"Discover Yourself" – Act 4
Disclaimer
: The characters of Peter and Sophie, and any Cliffhangers mentioned, do not belong to me. I have added some of my own characters into the mix."Knowing others is wisdom; Knowing the self is enlightenment; Mastering others requires force; Mastering the self needs strength." – Tao te Ching
May 31, 2000
Early Morning
"Alright, gang, let's move 'em out!" Peter shouted to the group of six, many whom were dragging and red-eyed from not getting enough sleep.
"Man, and to think I paid to come and do this!" Mike mumbled to himself.
"Come on, you'll enjoy it once the sun comes up more," Sophie said, trying to motivate the group. Sophie looked around at the others to see how they were faring, and noticed Alison lagging behind. "Ali, how are you this morning?" Sophie asked her with a smile.
"Oh, I'm okay, I guess," she replied with a faint smile.
"Good, glad to hear it. Did you get enough at breakfast?" Sophie inquired.
Ali turned a little red and said angrily, "Why, do I look like I need more to eat than the others?" As soon as she said it, she regretted her outburst. "I'm sorry, Sophie, you didn't deserve that. I'm just… anxious about the hike." She focused her eyes on the trail, not looking Sophie in the eye.
Sophie put her hand on Ali's arm, stopping her. "Listen, Ali – if you have trouble with the hike, or anything, just let me know. I think you can do it, but you have to believe in yourself more. Okay?"
"Yeah, okay, you're right. Thanks, Sophie." Her eyes still downcast, Ali pulled away from Sophie and tried to catch up to the others. Sophie looked at Ali's retreating figure and sighed, hoping she didn't do more harm than good by giving her the little pep talk.
"Hey John, wait up!" Elizabeth yelled, trying to catch up to John, who was just steps behind Peter. "So, John," Liz racked her brain, trying to think of a conversation-starter, "what do you like to do for fun?"
John looked down at Liz, annoyed. "This is what I do for fun – running, hiking, biking, swimming. I work too much to have time for much else." John stopped talking, hoping she'd take the hint and leave him alone to concentrate on the hike. No such luck.
"Oh, that's cool, I guess. I should probably do that more often," Liz said and giggled. "I like to hang out with my friends from college, go to apartment and fraternity parties since I'm not 21 yet so I can drink at those places, that kind of stuff." She paused, looking up at him to see if he was still listening. He seemed to be partially paying attention to her, so she decided to push her luck. "So, are you dating anyone?"
"No, like I said, I don't really have time for that. Besides, I don't really meet many young, single people where I work. It's not like college life, all parties and booze," he said defensively. "I actually have to work for a living."
"Ouch! Offend me, why don't you? Why do you think I'm going to college? So I can work for a living when I'm done, like you. I do my fair share of studying, it's hard work." Liz was surprised at John's attitude.
"Yeah, what do you study, different types of beer?" John looked over at Liz, who had a hurt expression on her face. "Look, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. It's just… some people with a college education look down on me because I don't have one, like it makes me stupid or something. It gets old sometimes, dealing with it."
"I guess I can understand that. And just so you know, I don't think that about you, that would be pretty ignorant on my part, ya know?" Liz gave him a smile.
"Yeah, thanks." John and Liz kept walking together in silence, still closely following Peter, who had heard their conversation and was busy making mental notes about the two.
After another hour of hiking, Peter stopped the group and had them all sit in a circle. "I hope you all filled out those papers, because we're going to discuss some of those questions now." He looked around at each of them. "Remember, the whole point of this program is for you to reach within yourselves and learn more about your own personalities, and to like yourself more. Share as much or as little as you like. And Sophie and I partake in the discussions as well, it helps us with our own personal growth, and I don't think it would be fair to you guys if we didn't participate. We'll try to have an open discussion first, where you can just speak up when you want. We'll see how that goes. Okay, here we go." He pulled out his papers. "It looks like the first issue is about what type of control you believe that you have in life. I'll start." Reading from the paper, "Chance has nothing to do with being successful." Peter paused, mulling it over. "Well, I think chance can be a factor in being successful, but a person has to accept responsibility for his actions, so his success would be mostly a result of his actions. What do you guys think? Agree? Disagree?" Peter looked around the circle curiously.
