Do You See What I See?, a mass effect fanfic

Title: Do You See What I See?

CHAPTER: Complete

2014 Mass Effect Gift Exchange

Rating: G

Pairings: Gen

Summary: Prompt: Shepard takes his crew home for Christmas. And, I uh, added a bit more. Hope you enjoy the story.

2014 Mass Effect Gift Exchange

Giftee: iriscloud

Author's Note: Didn't mean to get too religious here. However, the themes and metaphors from Mass Effect and John Shepard are too irresistible. I always have Garrus refer to Tali as angel. If you allow her to die on Rannoch, (an experience from which, you will never recover.) when you get back to the ship, Garrus will not speak to you. All he will say is, 'I always thought there was an angel under that helmet'. I hope you enjoy the story and my song parody.

Said the night wind to James Vega

Do you see what I see?

Way up in the sky James Vega

Do you see what I see?

A light, a light

Flashing in the sky

With news of victory and might

~o~o~o~

Said Lieutenant Vega to Steve Cortez

Do you hear what I hear?

Ringing through the comms, Steve Cortez

Do you hear what I hear?

A call, a call

heard across the land

With joyful news for us all

~o~o~o~

Said Steve Cortez to the High Admiral

Do you know what I know?

In a humble tent, High Admiral

Do you know what I know?

Our Shepard, Our Shepard

Shivers in the cold

Let us bring him the joyful news

~o~o~o~

Said the High Admiral to people everywhere

Listen to what I say

Pray for his life everyone

Listen to what I say

Our Shepard, Our Shepard

Fighting for his life

He brought us peace and victory

~o~o~o~

Our Shepard, Our Shepard

Sleeping in the night

He brought us peace ended the fight

The Normandy does not falter on her course and holds her course straight and true. Her engines hum with their usual efficiency and the Thanix cannon is calibrated and ready for action. Her crew moves about the ship with their usual efficient professionalism. If you could see into the silent and darkened corridors and the hollow out, grief-stricken eyes of her crew, you'd notice something is very wrong.

A singular man, who knew love and respect, sacrificed his life for humanity to live in a galaxy at peace. Taken from them at thirty-three by the cruel outcome of the battle against a merciless evil force, Commander John Shepard had been their leader, their source of courage and the light they followed into hell itself.

Down in the hangar bay, James Vega, a Marine, and weapons specialist wiped down the rifles stacked on his bench for the third time. If he keeps up this mindless activity, it will hold off the grief pounding at his temples. He shook the hot angry tears from his eyes at the sound of someone walking up behind him.

"James?" A gentle hand fell on his shoulder. "Will you come with me?"

"Sure," he answered readily, dragging an arm across his face. "Where're we going?"

"Mass."

Lieutenant Vega looked up from his worktable. "You mean mass, as in a church, as in a place my abuela dragged me every Sunday? That kind of mass?"

"Yes," Steve Cortez nodded, "what other kinds of mass are there?"

"Well, there's mass effect, mass relay, critical mass, mass transit…"

"Gilipollas," Cortez snorted in disgust and turned away.

"Hey brother, if it means that much."

"Don't you feel it?" Steve felt it building in the air itself. His heart told him there was something waiting for them on Earth. Although, the last time he'd been in a church was with his husband, he felt an undeniable pull toward his faith.

"What?" He shrugged his massive shoulders.

"Ever since the Reapers. Since we lost Shepard. What if they're wrong?" Steve tried without success to explain his feeling to James. There were no words to describe what he felt.

"What if he's still alive? Is that what you're saying?"

"I don't know, James. He survived once before."

James embraced his friend, "It's almost Christmas Eve. I remember enjoying Midnight Mass."

Steve raised his head, "I think I'll see if I can get the others to come with us. Come on."

James threw a loose arm around Steve's shoulders, and they left the hangar bay together.

*~o~*~0~*~o~*

Tali lay sedated in Med Bay. Liara and the ship's doctor stood a few feet away speaking quietly. Garrus stood by the bed with his fingers laced with Tali's.

"Will she recover, Doctor?" Liara asked quietly.

The older woman's slumped shoulders, haunted expression and the lines etching her face is her only answer.

Karin Chakwas clasped the asari's hand in hers. "I'm worried about her interest in recover and I'm not sure she'll ever be well again. Will any of us?"

Liara's tear stained face crumpled, and the two women leaned together, exhausted, and emotionally spent over the events of the last week. Garrus watched the doctor and Liara and then turned back when Tali's fingers tightened around his.

"Hey there, angel. Nice to see you awake."

"I don't want to be awake… I want to be with him."

"Tali, no." Garrus' mind denied her statement. She couldn't give up. If Tali gave in then, he would and he couldn't. "Don't say that. Don't ever say that."

"I overheard Karin talking to Liara, and they think Shepard might be MIA and not dead. I think they plan to go looking for him. Garrus, was he so much a part of our lives we can't accept his death? We should be honoring his sacrifices… not…"

"I can't, Tali. Can you? There's no use in denying it. His Spirit is not at rest."

"I know." She sat up and pulled herself into his arms. He did not hesitate to embrace her. "Garrus? I had a dream; we shouldn't be afraid or sad. Something is waiting for us, back on Earth. Something wonderful. Don't you dare leave without me."

