Dean pulled into the hotel car park, parking the impala gently into a space closest to the fire exit. Always the pessimist and always so cautious. He clicked the engine off and was pulled into the silence of the atmosphere in the car. He gripped the steering wheel tight, not out of anger, or out of bitterness. He felt like he had to take a hold of something that he could control. Although, since when was anything in his control in his own life?
A sigh left his lungs, creeping up his throat and out into the cold air of the impala. His head rocked back onto the chair as he looked at the roof of his baby. He fingered the markings on the car, recognising them as two stick men than he and Sam had drawn all those years ago. He'd like to say back before things were complicated, but things got complicated the moment his mother fell in love with his father, so he and Sam never really had a chance to not be that way.
He never thought that it would end like this, though.
Movement from besides him removed him from his thoughts. He looked at the passenger seat to see the blanket, that looked suspiciously like a trench coat, moving, before a tuft of brunette hair popped up from beneath it. Dean smiled as Castiel's tired eyes revealed themselves, full of sleep and dreams he never knew could exist. Dean reached his hand over to flatten Cas' hair, before stroking the back of his hand down his cheek.
"We here?" Cas mumbled, leaning into the touch.
Dean nodded. "I didn't want to wake you." He smiled, not being able to do anything else when Cas looked like he did.
"You should have." Cas pulled the trench coat off him, and threw it onto the backseats. He stretched his arms above him, trying to push the sleep out of him, his shirt riding up giving Dean enough time to steal a quick glance at the slither of skin that was unveiled, and to lick his lips. "I sleep too much."
"You only think that because you've hardly ever slept before. Sleeping is the best part about being human."
Up in the hotel room, Dean had told Cas to go and shower whilst he unpacked a few of their things. 'A few of their things' being the necessary and usual items – laptop, a couple of shot guns, a couple of hand guns, a small bag of enough salt to guard the doors and windows to the rooms, and a bottle of holy water, along with clothes to last them at least a week. Once unpacked, Dean could hear the shower was still running, and picked Cas' trench coat up from off the floor where Cas had thrown it.
When he fell, Cas told Dean he needed new clothes. It was okay for an angel to go around wearing the same shirt and tie for years on end, but he had noticed that Sam and Dean hadn't done the same. Dean took him shopping, buying him several shirts and several pairs of jeans and trousers, and also a suit, but never bought him a new coat. 'This coat, this is you, Cas!' He had claimed. Cas just shook his head, telling him that it wasn't him at all. It was Jimmy. Dean just smiled, telling Cas that it suited him better than it suited Jimmy. Cas laughed, shaking his head, but agreed to keep it. Dean was glad.
Back in the hotel room, Dean sat on the edge of one of the single beds, pressing his face into the trench coat, breathing in it's warmth, and it's strength, and it's loyalty, breathing in everything that Cas had given it. He stood up at the sound of Cas shutting the water off, smoothing down the trench coat, and hanging it on the back of their door. He looked around, grabbing his phone, trying to find something to make him look busy.
The bathroom door clicked open just as he sat on the edge of the other bed. Cas walked out with a towel hanging off his hips bones, using a smaller towel to rough dry his hair. Dean looked up, smiling at him, taking in the image of him still steaming from the shower. He flipped his phone in his hand a couple of times, before throwing it onto the pillow.
"Just texting Sammy!" He announced, smiling through his lie. "He says hi."
Cas's mouth slanted, throwing the smaller towel into the corner of the room. "Okay…"
"Yeah, he errr, he's two towns over. Said he's too busy to come and see us though," Dean shrugged. He watched as Cas pulled an old tee over his head, one that Dean recognised to be one of his own, and dropped his towel to reveal his skimpy figure in just boxers. Cas knelt down by the drawers, pulling out a pair of old tracksuit bottoms and pulling them on, before answering.
"You're lying." Cas said slowly.
"What? No, I'm not! What gives you that idea?" Dean placed his hands on his legs as he stood up, walking over to where Cas stood.
"Dean." Cas walked away from him, taking his seat on the closest bed. He patted the space besides him, inviting Dean to sit down. Dean, sighing, obliged. "I may not be an angel anymore, but that doesn't make me a complete ass." He smiled at Dean, placing one hand gingerly on the hunter's knee.
"I still don't know what you're going on about, Cas."
