He could feel every eye in the room on him. He really hated talking in front of big groups but he knew that he had to. He cleared his throat before speaking.
"I'm not really big on talking in front of crowds, so short and sweet is what this is gonna be."
The guests laughed quietly and Haley smiled as she watched him. She could tell by the slight shaking in his hands that he was nervous. He could play basketball in front of thousands of people, but he hated public speaking.
"For those of you who don't know Lucas that well, you should know he's kind of nerd. He was one of those kids who read in his spare time while his friends went out and partied. He worked on his homework on Friday nights instead of waiting til Sunday night like everyone else. So basically he was kind of the opposite of me."
Peyton smiled at Nathan before turning her attention to Lucas. She placed a kiss on his cheek before looking back at Nathan.
"It took awhile for me to see how great of a guy Lucas really is. We definitely had a rocky start getting to know each other. But, the thing you gotta know about Lucas is he's the best guy you could ever know. When he cares for someone, he cares for them whole heartedly. There's no in between with him. And when it comes to Peyton, he's always loved her. Even when I was dating her." The guests laughed again and Nathan shook his head before continuing.
"The point is, Lucas and Peyton share a love that I've never seen before. They're best friends and I couldn't think of two people who are more meant for each other. I only hope that everyone can find a love like the two of them. So here's to Lucas and Peyton. Congrats you guys."
Everyone cheered and toasted the couple as Nathan sat back down in his seat. He looked over his shoulder at Haley was smiling at Lucas and Peyton. She looked away from the two of them and then at Nathan. She smiled at him before looking away again. He felt his heart ache as he looked away from her. He was sure there was nothing harder than watching her look away from him.
"Not bad," Brooke said, "but I still think my speech was better."
"Shut up Davis," Nathan said before taking a sip from his glass. "And to think I was about to ask you to dance."
"Nate," Brooke whined, "come on you know I love to dance! Ask me anyway."
Nathan laughed before standing up and offering his hand out to her. She smiled before taking it and walking out to the dance floor with him. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders while they slowly moved to the slow tempo.
"Did you tell her how you feel?"
Nathan nodded, "I kissed her this morning."
Brooke smacked him on the shoulder. "And you're just now telling me this? Why didn't she tell me?"
"Cuz she thinks it was a mistake."
Brooke rolled her eyes. "Nathan, come on. You guys are so damn stubborn. You love her and she loves you. If you guys could just pull your heads out of your asses and see that you two are meant to be together, everything could be so much easier."
"I see it Brooke," Nathan said, "but she doesn't."
"Bullshit."
"She loves me, but she's with him."
"She loves you more than him. She's my best friend, I think I would know."
"Just drop it. I thought you wanted me to have a good time tonight."
"I do!"
Nathan shook his head and then looked to the other side of the dance floor. He saw Haley walk out with her fingers interlocked with Drew's. He pulled her body close to his as they began to dance to the song. Nathan watched the look on her face. She was sad, he could see it in her eyes.
Haley couldn't meet Drew's eyes. She rested her head against his shoulder while they danced. She could hear him softly humming along to the song that was playing. She could feel her heart breaking. He was the perfect guy. Just not the perfect guy for her.
"Drew," she said and then looked up at him, "I have to tell you something."
"Okay," he said, "whatever it is I'm listening."
"I love you," she started, "but I-"
"This isn't sounding good," he said. "You shouldn't have a but in that sentence."
Haley could already feel the tears starting to form in her eyes. "I love you but… God. Drew you deserve someone so much better than me. I'm so sorry… I-"
"Do you still love Nathan?"
"I-"
"I've seen the way he looks at you. And the way you look at him." He dropped his arms to his sides and she moved her hands from around his shoulders. She could see the sadness in her eyes and it was breaking her heart. She never wanted to hurt him. "I guess I'm pretty stupid, huh?"
"No," she said and tried to blink her tears away. "I'm the stupid one. You're perfect Andrew. And I wish that I could feel the way I want to feel about you, but I can't."
He nodded his head slowly. "And there's nothing I can say that'll change your mind?"
She shook her head, "I'm sorry."
He smiled sadly at her before placing a kiss on her forehead. "I think I should probably leave."
"Drew-"
"I hope he makes you happy Haley." He smiled at her again before walking away and leaving her on the dance floor. Her heart ached as she watched him walk away from her, but she knew that it was better for the both of them. She didn't want to lie to him anymore. And she didn't want to keep lying to herself.
Nathan sat on the couch in front of the tv. He had a bottle of water in his hand, finally having realized that he'd had enough beer for awhile. He still sat in his tux, but his tie and jacket were now gone and his shirt was untucked from his pants. The night had been long and part of him really just wanted to go to bed. But he knew that when he did he would dream of her. That's all he'd done since they'd broken up.
He flipped through the channels trying to find something to take his mind off her but she was always there in the back of his head. He couldn't help wondering where she was in that moment, was she thinking about him too?
He turned his attention away from the TV when there was a knock at the door. He glanced at the clock and saw that it was close to two in the morning. Who would be there now? He sighed before standing up and walking over to the door. He opened it and was taken aback when he saw Haley standing on the other side.
"What are you doing here?" he asked, "do you know what time it is?"
"Yeah," she replied before nervously biting her bottom lip. "Can I come in? Please?"
He nodded and moved out of the way for her. She walked through the door and over to the fridge. She pulled the door open before grabbing a beer off the shelf and popping the cap off the bottle. He watched her take a long drink from the bottle before putting it down on the counter. "Everything ok?" he asked.
"I think so," she replied.
"Ok," he said then cleared his throat. "Haley, what are you doing here? Where's your boyfriend?"
"He's not my boyfriend."
"What?"
She looked up at him and their eyes locked and she could feel her heart pounding in her chest. "Do you remember that time in your car when I promised you that I would never go anywhere? That I would always be there?"
Nathan ran his hand over the back of his neck and then nodded. "Yeah. What about it?"
"I've sucked at keeping that promise. I let us go too easily. You were right. But you need to know that I loved you every day that I was gone and I love you now and I'm gonna love you forever. And I know that I don't deserve you, not now, not when I was too stupid to see it before. But I needed to tell you."
"So you came here to tell me you love me?"
"Yes."
He could see the nervousness etched onto her features. This wasn't something he was expecting. He thought that she didn't want him anymore and now that she was standing in front of him telling him that she loved him, he didn't know what to say.
"This was a bad idea," Haley said , "I should go."
Nathan watched her walk to the door and out it the outdoor hallway. He couldn't watch her leave again. He ran after her and caught up to her on the stairs. "Wait a minute," he said and she stopped before turning around to face him.
He took a few steps towards her and opened his mouth to say something to her but then shook his head. He grabbed both her cheeks in his hands before pulling her to kiss him. His lips landed on hers and he drank her in. He felt her grip his back through the fabric of his shirt and he pressed his forehead against hers. "It's gonna be really hard," he said after a minute. "We have a lot we have to work through, but I'm not letting you go again. I'm not."
"I don't want you to."
He smiled before taking her hand in his. "I love you so much Haley."
"I love you too, Nathan."
He lead her back up the stairs and towards his apartment. He knew what he said was true. They had a lot to work out, but he was willing to do that. He knew that he was always going to love her. No matter what happened between them he would always love her and he wasn't letting her go again. And now that she was finally with him again, he felt whole.