Garrus pressed his mandibles to her faceplate and held her for as long as she allowed it. After she had dozed off, he laid her gently down and kissed the back of her hand. "As long as you need me, Tali."

*~o~*~0~*~o~*

"EDI, where have you been?"

"No need to shout, Jeff. My location coordinates are available to you at all times. However, if you require confirmation, I was in Shepard's quarters."

"Why?"

"Something triggered my sensors. Something is summoning me back to Earth. I wish to discuss this with Doctor Chakwas and Doctor T'Soni."

"'Something?' EDI, that doesn't sound like you."

"We must go back to London. There is something there for us."

"EDI, wait." He tried to stop her by grabbing for arm. She eluded him and headed off the bridge. The door slid closed behind her. This was crazy, and he was very much afraid the crazy might never end. Joker tipped his head back while tears made their way down the sides of his face.

*~o~*~0~*~o~*

Kaidan Alenko entered the comm room with a heavy heart. The pain went beyond grief and weariness. It's the unrelieved pain of a man who lost his way in the world. Major Alenko managed to pull himself to attention just as Admiral Hackett's holographic image appeared on the platform. The Admiral's words, normally something he would give his complete attention, made no sense.

"But sir...?"

"Those are your orders, Major Alenko. I didn't ask for an opinion," the Admiral snapped. "The entire crew of the Normandy will report to London HQ, ASAP. Officials want to take an accurate count of all personnel. Come on," the Admiral attempted a weak smile. "We need you here, Major. I need you…"

"Aye, sir." Kaidan rubbed a hand across his forehead. "We are on our way."

"Besides, tomorrow is Christmas Eve. I think it will be good for us if we're all together. Hackett, out."

Kaidan let go of the breath he'd been holding and sank against the holo tank railing. Maybe they belonged back on Earth. There was nothing but death and empty darkness for them out here in space. And when had he begun to feel that way? After issuing orders to Joker, he headed to the observation port. He wanted to see Earth as she came into view. She's calling to him and so he watches for the bright blue sphere in the night sky as Normandy sped home.

*~o~*~0~*~o~*

Tali opened her eyes again to find EDI watching over her.

"Hey, EDI."

"Tali I wish to discuss probabilities with you."

"I'm not feeling up to anything like that right now, EDI. Thanks for sitting with me though."

"I assure you my reasons are selfish. We are now orbiting Earth and will dock shortly. Admiral Hackett ordered us to report to London, England where he plans to take a census in order to sort out the survivors."

"What is it, EDI?"

Doctor Chakwas joined them, "EDI's sensors tell her there is something for her to find there."

"I have to admit I feel something too. Something amazing. Maybe a miracle."

"You believe in miracles, Tali?" The doctor asked in surprise.

"No… I don't. I look to science and technology for my answers. But whether it's tech or science or a miracle there's something for us down there."

Liara joined their little group. "The three of us will go down and verify our findings."

"I want to go with you," Tali said, sitting up and tossing the light blanket aside.

"Tali you stay right where you are. Doctor Chakwas, Doctor T'Soni, and I will go down. We will share our findings with you, Tali." EDI reassured the quarian.

"No," emphasizing her determination by swinging her legs over the side. Garrus caught her when her feet touched the deck. "I'm not an invalid. Garrus will watch over me. I'm okay now, and I will not stay behind."

*~o~*~0~*~o~*

The shuttle down to Earth was silent as each passenger thought about what compelled them to be here. A medical doctor, an anthropologist and an engineer, all of whom relied on their intellect to guide their decisions, were following a trail of emotions and dreams. James sat up front with Steve and Garrus held Tali's hand as they sat side-by-side leaning against one another.

The shuttle landed amidst the rubble of what was once a thriving international city. The last time they'd been here the night skies were full of fire and the deafening cacophony of battle. Tonight, under the silent snowfall of Christmas Eve, London lay still and quiescent. A pale yellow moon shone intermittently between the clouds. Shepard's crew stood in the shadow of the Kodiak and huddled quietly together.

"EDI? Any idea of our direction?" Doctor T'Soni asked her voice hushed in the quiet night air.

"What about that light in the distance? It shines so brightly."

"Agreed, in the relative darkness of the city, the light is brighter than anything else relative to its position."

Garrus closed the fasteners of an all-weather jacket around Tali. "What do you say, Angel?"

Nodding emphatically, she agreed. "I want to follow that light, Garrus."

"Then let's go," he pulled her arm through his, and they walked into the night.

With a quick wave, James and Steve headed in another direction toward what was left of St Paul's Cathedral.

The three remaining women continued to discuss the scientific relevance of their presence here versus EDI's sensor anomaly.

"Let's just go," Doctor Chakwas said, with some irritation with their inability to make a decision. "Sometimes you just have to go on faith."

"Faith, Doctor Chakwas is not a premise upon which to make a sound scientific theory."

"Then why are you paying the slightest attention to those sensor readings of yours, EDI?" Doctor T'Soni asked, failing to keep the irritation from her voice.

"I wish to either prove or disprove their origin and intent."

"My point exactly. So let's go."

*~o~*~0~*~o~*

At the conclusion of midnight mass, James and Steve embraced.

"Thanks, amigo. Thanks for talking me into this."

