On the first day of Christmas, the Teen Titans gave to me…
T'was twelve days before Christmas and all through the Titan's tower, not a creature was stirring. Not even a mouse.
Well scratch that part. There was a mouse. A green one actually. And it wasn't stirring so much, as it was running for its pathetic little life.
"Save me!" the green squeaking animal yells as he runs into the main area of the Tower from the third most scariest thing in the world. A ticked off Raven.
"Beast Boy! I'm going to kill you!" the voice shouts from behind.
Robin, Starfire and Cyborg stop their Christmas decorating as the entrance glows from black telekinesis before exploding inward. As the metal crashes into the room, a fearful Beast Boy scurries in changing back to normal crouched behind Robin.
"What did you do?" The Titan leader drones with a sigh.
Beast Boy starts shaking "It was nothing Robin. Raven is totally overreacting and has gone crazy. So you have to protect me, activate the security system, call the Justice League for help…Dude. What's with the cat?"
Asleep and yet somehow still being able to keep itself attached to Robin's cape is a small kitten. Covered in fluffy white fur with a pink collar with a mini Titan communicator attached, the small feline does not react at all to the noise.
"Man, what are you talking about BB?" Cyborg asks with disbelief. "Everyone knows who Cathy is."
Starfire nods her head in agreement. "Yes. She is the sexy and huggable heartfelt artistic Canadian heroine kitty with butt kicking angel and alchemy powers which she used in the Chaos Realm where she fought alongside the cowboys and the fox demons whilst not resting from the sandman's dust."
"Not to mention the newest member of the Teen Titans," Robin adds on. "Beast Boy, didn't you get the text message I sent you about this?"
Beast Boy blinks at the newest addition to the team before looking at the back of Robin's head again and blinking again. "Wait a sec. We have text messaging?"
"Yes, but it won't matter since you won't be alive long enough to use it!"
Beast Boy cowers as Raven steps in a scowl on her face with several large and pointy objects held up by telekinesis.
"Chill a sec Raven," Cyborg says. "I'm sure whatever the little green guy did, it can't be that…."
"He Kissed Me!"
"Oh. It was nice knowing you BB"
"Yeah, so what if I kissed you?" Beast Boy calls from behind Robin. "We were underneath Mistletoe. That means I'm allowed to do it. So there."
Robin looks over at the fuming sorceress. "Technically, he's right. It is tradition."
A vein forms in Raven's head. "I don't care…mmppphhh!"
The girl is cut off courtesy of a long deep kiss from Starfire, complete with tongue. After a few minutes, the Tamararanean comes up for air leaving a shell shocked Raven.
"Oh so that is what those decorative plant objects are for" Starfire says indicating the mistletoe hanging above them and also in every other section of the room. "I had much enjoyment placing them everywhere as Beast Boy requested. Greetings of Yule time joy, dearest friend Raven!"
"Grr… Azarath Metreon…."
"Hit the deck! She's going to blow!"
"Zinthos!!!"
- CRASH -
Every single window in Titan's Tower explodes in a glistening shower of glass.
A Psychotic Raven in a Mistletoe Tree
On the second day of Christmas, the Teen Titans gave to me…
"Okay, gather around y'all" Cyborg says outloud standing behind a large covered object.
The rest of the titans comply although they do so shivering given the fact that none of the windows have been replaced yet.
Starfire blinks cutely "Tell me friend Cyborg. What do you have here?"
"Well I know some people are a bit upset about the mistletoe incident from yesterday…"
Raven sends the mechanical teenager an evil look daring him to finish that sentence.
"Anyway, I got something to get us all back in the holiday spirit. Behold. Cyborg's ultimate awesome butt kicking deluxe high powered Christmas tree! Booya!"
He quickly rips the tarp away to away to reveal a 20 foot tall tree, beautiful decorated with lights, glittering tinsel, silver trimmed ornaments and a perfect gold star at the top. Every one looks on amazed as the tree's beauty.
"Marvelous"
"Dude, this is sweet."
"It'll do, I suppose"
"It's really impressive. Nice work Cyborg"
Cathy falls out of the branch she was dozing on landing on the floor.
"Thanks guys. But you haven't seen anything yet. This thing's got enough power to run three nuclear reactors. Prepare to have your eyes blinded for life people," Cyborg says as pulls a cord into a wall socket.
