Chapter 1
Cara watched Kahlan as she slept, the soft sound of her breathing almost soothing. Cara tried to deny the feelings that were growing for the Confessor, tried to suppress them… but it didn't mean that she didn't feel them. She sighed, getting up from her place next to the fireplace to check the perimeter. She had nothing better to do anyway. As much as she wanted to sit and gaze at the Mother Confessor, she had to clear her head.
Kahlan woke up to the gentle sound of rustling leaves and breaking twigs as someone started to walk. She opened her eyes a little, only to find Cara walking away into the darkness. She was confused as to why she would leave alone into the darkness, not that she wasn't fully capable of protecting herself. Kahlan tried to slip back into her slumber, but the curiosity in her wouldn't let her.
Kahlan sighed, deciding that it was time for her to relieve Cara of her shift. She got up and stretched, looking at the dying fire at the center of the camp. She walked into the direction that Cara was.
Cara walked for a few minutes, before she sat down and leaned against a tree. She closed her eyes and relaxed as the moonlight kissed her skin. Cara heard footsteps in the distance, from the direction of the camp. She quickly got up and went around the person, hiding behind the trees as the figure was walking towards where Cara was before. Cara looked closely, and realized it was only Kahlan. Cara sighed and relaxed. She stepped out of her hiding place behind the Confessor.
"Kahlan," Cara said, as Kahlan turned around to look at the blonde, who shifted her weight on her left leg. "Cara," Kahlan said, not expecting to find her there. They stood there in silence for a moment before Cara asked, "What are you doing here?" Kahlan noticed that it was almost daybreak.
"It's my shift hours ago, why didn't you wake me up?" she asked, a tone of worry in her voice. Cara merely answered calmly, "I'm not tired. Go back to sleep." Kahlan shook her head, "You need to sleep. You're no good to us tired," said Kahlan. Cara didn't answer right away. "I will sleep tonight. I'm sure we won't run into any trouble after the fall of Darken Rahl and the defeat of the Keeper," she replied, walking past the Mother Confessor. Kahlan didn't make a move to stop her.
Kahlan knew that Cara acted weird after they put the Stone of Tears onto the Pillars of Creation, but she didn't know why. "Cara," Kahlan said. Cara stopped walking, but did nothing else, waiting to hear what the Confessor had to say.
"What are you going to do after we arrive at the People's Palace?" Kahlan asked. Cara smirked, "Serve Lord Rahl, of course," she answered. "At the People's Palace?" Kahlan asked her curiously. Cara didn't know why Kahlan wanted know, but answered her, "No. At the temple."
"I see," Kahlan said, turning around and walking to Cara. Cara turned to look at her. "What are you doing?" she asked, wondering why the Mother Confessor wouldn't go back to sleep. "I'm not tired," Kahlan said, smiling as she used the Mord'Sith's words. Cara rolled her eyes and walked back to her spot on the tree. Kahlan joined her.
"Why don't you stay at the Palace?" Kahlan asked, before sitting down. Cara looked down at her, surprised. "My duty as a Mord'Sith requires me to be with the Sisters of the Agiel," she answered. "Well, your duty to Richard requires you to be with him, right?" asked Kahlan, looking up at her, a slight smile adorning her lips.
"I can serve Richard at the temple," said Cara, a little unnerved with all of the Confessor's questions. "Why not at the Palace? You'd be closer," Kahlan countered. Cara looked at the Confessor oddly.
"Are you suggesting I stay at the Palace?" Cara asked, knowing that was exactly what Kahlan was asking but was confused as to why. Kahlan's slight smile grew, "Well, you are a part of our group, a part of our family," Kahlan answered, her smile still in place. Cara was shocked by this answer, but she didn't say anything, she only stared at the Mother Confessor.
Then she finally said, "I will consider it," before lowering herself to sit next to Kahlan. Cara let out a sigh, closing her eyes as she breathed in the cold air of the early morning that was dawning. Kahlan stayed silent, looking to the right of her as she saw the sky get lighter and lighter.