"Anytime." He held on to him for a second longer, "Hey, thanks for always being there for me, Jimmy. Let's get out of here." Steve held on to the younger man's arm and they set off down the silent snowy streets.

It was James who didn't let go and kept his arms around Steve when he began to pull away. Their breath quickened.

"Jimmy let go of me. I'm right here. Look," Steve pointed and James lifted his head. "What do you suppose that light is? Everything else is so dark and still."

"Yeah, seems strange. Let's head toward it."

"I wish the others were here with us. We tried though, right?"

"Everything is covered in snow," James said quietly, leaning closer to Steve. "So different than that night. Remember?"

"You okay, James?"

"Si, let's walk toward…"

"What's that? There in the snow, the moonlight is reflecting off the metal."

James brushed the snow away and discovered a set of damaged dog tags, covered in frozen blood. James carefully straightened the metal with his fingers.

"Sobre la tumba demiabuela…on my grandmother's grave." James whispered with tears shining in his eyes. The Marine held the tags out to Steve.

Shepard, John

0-5, Commander

Alliance Navy, Spectre

"¡Dios mío!" Steve whispered and tucked them in his pocket. He shook his head. "Let's just keep walking."

*~o~*~0~*~o~*

"Garrus, you're shivering," the quarian commented. Garrus' mandibles flared when he felt her arm slide around his waist. She'd always felt safe with him and he'd become a good friend. His sardonic humor and innate courage always buoyed her.

"I'm good. Don't worry about me."

"Look over there," Tali said, pointing. "That's where the beam was. That's where… that's where the Normandy picked us up."

"A terrible moment. I thought you might jump off the end of that ramp, Tali."

"He told me he loved me. I wanted to stay with him."

"He does love you, Tali. H-he's not the only one."

"What? I'm sorry what did you say? Look at that… in the snow." She broke away from the turian to retrieve a shiny stone from the ground. Garrus heard a sob, as she examined the stone laying in her palm.

"What is it?"

"W-when we were on Rannoch. He promised to build me a house. Then he found these two matching stones. He gave one to me as a promise to come back." Tali sobbed fresh tears and Garrus reached for her.

Garrus knew the only thing he could actually offer her was a strong shoulder and so he held her until the emotional storm subsided. Perhaps in time, when she finished grieving, Tali would hear him. He wanted to tell her how he felt about her. How he had loved her from the first moment. He loved her sassy optimism, her courage, and intelligence. For now, he could hold her in his arms and be a good friend. He was no John Shepard, maybe someday she would see him as something more than a big brother.

*~o~*~0~*~o~*

"What is this place?"

James and Steve looked around the old-fashioned canvas tent they'd discovered. The ramshackle arrangement of canvas, discarded MRE boxes, broken cots, and burning oil drums sat in the middle of a snow-covered field. Snow tramped down by many feet churned into icy mud at the entrance.

Inside they found warmth, light, and row after row of cots. Moans of unrelieved pain greeted them. The fetid-sweet smell of gangrene and the wet coughing sounds of infected lungs permeated the air. Underlying all was the scent of an open latrine.

A man dressed in a worn black jacket with a priest's collar met them at the door. "Welcome, brothers. Come in and get warm. We have coffee, if you would like some and there might be soup left from our evening meal."

"You have a generator," Steve commented. "So that's where the light is coming from."

"Yes, we are lucky to still have fuel to keep it running. Helps folks locate us."

James and Steve surveyed the rows of cots. "So many injured. The authorities haven't picked them up?"

"No, not yet." The priest shook his head. "Most of these men and women haven't been identified. We are so full we realistically can't take anymore. How can I turn them away? They brought a man in today. He's so terribly injured we could not identify him. No dog tags or I.D. We don't even have the means to check his DNA."

Something took hold of Steve, an excitement or a sense of panic. He blurted, "Where is he?"

"I'm embarrassed to admit he's out back in a shed. I don't even have pain meds to share with him. We did the best…"

Steve had dragged James out the back door before the priest finished his sentence.

"Steve, where are we going?"

They trudged across the empty field through three feet of unmarked snow. When Steve threw open the doors of the old metal shed snow slithered off the roof. Inside lit only with a small oil lamp a huddled figure laid curled on his side trembling under a dirty scrap of a blanket. Each ragged breath produced a shivering groan of pain.

James dropped to his knees and laid a hand on the man's shoulder. The scent of burned flesh greeted James. A miracle. He's witnessing a miracle. The tears finally came, and James bowed his head over his clasped hands.

"James?" A raspy voice whispered from the cot.

"Did you hear that? He called you by name."

The marine didn't answer, because there was no need. They both acknowledged the characteristics of the wounded man. They knew the sound of his voice, the set of the shoulders and recognized the raw courage it took for him to be alive at all. Steve stood silently with tears running down his face and finally sank to his knees on the dirt-packed floor.

Removing his jacket, James covered the injured man. When the man spoke again, the Marine had to lean close to hear.

"Didn't the Marines teach you not to… not to leave anyone behind?"

"We… didn't leave… Oh… Shepard."

Later when Tali and Garrus entered, they found the two men sitting on the dirt floor speaking quietly to a man on the makeshift cot.

"Hey Tali. Come here." Steve caught her hand and pulled her deeper into the gloom.