….Nothing happens.
"Dang it" the mechanical Titan moans as he tries the plug a few more times. "Sorry guys. I guess the tree needs a bit more juice to handle all the lights"
Starfire face lights up. "Oh, permit me to assist with the situation at hand"
The alien girl zooms off only to return with a jug of liquid a moment later floating up to the top of the tree.
"I am sure that my homemade Truglupal juice will be able to provide the nutrients this tree needs to shine."
"Star! Hold on…" Robin shouts a second too late as Starfire pours the pinkish liquid onto the tree.
A few cracks and hisses are heard before the entire tree suddenly bursts into flames.
"Eep" Starfire calls out as she tosses the jug away in fright. "Is it suppose to do that?"
"No Star…"
Starfire looks back to see the jug, and the rest of the contents inside, now residing on Cyborg's head.
"It's not supposed to do that!" he yells as the juice runs down him and sparks appear over his body.
-BOOM-
Two short circuits
And a Psychotic Raven in a Mistletoe Tree
On the third day of Christmas, the Teen Titans gave to me…
Robin boots crunch through the snow of the forest as he walks along with Starfire floating beside him.
"Do you think Cyborg will eventually forgive me?"
Robin nods his head. "I'm sure he'll calm down once he stops smoldering. In the meantime, keep your eyes open for good Christmas trees."
"Yes. Oh these festive activities are such fun. On my world, we just have battles ad feasts afterwards where we eat our enemies"
"Yeah, it is fun," a new voice calls out. "Too bad, you're with someone who has no idea on what he is doing"
"You," Robin growls turning around with a glare "Red-X!"
The former alter ego of Robin leans against a tree looking at them. "Long time no sees kid. And Starfire, you're as beautiful as ever. You know, I'm a lot like these trees around here."
"Truly? You are composed of the material of wood?"
"Well certain parts of me are wooden, if you catch my drift"
Starfire flashes an innocent smile.
Red X looks back her.
She keeps smiling innocently.
Red -X glances down at the lower portion of his body.
Starfire doesn't get it.
"I'm talking about my manhood" X finally says.
"Oh. I understand now." Starfire says with a smile. "So do you also decorate your manhood with lights and ornaments so it will appear to be bigger and shinier?"
"……never mind"
"Why are you here X?" Robin mutters reaching for a birdarang.
"Oh not much. I'm just chopping down some Christmas trees to give to widows of war veterans"
"Yeah right"
Red-X shrugs. "It's the truth. I don't have to be evil 365 days a year. It's not like I'm Wal-Mart or something. Here, I'll even help you guys find one"
"Thank you friend X. Your help is most appreciated."
"Grrr…"
Red-X walks around a bit before finally settling one particular tree. "This one is perfect" Without warning he fires a blast at its base. "Timber!"
"What…aggh"
Robin has no time to react as the tree lands right on top of him. Starfire rushes over with worry.
"X-Hal! Are you unharmed Robin?"
Cathy plops out of a nearby snow bank still in the middle of her siesta.
Three Red X's
Two short circuits
And a Psychotic Raven in a Mistletoe Tree
On the fourth day of Christmas, the Teen Titans gave to me…
Beast Boy glances over from the driver side of the T-car a bit worried. "Robin, are you sure about this?"
"Yes Beast Boy I am" Robin replies seriously as he tightly grips the steering wheel. "Now, would you stop asking me that?"
"But, dude! Why didn't you ask everyone to come with us? And did Cyborg really let you borrow the T-car?"
"He was too busy polishing himself to even notice it was gone. Besides, I refuse to let Red-X upstage me!"
"What!?"
"Like I said. It's a perfect opportunity to give back to the community. So just follow my lead."
"Fine," Beast Boy mutters slumping back into his seat.
A few minutes later the T-car comes to a stop and the two Titans exit. Twenty seconds following that, the glove compartment pops open to reveal Cathy happily dreaming about fish.
Inside the jump city orphanage…
"Kids, are you all ready for our special guest?" Miss Smiles, the elderly headmistress, asks the young children.
"Yes" the children call out happily.
"Well here he is. The leader of the Teen Titans Robin!"