Cara was still slightly surprised. Of all things Kahlan would say, that was not on the top of her list. She was supposed to be her enemy, her most hated foe. She was trained to hate her, she was trained to despise her, she was trained to kill her. And here she was… knowing that she wouldn't be able to suppress her feelings any longer. Whether she liked it or not her feelings for the Confessor were stronger than anything she's ever felt. Stronger than all the hate, all the anger, all the rage. Could she call this… love? Is this what the Mother Confessor felt for Richard? She couldn't blame her then.
The Mord'Sith suddenly got up. Kahlan took her eyes off the sky and watched as Cara got up, walking away. "I may get some sleep after all," Cara said, before walking off to the camp. She couldn't be near her… not right now anyway. She walked off to the campsite, the fire already died. She laid on her bedroll, knowing she wasn't going to be able to fall asleep, but she was just content on just laying there.
Kahlan thought it was something she said at first, but knew that no words could hurt Cara, or so she thought. Kahlan sighed, she tried to not sound obvious. She knew she didn't give the slightest inkling that she had feelings for the Mord'Sith. She knew Mord'Sith were incapable of love, but she really wanted to believe in Cara. She really did. She loved Cara like a sister at first… but then they just grew into something more. Especially on the quest to find Zedd when Denna captured him.
Kahlan sighed, resting her head against the bark of the tree as she closed her eyes. How could she feel love for two people? Her love for Cara didn't feel the same as her love for Richard, but they were both so strong, even if she did know Richard for a longer time. She had to admit, at first, she hated Cara, but then she slowly started to realize that she was different. No matter how much the Mord'Sith wanted to deny it herself.
Before Kahlan knew it, the sun was had fully appeared and its rays were caressing her skin.
"It's time to pack up, the others are already awake," Cara's voice said, startling Kahlan. She looked at the Mord'Sith and nodded, getting up before following her to the camp. They walked on foot towards the People's Palace.
They stopped by a village and Cara spotted a small stable. She stared for a moment, contemplating… before she decided to walk over there. Since she was lagging behind the group, no one noticed her gone… except Kahlan. Kahlan watched as she saw Cara walk off in another direction, realizing she was going to buy horses, but she wasn't too sure if she would really buy them.
Cara arrived at the stable, looking at three strong horses. She leaned her weight on her left, contemplating again, whether she should buy them. There were only three… one person would have to share. Cara sighed, it was better than nothing. She was well aware of a group of men looking at her, recognizing her Mord'Sith wardrobe. A man finally walked up to her, "They're fine horses, they are. 50 silver coins," he said. Cara smirked, she could sense the fear from him, and as if she would really pay for a few horses… for 50 silver pieces no less.
"Fifty silver coins? How about, I just spare your life and then take them," Cara suggested, her hand sliding down to grasp her agiel. The man swallowed hard, sweating, not wanting to die, but not wanting to give the horses up for free either.
"Fifty silver coins is fine, sir, thank you," Kahlan said as she walked up to the man. The man recognized her and smiled respectively at her. "Of course, Mother Confessor," he said, glancing at Cara in fear. Cara gritted her teeth and turned to Kahlan.
"We didn't have to pay for horses," she said, irritated. Kahlan raised an eyebrow, "But it's the right thing to do. Not everything should be taken by force, Cara," she replied. "Yes they should, it would be easier for everyone," Cara countered, turning away.
Kahlan smiled, "You mean it'd be easier for you," she retaliated. Cara looked back at the Confessor, but didn't deny the fact. After everything was paid for, they took the horses back to Richard and Zed. Richard looked surprised.
"Where'd you get horses?" he asked. "Cara paid for them," Kahlan said, Cara looked at the Confessor incredulously.
"Really?" Zedd asked, doubtfully, looking at Cara. Cara grinded her teeth. "If it was my choice, we wouldn't have spent a coin," she answered. Kahlan smiled and shook her head as she looked at the Mord'Sith, who didn't meet her gaze. Zedd and Richard smiled with her.