Tali could not take her eyes off the injured man. Then he turned his face toward her and the azure blue of those familiar eyes caught her. Steve held her so she wouldn't fall.

"Shepard," was all she could manage.

Outside they heard the feminine voices of Doctor T'Soni, Chakwas, and EDI. They were arguing about where they were and where they needed to go. EDI is insisting they are in the right place.

It was Tali's cry, which brought them to the entrance of the shed. Steve hushed them and gestured for them to come inside.

"Hey Karin," Shepard grated through the pain. "Good to see you."

Chakwas crouched beside Shepard, her hands moving quickly as she began to administer first aid.

"How did you know…?" Shepard gasped as Chakwas pulled some of the burned fabric away from his skin. How was it possible they were all here? Hallucinations had teased and tormented him for hours. Maybe that's all this was. How long had he been lost in the debris?

"I didn't. We… It seemed… important. Please lay still, Commander. I need to get you stabilized before we can move you."

"Commander Shepard it is good to see you alive. I am pleased to tell you the Normandy is in optimal condition."

"Thanks EDI, that's the best Christmas gift…and seeing all of you."

Liara stepped forward and slipped her hands into his. "Shepard, if you will allow me, I think I can ease some of your pain."

"Yes… Please…" he managed before a groan escaped his lips as doctor searched for hidden wounds.

James pulled a chain from his pocket and gently placed the dog tags around the Commander's neck.

"Tali found something for you, too." Garrus said wiping his eyes, hoping no one would see his un-turian tears.

Tali nodded and moved closer to Shepard. "I found this laying close to where the Normandy picked us up. I guess you dropped it. I'll keep it for you."

"You do that, Tali. Remember what I told you."

"I haven't forgotten, John."

"Steve," James called his voice still full of emotion. "Let's get the shuttles and bring them back here. We can load everyone up and get home."

They stepped outside. The snow had stopped and all around them lay a silent calm night. A few yards away a fleet of Alliance shuttles were landing in the field and shattering the silence. They watched for a moment as medical personnel off-loaded stretchers and medical supplies. The priest came out to join them.

"Looks like you got your Christmas miracle, Padre. Help is here," Steve remarked, his voice full of wonder.

"Yes, my son. Miracles enough for everyone it seems. Merry Christmas."

*~o~*~0~*~o~*

Within an hour, Commander Shepard was bundled inside a shuttle. The entire crew filled the space around him. Those who could reach him touched him gently. The others linked arms or held hands.

Garrus kept his arms around Tali; it made him happy that she didn't pull away. The turian couldn't take his eyes off his friend Commander Shepard but he knew it wasn't right and he would never intentionally hurt his friend, but he couldn't let go of Tali.

The rest of the crew met the shuttle after the cargo bay was pressurized. They cheered when they caught sight of the stretcher. Shepard was too weak to move, but Chakwas noticed the shine of tears on his cheeks and a thin smile.

Early the next morning, when Doctor Chakwas checked in to look at his vital signs and condition, Garrus woke from his doze and stood. A human hand caught his and pulled him down.

"Garrus, I want to go home…"

"Shepard, you are home. You're on the Normandy and everyone is here with you."

"No. Home. Maine…Saddleback Mountains… Rangeley… Please, Garrus."

Garrus hadn't the slightest idea of what or where Shepard referred. "Wait, Shepard. I'll get Tali for you."

"No! Take me home. Please!" That was the last of his strength. He fell back and lost consciousness.

He asked Tali, but she didn't know. He asked Kaidan, but he didn't know. Finally, he called Admiral Hackett. "Of course," he answered as if it were common knowledge, "there's a family home deep in the woods of the Rangeley Lakes area of Maine."

"He asked me to take him home, sir. Is that where he wants to go? Sir, I think he wants to home to die."

"He damn well better not. Go with him and keep him safe. You have my permission to take the Normandy. There's a spaceport large enough to port the Normandy. If he wants to go home, then we'll make it happen. Report in when you arrive."

*~o~*~0~*~o~*

The Kodiak set down in a snow-dusted field. Beyond a copse of evergreen trees stood a two-story log cabin. An inviting porch surrounds the entire house. A weak winter sun shines faded rays on the slate roof. A stable stands a few yards away and bare fruit trees stand in silent rows waiting for spring.

The crew climbed out of the Kodiak and observed their surroundings. While Shepard's house is intact, signs of scorch marks and burned buildings dot the landscape. Several yards away, half submerged in a lake, the remains of a Reaper ship lay on its side, still and impotent. The scent of dead animals permeates the air.

While the women carry the supplies in, Steve, Garrus, Alenko and James gently move Shepard inside the house.

"Just lay him down there," Chakwas said, indicating the overstuffed couch facing the fireplace.

Dust and stale air overlay everything. Soon Kaidan and Zaeed had a fire burning in the large flagstone fireplace. It pleases her to see everyone together, but the look on Shepard's face troubles her. She makes a decision.

"Every one out. Make up the beds. Set up the kitchen. Secure the Kodiak. Get more firewood. See if we can get the power back. Whatever needs doing. Out!" Then she silently signaled Garrus to remain just out of sight.