"Yay!!"
The Boy wonder steps into the room with a huge grin and a large bag hanging over his back.
"Hey there kids. It's great to see you all. And guess what? I have some gifts here with your names on them. Teen Titan action figures for everyone!"
Crickets chirping are the only response Robin gets. "Err, what's the matter"
A little boy raises his hand. "Robin, could you we get something else instead? Like medicine or clothes that are not torn?"
"Or maybe some real food?" a young girl asks.
"Do not speak ill of the gruel!" Miss Smiles yells. "You don't want me to get my whip out, do you?"
"No"
"Say does anyone else here that?" Robin calls out nervously. "Why, it almost sounds to me like a reindeer."
Stepping into the room on four legs is Beast Boy in all his green reindeer glory. A wreath of holly and bells hang around his neck and a bright red nose on top completes the festive look.
"Excuse me Mr. Reindeer. Your fake nose is on fire."
Beast Boy smiles…until his brain processes what was just said and he looks down at the small flames coming off of a nearby candle.
"Agghhh! Put me out! Put me out!"
Beast Boy runs out the room. Sever Crashes and bangs are heard signifying that the panicking elf is causing damage to the building.
Robin swears underneath his breath before forcing a bright smile "Err…well kids, remember to stay in school!"
"We can't afford to go to school"
"Oh, I give up"
Four Crying Orphans
Three Red X's
Two Short Circuits
And a Psychotic Raven in a Mistletoe Tree
On the fifth day of Christmas, the Teen Titans gave to me…
The Titans all sit in various spots inside the main room. It is somewhat more livable again as the windows are boarded up and the burnt tree was finally tossed out. Despite all this, the room is quiet. Dead quiet.
"Okay," Raven starts. "Why is everyone being so peaceful and quiet? It's creepy"
Starfire cups her hands together. "I do not know. It' seems like there is not much really to say or do"
Beast Boy puts his feet on the table as he surfs through the channels. "Yeah, its totally boring around her. Plus there is nothing on to watch!"
Cyborg takes a large sandwich out the fridge, being careful not to disturb the slumbering Titan cat inside. "We haven't gotten a report of a crime in the last week. It's like every bad guy left and went home for the holidays. "
Robin slams his fist on the counter out of annoyance. "You know its times like these; I almost wish Slade was still around.
At a nearby drinking establishment….
An armored fist slams down on to the bar counter "Yo Barten…Barte, drink pouring guy! Give me some more booze."
"I think you might have enough to drink today sir"
Slade, his armor rusted and worn down, grabs a hold of the bartender's shirt pulling him closer.
"I'll tell you when I've had enough…Bucko. I'm a supervillian. A freakin super villain. I'm one of the best; I'm like feared and have an endless army of robots. In fact, more then likely I am a robot right now. Robocop got nothing on me. How do you like them pineapples, huh?"
"Yeah, sure pal. Whatever" he replies setting down a drink and moving away forcing Slade to talk to himself or a drunken illusion, whichever you prefer.
"Young people are… are such jerks these days. They have no respect for their elders. Out of the kindness of my evil heart, I let two people become my apprentices. And what do they do? Both of them stab me in the back and then try to kill me. That's not gratitude at all. Am I right folks? Of course I'm right"
The megalomaniac pauses to drown some more booze into him.
"And don't get me started on my kids. Biggest brats in the multiverse. One of them Joey dresses like a no good hippie. And now he wants to be a one those lousy good guys. I mean come on! Can't he show a little respect for the family business? My daughter is just as bad. Rose won't even talk to her old man. Just because I rip out her eye, I'm no longer father of the year material? What kind of fruity rainbow crap is that? Get me another drink Wintergreen!"
"That's not my name!" The bartender calls out.
"I'm so lonely!" Slade cries out sobbing into the counter.
Five Golden…Shots of Tequila
Four Crying Orphans
Three Red X's
Two Short Circuits
And a Psychotic Raven in a Mistletoe Tree
On the sixth day of Christmas, the Teen Titans gave to me…
"What is wrong with this town? Don't they realize what this holiday is supposed to mean?"
Beast Boy, Cyborg, Raven, and Starfire all stare as there team leader keeps moving back and forth, clearly in a bad mood.
