I'll Never Forget
Disclaimer: Don't own Angel or Buffy.
FYI: These are Angel's brooding thoughts after the day that we all remember. Okay, if you don't it's the episode 'I Will Remember You', Season 1.
I'll never forget.
Those last few seconds of that day from heaven haunt me. My dreams are filled with that day, and that's not bad, but at the end it's always you breaking your promise. That's what you did. You broke your promise. The promise which made me feel some hope. But then, I did have that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that I managed to ignore. Always knowing that you wouldn't be able to keep your promise. But always wishing. Always hoping. But you did break it in the end. And that wasn't the only thing that you broke. You also broke my heart.
I'll never forget.
One second we were in each others arms, crying with each other and feeling our love for each other stronger than ever. The next second we were on opposite sides of the room and you were talking about spending time apart. I wanted to just do the same thing, let the Mohra demon attack the first time but make sure to kill it the second time after my blood had been mixed with his. But then the Oracles had said that you would die. And that would be something I'd never forgive myself for, just because I want to spend every second with you it isn't a good enough reason. This is because I know that there is the whole greater good, bigger picture, innocent people to save and all that other bull shit that they force feed me. Or that my soul force feeds me. But my soul also force feeds all the love that I feel (and felt) for you.
I'll never forget.
It hurts so much. It feels as if someone has pinned me down to a steel table with nails in my legs and arms. And then a steel post has been shoved into my heart. I don't think you understand, every time I think of you it hurts. And remembering that day, and knowing that you don't know. Knowing that if I were to tell you… Well, I don't know what would happen. But every time that I see you I feel as if I've got this massive pressure to tell you, as if somehow everything will be back to the way it was, as if afterwards we would be able to live that day over and over again.
I'll never forget.
You said that you would never forget. But you were wrong. It wasn't you who never forgot.
It was me.
Cos you were amazing,
And we did amazing things,
And I wouldn't change it,
Cos you were amazing.