"Yes you do. Dean, I watched over you for years, I know you. And I know what you do to cover your tracks after you've done something that you don't want to be caught doing. You randomly tell someone what you've been doing, as an act, to try and seem realistic." Dean smirked, shaking his head as Cas caught him out once again. "I also happen to know that Sam is not two towns over, but at least a hundred miles away, so that was the worst scenario you could have come up with."
"I knew it was a bad idea giving you a phone." Dean joked.
Cas tapped Dean's knee gently. "You were thinking about something. And you're Dean Winchester. Dean Winchester doesn't think about things." Dean dropped his head, looking at Cas's hand on his thigh and feeling as though it was burning through his skin, just like it did when he gripped him and pulled him from hell. He felt the scar on his arm tingle at the thought. "Dean Winchester doesn't think, he doesn't talk, he hardly even feels, he pushes things to the bottom of his gut and to the depths of his heart and builds a wall in his mind so he doesn't have to talk about things. "
"Cas…"
"Then I came along."
"Cas, baby…"
"Talk to me Dean."
"I can't." Dean felt his throat tighten and his eyes sting and he could hardly look at Cas.
"I've been watching you for a while now. Just watching how your thoughts tick over in your mind, and though I can never physically touch it any more, I can feel your soul sinking." Cas squeezed Dean's leg, "Metaphorically speaking, of course."
Dean smiled. Though Cas said that he was okay, Dean knew that he was really still getting to grips with being fallen, and sometimes he says things that would only make sense if he were still an angel. They make sense to Dean though, of course, because to him Cas would always be an angel.
"I'm just…" Dean took a deep breath, looking up at the ceiling and then down to look at Cas. Everytime he looked at Cas, it was like he was meeting him for the first time again. Those eyes did something to Dean that nothing had ever done before, and every time he looked upon Cas he spotted something new. A new freckle, or an extra eyelash, or just another wrinkle of his forehead frowning from worrying about Dean. "I'm just really scared, Cas." Dean sighed again, burying his head in his hands, his elbows leaning on his thighs.
"Of what, Dean?" Cas leaned into him, bumping their shoulders together, their arms brushing together. "Do you want me to salt the windows and doors? I can do that for you, baby."
Dean shook his head, "No, Cas, no. I'm just scared. I can't do anything about it, but feel it. There is nothing we can do, not any more."
"Not any more?" Cas, if possible, moved closer, almost sitting in Dean's lap by now. Dean opened his fingers, peeping through to catch a look at Cas. His face had dropped, his eyes deep with worry, like oceans, and for a moment Dean wanted to dive right in and swim in them.
"No, baby. Not any more."
"Dean, you're worrying me, please just talk to me."
"Okay." Dean reached his arm around Cas's shoulders, pulling him in close. "But you gotta promise me something first?"
"Anything." Cas nodded frantically. Dean looked around the room, eyeing up the two beds and the space in between them.
"Okay, two things." Dean smirked, a glint in his eye.
Cas' eyebrows lowered, "what's the first thing?"
"How's about first we push these two single beds together and get a little more comfy?" He smiled, squeezing Cas slightly.
"I can promise that." Cas smiled and suddenly everything was okay again, and Dean was going to be okay again, and then Cas would be okay again, and it was just because he was falling in love with Cas all over again.
Dean could remember everything about Cas. He remembered how powerful he was when they first met, and how small he had made Dean feel. He remembered exactly how far his wings had stretched and how Dean felt so protected by them, yet so threatened all at once, and how they had made his heart beat a thousand times quicker than Dean had guessed to be healthy.
He remembered how painful it was to travel into the future and to see himself as an emotionless soldier – even less than he was now – and to see Sam had said yes to Lucifer, but also to see how Castiel had fallen and landed harder on Earth than Dean thought possible. He had landed and broken every part of him that had held him together as Castiel. Dean knew he had to change that future, to save Sammy, to save himself, but to also save Cas from a future that Dean wouldn't want for anyone.
Dean remembered gripping Castiel's hand for the first time after he had fallen, and feeling the blood pumping through Cas' veins and their hands becoming clammy at the feel of each other. He remembered threading his fingers through Castiel's so delicately as though he would break. He remembered pressing Cas' knuckles against his lips one by one, praying to a God Cas had made him believe in, that his Castiel would be okay. He remembered all those times he had wiped sweat from Cas' forehead after running, and after fighting, and after fleeing the scenes. The fighting he could deal with, but Cas was not used to the running and could not run as fast as the Winchesters. Dean made sure he was always behind Cas, protecting him from behind, telling Sam to protect him from the front.