"It's the Christmas season. People are distracted with celebrating meaning that their guard is down. It is the perfect time to strike. But not a single villain has done anything so far. Are they all brain dead or something?"
"Umm...isn't this something we should be happy about?" Raven asks.
Starfire smiles brightly trying to hopefully calm down their leader. "Yes, Robin. Please try to observe the bright side of this wonderful occasion. You have more time to partake in activities with your loved ones this year."
"Why would I want to do that? Batman's nothing but a big whiney emo. He can't even remember my real name since he's had so many damn sidekicks over the years. No, the only good thing over there was that Batgirl was hot. Well make those two things: Batgirl's hotness and the fact that the villains actually knew to do stuff on the holidays. Gotham villains have class, a sense of style. But no, not our villains. Our villains are just too dumb for anything like that. Stupid Red-X and stupid sickly orphans"
Robin paces over to the window, just in time see a nap time Cathy go floating downward on a mini parachute. "Somewhere, somewhere out there is a force of evil ready to strike when we least expect it. And when it arrives it will have to face me first. Because I am the boy wonder and I am that damn good"
- Beep, Beep -
Before anyone else can react to the noise, Robin whips out his communicator and turns it on.
"Who is this and how did you get this number?"
"I got it cause I'm the groove master baby!"
"Slade?" all five Titans yell out at once.
"Hell yeah!" the evil voice slurs out. "I'm like Obi-Wan, Master Chief, and Chuck Norris wrapped together in the ultimate sexy package. You got nothing on me Girl Wonder. Oh yeah, I totally burned you. In your masked face!"
"Quick the banter Slade. What diabolical plot are you up to this time?"
- Click -
Silence fills the line. "Did he…did he just hang up on me? How dare he! I'm Robin! No one is allowed to hang up on me! Titans we have to go track down Slade. Immediately. Quick, to the investigation cave!" he yells running off.
Everyone watches him go not bothering to follow.
"Anyone else think that we need to put him into therapy?" Beast Boy asks.
"Yup"
Six Robin Rants
Five Golden…Shots of Tequila
Four Crying Orphans
Three Red X's
Two Short Circuits
And a Psychotic Raven in a Mistletoe Tree
On the seventh day of Christmas, the Teen Titans gave to me…
"I'm sorry but the Titans are not available for such activities. Have a nice day"
Robin's communicator goes flying into a nearby snow globe destroying it.
"Is something bothering you friend Robin?" Starfire asks worry on her face.
"That was the mayor. Can you believe it? He wants us to help handle the crowds at the mall for some stupid product thing. We're the Titans, not a rental service. What the heck is a PlayStation 3 anyway?"
- Boom -
Robin and Starfire jump out of the way as the floor explodes from below them. Leaping through the hole is Cyborg, arm cannon extended with Cathy's tired head sticking out of it.
"A PS3?" Cyborg grins and shifts into a heroic pose. "Titans! Go!"
"Hey, that's my line!"
-------
"I hate malls" Raven growls as crazed shoppers charge at her. "Azarath Metreon Zinthos!"
The bargain hunters are knocked back crashing into a lingerie store. Nearby Robin beats them back with his bo-staff while Starfire provides cover fire with her star bolts.
"Come on Cy" Beast Boy complains as he charges through the crowds as a bull. "Can't you just buy a Wii? They are actually some available in stores and they have a reasonable price."
Cyborg fires off his sonic cannon as well as his missiles destroying everyone in his path. "Forget it BB! You can go and wave around your little Wii if you want but I need me some badass Blu-Ray. Come to papa!" he roars as he reaches through a pile of people and emerges with the system in hand. "Booya! It's mine."
"Guess again Robo Clunker!"
Gizmo emerges from the crowd on mechanized spider limbs plowing into Cyborg. The bald midget then starts struggling with him trying to get the system.
"Hand it over Titan"
"No way. You have to be this tall to play the game."
"Dang it. Mammoth, get over here and help me!"
"But Gizmo," a voice shouts out from the crowd. "I want to go see Santa."
"I don't give damn about ah! My tongue!"
During the struggle said tongue of Gizmo has managed to become stuck to Cyborg's metal arm.
