HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY
1) At lunch time, sit in your parked car
w/sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing
cars. See if they slow down.
2) Page yourself over the intercom.
Don't disguise your voice.
3) Insist that your e mail address is:
Xena-Warrior-Princess@companyname.com or Elvis-the-King@companyname.com
4) Every time someone asks you to do
something, ask if they want fries with
that.
5) Encourage your colleagues to join
you in a little synchronized chair
dancing.
6) Put your garbage can on your desk
and label it "IN."
7) Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
8) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3
weeks. Once everyone has gotten over
their caffeine addictions, switch to
espresso.
9) In the memo field of all your checks,
write 'for sexual favors.'
10) Reply to everything someone says with,
"That's what you think."
11) Finish all your sentences with
"In accordance with the prophecy."
12) Adjust the tint on your monitor so
that the brightness level lights up
the entire work area. Insist to others
that you like it that way.
13) Don't use any punctuation
14) As often as possible, skip rather
than walk.
15) Ask people what sex they are. Laugh
hysterically after they answer.
16) Specify that your drive-through
order is "to go."
17) Sing along at the opera.
18) Go to a poetry recital and ask why
the poems don't rhyme.
19) Find out where your boss shops and
buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them
one day after your boss does. (This is
especially effective if your boss is of the
opposite gender.)
20) Send e-mail to the rest of the
company to tell them what you're doing.
For example, "If anyone needs me,
I'll be in the bathroom, in Stall #3."
21) Put mosquito netting around your
cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
22) Five days in advance, tell your
friends you can't attend their party
because you're not in the mood.
23) Call 911 and ask if 911 is for
emergencies. Don't really do this.
24) Call the psychic hotline and don't say
anything.
25) Have your coworkers address you
by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
26) When the money comes out of the
ATM, scream "I Won!", "I Won!" "3rd time
this week!!!"
27) When leaving the zoo, start running
towards the parking lot, yelling
"Run for your lives, they're loose!"
28) Tell your boss, "It's not the voices
in my head that bother me, its the voices
in your head that do."
29) Tell your children over dinner.
"Due to the economy, we are going to
have to let one of you go."
30) Every time you see a broom, yell
"Honey, your mother is here!"
And the final way to keep a healthy level of
insanity....
31. Send this e-mail to everyone in
your address book, even if they sent it
to you or have asked you not to send
them stuff like this. In God we trust, the rest are suspects!
1) At lunch time, sit in your parked car
w/sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing
cars. See if they slow down.
2) Page yourself over the intercom.
Don't disguise your voice.
3) Insist that your e mail address is:
Xena-Warrior-Princess@companyname.com or Elvis-the-King@companyname.com
4) Every time someone asks you to do
something, ask if they want fries with
that.
5) Encourage your colleagues to join
you in a little synchronized chair
dancing.
6) Put your garbage can on your desk
and label it "IN."
7) Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
8) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3
weeks. Once everyone has gotten over
their caffeine addictions, switch to
espresso.
9) In the memo field of all your checks,
write 'for sexual favors.'
10) Reply to everything someone says with,
"That's what you think."
11) Finish all your sentences with
"In accordance with the prophecy."
12) Adjust the tint on your monitor so
that the brightness level lights up
the entire work area. Insist to others
that you like it that way.
13) Don't use any punctuation
14) As often as possible, skip rather
than walk.
15) Ask people what sex they are. Laugh
hysterically after they answer.
16) Specify that your drive-through
order is "to go."
17) Sing along at the opera.
18) Go to a poetry recital and ask why
the poems don't rhyme.
19) Find out where your boss shops and
buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them
one day after your boss does. (This is
especially effective if your boss is of the
opposite gender.)
20) Send e-mail to the rest of the
company to tell them what you're doing.
For example, "If anyone needs me,
I'll be in the bathroom, in Stall #3."
21) Put mosquito netting around your
cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
22) Five days in advance, tell your
friends you can't attend their party
because you're not in the mood.
23) Call 911 and ask if 911 is for
emergencies. Don't really do this.
24) Call the psychic hotline and don't say
anything.
25) Have your coworkers address you
by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
26) When the money comes out of the
ATM, scream "I Won!", "I Won!" "3rd time
this week!!!"
27) When leaving the zoo, start running
towards the parking lot, yelling
"Run for your lives, they're loose!"
28) Tell your boss, "It's not the voices
in my head that bother me, its the voices
in your head that do."
29) Tell your children over dinner.
"Due to the economy, we are going to
have to let one of you go."
30) Every time you see a broom, yell
"Honey, your mother is here!"
And the final way to keep a healthy level of
insanity....
31. Send this e-mail to everyone in
your address book, even if they sent it
to you or have asked you not to send
them stuff like this. In God we trust, the rest are suspects!