Lynn was the first to speak up. "Well, Peter, I'd have to partially agree with you. I think we definitely need to be responsible for our own actions, so I think success is a result of those actions. Chance, to me, is just a poor excuse some people use to cover up their own mistakes, so they can blame their failures on chance or fate. To me, we're each responsible for our own success, end of story."
"I have to disagree with you, Lynn," Troy said, looking directly at her. "Chance is a large factor in our success. For instance, I studied hard to become a teacher, but I wouldn't have been hired for my job if I hadn't known some people in my community, and found out through them that there was a spot open at the high school." He paused and sat back, looking at the rest of the group. "If I hadn't had that job, I never would have met my wife. We never would have had Claire. But, it goes both ways, I guess. It was pure chance that my wife was in the way of a drunk driver and was killed in that car accident." He stopped, clearing his throat. "So, in that regard, I see chance playing a big part in all our lives, for the good and the bad."
"When I said success, I meant professionally," Lynn said, a bit surprised at Troy's candidness.
"Well, I guess we think of success differently then, because I think of my family and their and my overall happiness and well-being when I think of achieving success," Troy responded frankly, once again looking back at Lynn.
You're lucky that you have that option
, Lynn thought as she looked away, uncomfortable under Troy's direct gaze."Okay, great discussion to the first question. Let's move on," Peter looked at the next question. "Soph, why don't you start off with this one?"
"Okay… 'People are lonely because they aren't given a chance to meet new people.' Well, I guess I'd have to say that sometimes, people choose to be alone, but that's not the same as being lonely. And someone can feel lonely even if she is surrounded by others, if she doesn't feel a connection to those people. On the other hand, I think there is always an opportunity to meet new people, you just have to go out and find that chance."
Liz decided to take a stab at this one. "For some reason, I can't be alone. No, that didn't come out right - it's not that I can't be alone, I guess I just don't like to be alone. Anyway, my point is that I agree with what Sophie said about meeting new people. I mean, we all chose to come here, and we're meeting new people."
"Yeah, but that's not supposed to be the point of coming here, the point is supposed to be to get to know ourselves more, not to meet others," John shot back at Liz.
"That's not what I meant – oh, never mind. I just wanted to say that when I'm around other people, I don't feel lonely. When I'm by myself, I feel lonely. That's all." Liz looked down, drawing her knees up to her chest.
"Well, I'd say that's a problem then, Lizzie. If you don't want to be alone, don't you think that says something about how you feel about yourself?" John didn't intend to let her off the hook so easily, he wanted to prove that he could debate as well as anyone else with the know-it-all college girl.
Liz looked up at him, taken aback by his question. "I, I don't know, I've never really thought about that before," she said slowly, her eyes filling with tears. "And please don't call me Lizzie."
"Oh, come on, Elizabeth, you can do better than that," John said sarcastically, getting worked up. "Tell us how you REALLY feel."
"Okay, that's enough," Peter said, as Liz blinked back tears. "We are not here to judge each other, or to make fun of anyone at any time. It won't be tolerated. Understood?" He looked over at John, who nodded begrudgingly and looked the other way. Peter sighed, understanding that some of John's hostillity came from his insecurities that he'd discussed earlier with Liz. "Alright, does anyone else have anything to add to that one?" His question was met with silence. Peter snuck a quick look around the circle to see how everyone was holding up. Troy and Lynn were the only two looking at him, waiting for him to continue. Liz was still hugging her knees to her chest, looking down. Mike was leaning back, almost laying down, with a look of pure boredom on his face. Ali was fiddling with her hair, looking nervous, almost scared. John had calmed down, but his face was still a little red. Peter looked over at Sophie with a questioning look in his eyes, who nodded and stood up.
"Okay, guys we need to get back on the trail. Let's get going." Soon after, everyone was following Sophie and Peter, this time with Liz hanging behind the group with Ali.
"You okay?" Ali asked Liz quietly.
"Yeah, I shouldn't have let that jerk bother me. I'll be fine," Liz gave Ali a grateful smile.
The rest of the morning hike seemed to go by quickly, as everyone focused on the trail and the stillness of the surrounding forest. It seemed to have a calming effect on the group, and Peter noticed more smiles on their faces when they stopped for a lunch break. He was just glad that they all seemed to be relaxing a little more.