"Get off of me" Cyborg yells lifting Gizmo off the ground with his arm and then wildly tries to shake him loose. At this point, a very large group of disgruntle shoppers forms around them. "Well this isn't good."
"Crud"
Hero and villain alike close to their eyes and hug each other as they await the beating that's about to occur.
- Wham -
Large boulders go flying through the air crashing into the shoppers and causing them to scatter. Cyborg and Gizmo blink in surprise as Beast Boy quickly changes back to normal.
"Dude…it can't be"
A lithe female figure steps into view. Blonde hair falls from her head with piercing blue eyes as she is dressed in her trademark black shirt and yellow shorts. She takes one look at Beast Boy and forms a warm sincere smile.
"Yes Beast Boy," Terra says simply. "It's me."
"Terra! But, how are you alive?"
"It's because of the magic of Christmas."
The green elf scratches his head. "Hold on. That doesn't make any sense at all"
Terra huffs a little bit annoyed. "Hey, do you want me to make out with you later or not?"
Seven Mall Riots
Six Robin Rants
Five Golden…Shots of Tequila
Four Crying Orphans
Three Red X's
Two Short Circuits
And a Psychotic Raven in a Mistletoe Tree
On the eighth day of Christmas, the Teen Titans gave to me…
"Yeah so anyway," Terra says looking downwards and shuffling her feet "I'm kinda sorry for the whole you know betraying your trust, teaming up with Slade, attacking the city and trying to kill of you guys. Err…it actually seemed like a good idea at the time"
Across the other side of the table, the titans look over at their former member in various stages of disbelief.
"Okay, let's see if I got this right," Robin begins. "You're sorry that you betrayed us."
"Yes"
"You want to rejoin the Teen Titans"
"Yup"
"And you have no explanation for how you stop being a stone statue, with Beast Boy seeing you but you not remembering him and the whole annoying cliffhanger that came with it?"
"Yes Robin, that's correct"
"Can we just throw her out now?" Raven drones.
"Come on guys. She deserves a second chance. Pleaseeee" Beast Boy whines.
"Yes she should" Starfire declares slamming her fist on the table. "We must let our friend rejoin our ranks. After all it is a season of joyous friendship and forgiveness as the bipedal animated animals keep saying on the television when they save the holiday."
Robin looks over at Starfire before sighing. "You know what? I don't really care anymore. She can stay. I'm going to go hunt for some pickpockets or something."
"Wait up friend Robin. I shall join you is the apprehension of the snatchers of loose change and other objects"
"I'll be in my room" Raven mutters.
Cyborg just shakes his head at them. "So come on Terra, spill. What have you been up to this entire time girl?"
The earth controller smiles. "Oh you know the usual. Walked around a bit, did some soul searching, ended up in universe 99 during that crisis on infinite earths thing. Oh yeah, I also got myself a modeling career with Victoria Secret and Playboy. I got some pictures and stuff if you guys want to see."
Terra opens a nearby large box revealing, besides a snoozing Cathy on top, several magazines, DVDs, photos and various pieces of intimate clothing.
"So what do you think Beast Boy? …Beast Boy?"
Down in Antarctica, researchers pick up on the seismic activity coming from Beast Boy's jaw hitting the floor.
"Well, that's really interesting" Cyborg says with a grin reaching for the box.
Sadly, he gets no closer as a feral growl comes out of Beast Boy and he punches him with a gorilla fist sending him flying into a wall.
"Back off Cy! This is mine, all mine!" The green elf hugs the box tightly, tears streaming down his eyes. "It's what I've always wanted. Sniff…Santa, you really do exist!"
Eight Beast Boy Nosebleeds
Seven Mall Riots
Six Robin Rants
Five Golden…Shots of Tequila
Four Crying Orphans
Three Red X's
Two Short Circuits
And a Psychotic Raven in a Mistletoe Tree
On the ninth day of Christmas, the Teen Titans gave to me…
"Humbug!" A voice complains as an empty glass of eggnog slams on to the table joining several others.
Raven sighs as she looks around the small but crowded café. "I hate this holiday. Togetherness, fun, spending time with family? Blah. I would rather deal with my father again then sing another cutesy Christmas carol with Starfire"
"Tell me about it"
Raven turns in surprise at the new voice. "Jinx?"