Richard noticed that they were only three horses. He turned to Kahlan, "Would you ride horse with me?" he asked, Kahlan and Richard always rode the same horse if there were only three. Kahlan bit her lip. "I'm riding with Cara today," Kahlan said. Cara whiplashed. She looked at Kahlan in surprise. Richard, however, felt rejected.
"Richard… we'll have plenty of time together at the Palace," Kahlan said, a kind smile on her face. Richard smiled and understood. Kahlan then turned to Cara, who was still looking at her incredulously. Kahlan smiled at the look on her face, "Is something wrong?" she asked. Cara snapped out of it, "No," she responded.
Kahlan grinned, "Do you prefer the front or the back?" she asked. "The front," Cara said without hesitation. Kahlan thought as much. Everybody mounted their horses, Cara got on hers first. Cara looked down at Kahlan, waiting a few moments before offering her hand. Kahlan took it and lifted herself upon the horse as Cara helped her.
Kahlan knew that Cara knew that she was fully capable of getting on a horse herself, but she understood Cara had a hard time expressing herself, so she took advantage of the small courtesies that Cara offered. Kahlan slowly wrapped her arms around Cara's waist, enjoying the feel of her body warmth against hers.
The touch of Kahlan unnerved Cara, as much as she reveled in the feeling, it still unnerved her. She cleared her throat as they galloped out of town. That didn't help things. As the horse galloped, Kahlan's body was getting closer and closer to Cara because of the horse's movements. Cara could feel her chest against her back and then after a little while, her head was on her back as well. Cara took in a deep breath and then let it out, unconsciously relaxing.
Kahlan felt herself getting a little drowsy. She was hesitant at first, but soon put her head down. She felt Cara tense and was about to pull away, but then Cara started to relax and so Kahlan just stayed there, content as she was dozing off.
After a few hours another town came into view. Zedd suggested to rest and eat, so they went to the local tavern. Cara was about to get off, but realized that Kahlan was still resting on her. She sighed, not wanting to part, but she pushed those feelings aside and woke up the Confessor.
"Wake up," Cara said, feeling Kahlan stir as she moaned in disappointment. She got up and stretched as Cara got off. Kahlan got off the horse too and they all walked into the tavern. Kahlan looked at Cara and knew she had to tell Richard. She couldn't keep this from him. She walked up to Richard and pulled him aside for a moment.
Cara looked at them and decided to leave them alone and give them some privacy. Zedd was about to walk over to them, when Cara pulled by his clothes and dragged him away. Cara and Zedd were inside the tavern, already having their drinks when Kahlan and Richard walked in. Cara wondered what they were talking about, but knowing it was none of her business, she didn't ask.
Kahlan and Richard got themselves situated, sitting across from each other, and Kahlan sitting next to Cara.
"Cara should stay with us at the People's Palace," Kahlan said, randomly. Cara almost choked on her drink. She looked at Kahlan in shock. She was taken off guard, not thinking Kahlan would throw the subject out like that. The others didn't seem to object.
"Yes, I think that's a good idea. There are people who don't agree with the new Lord Rahl, especially the 3rd Battalion. It's good to have a Mord'SIth nearby," Zedd agreed. Richard didn't seem to think anything about it.
"I think I can perform my duties at the temple, like I told her this morning," Cara said, glaring at Kahlan. Kahlan rolled her eyes, "You said you would consider it. Besides, it would be a good thing to have the whole band at the Palace," Kahlan said, a little upset. Cara didn't understand why Kahlan wanted her to be with them at the Palace so bad. Their food came and they all started to eat.
Cara finished eating and stood up. "Where are you going?" Richard asked.
"Just to look around," she responded.
"Don't kill anybody," Richard joked. Cara rolled her eyes, "I'll try to restrain myself," she remarked sarcastically. Richard, Kahlan, and Zedd laughed as they saw Cara walk out the door. After talking and laughing for a little bit, the group decided to leave.
"I'll get Cara," Kahlan said as they all walked out. Kahlan searched around the small town, finally finding her reading a poster. She walked up behind the Mord'Sith, curious as to what she was looking at. She smiled, it was a poster about a fighting competition. She should have known. There were not many things that interested Cara. It was supposed to be held in a few hours.
