Sometimes, on a rainy day, I'll think about what we had together. Courtney and me. And I'll say to myself, was Gwen really worth it?
I mean, sure, we have three beautiful children. Jackie, the youngest, starts school soon. Philip is a third grader. Thomas just finished middle school. Two boys and a girl. Perfect.
We have a nice, clean house. Gwen keeps her paints and other materials in a large set of drawers upstairs. The kids all make their beds and clean their rooms in the morning. Even Jackie.
As far as pay goes, we have good jobs. She's an artist, I run my own tattoo parlor. They go hand in hand.
I do the cooking. I remember Gwen always says I make the best breakfasts.
After that, I ask myself, What more I am looking for in our relationship? What do I want? And honestly I don't know.
Maybe it's passion. That was one thing that was never lacking when I was with Courtney. There was a flame always fueling our fights. And afterwards, we both still loved each other. And if I am to speak honestly, I still do.
I think Gwen just isn't capable of that kind of love. I'm not being harsh. She just wasn't made for that. I guess she's creative, agreeable, and hot. But she's also lazy, indifferent, and rebellious. Just like me.
Courtney, on the other hand, was determined, smart, feisty, and beautiful. And even though she had a temper and was often a bit bitchy, it didn't matter. I loved her. And, for a long time, she loved me back. Until the day I ruined the rest of my life with a simple kiss.
I don't know why I kissed Gwen in the first place. Maybe I wanted to try something new. That makes me sound so shallow, doesn't it? But I'm pretty sure that was all it was for me. A new experience. That has now gotten old.
Nowadays, it is the same routine. Take the kids to school, go to work, pick the kids up, go home. Repeat. And I feel the same emotions every day too.
It's so boring. I bet if I were still with Courtney, every day would be different. One day I could be angry. The next I could be as cuddly as a kitten. I would never know. But I'd be willing to find out.
On occasion, I lose myself. I plan an escape. I would go to bed, and then by morning, I would be with Courtney. But my rational mind comes back and reminds me that I couldn't do that. There would be so many complications.
For example, I would be abandoning my kids. And Gwen. I can't do that.
Or what if Courtney wouldn't take me back? What would I do then?
I don't know what I would do. And I don't want to find out. Because when I ask myself whether or not Gwen was worth it, I know she wasn't. But I also know sometimes you can't change the past.
And every day since the first, I have felt as though there was an empty place inside of me.
A place that can't be filled by thoughts of her on a rainy day.
Author's Note:
I know this was a really crappy excuse for a one-shot, but I felt like writing something. So don't judge. I alsowanted to know what storyline is best. I feel like doing a multi-chapter after so many failed one-shots.
So, which one's best:
-an alternate reality where Duncan is a prep and Courtney is a punk
-a normal high school story where Courtney is the new girl
-or something else suggested by you
Please let me know in a review. I always like new ideas and tips for future reference.
Scraps