The pink haired hex caster smiles at Raven, with a drink in her hand. She quickly takes a seat at the table with her. "You just got to hate this time of the year. Say, you know that there is a kitten asleep on your head right?"
"Yes," Raven mutters in regards to the cat who is currently serving as a hat. "Anyway, I'm surprised to see you here. I figured you would be spending time with Kid Flash for the holidays"
A flash of pink hex comes out blowing up a nearby wall. "Do not mention that name to me!" Jinx growls. "Everything was going fine and dandy with him. Until I say that I want to talk about our relationship. Next thing I know, he's off in Japan rescuing short skirt schoolgirls. Men."
"Yeah"
"Well lookie what we have here…"
Raven and Jinx groan and turn to see a group of five men standing before them. Well one men technically since all of them are the same person."
"What do you want…Billy Numerous?"
The red bodysuit villain err villains smile at the two grey skinned girls.
"Oh not much" the fist one says with a smile.
"Just looking at two of the purdiest girls in the whole world" Number two chimes in.
"Gosh darn it Billy. You're right."
Number four or maybe five suddenly gets a wide grin. "Say there gals. Wanna like the red off my candy cane?"
"What?" Raven and Jinx yell out in anger.
Billy holds up an actual giant sized candy cane. "There's plenty for y'all to share."
"Woo-hoo. Nice one Billy!"
"Gee thanks Billy"
"Sure, why not?"
All of the Billy's freeze on the spot at Raven's response. "Err, come again?"
"I said sure thing. Forget about Star-breasts, elf boy, that earth hussy and those other guys. You're the only ones who truly understand me and my needs. Let's go have some fun."
"You know Billy's? I think she might have one too many drinks and is a little bit tipsy right now."
"I reckon you could be right Billy"
Raven gets up and staggers over towards the six for one deal. "Are you going to come to Jinx?"
The pinked hair girl shrugs. "Why not? I got nothing better to do right now."
"Yee-haw!"
Nine Cheesy Pick Up Lines
Eight Beast Boy Nosebleeds
Seven Mall Riots
Six Robin Rants
Five Golden…Shots of Tequila
Four Crying Orphans
Three Red X's
Two Short Circuits
And a Psychotic Raven in a Mistletoe Tree
On the tenth day of Christmas, the Teen Titans gave to me…
"Greetings Titans!!!! Or should I say HoHoHo Titans!!!"
Starfire smiles in pure delight. "Look Robin. We finally have a villain for you to do the kicking of the butt to."
The boy wonder groans. "Starfire, I wanted a competent villain that would be a challenge. Control Freak hardly counts as one of those"
"Hey, I heard that!"
The obese Sci-fi fan glares at the Titans down at the street as his gut bulges out of the Santa suit he is dressed in which is three sizes too small.
"That's right Titans. Your number one arch rival has returned to exact his holiday revenge! And this time I have the ultimate weapon that will defeat all of…hey. Isn't there suppose to be seven of you?"
Back at the tower, Cathy rolls around in her sleep as she lies on Raven's bed.
"Oh well. Anyway, this power is more powerful then the Klingon empire, greater then the force itself. It is…"
"Dude! Just get on with it!"
Control Freak whips out a small remote control and proudly holds it above his head lie a trophy. "Behold! Every fan boy's ultimate desire. The pairings remote!"
The six Titans stare at the object before suddenly bursting into laughter, Robin laughing the hardest.
"Control Freak," he starts. "That has got to be the most stupidest…"
The Trekkie smirks and points the remote at the Titans.
- Click -
Robin stops speaking and does a complete 180 degree turn. "Star, I've just had a revelation. All this time I have been trying to hold back my feelings but I can't anymore. I love you." Robin pulls off his eye mask and drops to one knee. "Starfire, will you marry me?"
"X'hal Robin. You have no idea how long I have waited to hear those words"
The two hug and share a passionate kiss. Beast Boy turns to the side.
"Hey Terra…"
The elf has no chance to say anything else as he is tackled by Terra who begins to wildly make out with him. Cyborg and Raven look at one another.
"So I guess we're together by default, right?"
"Looks that way. …Take me Cyborg!"
"Boo-ya!"
Control Freak sighs watching this. "Yeesh…traditional setting is boring. Let's see what else is on this thing"
- Click -
"Raven!" Beast Boy cries out dropping Terra.