"Come on, Cara we're about to leave," Kahlan said, a smile still on her face. Cara looked at the poster for a few more seconds before turning to leave. Kahlan followed, smiling as she shook her head. Cara mounted her horse, helping Kahlan as she did before.
"The People's Palace is only a few more leagues from here, if we don't stop, then we could be there in a couple of hours or less," Richard said, everyone nodded and they were off. The whole way there, Cara considered the offer.
Should she really stay at the People's Palace? She didn't want to part from Kahlan… but… she knew that she had to. She had no reason to stay at the People's Palace, it would only cause her more pain… the pain of seeing her with Richard. She doubted that it would be bearable. Cara took in a deep breath, she couldn't stay at the People's Palace… not now… not ever. There was just no point in paining herself over this. Cara made up her decision.
Soon enough, they arrived at the Palace where all the maids and the guards greeting them.
"You must be tired from your journey, my Lord. I will show you to your chambers," offered one of the maids. Richard nodded as the other maids escorted Cara, Kahlan, and Zedd to nearby rooms. Cara was glad to be alone again. Though, she wouldn't be staying, just being alone was good enough. She lied back on her bed, closing her eyes, leaving her mind blank. She was about to doze off, when she heard a knock on the door. She growled in irritation.
"Do not enter," she called, not wanting to be disturbed. She heard the door open and close anyway. She looked to the side to see who dared to do such a thing.
Kahlan.
Cara sat up, glaring at the Mother Confessor. "I said, do not enter," Cara repeated. Kahlan smiled, "I know," she replied. Cara rolled her eyes as the Mother Confessor sat next to her. Kahlan looked at her hands, slightly fidgeting as her smile slowly fading, as she bit her lip. Cara knew she only did that when something was really bothering her, so she waited for her to say something.
"Have you made your decision?" Kahlan asked, looking into Cara's eyes. Cara held her gaze for a few moments, before looking away. "Yes," Cara replied. Kahlan's heart skipped a beat. "And?" she asked in slight anticipation. Cara stood up and walked a few paces ahead.
"I can't stay," Cara replied. Kahlan looked at Cara, confused. "Why not?" Kahlan asked, getting up to walk to Cara. Cara couldn't meet the Confessor's gaze. "My duty is at the temple," she replied. Kahlan lifted Cara's face, her eyes full of emotion. "Your duty is with us, now," Kahlan whispered, looking intensely into the Mother Confessor's eyes.
"I can't stay, not even for Richard," Cara whispered, looking away, but not pulling away from Kahlan's touch. Kahlan slightly pulled up on Cara's chin, so that she would look at her, and she did.
"Then stay for me," Kahlan whispered. Cara's eyes widened a fraction, not believing the words that were coming out of the Confessor's mouth. She stared into the deep blue eyes that were uniquely Kahlan. They gazed at each other for what seemed like hours.
Kahlan's eyes flickered down to Cara's lips, Cara's heart started to race. Kahlan slightly leaned in, looking into Cara's eyes for permission, but the Mord'Sith didn't move, so Kahlan took it as a sign to continue. Her lips met Cara's. Cara didn't move at first, too shocked at what was happening. But then melted into the kiss, responding. Kahlan felt a wave of relief wash over her as she felt Cara respond to her kiss. Kahlan deepened the kiss as she tasted Cara on her tongue. Cara couldn't really form coherent thoughts. She just reveled in tasting Kahlan like she wanted to for so long.
Kahlan's hand cupped Cara's face, slowing the kiss down. She pulled away a few moments later, both needing air to breathe. Cara looked into Kahlan's eyes, her eyes full of confusion. Cara didn't know what to feel, did the kiss really happen? Did Kahlan really say that? Cara's mind was all over the place, muddle, and she hated it. She was always in control of her mind, but then Kahlan… one kiss from Kahlan and it's chaotic, out of control.