He remembered how Cas explained to Dean how he felt, but couldn't put the words to accompany the butterflies in his stomach, or the pounding of his heart. He remembered smiling at Cas, and Cas stating, "the feeling is back again, Dean, the fluttering in my stomach. How are you doing this? What are you?" He remembers having to explain to Cas that he feels the same way when Cas smiles at him. He asked Cas if he felt the same way when he held his hand. Cas nodded. He asked if Cas felt it when his hand touched his cheek. Cas nodded, a knowing look in his eyes, but his face was masked with vulnerability. Dean remembers Cas asking what it was, and when Dean wouldn't answer asking "Is it love?"
Dean kissed him then. He could remember it as clear as yesterday. The soft feel of Cas' lips against his own, Cas' whimper in the back of his throat vibrating along his mouth, and the short stubble Cas was so strangely fond of keeping, gently scratching his face. "Yeah, I think it is." Dean answered, tears rimming his eyes and Cas being just so perfect enough to wipe them away and say,
"I know you're scared of love since it's bitten you in the ass too many times to count, but I'm not going to hurt you only if you promise not to hurt me." Dean found it so beautiful how Cas can go from being such a precious, fragile, fallen angel, to a wise man in such little time.
"What was the second promise that I have to make?"
The pair lay under the covers, their bare chests pressed together, their breath warming each others faces. They decided against squeezing the two beds together, and instead pulled the single quilt right over their heads pushing away the world outside.
"It's been a long time since I slept under the quilt." Dean mused. "Me and Sammy, we only usually got a couple hours sleep a night, and slept on top of the covers. Easier to make a quick escape."
"We'll be okay."
"You don't know that."
Cas smiled, turning away from Dean to grab something from outside the bed. He turned back, passing a shotgun to Dean. "Happy?" Cas said, friendly, but still a pang of guilt ran through Dean's system like an electric shock.
Dean took the gun and, checking it wasn't loaded, tucked it under their shared pillow within a grasps reach.
"I just want to protect you, Cas. You can't deny me that."
"I don't." Cas ran a hand down Dean's cheek, thumbing his lips. "What else do I need to promise?"
"You gotta promise me…" Dean paused in his speech, just taking a moment to look at Cas and catch his breath at the sight of his eyes. "You gotta promise me that you won't blame yourself." Dean spoke gruffly, his tears caught in his throat. He swallowed them, forcing them back down into his chest where they belong. His tears don't belong anywhere where Cas can see them.
"What? Blame myself?" Cas gripped Dean's shoulder, his hand slipping down to his bicep. His human hand replaced the angelic print he had forced there those years ago.
"Please Cas, promise me." Cas just nodded. "You promise?" Cas nodded again. "Cas?" Dean growled.
"Yes, Dean. I promise."
Dean swept his lips forward and placed a gently kiss on Cas' forehead, grasping his face in his hands. His lips lingered there as long as Cas would allow. The hunter felt Cas pull away and look up at him. With his eyes closed, and with no will to open them yet, Dean leant down gingerly and placed his lips where he could feel Cas' breath. Their lips moulded together and Dean felt his worries and pain melt away into the touch. He felt Cas' fingertips stroke up his arm and to his neck, his touch so soft Dean was sure he could have dreamt it. Cas nipping his bottom lip with his teeth however, pulled him out of his daydream.
"I'm…" Dean started. He let out a sigh of air he didn't realise he was holding, and a tear that he wanted to keep in. Before it had rolled across his face however, Cas' fingertips had swiped it away.
"It's okay, Dean. Just tell me. No secrets between us. I'll be okay."
"Cas." Dean smiled sadly, before burying his fingers in the dark curls of Cas' hair and pressing their foreheads together. "I'm so sorry." Dean took in a deep breath and closed his eyes before talking, not wanting to see Cas' face, not wanting to see his reaction. "Cas, I'm dying."
When they diagnosed him, Dean hadn't been frightened. He knew what happened after death, he had been told that it would be painful and hard so he knew what to expect. Hell, he'd had a few conversations with death itself and was death for hours. He knew death better than any one else, and he wasn't afraid.
Sammy would be okay. He would be okay, knowing that it wasn't a monster that had killed him, or that the job had done him in. Sam has that new girlfriend of his anyway. Sammy would be okay.