"T-Car!" Cyborg cries out dropping Raven.
"Control Freak!" Robin cries out dropping Starfire.
"Abort! Abort!" Control Freak cries out scrambling with the remote
- Click -
Starfire groans as she picks herself up. "Friend Terra, I have not noticed before how pretty you are."
"Yeah Star. You're really hot to." Terra replies starting to move towards her.
"Starfire. Terra. Stop!" Raven commands getting between the two. "You're both under the effects of a spell. You must resist it. And the only cure is for both of you to smother your bodies into mine."
"Okay"
"I shall do so as well."
Control Freak grins as he starts munching on popcorn. "Oh man, this is so LOL. I could keep watching this all day!"
Ten OOC pairings
Nine Cheesy Pick Up Lines
Eight Beast Boy Nosebleeds
Seven Mall Riots
Six Robin Rants
Five Golden…Shots of Tequila
Four Crying Orphans
Three Red X's
Two Short Circuits
And a Psychotic Raven in a Mistletoe Tree
On the eleventh day of Christmas, the Teen Titans gave to me…
"Azarath Metreon Zinthos…Azarath Metreon Zinthos…Azarath Metreon Zinthos…"
Raven keeps repeating those words as she sits mediating in the lotus position. However her usually calm demeanor is replaced with a voice on the verge of panic.
"Yesterday did not actually happen. It was just a dream. Like that one involving Jinx and Billy Numerous two days ago"
"Robin," Starfire says slowly, "Can we talk?"
"No! No talking, no touching, no doing anything! Stay at least 20 feet away from me Starfire!"
"Dude" Beast Boy moans on the couch. "I can't believe we were defeated by Control Freak."
Terra sits down beside him. "It wasn't really that bad"
Everyone else in the room turns and glares at her.
"What? I was trapped as a stone statue. You mind begins to think about weird stuff when you can't move. Besides, we're all back to normal anyway."
"That's true."
"Hold on. Where's Cyborg?"
-----
In another room, the half metal, half human Titan looks forward happily with flowers and a box of chocolates in his hands.
"I know that I have not been the most dependable guy, a player even. However, that is completely behind me. Jinx, Bumblebee, the hot chick from the past, Mother Mae-Eye, none of them mean what you do to me. You're the only one for me…Silkie"
The small insect coos happily and it jumps into Cyborg's arms.
"Yeah baby, give me some of that sweet larva love"
-----
"This just in. The villain known as Control Freak has been defeated."
"What?"
Everyone turns looking at the TV screen where the news report shows an image of a bruised and battered Control Freak. Coincidently, Cathy is curled up on top of his fat gut.
"Damn. I knew I should have done a barrel roll" he mutters before passing out.
"Jump City owes it thanks to its newest saviors…"
The screen changes causing the Titans to gasp in shock.
"You have got to be kidding me" Robin moans.
"The Brotherhood of Evil!"
The Brain, Monsieur Mallah, Madame Rogue, and General Immortus all stand before a cheering crowd.
"Thank you but your applause is not necessary" the Brain says in his Steven Hawkins style voice.
Curious George aka Mallah nods his head in agreement. "Yes. While we may be villains, we recognize and value the holiday season and the importance."
Immortus coughs a few times. "Yeah, so have a Merry Christmas, Hanukah or whatever it is you celebrate."
"Yes darlings," rouge says seductively, "And to make it even more special, we have free toys for everyone."
"Yay!"
"Three cheers for the Brotherhood of Evil!"
"Hip Hip Hooray!"
"Whoa. We just got completely upstaged" Terra mutters staring wide eyed at the screen.
The camera zooms in on a close up of the Brain.
"I would also like to pass along a message to the Teen Titans. Robin…"
Robin clenches his fists together. "Bring it on Brain!"
"I would like for you and your teammates to come and attend my Christmas party"
"What?"