Cara pulled away quickly, now it was Kahlan's turn to be confused. Why did she pull away? Was it too much?
Cara looked at the Mother Confessor through wide eyes before walking out of the room. Kahlan considered going after her, but she decided it was best to give Cara space. She berated herself for being so stupid as to kiss her. That only made things complicated! Kahlan let out a growl of frustration, before leaving Cara's room.
Cara already knew her way around the Palace, already being her several times before. She couldn't believe what just happened. She started to question her sanity as she walked down the hallways, taking a right here and a left there. Making her way to the top of the castle. She really needed to clear her mind right now.
Kahlan was really bothered at this point. She had an idea about where Cara would be, but she didn't want to bother her. She knew just made things so much more complicated, she didn't mean to… it just… happened. Kahlan touched her lips, remembering the kiss vividly. Then, she walked off, deciding to explain things to her, knowing she would be at the highest possible place at the Palace. It took her awhile, asking around and wandering, but she finally reached the top peak of the castle. She slowly climbed up the stairs, her thighs burning from all of the stepping she had to do. Sure enough, Cara was looking over the landscape, her right hand on her agiel.
Kahlan slowly walked over to Cara, gently placing her hand over her right hand. Cara slightly jumped at the contact, whipping her head to Kahlan, her eyes wide and body tense.
"Cara," Kahlan whispered, gently pulling on her arm to remove it from her agiel. Cara tightened her grip at first, causing even more paint to shoot up her arm, but then let her hand be pulled away by Kahlan's. "Cara—" Kahlan was about to speak, but Cara cut her off.
"Do you have feelings for me?" she asked, looking away from Kahlan, not sure she would be able to bear the answer. Kahlan hesitated, taken off guard by the sudden question. "Yes," she replied. Cara was still looking out at the landscape. "And you did not tell me," Cara continued.
"Cara, you weren't being honest either," Kahlan countered. Cara still looked out into the distance , knowing the truth in her words, "And what was I to say? You are in love with Richard," Cara stated. "And what was I to say? You are a Mord'Sith, Cara… but you aren't like any other Mord'Sith. You are the strongest person I know, but what would you have done if I confessed my love for you?" Kahlan asked. Cara snapped her head to Kahlan, looking at her with eyes of clear shock.
Love? The Mother Confessor loving a Mord'Sith? It was unheard of… but then again, so did a Mord'Sith loving a Confessor… the Mother Confessor at that.
"Love?" Cara whispered, choking the word out, coming off her tongue awkwardly. Kahlan smiled at her, "Yes, love," she whispered back. Cara didn't know what to say at this point. She opted for just looking at the landscape again, but Kahlan's hand touched her cheek, redirecting her face to look into her eyes.
"Cara, do you… love me?" Kahlan asked hesitantly. Cara didn't know how to respond. She did, but should Kahlan know that? Would it just end up hurting her even more? Cara just didn't know. Before she could stop herself she said, "I… I don't know how love feels, but… there is something inside me that I can't suppress when… I see you. The only feelings I've ever felt are anger, rage, loyalty… as I said before, I govern my emotions. It seems, however, that my emotions are governing me now. I can't seem to hold back these tendencies I have when it comes to you. I don't know if one would call this… love." Her gaze avoiding the gaze of the Mother Confessor.
Kahlan smiled, it was the first time Cara has ever opened herself up to someone. "Yes, Cara, I do believe that it's love," Kahlan answered. Cara looked back to Kahlan. "And Richard?" she asked.
"Richard knows… and he's not happy with it, but he knows it makes me happy, so he understands," Kahlan explained. That time when Kahlan had to talk to Richard at the tavern… Cara understood now. Cara put her gloved hand on top of the Confessor's that was still on her cheek, slowly putting it down.
"Can you still… confess me?" Cara asked, looking into her eyes. Kahlan's smile fell away almost immediately. "I don't know," Kahlan answered. Cara knew she upset Kahlan with the question, but knowing she wouldn't want to risk confessing Cara, she wouldn't try anything. Cara rolled her eyes, now she fell into the same situation as Richard.