Cas. Oh, Cas. His sweet Cas who had fallen from grace for him, so they could be equals, and so they could be friends with no guilt. They never expected this, this relationship blossoming. He knew he would have to keep this from Cas. He had only been fallen 6 months, and now this, he couldn't place any more stress on the new human.
And then there was the guilt. He knew, he just knew Cas too well, and he knew that if he told Cas he was dying Cas would hate himself for falling 6 months too soon, even though nothing, nothing, was his fault. Dean knew it would be easier to keep it a secret, than bang that into Cas. His guilt of keeping a secret would be easier to handle than Cas' guilt. He knew himself and he knew Cas even better.
As an angel, he could heal. As an angel, he could resurrect. As a fallen angel, as a human, he could only mourn.
Everyone has to die some day. Him and Sammy have had their fair share of deaths, but it's got to happen for good one day. Dean always thought it would be a vamp that snapped his neck, or a demon that finally slit his throat and let his blood run as he choked. He never thought it would be cancer. To that, he thought he would be invincible.
"No…"
"Cas,"
"What do you mean you're dying? No…"
"Cas."
"You're wrong.
"God dammit, Cas!"
Dean gripped Cas' head in both his hands and shook him, as though wanting to shake the thoughts out of his head and into his own hands to protect him from the negativity of them.
"I…What can I do?"
"Cas, you're fallen baby. You can't do anything. Which is why you promised to not blame yourself." Dean stroked Cas' cheeks, wiping his tears away as they fell so heavily. He hated seeing his baby cry.
"If I hadn't fallen, if I was still an angel, Dean…"
"Cas!" Dean growled, forcing Cas to look him in the eye. It was painful, to see Cas looking so weak. He could feel him physically shaking in his hands. "You promised me, Cas." Dean pulled Cas into his chest, letting him cry, letting him mourn the news like Dean had to those weeks before.
"I can't keep that promise, Dean…it's my fault that you're going to die. You're going to die, Dean." Cas looked up at Dean, looking so small under Dean's chin, his bottom lip shaking. "You're going to be gone and there is no way that I can bring you back."
"I know, baby."
"I can't contact any angels. They won't talk to me. They won't come since I fell from grace. They won't do anything for me."
"Cas, baby, I know…"
"Dean, what am I going to do?"
"You listen to me Cas, and you listen to me hard." Dean growled. "You will live your god forsaken life, Cas. You will live, and you will look after Sammy, and you will both get me cremated you sons of bitches cos it's bloody painful coming back from death, and you will meet someone and you will love again.."
"I won't, Dean. I can't."
"I do not want to leave you in this world alone, so you will find someone. Not straight away, I know, but one day you will be happy with someone."
"I…Dean…" Cas choked on his tears, and Dean stroked the back of his neck. "I'm sorry, Dean. I'm so sorry."
"Don't apologise to me, you son of a bitch, none of this is your fault. You are gonna keep your god damn promises, Castiel."
"I…"
"Cas, you can do this. I had to, remember? When Sammy got pulled into that pit, I kept that promise."
"But Sam came back, Dean."
"I didn't know he was going to, and I still kept that promise." Cas just nodded solemnly, before pushing his head up and kissing Dean firmly on the lips.
"I'm so sorry."
"Cas, you better stop apologising baby otherwise you can sleep in that other bed on your own tonight." Dean joked, forcing a smile.
Cas laughed gently, "Sorry. Again. I'm just sorry that we have only had these 6 months…"
"Hey, Cas, I'm not dropping dead tomorrow!" He kissed Cas' nose, his eyelids, and then his forehead. "We could still have another 6 months together, or another year, or two, or three! I just needed to tell you baby. I couldn't keep it to myself any more."
Cas nodded, soaking himself in Dean's kisses. "Does Sam know?"
"I told him last week."
Cas nodded again. "Is he okay?"
"No." Dean scoffed, "But I told him to pull it together so…he should be."
Cas smiled, feeling Dean's arms wrap around his back and he melted into Dean's chest, "I love you."
Dean stopped his kisses, looking Cas in the eye, "I know you do. I love you too. We'll make these months and years count, Cas. I'm not going anywhere yet. They said I got at least a year, baby. We'll be okay."
"I'll make it the best year of your life."