When the room is empty, Chakwas pulled up a chair next to Shepard and he turned sad vacant eyes on her. Burns mar his once handsome features. Elegant, strong fingers curled, with bones locked in place by the intense heat of the flames.

Flesh wounds heal and his hands will regain their supple strength. Pink skin on his thighs and abdomen attest to that. The abdominal wound that nearly killed him is healing. However, something is wrong, something more than pain and exhaustion. She's seen it many times in other soldiers, but no soldier has been through what this man has. So she must understand how deep it goes if he is to make a full recovery.

"We've known each other a long time, Commander. No amount of Iced Brandy will fix this. So how about you just tell your doctor what's going on in that handsome head of yours." She took his hand when he looked away. "We are all here for you, Commander."

There's no answer, because, everything in him, everything in his heart, and every is emotion gone, as if it had evaporated with every step toward the Crucible. "I'm so tired. Just let me sleep. I did my job… What else is there for an invalid to do? Karin! I can't live like this."

Chakwas moved to the bed and carded her fingers through his short hair. She pitched her voice low and soothing, like a mother would to a frightened child. "John, you are not paralyzed, if that's what's worrying you. Liara blocked some of your nerve junctions to ease the pain. Now, listen to me. You're physically and mentally exhausted, dehydrated, malnourished, and depressed. You're healing, John. All of those things take time. You've only been off the battlefield for thirty-six hours. You've been strong for so long…"

"I… I don't know how…not sure I want to."

She saw it all on his face when then carefully tended emotional shields finally broke down. When Garrus tapped her shoulder, she shifted aside so he could take her place. Without asking, the turian lifted the human into his arms and held him while Shepard released his grief into the abiding strength of his friend.

"Let us be strong for you, Shepard." Garrus said softly against the human's cheek with his long arms locked around Shepard. "You're home now and your family is with you. There's all the time you need. Of course, a turian wouldn't weep like this, but we understand you humans." Garrus got the results he hoped for when he heard Shepard gasp a quick laugh.

"Garrus, I-I thought I must be imagining all of this."

"Certainly, not. Alenko, Tali, James and Steve, Joker, Grunt, and EDI. Even Zaeed is here. We're all here with you in Maine. We did as you asked. We brought you home."

"Garrus?" Shepard gripped the turian's shoulders. "Take care of Tali for me. Promise me."

"Always, Shepard. I think you know how I feel about that feisty little quarian."

Shepard nodded as Garrus gently laid the Commander down. "Look around you, Shepard."

While he and Garrus had been talking, Tali and Liara had quickly transformed the room. The large fireplace warmed the room with a cheery glow of orange and red flames. Candles burned on almost every horizontal surface. While Doctor Chakwas and Garrus took care of Shepard's needs, bathed him and replaced his bandages. The others gathered food and more firewood and made pallets for themselves in the large main room.

They shared a small meal and said good night. Shepard fell asleep watching his crew settle in for the night. He slept for several hours and when he awoke, the sun was shining in the front windows. All around him, his crew stirred and awoke. Steve teased James good-naturedly when he discovered the Marine's head on his shoulder. Garrus stood and stretched out the kinks after spending the night sitting on the end of the couch. Shepard watched Tali unfold her lithe frame from the quilts, thought about how much he loved her, and with a heavy heart knew what must be done.

They spent the morning taking care of personal needs and gathering more supplies. Chakwas surprised all of them by baking a simple white cake with baked apples in a Dutch oven over an open fire. She also made rolls and although game was scarce, she roasted the two ducks Grunt had found. There were greens cooked with wild mushrooms. By midafternoon, all was ready and they returned to their places by the fire with their food.

Garrus and Kaidan helped Shepard sit up so he could eat properly. When the Commander found his voice, he spoke to his crew. "Merry Christmas to all of you and I would say thank you, but there are not enough words to express the gratitude and love I have for each of you. That crew of first responders may have pulled me from the debris, but it was all of you who saved my life. Let's go around the room. I am grateful for this food and your presence in my life. No matter where we all end up in this galaxy the experiences we shared bonded us in ways that can never be broken."

Garrus cleared his throat, thinking if there was a way he could escape out the door he would take it. With his eyes on Tali, he began.

"A long time ago, I let myself become so wrapped up in the safety net of turian expectations that I never looked beyond my life with C-Sec and my father's plans for me. You… all of you taught me to look beyond that. And for that lesson, the adventures, and the friendships, I-I am forever grateful."

Across the room, Tali realized that Shepard hadn't mentioned her specifically and that she wished Garrus could see her face so she could look into his eyes and let him really see her… A sudden pang of guilt forced her gaze back down to the hands twisted in her lap. Of course, she felt that way about him, he was her best friend.

The words of gratitude continued as they enjoyed their simple meal together. Wrapped in the joy of being together and Shepard's survival they took their time and said words from their heart. Zaeed made a pretense of bringing the cake in, when a sprig of mistletoe appeared in his hand.

With a grin, he held it above Doctor Chakwas' head. "If you're game for it. There's a conversation I'd like to have with you someday soon lovely lady." Then he kissed her gently on the cheek.

