How long had it been. A couple days, or weeks, it didn't matter. The world was already starting to fall apart, but that was of little importance now. It was raining again, well, that's how he liked to put it. No, he was wrong. Rain is pure and he was far from that. The liquid that flowed from his eyes might as well been blood. Subaru couldn't find the strength to even open his eyes anymore. He never left his apartment...ever. He mostly wished he could just fade away into thin air..because, he could never forgive himself. Or forget.
Two months. That is how long it had been. Two months since his last contact with him, with Kamui. It was Kamui who had asked, 'what are you going to do now?' Kamui who he had been through so much with.
'Where was he now?' he questioned rhetorically in his mind.
Sometimes he thought about Kamui, about the comfort he tried to give him when Subaru had partially lost his eyesight. He remembered how Kamui had constantly blamed himself for not being able to save him.
"I wonder if...' the words were hard on his throat, albeit incoherent '..I can ever go back..' Subaru hadn't spoken in so long. His voice was raspy and broken. He moved slightly on the mattress he had lain on. Subaru had reached a new point in his depression. Kamui and the rest of his 'friends' were possessing his mind and plummeting him into the thoughts of: 'is this rejection?' and 'I must be worthless...'
A knock on his door. That was odd, for Subaru expected the world to completely destroyed be now. Another knock but the man did not move.
'The door is unlocked..' he reminded himself half heartedly. He heard the door creek open slowly. Subaru almost found the strength to curve his lips into a small smirk because somewhere deep inside, he seriously thought it was going to be him at the door.
"Sei..." he barely managed to force the whisper hoarsely out of his mouth but stopped before another wave of sadness devoured him. He couldn't say the words. Physically, as well as mentally, it was taboo to him now. His throat was raw and his spirit was broken. He had almost forgotten about the figure slowly moving towards his frail semi-corpse laying on the small mess of a bed. Footsteps; barely audible.
"When was the last time you ate something?" The voice was quiet, calm, slightly jaded, nonchalant but still with underlaying kindness. It was male, Subaru noted, younger as well. For some time he could not recognize it though. He must have known this person.
"My guess would be a couple weeks.." He answered because he knew full well subaru was not going to. The boy could not look at the state the former Head of the Sumeragi Clan was in.. He was so thin, and from what he could see, his waist and back were now covered with incisions and abrasions that must have just started the healing process. He laid a hand on his bare back to see even if Subaru was still alive.
"When did this happen," He questioned the other man. Subaru thought the stranger must be getting frustrated with his lackluster efforts to communicate. But alas the other never lost patience.
"Subaru, you know who I am, don't you?" His voice had become slightly more lively as he repositioned himself in a sitting position on the bed next to Subaru.
"This is Kamui," Subaru let out a small, almost inaudible noise from his mouth at the mention of the name. Kamui moved his hand over the body and gently tried to move him onto his back and away from facing the grey wall of the apartment. Subaru slowly covered Kamui' s hand with his own and their eyes met. Kamui saw first the original green and slowly shifted to the darker eye on the right. For the first time, Kamui felt sadness, pain, loneliness, loss, and complete darkness all at once in those eyes. The one on the right was worn red. He noted that Subaru had to squint because of the deep circles that had formed heavily around his eyes. Kamui tried to smile, moving free hand to brush the strands of unkempt hair out of Subaru' s face.
"I missed you, they missed you.." Subaru tried to say something. Kamui looked on in sadness.
"..I..can never..." Subaru was straining himself to find the words, "...forgive myself for the..." Kamui put his index finger to his lips and hushed him soothingly. He smiled and nodded his head.
"Subaru, it has been two months already." Kamui tried to inspire his friend to get out of this stage of his life. Subaru could only recall memories, memories he had been trying to bury in the two months of his absence.
"I remember all the times I said I hated him," His voice was coming out clearer now. Kamui quickly tried to change the subject
"Yuzuriha wanted to come to see you today," He said louder and with more cheer as if to overpower the sadness coming from Subaru' s own lips.
"All I wanted was.." Subaru kept the sad monotone as before.
"I told her not today but," Kamui' s voice was rising
"..for him to.." he could feel the tears welling up inside once more. Slowly, one hot stream of tears rolled down his cheek.
" She seemed pretty sad about it but she'll get over it--" Kamui was quickly cut off.
"..to kill me!" Subaru almost screamed it. Kamui' s head jerked up to meet Subaru again. Kamui was shocked as Subaru cried. The only difference from before was that the long stream of tears only emit from one eye... The dark one on the right... The eye that belonged to that man...
He didn't move.