A kiss later, and a quick fumble to remove their clothing, and their worries were poured into clashing tongues, thrusts of climax, and sweet nothings whispered into each other's ears. Dean had never heard Cas say "I love you" so many times before, and Dean had never meant it more than whispering it into Cas' mouth that night.
A week later, Castiel was sitting by Dean's bedside. He gripped his hand as tight as he did when he dragged him out of hell. The smell of hospital filtered into his nose, making him feel dizzy and sick. He wasn't entirely sure if the beeping was coming from the machines anymore, or if it was just continuing in his head. He couldn't even remember the last time he slept.
"Cas."
Sam stood at the door. He had a sad look on his face, looking between the fallen angel and his brother.
"Sam." Castiel didn't let go of Dean's hand. He knew that Sam wanted time with his brother, but he didn't want to leave him. Not this close to the end.
"The nurses…they….they told me…"
"Yeah." Cas nodded.
"He's gonna die, isn't he, Cas?" Cas couldn't answer. He couldn't even look at Sam, he just watched as Dean's chest rose and fell. "The nurses said. Critical." Sam scoffed, almost laughing as he stepped into his brother's room. "My brother, critical condition…crazy."
"I know." Cas nodded. "Do you want me to leave you two alone?"
"It's okay, Cas." Sam pulled up a chair and sat on the other side to Dean's bed, his eyes flickering to Cas's hand on Dean's. "You're like family to us. Even more to Dean. I know he wouldn't want you to leave him."
Cas nodded, agreeing. "I'm not going to leave him. Not until he leaves me first."
Sam smiled knowingly. He patted Dean's knee as he stood, "I only came by to see how he was doing. I just don't know if I can keep doing this, Cas." Cas nodded, "I think…" Cas watched as Sam's eyes welled. Sam covered his face in his hands and sobbed slightly. "Truth is, Cas…" Sam spoke again after a few minutes, "I came to say good bye to him, but I really don't know how to do that."
"Neither do I, Sam." Cas spoke. His heart couldn't help but sink as he watched Sam break down on Dean's bed. Cas, still holding onto Dean's hand, reached over and placed a hand on Sam's arm. "He knows that you love him though. That's all that matters, Sam. He knows that. I know he did."
Sam nodded, looking at Dean and stroking his forehead. "Yeah. You too, Cas." Sam smiled. He stood up and pressed a gentle kiss on Dean's forehead. "You'll always be my big brother, Dean. I'll keep fighting the fight for you. And, of course," Sam smiled towards Cas and winked, "I'll keep an eye on Cas. Cause hell up there, mate. I'll see you." He kissed Dean again, and looked at Cas again before walking out. Just as he reached the door he turned back to Cas, tears streaming down both of their faces.
"It's just not fair, Cas."
"I know, Sammy."
"All these years we've been fighting those sons of bitches, those bastard demons, and ghosts, and god knows what else and then he's diagnosed with bloody cancer. They told him he had a year. He's been told that before. A year is a long bloody time. Then a bastard drink driver comes along and sends him flying."
Cas nodded, sinking his head and giving into his tears. Sam was right. The irony of the situation was preposterous, but Cas couldn't view it as anything but tragic. "You know what, Cas?" Sam started again, his grip tight on the door frame, as though he was relying on it to keep standing, "All our lives me and Dean fought to save this bloody world from monsters and the stuff of peoples nightmares, and sometimes I wonder why we bother. The real monsters are here, and they're human."
"Dean.
Dean I'm here. I'm here and I don't know how to say goodbye. Sammy's been, he's said his goodbyes. He was strong, and brave, and everything that I should be but I don't know how to do that.
The nurses said that you might wake up. But it would be painful for you to do that, because of the glass that is so close to your heart, and punctured in your lung….I wish I could take all that away from you, Dean. I wish this didn't have to be you, I wish I could be in your position…"
"You promised, dammit, Cas." Cas with his eyes closed heard Dean's voice growling inside his head. He smiled at the sound, with it being so loud and so real. He was glad of it. He was scared that he'd forget what he sounded like.
"I know, Dean. I will keep my promise. I just don't want to leave you. I don't want to say goodbye."
"Then don't." Cas smiled again at the conversation in his head. Is this what being mad feels like?
"Please keep talking to me, Dean. I don't want to forget your voice. Keep saying things inside my head."
"Can't do that once I'm dead, Cas. But I can sure as hell try." Something squeezed Cas' hand and his eyes flew open. He looked at Dean, his tired eyes squinting, but definitely trying to open. Cas could see a hint of a smile underneath his oxygen mask.