Doctor Chakwas blushed and hurried into the kitchen. Zaeed found her apparently holding herself up by clutching the counter. "I'm probably not the kind of man you're accustomed to courting you. But I have broad shoulders and I think you know you can trust me. I meant what I said, when this is…"

Karin allowed herself a moment, a fraction of a second when she could ask something for herself. When she turned toward Zaeed, he opened his arms. But the fraction of a second went by much too quickly and her head fit against his shoulder so perfectly. It's not as if she could get away, because he's tangled his fingers into her hair and his other arm is around her waist. He's holding her so tight she can hardly breathe and, and…

"Shhh, lovely lady." The merc bent his head to whisper in her ear. "I can hear your mind spinning with worry."

Karin spread her fingers over his scarred cheek, "Will you help me?"

His eyes widened when he watched her mouth soften and lips part asking for a kiss. Well, he could oblige her that.

A crash at the front door brought most of them to their feet. Kaidan made it to the door first and opened it slowly. A cascade of falling snow and a small figure wrapped in rags fell through the door. He managed to catch the petite figure before she collapsed. Kaidan knelt with her in his arms and brushed the snow and dark wet hair back from her face.

"The food… it smells so good… please, don't hurt me…" She choked out over a raw throat. "I can work for it… whatever you can spare."

She fainted and Kaidan gathered her up and set her down on the end the couch Garrus vacated.

While Chakwas unwound the dirty rags from the slender frame, Liara and Tali heated some water and pulled together a set of clean, dry clothes, no one noticed Shepard climb unsteadily to his feet.

He watched silently while they combed her hair back from her face and cleaned her up. Once they began to pull the clean clothes over her gaunt frame, she began to stir.

"No, please don't hurt me… I just want some food. Just enough… please…" She struggled and waved her arms trying to ward off what she perceived as a danger. Until, Shepard gently pushed Chakwas aside and sat down next to the frightened woman. He caught her arms with this injured hands, wincing at the pain.

No one spoke. They were too surprised at Shepard's actions and even more surprised when he began to speak.

"Cass?" Shepard glanced at Doctor Chakwas. "Cassidy, look at me. Open your eyes. It's John." When he touched her face, vivid green eyes opened. Filled with a fear that was not quite sane stared at the apparition speaking to her.

It wasn't possible.

"How can you be here? Until the power went off, I watched the vids."

"I'm here and this is my crew. You're safe now," he said gently, pulling a quilt around her shoulders.

"No, it's not possible…" She fainted again.

Doctor Chakwas injected her with a vitamin shot and Shepard help make her comfortable. "We'll make sure she eats when she wakes up."

Everyone began to ask questions. But he had no answers. Not yet. Not now.

"Tali? Garrus? Let's go for a walk." Shepard didn't wait for an answer and headed for the door.

"You're hardly ready…"

"Let's go."

Shepard led them to the stable. "I had a horse once," he said quietly, his voioce couched in sad tones. He picked up an old length of leather. "That was a long time ago," he laughed softly and tossed the latigo in the rotten straw. "Tali, that woman. Her name is Cassidy. We've known each other since high school. Even went to college together. Tali, we always said there'd be no secrets between us. Until, I met you, I never imagined I could love someone as much as I loved Cass."

"Shepard, don't. You don't have to explain."

"Yes," exhaustion put a savage edge to his voice. "I do, because I owe you so much. There were times when I thought, without you… Without both of you, I would lose my mind or just give up. All those conversations, while you pretended to calibrate the gun, while you listened to me ramble. Tali, you there beside me, when yet another nightmare woke me. You two kept me grounded and reminded me love still existed in the world we could no longer control."

Moving closer to Tali, he took her in his arms. "I need you to hear me say this, because it's the truth. I love you and I loved every second of the time we spent together. The gift of yourself… That night… Sweetheart, I'm confused and tired and wrung dry. It's not that I don't love you, it's that I'm just not sure what to do next."

"You need time, John. That's all."

Garrus interrupted them with a hand gesture. All three of them turned at the sound of something falling at the back of the stable.

"Show yourself!"

Two skinny arms appeared above the line of one of the stalls. "I'm unarmed, Mister."

Then a shock of black hair followed by a pair of eyes as blue as a summer sky and terrified as a kicked dog peered at them. Matted and dirty hair covered most of his face. The child's clothes were nothing more than rags. Bare toes poked through rotten fabric and his hands are raw with chillblains.

"Don't hurt me, Mister. My Mom and I were just hunting for some food and we saw your fire. It smelled so good, we couldn't help ourselves."

"Did she tell you to wait here?"

"Yes, sir. In case, it wasn't safe. In case, you were bad people. We didn't see you come in and we had to be sure. I told her I was old enough to go, but she said no. I watched that Krogan friend of yours get those two ducks. I've been hunting those two for days. He snatched 'em right up."

"Well, if you'll come up to the cabin with us, you can have some of that duck and I bet there's cake left. Your mother is there too. But I want you to understand, she's sleeping now. She was very cold and sick."

The boy shuffled his feet and looked away, "She's been making me eat whatever food we find. I could hear her coughing during the night. She tried to hide it."

"Hey, come on up with us to the cabin and you can check on her, have something to eat and get warm. These are my friends Tali and Garrus." Shepard said and opened the door for the child.

