This story is based on the TWELVE newcomers and other revealed fighters announced so far. DO NOT READ ON IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY RUINED IT FOR YOURSELF AND DO NOT WISH TO. I AM NOT LIABLE FOR YOUR NITPICKINGS BEYOND THIS POINT, K MANG!?
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Chapter One:
The First Chapter And Bankruptcy
Nintendo Offices were in an uproar. The giant object, a party ball loaded with active bob-ombs, collided with the surface of the building's side. A combination of the Hindenburg and 9/11 shattered the building complex, and Nintendo of America was consumed in a flurry of explosions, gasoline, and inferno.
--------------Days Later ---------------
Mario stepped into what could be dubbed the remains of Shigeru Miyamoto's office. A balding man in a suave light green buisness dress sat in Miyamoto's chair, which was already a sign of hell oncoming.
"THIS is the one!" the man, Ikari Hyuoto, shouted with raised ferocity.
"Yes." Miyamoto choked on his own tears that had retreated from his eyes, and therefore the man's lecturing glare, and collected in his throat, "You see, from the past two games, many Bob-Ombs were dumped as runoff, which could have resulted in all-out nuclear war had we not...persay, DISPOSED of them. But the party ball crashing was not-"
"ALL-OUT NUCLEAR WAR DOSEN'T SELL GAMES!" the supervisor didn't notice the lung that sprang out of his widened mouth and scurried under the desk in fright.
"But-"
"GET OUT MIYAMOTO! I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE YOU IN THIS OFFICE, BUILDING, SUBSIDIARA, OR ZIP CODE AGAIN!!!!!!!AND GET HOSE DAMN MELEE AND SMASH CHARACTERS ON THE FIRST BUS TICKET TO VIDEOGAME DECONVERSION!!!!!!!!!"
Mario and his creator dashed out of the room. Seconds later, the supervisor's lung and appendix fled the room too. He collapsed, cold, onto Miyamoto's desk as his heart yanked out the blood veins attached to it.
-------------------------------------------- Brawl Mansion: Home Of The Newcoming Brawl Fighters ------------------------------------------
"Hey Metaknight! Where's Mr. Videogame-sa!?" Wario mocked out loud.
Metaknight, flustering his magnificent dark purple cape, winged it around cool-like and walked up the steps to the observatory. Wario grunted, running into the kitchen and opening, and then slamming, the refrigerator door. Pokemon Trainer, who along with Snake and Lucas were eating their breakfast, turned to Wario in curiosity.
"Why did you slam the door? Refrigerators aren't cheap ya know! And Nintendo is paying for most of this. Don't forget that we're already suffering one paycut cause the American branch went bankrupt!" said Pokemon Trainer.
Wario shut the refrigerator again, this time softer and now with a clove of garlic in his hand, "I saw it on this show called JackSMASH last night. These guys were freezing their-"
"It's called Jack--- you fat idiot." Snake scoffed, staring idly at the bowl of milk-sogged AppleSnacks in front of him with spoon raised like a butter knife.
"WATEVER!" Wario walked off in his own self-adorned pride, spewing garlic gas around the house.
Lucas stirred his Honey Nut Cheerios and, with a quick clap of his hands, combusted it into a magical liquid fire. Snake cursed the children's food littered amongst the cupboards, and picked up the coffeemug to his right. He promptly spat it out in disgust.
"BLEH! EVEN THE COFFEE IS WET MUD WITH PEBBLES MIXED IN! # & $!# $ # $!$$!!!" Snake razzled off, crawling under the sink and into an unseen compartment that held a route through the entire house through the walls..
Elsewhere, in the TV/Living room; Diddy Kong, Sonic, Pit, King DeDeDe, and Zero Suit Samus sat on the couch, Diddy Kong and Pit wrestled over the remote as Donkey Konga Bonga Bonanza Show and Legend of Zelda The Animated Series switched across the screen.
"LINK IS HOMOSEXUAL!!!" Diddy yelled, fanging a paw into Pit's face.