When it seemed like everyone was finished with lunch, Peter and Sophie asked them to sit once again in a circle. Sophie noticed that Liz hurried to sit next to Sophie, probably since John was already sitting on the other side of Peter, which prevented Liz and John from making eye contact.
"We're just going to discuss a few more questions about control, then we need to start to head back to Horizon," Sophie explained. "Let's try a different discussion format this time, we'll go around the circle and each give an answer to the question, instead of having an open discussion. Remember, you can say as much or as little as you want, it's up to you." She looked at Peter, who nodded his agreement. "Okay, here's the next question. 'Do people lead miserable lives because of their parents?'" Sophie chuckled. "A few years ago, I would've answered yes without hesitating. I never got along very well with my mom, I could never seem to please her. But, I came to realize that it was more important for me to please myself, because I'm the one that I have to live with all the time, not her. Not the easiest thing to do, but I'm working on it." Peter reached over and squeezed her hand. Sophie smiled back at him. "Okay, Liz, why don't you start?"
"Well," Liz started out hesitantly, "I guess it depends on how much you let your parents influence you. I by no means have a miserable life, but I, uh, sometimes let my parents be a little too controlling. That's usually when I end up doing something to make them happy, but it isn't something I would choose to do. I guess that's something I need to work on." Liz looked up at Sophie, a glum expression on her face.
"Liz, that's great that you realize that. Now, you need to stay focused and work on that," Sophie said, giving her arm a squeeze. "Okay, Ali."
Ali looked nervously around the circle. "Oh, I'd have to agree with Liz on that one," she said quickly, then looked down again.
"Do you want to add anything to that answer?" asked Sophie. Ali shook her head. "Alright – Troy."
"It seems like I'm the only one here to see this from both sides of the picture. I would hope that my little girl would not one day say she led a miserable life because of something I did. At the same time, I worry about her growing up without a mother, and I hope that she will be okay without her mom around." He stopped and paused, thinking about his own parents. "I am fortunate to have a wonderful relationship with my parents, so I can't really relate to them making me miserable. Sorry," he finished, smiling at Sophie.
"Hey, no need to apologize, Troy. Thanks for sharing. Okay, Lynn."
"I really don't have much to discuss on this issue. I have a good relationship with my parents, even though we live far apart. So, I guess I'd have to answer no, people don't lead miserable lives because of their parents. That goes back to my belief to take responsibility for your own actions, thoughts, feelings." She glanced over at Troy, who was watching her as she talked. He gave her a small smile, and she surprised herself when she smiled back at him.
Sophie noticed the interaction between the two and smiled. "Thanks, Lynn. Mike?"
Mike was once again leaning back on his elbows with his legs stretched out in front of him, not paying much attention. "Oh, uh – yeah, I think parents can make their kids' lives miserable." He shifted uncomfortably as everyone looked over at him.
"Why do you say that, Mike?" Sophie asked gently.
"It's just like, sometimes parents don't think how their actions affect their kids, ya know? I mean, I can't explain it, he just drives me crazy sometimes." He looked away angrily.
"Who drives you crazy sometimes?" asked Peter.
"My dad, he doesn't care about what we think of him anymore. He's too busy with his new girlfriend." Mike paused, surprised at how much he'd said already. "You know, I really don't want to talk about this anymore."
"Okay, that's fine, Mike, we appreciate you sharing what you did. John, what do you think?" Peter asked, looking next to him at John.
"No, I don't think people lead miserable lives because of their parents. That's all I have to say," he said monotonously. This is really stupid, he thought.
"Well, I guess that leaves me," Peter said, smiling as he looked around the group. "I didn't always get along with my dad, and he recently passed away. I realized that I had always blamed him for my mistakes, for my so-called miserable life, but I'm the one that made the mistakes, not him. So, no, I don't think parents are responsible for people leading miserable lives. But," he paused, glancing over at Mike, "I think it's also important to realize how large an influence our parents can have on us, and to accept that we sometimes have not-so-good feelings towards our parents about one thing or another. We're all human." He smiled again, noticing that Mike was listening intently for the first time. "Great, that was a very good discussion. Soph, let's do one more question, and then we need to head back."
"Okay, 'Is someone an optimist because he/she has had an easy life thus far?' Peter, why don't you start us off on this one?" She smiled at the surprised expression on Peter's face.
