I, James Potter, also known as the Right Hon. Mssr. Prongs, do hereby declare that the gorgeous vision of gorgeousness that is the gorgeous Mme. Lily Evans will hereby go out with me. Once she admits her undying (hidden at the moment, but no less undying) love for me, of course. Towards this happy eventuality, I shall keep a record of my every attempt to get into Mme. Evans' pants, I mean heart. (No, Padfoot, they are not the same thing.) Starting...NOW.

#1. First Year, First Day.

"Evans! Hey, Evans, wait up!"

"Um, who are you?"

"James, James Potter. I saw you on the train before, remember? Anyway, I was wonderi-"

"You! Leave Severus alone! He's never done anything to you! Look, what do you want?"

"Wanngowime?"

"What?"

"You. Me. Together. Out?"

"Ew, gross, no!"

# 398. Fourth Year, James' Birthday.

"Evans! Guess what? It's my birthday today!"

"Well, congratulations on not dying, I suppose."

"Do you want to give me a present?"

"Um...not really…"

"Well you could kiss me, you know. Or come to Hogsmeade and then kiss me, I'm not all that fussy to be honest-"

"Potter!"

# 349. Third Year, Easter.

"Hey, Evans! How do I look?"

"Mildly constipated."

"No, I'm being a rabbit. HAPPY EASTER!"

"Ooh, yum, a chocolate egg! Wait, hang on..."

"It is for you, you know. Stop looking at it like it's gonna bite!"

"Thanks, but no thanks. It's probably got love potion in it or something."

"It does not!"

# 509. Fifth Year, The Commonroom.

"Evans?"

"No."

"But I-"

"No."

#273. Third Year, On The Train.

"Sit with us, Evans! We can discuss our date later this week!"

"...What date?"

"The one you're about to agree to go on. With me."

"You are an insufferable git. I hope you know that."

"Yeah."

…

"That's why you find me so irresistible."

"I think I'll find another conpartment, all the same"

#367. Fourth year, 1st April.

"Evans, my fiery maiden, what say you and me find us a nice empty classroom?"

"Sure. Lead the way!"

"REALLY?"

"No. April Fools', Potter."

"Oh."

#53. First Year, Between Classes.

"Hey. Lily! Lily Evans!"

"What is it this time?"

"Er...I like your hair?"

"No, Potter, I will not go out with you."

# 307. Third Year, First Hogsmead Weekend.

"How could you betray me like this! You said you weren't going at all!"

"No, I just didn't want to go with you."

"Oh. Well, now that you're here anyway, I was thinking, maybe we could-"

"No. Potter, the day I go out with you will be the day that Peter Pettigrew kisses the Giant Squid."

"I think I could actually make that happen…"

"Without you getting involved."

#562. Sixth year, On The Train Home.

"Oh! My darling Lilyflower! My sweet,sweet angel-pie, my little pookie-woo-"

"Potter. If you know what's good for you, don't finish that sentence. What is it?"

"I was wondering if your ladyship would grace me with a token, nay, a mere trifle to help me stave off these cruel, cold winter nights as I pine for you and your lucious-"

"Potter!"

"But, honeybunch-"

"Leave me alone or I'll curse your lips shut."

"But I lov-"

"Propinquus!"

"Mmph. Mmmph, mph mmmmphhmphh. Mmph!"

"Happy holidays, Potter."

#438 Fifth Year, 14th February.

"Lilacs aren't red,

and apples aren't blue.

But oh, Lily Evans, can't I go out with you?"

"No. Go spoil the innocence of someone else's ears with that dreadful poetry."

"Hey, I wrote it myself."

"Really? Its, um, not that bad then, I guess. Its actually... kind of sweet."

"Sweet, you say? Hmmm..."

"Goodbye, Potter."

#201. Second Year, Christmas.

"Merry Christmas, Evans! Hey, isn't that some mistletoe?"

"Reducto!"

"Oh. I guess not."

"Go away, Potter."

#124. Second Year, During Potions

"Potter, stop staring at me. It's creeping me out a bit."

"Keep your voice down! I'm trying to gaze at you soulfully without Slughorn interrupting!"

"Potter!"

"I know, I know, you say you won't go out with me now, but I'll wear you down…"

"It's not that! Look at your potion!"

"Oh. Crap."

BANG.

#712. Seventh Year, Happiest Day of James' Life.

"Hi, Lily."

"Um, hi."

"I just wanted to say...you-look-really-pretty-today-but-I'm-going-to-stop-bugging-you-to-go-out-with-me-this-year-because-it actually-kind-of-hurts-really-badly-when-you-turn-me-down-and-I-wasn't-meant-to-say-that-out-loud-and-I-think-I'm-rambling-a-bit-so-I'm-just-going-to-stop-talking-now-and-slink-off-in-shame...

"Oh. I'll see you round school then, I guess."

"I guess."

…

"Potter! Hey, Potter, wait up!"

"Yeah?"

"I was wonderi-"

"Yeah?"

"Oh, hush up and stop looking so bloody hopeful and cute and, and, I just - James, I - Oh, dammit all to hell. Wanngowime?"

"What?"

"You. Me. Together. Out?"

"Is this another dream? Do I have wax in my ears? I'll just get it out, hold on a tick-"

"No. I, Lily Evans, am asking you, James Potter, to go out on a date. With me."

Thud.

"Blimey. I think he fainted."

Mssr. Wormtail would just like to point out that at no stage did he ever become romantically involved with one Mme. Giant Squid. (Or was it Mssr. Giant Squid? Mssr. Wormtail is never quite sure what's actually under all those tentacles, and has no intention of EVER finding out.) It was one kiss, and he was very drunk, and that is all he will say on the matter, thank you very much.