Eleven Brotherhood of Evil Action Figures
Ten OOC pairings
Nine Cheesy Pick Up Lines
Eight Beast Boy Nosebleeds
Seven Mall Riots
Six Robin Rants
Five Golden…Shots of Tequila
Four Crying Orphans
Three Red X's
Two Short Circuits
And a Psychotic Raven in a Mistletoe Tree
On the twelfth day of Christmas, the Teen Titans gave to me…
Inside a secret evil lair somewhere…
Monsieur Mallah stands at attention, a small Santa hat perched on his large gorilla head. "Is everyone ready to proceed with the festive celebrations?"
Various responses of yes come from the large crowd of heroes and villains alike.
"Then let's get this party started!" He yells as the monkey starts playing songs as strobe lights flash all over the area.
On the dance floor Beast Boy and Terra quickly groove to the hip hop beat.
"Dude, this is the best party ever!"
"Yeah I know. Say, Beast Boy you think we can head off by ourselves in a little while? I was thinking…" Terra whispers the last part.
- Thud -
Beast Boy faints on the floor, his face a crimson shade.
"Heh. Sometimes, it is too easy to do that do him."
General Immortus grins a toothless grin "Your going down, yeah blasted whip snapper!"
"Forget it pops" Cyborg yells back as he mashes buttons on the videogames controller. "I'm the ten time champion at this game...what?"
Cyborg's race car crashes into a wall and the game over screen flashes.
"Nice try sonny, but Immortus is still the master. Boo-ya!"
Raven looks at the small envelop in her hand, her expression "Jinx, you didn't need to get me a gift"
The hex girl smiles at her. "Course I did. Consider it a thank you for a few nights ago. Now come on. Open it"
Raven opens the envelop revealing a small card inside. "You signed me up for AA meetings?" she mutters after reading it.
"Yup."
"That's…… nice. But Jinx, I'm not an alcoholic"
"That's right! You tell him girlfriend!"
"Hey, Slade wasn't invited to the party!"
"Somebody throw that punk out!"
"And that darling" Madam Rouge says with a smirk as she retracts her stretchy leg back to normal, "…is the best position for increased intimacy."
"Ooohhhh…truly fascinating." Starfire says wide eyed as she jots down notes on a piece of paper. "Please tell me more"
"Very well. For making love…"
"Checkmate Mr. Robin," The Brain says as he pushes his bishop forward on the board.
"You win again" Robin says with a sigh. "Will I ever beat you at this?"
"The probability of such an occurrence is quite low"
"Oh well" The boy wonder pauses munching on a Christmas cookie. These are really good. What's your secret?"
"I laced them with cyanide"
"Nice try Brain, but I always have anti food poisoning pills in my utility belt."
"It would seem that I have been foiled again"
Robin laughs before wrapping an arm around the brain in a jar. He stares out at the party where all his friends and teammates are enjoying themselves. "You know what Brain? Maybe this isn't such a bad Christmas after all"
"Indeed"
-----
"Blah"
A small remote control clatters on to the floor covered in a large amount of saliva.
"And to think, all those people that read my blog said this trick would never work"
Clad in an extra extra large prison suit, Control Freak reaches down to his cell floor and picks up the device.
"Merry X-Mas Titans! Mwhahahahahahaha!"
- Click -
At the party everyone freezes at once. Starfire looks at Madam Rouge. Cyborg at General Immortus. Raven at Jinx. Beast Boy sees Mallah in his sights while Terra peers over at an intoxicated Slade attempting to disco. Billy Numerous number 2 gazes deep into the eyes of Billy Numerous number 17.
Robin diverts all his attention to the Brain's brain. "Your intellect is a real turn on for me Brain"
"……This does not compute"
Everyone pounces on one another at the exact same time.
Twelve Group Makeout Sessions
Eleven Brotherhood of Evil Action Figures
Ten OOC pairings
Nine Cheesy Pick Up Lines
Eight Beast Boy Nosebleeds
Seven Mall Riots
Six Robin Rants
Five Golden…Shots of Tequila
Four Crying Orphans
Three Red X's
Two Short Circuits…
Amidst the entire wild love making, Cathy's head suddenly raises out of a random stocking hung over the fireplace. The cat yawns for a moment before its green eyes slowly open.
"Meow"
And a Psychotic Raven in a Mistletoe Tree
(Author Note: A very special thanks to all the members of the SIAW forum who submitted suggestions for this fic. Your ideas were all great and I hope you enjoyed it. Have a Merry Chistmas and a Happy New Years guys!)