ROADTRIP
By: Scizor
(Read this and you risk your sanity. I don't own any of the Final Fantasy's and no characters were harmed in the making of this fic…well, not permanently)
Scizor sits in the front of a bus, wearing sunglasses. Next to him stands his best friend Spencer and his cousin Blake.
"ROADTRIP", he yells happily.
"How did he talk me into this", Blake said?
"He said he'd take you to all the best skate parks", Spencer said.
"Oh yeah…what's your excuse", Blake said?
"I get to meet Yuffie", he said, getting starry eyed.
"Yeah, whatever", Blake said, slowly backing up.
"That's Squall's line", Scizor said giggling like a little schoolgirl, causing Blake to look at him like he's insane and start twitching.
Pulls up at a bus stop and the three walk out, but no one is there.
"Where's everybody", Blake said?
"Forget them, WHERE'S YUFFIE", Spencer said, pissed?
Scizor smacks himself in the head.
"DOH, I forgot to tell them…oh well", he says.
Makes a gesture with his hands and main characters of FFVII through FFX appears.
"YUFFIE", Spencer yelled, running towards Yuffie, but is tripped by Blake, who restrains him and throws him back on the bus.
"Hey, where's Barret", Scizor asks?
Shadow falls over him and he sees Barret falling from the sky.
"Oh sh*t", he says just before Barret falls on him and crushes him.
"Ow", Scizor mutters, lying there half dead.
Cloud sweatdrops and casts Cure 3 on him. Scizor sits straight up.
"I'm okay", he says.
"What's going on", Zidane asked?
"ROADTRIP", Scizor yelled.
"ROADTRIP", Tidus yelled.
"ROADTRIP", Zell yelled
"ROADTRIP", all three yelled at the same time.
Yuna sweatdropped and smacked Tidus over the head with her staff, while Blake kicks Zell in the kneecaps.
"What's that mean to those of us that don't speak chickenwuss", Seifer said.
Curtis pulled out a baseball bat and bashed him over the head.
"It's means we all load up on this bus and drive the country, wasting time and hard earned money to see the sites", Blake said.
"So why should we go", Auron said?
"Were going to stop at Miami Beach", Scizor said.
All the guy's eyes bug out and the rush onto the bus, except Kuja, who is gay as hell.
"And were going to Hollywood", Blake said.
Girl's eyes bug out and they pile on the bus.
"What about him", Blake asked?
"He can come if he wants, but if he comes near me, I'll kill him", Scizor said, pulling out his baseball bat and waving it menacingly.
Kuja walks on.
"I'm driving", Scizor said.
"No, I am", Blake said.
Two start to fight, disappearing in a dust cloud. After a few minutes, Scizor wins.
"Told yah", he said, throwing Blake on the bus next to Vincent.
Scizor notices Aeris and Tifa glaring at each other, while Cloud looks on nervously.
"What's going on", Scizor asked?
"THIS *beep* WANTS TO SIT NEXT TO MY MAN", Tifa yelled.
"YOU LITTLE *beep*, HE'S MY MAN", Aeris yelled back.
"Hey ladies, lets just calm down", Cloud said, trying to calm them down.
"STAY OUT OF THIS", they both yelled at him.
Cloud shrinks back and huddles on the floor.
"Well…sh*t, forgot about that", Scizor said.
"Any ideas Spencer", he asked?
He saw Spencer sitting next to Yuffie, drooling over her. He didn't notice her grab his material, or more likely, was to stupefied to actually be next to her, his goddess (His own words), to care. Scizor sweatdroped.
"Okay…Blake, any ideas", he asked, turning to him?
Blake had his headphones cranked up to high and was listening to one of his CD's. Scizor sweatdropped again.
"Sh*t", he muttered.
A light bulb appeared above Scizor's head, which quickly went dead. He looked at it, stupefied, before he thwacked it with a finger and it came back on. He grabbed the three and threw them in the big seat that took up the entire back of the bus, next to the little bathroom. He sat the women on either side of Cloud and walked back to the front of the bus while the two gave death glares to each other, poor Cloud stuck right in the middle.
"Was that suppose to help", Vincent asked, standing next to Scizor near the front?
"No, just now when they try to kill each other, I won't hear them", he said.
Vincent chuckled and sat back down.
"LETS GO". Scizor yelled, pointing towards the horizon.
Starts the engine, but it coughs and goes dead. Scizor looks at the gas gauge and smacks his head against the dash.
"DAMM IT, SPENCER, I TOLD YOU TO FILL THE TANK", Scizor yelled.
Spencer continues to sit in a daze, staring at Yuffie.
(AN HOUR LATER)
Scizor finishes filling up the tank of the bus. He runs back on the bus.
"Okay, once again, LETS GO", he yells, pointing at the horizon.
He starts up the bus and cheers. He hits the gas pedal, but it's in reverse and he runs over a cop. He's eyes bug out; he switches it into drive and drives as fast as he can away.
"Ow", the cop groans. "Man…down".
(**)
I WILL CONTINUE THIS NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY. IMMENSE KUJA, WAKKA, QUINA, AND ANYONE ELSE I FEEL LIKE BASHING. NO FLAMES, OR PREPARE TO HAVE MY HIRED MERCENARY, YOJIMBO, COME TO SMACK YOU AROUND. No cops were harmed in the making of this fic. Oh, and Spencer is one of my best friends and WORSHIPS Yuffie. Blake is my cousin, but he's mostly sane, and I thought it be cool to haul him along for this insane trip. R&R OR YOJIMBO IS GOING TO PAY YOU A VISIT.
*Next chapter: First Stop, St. Louis*.