"Dean…you're awake!"
"Are you sure? Cos I'm pretty certain this is what hell feels like." Dean gasped in pain as he spoke, and choked once again.
"Baby, don't move. You have glass in you, baby don't…" Cas stopped as Dean squeezed his hand tight, and stroked a thumb over his knuckles.
"Since when do you call me baby? You're my baby, remember?" A sweet smile on Dean's face forced a tear to fall from Cas' eye. He had no effort to wipe it away, he just wanted to keep his vision transfixed on his lover, looking so fragile.
Cas nodded, "But I'm the one taking care of you now." He sat up and swept over Dean's body, placing a soft kiss on Dean's forehead.
"It was a drink driver, wasn't it?" Cas just nodded. "Son of a bitch. I've probably saved that jackass hundreds of times without him knowing, and he does this to me. So it was between this and cancer, brilliant. I think I'd prefer facing Azazel again, just so I can die with some friggin' dignity!"
"Baby, shh, you gotta calm down."
"I hear the nurses, you know. They said I'm critical." Cas just nodded. "Cas, I can't hold on much longer, baby."
"Shh!" Cas hushed him, distracting himself by sweeping a cloth over Dean's sweaty forehead, and smoothing down his bed sheets, tucking them in around his legs, "You're okay, Dean. You're talking! That must be step one of survival, right?"
"Cas, I can see them." Dean's voice broke. He reached out, wincing in pain, and grabbed Cas' wrist. "Reepers."
"What?" Cas stood up, knocking his chair over backwards as he spun out of Dean's grasp and faced towards the bottom of Dean's bed. "How can I get them, Dean? I'll do whatever I need to."
"Baby, sit down." Dean said calmly, his eyes closing slowly. "They're here for me."
"No, no I can get rid of them. I'll call Sammy."
"Baby…Cas…." Dean, breathless, spoke slowly. His wheezing caught Cas's attention and the former angel spun around back to his lover.
"Dean? Dean, hold on for me."
"I can't, baby. I only woke up to say goodbye. They're gonna wait for me," Dean lifted his hand, motioning to the reeper which was waiting at the bottom of his bed, "Pretty sure they owe me a favour or two by now. They said they'll wait."
"Wait for what?"
"I needed to say goodbye to you baby." Dean beckoned Cas closer. He sat on his lover's bed and leaned in close. They were cheek to cheek, Dean's lips hovering at Cas' ear. "You gotta keep your promise, Cas. Please." Cas just nodded, taking in Dean's smell for the last time, and feeling their stubble brush against each other. He didn't want this moment to end, but he had no idea how much time he had left. "Remember me."
Cas scoffed through his tears, "How could I forget you?
"True. I am a fine piece of ass." Cas laughed and felt Dean sigh. "I'm gonna miss that laugh, baby."
"I'm going to miss you." Cas dropped his head, his forehead on Dean's shoulder. Dean rubbed his hand up and down Cas' back, letting the man cry onto him.
"Don't. I'll see you again, soon." Dean beckoned for Cas to lift off him for a moment, and he placed his hands either side of Cas' face. "Not too soon though, eh?" Cas nodded, smiling. "Come find me in heaven, I'll be watching over you, wherever you will go I will be there," Dean whispered, pressing their foreheads together in a painful goodbye.
"Where will you be?"
"Ash will help you find me." Dean kissed Cas' nose, "But I'll be wherever they sell pies, and wherever they let me drive my impala." Dean joked, kissing Cas firmly on his lips. "Oh, one more thing."
"What?"
"I meant it when I said you bastards better get me cremated. Because I can't say goodbye to you more than once, baby." Cas kissed Dean again, sealing the promise. He pulled back and kissed Dean's nose, before returning to his lips again, but felt them limp across his face.
"Dean?" He shook the hunters face, receiving no reply. "Dean!?" He shouted a little more aggressively, and the long high-pitched beep entered his head again as his lover's life slipped out of his arms and into the reepers. He whispered a sweet "I love you" into Dean's ear, kissed his lips once more and told him "I'll keep my promise, and I will come and find you baby." before exiting the room as nurses came flooding in. He couldn't watch their pitiful efforts to revive him when he already knew that his lover was gone, and for the last time, and there was nothing that he or any nurses could do to bring him back.