"DONKEY KONG HAS NO RYTHMN! LINK HAS SAVED PRINCESS ZELDA TIME AND TIME AGAIN!!!" Pit defended his idol, stabbing an arror through Diddy's nose. The ape barely felt it and continued to struggle.
"Who says I need saving?" Sheik stepped in with a soda can in her right hand, plopping the chair not far from Samus.
"Who are you?" they all asked.
"Shhh!!!! If fans find out I'm not a new character for Brawl, BAD things will happen!" she hushed them.
Zero Samus leaned towards her, musingly. "Zelda, you can't POSSIBLY think dressing up as a man will get you anymore action than Jigglypuff..."
"She's just a little whore! Singing that song and knocking men unconscious! And besides-" Sheik leaned closer and nodded towards Ike who had just entered the room, Diddy and Pit's fight distracting the others, "The quietest are always the-"
"STOP IT YOU PRIMATE! YOU'RE RIPPING MY TOGA!!!" Pit yelled as his toga split down the middle. He grappled Diddy who's shirt had been shredded in the struggle and chucked him across the room into Sheik's lap. The woman under the mask shrieked, Diddy clapped happily before an irritating beeping sound emanated from her ankle. The whole room froze.
Suddenly, the door collapsed, and two men wearing agent suits busted in. Sheik sprinted up the stairs, and the agents kept in hot pursuit. Snake crawled out of the small hole in the wall and stood, caught in the center of DeDeDe, Diddy, Sonic, and Zero Suit Samus who all shrugged and turned their attention back to the television.
"Ike, my motion tracker just picked up a bad movie reference!" Snake said. Ike shrugged, and headed back into the basement.
"Sonic, you haven't said a word since your name was first mentioned?" Samus inducted him to the madness, an "apologetic" tone in her voice
The hedgehog shrugged.
"This is what happens when you speak in the fourth narrative. The humor, character development, and even creativity diminishes." Metaknight stepped down from the winding observatory steps/
"Hey Metaknight. Stick to the Kirby Transformations!"
"In case none of you have noticed, there IS no Kirby to transform. In fact, none of your former freinds and family exist anymore. The supervisor had them all...exercised by powers beyond our knowledge to endure tortures no being should ever experience-!"
--------- In Hell ----------
Mario and Kirby faced each other in Mario DDR, Mario, of course, winning with a 600 point lead. Samus, Fox, and many others leaned in fetal position in the corner except for Luigi who had already been incinerated for his incompetence.
"I ROCK AT THIS GAME!!!" Mario stated the obvious, as the title character could not lose at all.
"Yee Hee!" Kirby cheered, being a creature with no "ears" so to speak.
Behind them all, Satan laughed as the Smashers would rehabilitated to badassness by Mario DDR. Ever since one of his imps had cowardly stole it from some angry video game nerd from Germany, it had become the most EFFICENTLY mindtearing torture device since Scientology. The fifth SONG made even his own blood curl within it's veins...
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"-All the while He has been distracting and utterly warping your actions with poorly executed sexual innuendo and red herrings."
"Okay. But what does that have to do with Sonic not speaking?" Diddy asked, scratching his butt.
"And what's the 'fourth narrative'!?" Wario butted in.
Metaknight shook his head, "Sonic is avoiding all talking until the next chapter. And the FOURTH PERSON PERSPECTIVE is when you all begin referring to yoursleves outside the regular context of fiction. When you recognize your life as nothing more than the bubbling imagination of a thirteen year old boy with megabytes of pornography hidden behind his WordPerfect screen. Why do you think that no one knows ANYTHING about us except that we are to be in Brawl other than those who enjoy our respective series?"
The entire room fell quiet with slumber, that is, until Wario began snoring with threads of garlic caught in his windpipe.
"You call this a cliffhanger!? THIS is how you end chapters?" Metaknight swore under his breath, pointing at the screen.
The chapter ended with no established plot.