"Okay, Soph, sure," he said, quickly recovering from his surprise and giving her a grin. "Well, I think you're either born an optimist or a pessimist. People can be a little of both, but I have found that most people tend to be either happy-go-lucky, or cynical." Peter paused, smiling as he thought of how different Juliette and Shelby were in that respect. "John, how about it?"
"Well, I've had a pretty easy life so far, but I'm proud to be a pessimist, so I don't know what that says about me," John stated matter-of-factly.
"John, why are you proud of being negative?" Sophie asked.
"I think it's smarter to expect the worst rather than hope for the best. That way, I'm never let down, but sometimes I'm pleasantly surprised," he answered with a smile.
Mike spoke up then. "I assume I'm next, so I gotta say that I agree with John here about that. Good call, my man," he said, giving John a high-five.
"So, Mike, you're saying that you've had an easy life so far, but you're a pessimist also?" Sophie asked, curious to know more about him.
Mike looked a little startled by her question. "Well, I wouldn't go so far as to say I've had an easy life. I mean, I've had a pretty easy time with most things, but I've had a few hard times thrown in there," he said, his face hardening.
Sophie concluded that he wasn't about to expand more on that, and moved onto the next person. "Lynn?"
Lynn had been listening attentively to Mike and was caught off-guard. "Oh, well – I would have to say that a person chooses whether or not he is an optimist or a pessimist. I've had a few hard times myself, but if I look at everything negatively, I'm a goner. I need some sort of hope to hold on to. Otherwise, what else do I have?"
Troy looked at Lynn and nodded, smiling. "I couldn't agree with you more, Lynn. I'd say I have plenty reason to be pessimistic, but I can't and I won't. I don't want Claire to grow up surrounded by negativity. I need hope in my life as well."
"Okay, thanks, both of you." Sophie smiled at Lynn and Troy. "Moving on, Ali."
"I don't really know what to think, I'm not really an optimist or a pessimist. I just kind of go with the flow."
"Well, what do you think the answer is without having to directly apply it to yourself?" Sophie didn't want to push Ali too much, but she wanted to have her open up at the same time.
Ali thought for a minute. "I guess I'd have to say that if someone has had an easy life so far, then they have nothing to be negative about, because they've never known what it feels like to have something bad happen to them."
"Okay, thanks, Ali. Liz, what do you think?"
Liz seemed more like her usual chipper self. "Well, as you can probably tell, I'm an optimist. I just don't see the point in being pessimistic, life's too short for that, regardless of if you've had an easy or a hard life," she said with a big smile.
Wow, she reminds me of Juliette
, thought Sophie as she smiled to herself. "Thanks, Liz. I myself am an optimist, but I have been known to cross the line into negativity once or twice." She glanced over at Peter and smiled. My Rock, he always pulls me back into the light, she thought gratefully."Okay, we need to head back so we can get back to Horizon before dark," said Peter, as he stood up and stretched. The others followed suit. "One thing, though, before we go back. Since the theme of this hike is control, I am going to take away some of your control on this situation and see how you handle it. You all have to work as a team to find your way back. Here is a compass and a map. I've marked where Horizon is on the map, but not where we are right now. That's up to you to figure out. Sophie and I will stay with you and help you if necessary." He stopped, noticing that the six young adults were looking at him as if he were crazy. "Oh, come on, guys, this isn't that hard, you can do it." Peter wasn't surprised when Troy and Lynn came up to take charge of the map and compass. "Good luck!"
It took them almost twice as long to get back as it had taken them to hike before lunch, but the group finally made it back to Horizon, just as the sky was turning from blue to a beautiful combination of oranges and purples. "Great job, everyone!" Peter announced after they had all finished dinner. "See you in the morning!" With that, all six practically ran to the dorms, too exhausted to even fathom what the next day would bring them.
Peter and Sophie were relieved to get back home, too. "Well, Soph, it was an interesting first day, I must say. Do you want to talk about tomorrow's plans, or worry about it later?"
"Well, Mountain Man, I'm in an optimistic mood. There will be plenty of time to talk about tomorrow's plans tomorrow morning. For now, I could really use a steaming hot shower." She paused, looking over at him. "Care to join me?" She gave him a sexy smile.
"Hey, I don't have to be asked twice," he grinned and came running after her into the bathroom.
TO BE CONTINUED…