The young man kept up a steady stream of chatter. "Nice to meet you, ma'am. I've read about quarians. Does that suit keep you warm enough in these temperatures? Sorry, if that's too personal. My Mom always says I ask too many questions. I bet you're cold, Mister Garrus. Maine is about as different from Palavan as could be. Before the power went down for good, we saw what was happening on your home planet. But that Commander Shepard guy he fixed it all up for us and now we can all go back home… 'cept there's no food and no one feels safe anymore and most folks don't have a home left to go to. I miss school…"

The cabin door opened to a worried Kaidan. "There you are. Who's this?"

"Karin we found another customer for you." Shepard called over Kaidan's shoulder, and then looked back down at the boy. "What's your name?"

The small chest puffed up and he said proudly, my name is Jack!"

Ignoring his own pain, Shepard scooped the child up in his arms and set him next to his sleeping mother. While Liara unwrapped the rags, Doctor Chakwas knelt down in front of the boy to run a scan. And what she found nearly rocked her backward. Not only was the child malnourished and dehydrated, but the DNA report informed her of other things, as well.

She'd told people they were dying, she'd held their hands while they passed, and she'd delivered babies both alive and dead. Watched old people give up hope and healed wounds both simple and horrific. Breathing deep to hold down the rising emotions, she managed to keep her face closed as she reviewed the DNA findings. DNA doesn't lie. What the hell was she supposed to do now?

Across the room, between bites of food, Jack was still asking questions. When would his Mom wake up? Could they spend the night? Why were they out here anyway? Thank you for the food and could he save what's left on his plate for his Mom?

Then he stopped eating, got silent, and began to study each face. Something started to dawn on him and his eyes went wide. The fork clattered to the plate and continued to the floor unheeded.

"Y-you're Tali vas Normandy and you're not Mister Garrus, it's Garrus Vakarian. And you're Kaidan Alenko and… Grunt and Liara and you're the famous merc Zaeed Massani, and… so… You must be COMMANDER SHEPARD!"

Zaeed observed drily with his arms crossed over his chest. "Hey, remember who the famous one is around here. Sorry, Shepard, looks like your cover's blown."

Cassidy stirred, "Jack, is that you?"

He pushed his plate aside and hurried to her side, "Mother! Do you see who this is! I-It's Commander Shepard and his whole crew!"

Cassidy pushed the blankets aside and came to her feet. John was already at her side.

"John?"

"Hello, Cass. It's been a while."

She was just as he remembered her, with black hair, dark green eyes, and skin still smooth and unlined. Small signs of starvation and exposure gave her a drawn appearance, which food and rest will heal. His chest filled with the love he'd felt for this women in his arms.

"Six years…John"

The silence in the small room was complete. Only the snow pelting against the windows made any sound at all.

White to the eyes Shepard faced the little creature before him. This was not a thresher maw or a Reaper ship, but something just as terrifying.

"Who is this child, Cass?"

"I think you already know, John."

Shepard glanced at Chakwas who nodded once.

"What's your name, young man?"

"Jonathan, sir. But I like to be called Jack."

They all watched as Shepard pulled his Commander Shepard face back on. "How many more refugees are hiding in the woods, Cassidy?"

"I'm not sure. Since the food ran out and the power shut down everyone is hiding. Those ships came through here and managed to destroy everything we might have used to survive."

"You and your boy are safe here with us. Zaeed, take Grunt and Doctor Chakwas out to look for survivors. Report in every thirty minutes.

"Shepard, I'll go. But I need you to promise you'll sit down and rest while we're gone. You're not fully healed and still suffering the physical and psychological effects of your experience."

Unexpectedly, Shepard hugged the doctor. "I will, Karin. I promise."

By the fireplace, Garrus took Tali by the arm. Time to get out of here, he thought. "Shepard, I'll take Tali and help locate survivors."

"Fine," he waved his hand. "But Tali stays here."

"I'll go get you some food." Tali disappeared into the kitchen.

Once the room was empty, Shepard nearly fell into the chair. The young man turned wide eyes on him. "Sir, my Mother, and I didn't mean to cause trouble. We'll just be on our way after she eats. 'Cause I think it's been about three days since we found those potatoes."

"It's okay, Jack. We just need to talk."

She was exactly as he always thought of her, beautiful, caring, and wise. She'd kept this child… his son alive during the months of the Battle for Earth. She'd kept them both alive.

When they'd been in school, she'd been his balance when he took things too seriously. She gotten him through physics and kept up a friendly competition for grades. They'd both graduated with honors in Engineering and her GPA was five points higher. She'd been his friend, his confidant and she'd been there for him when his father died.

She'd also promised she'd wait for him when he left to attend Alliance Naval Academy. Except for six years ago, he'd never spoken to her again. But when they'd met by chance, they'd come together as if no time had gone by at all. He had orders to the Normandy as first officer. There's was no way he could stay with her. He'd made love to her and left the next morning before she awoke.

Now, there was a miniature of himself staring at him with his own eyes. Sharp blue eyes, which he was sure, were just daring him to hurt his Mother.

"Sir, do you think we'll ever get our homes back?"

Good, a neutral subject. "Not for a long time, Jack. London and Los Angeles and Vancouver, New York were almost completely destroyed."

"I understand. I shouldn't worry about my train models if so many other people lost everything. I bet a lot of kids even lost their parents."

