Disclaimer: do not own WWE

This is John's POV and stuff

Please read standing on the rooftop screaming my heart out before you read this. Thank you

I wiped away the good for nothing tear. I can't feel like this, not when everything I worked for is already done.

I remembered a time when she used to be mine, when I held her in my arms on nights like this but that time has passed and left me. This is the moment I have most feared. I thought I was ready, prepared myself even, constantly imagining what this would be like. But everything I have done or could have would never be enough.

It aches, my heart, aches for her but she has someone, someone other than me and I am the one who brought them together.

He doesn't know our past. I made sure of that. I told her not to tell anyone of what we had. I told her that whatever we had was nothing, that we were nothing. But there was something and I am the one to pay.

I couldn't take that look she had after 3 years of whatever we this thing is. I saw the light in her eyes drying. I knew I was doing this to her. I knew that she didn't love me, not how I loved her. But I knew that she could love Randy.

I see them talk sometimes and it's different from when she talks to me. There is life in her voice. There's a smile on her face. I realized that this thing we had going on was eating her up inside so I decided that it was my turn to suffer.

I had worked for months on Randy and each month kept opening another scar I had so desperately wished kept sealed. Each day opened another memory I wished would just stay at the bottom of the sea and lay in darkness never to surface but it did and I felt like I was drowning. I was drowning in her. But somehow I got through it. Held my ground and didn't flinch but it was too much for me.

I reached the bottom of the staircase and decided I needed a drink.

I walked over to my favorite bar.

"John, it's been a while" Bob the bartender said.

"It's been two days Bob"

"I know … you'd usually come here every 5 hours"

"Can you just give me something strong?"

"Sure thing" and Bob turned to look for something that can take this away.

I was trying to drink away the pain. I wanted to get so drunk that I'd forget my name, which sometimes I did but for some reason I never forgot hers.

I finished my twenty-third. I couldn't see straight. I got up and wobbled towards the door.

"John do you want me to call a cab? You're wasted man"

"A cab's not going to help me Bob" I said and left.

I was zigzagging on the sidewalk not caring about what people thought or how they were reacting because their thoughts were nothing to me. If I let go of the only thing holding me on … what else mattered?

I find myself on a bridge. I was pretty high up. I stood by the ledge.

I got something out of my pocket. It was a ring. I've kept it with me all this time.

But now I needed to learn how to let go so I threw it into the river.

I let go of everything. All that I lived for, all that I loved; they are drowning in the river of broken hearts and shattered dreams.

I whispered a goodbye.

And following the tiny ring was a large splash.

After a few disturbances the river was calm again.