'Wait for me here till I come back from Mustafar. Wait for me here!' Anakin pleads. He stares intently at me attempting to assess the impact of his words. The anguish redolent in his words and gestures is tearing me apart. I cannot bear to see him shredded by fear that I would consider risking the baby and me. My resolve to stay calm unravels by the nanosecond.
Finally my lips betray me: 'Hold me, hold me again like you did by the Lake on Naboo. It was all so much simpler then, when all we had was our love.'
He first held me by the edge of the lake by the palace. He first kissed me by the edge of the lake by the palace. Back when we were Anakin and Padme before Senator and Jedi Knight. He kissed me and gave my love for him shape.
Anakin stays silent as his expression says it all. He but moves forward. I surrender myself to his gentle embrace. His arms encircle me as carefully as a Shaak picking up an egg to take home to its brood. Slowly easing myself forward, I nestle closer to him and rest my head against his chest. My nose itches against the rough wool of his robes and I let out a muffled sneeze.
Anakin's chin is rubbing against my hair ornament the way it always does when he is worried. Why can't he understand that not knowing what is bothering him worries me even more? Sharing his fear does not lessen his honor as a Jedi, surely it would make him stronger to understand them?
The prospect of him leaving in a few hours on a mission not knowing when he will return is consuming me with worry. Yet I would not have him neglect his duty to the Empire. I know he has to go, but let me take in a memory of this moment to remember him!
Other couples can celebrate their love with walls and albums of photographs; as many records of their beloved captured forever in the moments that define their relationship as they could wish for. One misplaced photograph of us would mean instant dismissal for Anakin from the Jedi Order and dismissal by the Queen for me as the Senator for Naboo.
I turn my eyes to take in our reflection from the doors to my apartments. A worried, heavily pregnant woman looks back at me. She clings to her husband like a bat brought into the sunlight for the first time. The lines under her eyes show her quest to discover whether she can make sense of the brightness to survive. Didn't I really accuse myself of being blinded by love when I accused Anakin of not seeing me as I am? Love has not blinded Anakin, it has blinded me, deafened me, devoured me; clamouring for me to recognise my heart's demands; reminding me how it suffered under the reign of my duty.
Once I scorned the idea that I could live a lie. Yet now I am surrounded by them. Every day I tell lies, lies about what happened to my baby's father, lies about my relationship with Anakin. I lie because I love Anakin.
I could not let him die on Geonosis knowing that I was living a lie which was killing me a little bit every day. How could I have died in the arena knowing that I had let him submit his heart to me for sacrifice as I saw fit? Knowing that I had lied to him when he had opened himself up to me asking me to return his love as if this was as easy as breathing? Rememberng how he had begged me to tell him how to handle his feelings for me as if he were asking me to pass judgement on a diplomatic dispute?
I raise my hands to his face and stare into those innocent blue eyes. I can't allow him to sacrifice all that he has worked for me. He smiles wide-eyed down at me and lets his arms brush carefully over my stomach to try and feel the baby within. He stares into my eyes with a quizzical glaze. draw strength from him as he infuses me with his wonder at the unspoken revelations my expression holds of just how much I love him and our child.
The noise of the city melts into the background of the tense beats of Anakin's heart. I shut my eyes and surrender to my desire's persistent cajoling. I will draw on my powers of oratory once more. Time for me to give my favourite speech to myself once more. The Clone War has ended successfully. The happy end to our story is being written. Anakin has come back from Mustafar and we are back on Naboo. The baby is healthy. Anakin is safe. I have n-o-t died in childbirth...
It is Summer beside the Lake. The soft breeze of the east wind blows brush strokes along my back. The sun's rays gently warm Anakin and me. I hear the stealthy splashing of birds ducking in the lake. I slowly inhale the perfume of the flowers in the gardens; it is as intoxicating as ever owch!...
I open my eyes and move back from Anakin. How can one baby kick so much? No amount of research, investigation or visits to Robot Gynaecologist Units has been able to solve this mystery. Reflexively I rub my stomach to reassure myself that everything is ok. Anakin has shied back from me. I look up at him and his smile inches back from fear as he sees my expression. You don't have to worry about anything! It will all be fine. Everything will work out. Nightmares are not reality. Danger is not a place which I don't know.
I draw back into him, nestling myself into his arms. Anakin carefully draws his arms closer around me. He massages my back with featherlight strokes almost echoing the fleet-footed dance of the summer breeze. His chin begins to rub my hair ornament again. Will he ever let me in?