Entry #2
I had fun with this one…I had recently wrote a Yuriy POV, so now I'm switching over to Boris.
Disclaimer: Nothing.
-Want-
Dating your best friend is...weird. No, not weird, that word is inappropriate. It's...awkward, uneasy, tense, when really, it shouldn't be. Those terms - they defy the one that really counts. We're best friends. Things shouldn't be...weird, between us. And yet, as we sit here, watching this movie, I've never felt this...nervous before, around him. I can tell just by the way he's looking at me that he too is...hesitant? Cautious? Reserved? Ugh. Why? This should be easy. Why can't I just lean over and ravish him? We obviously both want this, or we wouldn't have agreed to this first date. We figured, through our...guilty and embarrassing conversation that we...liked one another.
''Boris,'' He started - his voice quavered. I faltered at that tone. Why was it so soft? Why was his brow furrowed as if he was mad? ''Boris, I like you, more than...more than...''
I remember blinking, a lot, like an idiot, as my heart pounded in my chest and rose in my throat. I probably looked so dumb and embarrassed. At least he wasn't looking at me. Well, not until those guarded blue eyes looked up and his lips parted, ''more than this, right now. More than just as friends. I want to get in your pants, alright?''
Was it alright? Of course it was. I'd let him get into my pants, if he wanted to that badly. Did I mention that I probably looked like a right jackass? I understood what he was getting at but I guess because I didn't respond, he felt the need to blabber on. Yeah, he's embarrassed too. There's a heated blush and he's glaring defiantly at me. I know he doesn't mean to narrow his eyes but this is how he always reacts. We are best friends after all, I should at least know that when he looks like this, the matter at hand is important.
After a minute, I did manage to speak. However, I am not very articulate. ''Okay'' I said to him and I swear, I thought he was going to faint.
''Okay?''
He's unsure of himself. He needs it, that reassurance. He needs to know I feel the same way. I always have. I've watched him for the longest time, since we were much younger, with eyes that were guilty. I can't tell you how many hours I've stared at his ass. Or how many times I've jacked off with his face in my mind. That was too much, wasn't it? I figured as much...
''I...yeah, okay. Okay. Okay, I feel the same way. I...do.''
At least I don't blush. I just...don't like being caught off guard. Does anyone really, enjoy that cornered feeling? He's got balls, well, of course he does - he's got guts, rather. He came out and said it, while I continued to fantasize about what I wanted. He's offering it to me; how can I say no? I wouldn't, anyway. Yuriy's gorgeous.
It's just one stumbling, fumbling, inarticulate conversation after the other with us. The movie can only suppress our nervousness for so long.
''This is...weird isn't it?'' That's his way of describing this, not mine. I just don't like that word. It's...queer. No, that wasn't a pun. Shut up. He's talking now. ''Since we're friends...and we're always together already...'' He's right, yet again. We're inseparable. We don't call each other ''best friends'' but we both know it's true.
''It's new.'' I said, because really, it is. We've taken our friendship to the next step. Not a lot of people do, but we have and so this whole dating process, is brand new. It doesn't help that either of us have been with other people before.
It has always been just us, since the beginning - he and I.
I can see that he's amused now. The mood is getting lighter. I guess he likes my comment. Oh yeah, he likes me too. I wonder why, but he must be thinking the same thing about me. So, instead of musing, like I'm doing now, we've decided to ignore those questions because we're sure that there will be hundreds more in the future.
Ever had one of those awkward silences? Yeah, we're going through one of those right now. At least I don't fidget. We just both over think things. The movie was good, even though we talked through the last few minutes – it couldn't be helped, the ending was predictable. I won't bother with the details. Not much imagination was invested in its creation; I'll leave it at that.
We can only sit for so long, watching the credits roll, before things become uncomfortable, yet again.
I can do this; I can ruin the moment. As long as we're speaking, things should be fine, right?
''Yuriy, just…why are we so pathetic?'' I tried. This tension needed to dissipate, immediately.
He sighed – it wasn't an insult, just a fact. We're inept. At this anyway, the rest well, I hope not. We'll see…eventually - or so, I assume, anyway.
''I think…'' We do that too often, apparently, and it gets us nowhere. ''…we just don't want to disappoint each other, you know? If it's bad then…we know we won't be able to go back to what it was.''
''Yuriy, I-'' I don't know what to say. What am I trying to say? He's said it all, every word of it – true.
They say practice makes perfect, right? Fucking clichés. They're redundant and misleading. That right there, was definitely misdirected frustration, on my behalf.
''You're not a disappointment, Boris. Not to me, no…''
There's nothing I can do but look at him. I'm so glad that he's more at ease with words and me now. It shows on his face. His eyes are lighter; there is a light, airy glaze to them. They're not constrained by his thoughts. His lips are pursed and curled into a smile.
I just want to…
''Thank you…'' My voice drops low – a whisper seems more intimate, appropriate and who am I kidding, very alluring.
I cannot help but smirk. When he looks at me, searching and curious, I grin. I won't hide anything, anymore. He's free to look, come inside, and touch…I deviated a little there, didn't I?
I won't let him make the first move, not after everything he's said to me. Those words, they're inspiring. If I want this, then I should be able to take it. I want our smiles to mesh, connect, and press together…
I want Yuriy. I have for a while now. I know that he cannot read my thoughts and so, I'm going to show him. When he pushes me and comforts me, I can do it. I can't keep being nervous forever, or I will disappoint him, and so far, he's been amazing.
So, let's make it happen…
-EndE-