Shepard heard the shaky breath and saw the tracks of tears began to trickle down his grimy cheeks. He tried to hide them, but he couldn't. He'd been strong for too long and now everything was okay. In three steps, he threw himself against Commander Shepard.

"T-thank you, sir… thank you for saving us, too."

"You're welcome, little man." Where had those words come from? Then something broke inside him too. It was so intense he almost gasped and before he knew it, he'd wrapped his arms around the small child.

Tali walked in from the kitchen and saw three humans, a mother, a father, and their little boy. She saw the child she could never give him. A beautiful woman who didn't need to hide inside a survival suit smiling at him with love in her eyes and the face of a man who had just discovered he was a father. It took all of Tali's strength of will to set down the tray, excuse herself, and get out the door.

Garrus caught her as she ran passed him. "I have to let him go, Garrus," she sighed against his chest. Garrus noticed she hadn't framed that sentence in a question and she wasn't crying.

Gradually, the crew came back with small groups of people. Shepard called for assistance and the Normandy sent down more food in the second shuttle. The small cabin filled with people, they talked about rebuilding and sharing what resources they did have. Many remembered Shepard from his days growing up there and they thanked Shepard and his crew for saving them and the galaxy. Christmas day turned slowly into Christmas night, and Jack curled up across his parent's lap. Just before he fell asleep, he touched his father's cheek. "Sir, we look alike. Have you noticed?"

"Yes, I have. What do you think about that?" Shepard asked his heart swelling with a depth of feeling he'd never known. It astounded him.

Well, sir. I can do math really good and if it was six years ago… then… well, sir. If Commander Shepard is my father, I think that would be the very best Christmas present ever."

Shepard framed his hand around the little boy's face, "Merry Christmas, Jack."

Shepard slid his hand into Cass's and squeezed hard and watched Jack's eyes close.

"Good then that's all settled," he mumbled as he drifted off. "So when do I get to go for a ride in the Normandy?"

Six Months Later

Garrus Vakarian, the Primarch of his people entered his simple home after another sixteen-hour day. They were slowly putting Palavan back together. The work was exhausting and rewarding. He'd checked his dispatches this morning and found the same news all over the Galaxy. Communication lines were back in place and functioning. The Relays, thanks to the Geth, helped move supplies where they were needed.

There were just a few areas of space that were still dark, but not for long. Captain Shepard called him this morning to give him a status report of a more personal nature. Cassidy was pregnant and Jack was learning to ride a horse. Garrus marveled at the happiness he saw in his friend's eyes. Before they closed the connection, they promised to meet again for the holiday season.

His bedroom beckoned and Garrus began to undress on his way up the stair. Spirits, he was tired. In the dim light of his bedroom, he noticed a mass of dark hair spread across his pillow. Now what the…?

"Tali?"

She turned over and he noticed she was apparently naked under that thin sheet. Yes, naked, smiling, and reaching for him.

"Well, you were obviously never going to make the first move. So I had to take the initiative."

"Move over, angel. I'll show you some initiative."

*~o~*~0~*~o~

"James?" Steve's muffled voice asked from under a pillow. "What are you doing here?"

"Freezing down here," James, mumbled, kicking off his boots and sliding next to Steve Cortez.

"Aside from the fact the Normandy's median temperature is a constant 70 degrees Fahrenheit, what are you doing here?"

"It's your birthday and I just wanted to be the first…"

"It is not my birthday. James, listen to me," Steve said seriously, rolling up on his side to look down into James' face. "If you stay here with me, I will not willing let you leave. So you have about one minute to decide."

"Deal," James pushed Steve on his back and curled himself around the pilot. "I've been awake for thirty-six hours, what's a guy have to do to get some quiet around here?"

"Three words."

"Please and thank you?"

"That's four."

"I love you, Steve."

"Marines." Steve said his filled with mock impatience. "Can't count, can't shoot, can't pilot a shuttle properly. I love you, too."

*~o~*~0~*~o~

"Zaeed!"

"Don't panic, I've got you." The merc gracefully pulled Karin Chakwas back into his arms and continued their dance.

"I don't even remember the last time I've been dancing."

Zaeed looked down into her flushed and smiling face and nuzzled her hair, "Then let's make a list and some new memories."

*~o~*~0~*~o~

It was Christmas time again and one by one, his crew filled his cabin. Gifts covered the dining room table and a Christmas tree sparkled in front of the large bay window.

Jack greeted every guest with a hug and the opportunity to hold his new baby sister. They also received a complete history and explanation about the miracle in his arms. That he'd been the one to cut the em-im-blickal – that was a hard word – cord and the first one to hold her, while his Dad cleaned her face. And when she cried, he was the only one who could get her to stop. And that they'd allowed him to decide that Hannah should be her name, because that was his grandmother's name. He hadn't even known he had a grandmother until she came to visit one day… and...

…and on Earth peace, good will toward men

*~o~*~0~*~o~*

· Celtic Women, Do You Hear What I Hear. youtube: watch?v=3zPaKwA7838

· ¡Dios mío!: My God

· Sobre la tumba demiabuela: On my grandmother's grave.

· For to us a child is born, to us a son is given… Isaiah 9:6

· Handel: Messiah. For Unto Us. youtube: watch?v=MS3vpAWW2Zc

· places-to-go / maines-lakes-and-mountains / rangeley-lakes /