Hey you guys I need to know what could be changed I'd like people to give me the truth. Even I don't like it at all change the whole thing just give me a risen why. (ps. I,m using word doc right now I will change it later. Fix everything. I will also make the intro longer later too.
Intro
The moon light had shined on the pool surrounded by thick layer of dark green bramble bushes. Firestar had appeared from one side, next to him was Jayfeather and on the right Bluestar.
The moon had rose to its highest point before all the other cats had appeared from behind the Bushes. Firestar spoke first, we have a new cat among us. Jayfeather steps forward to greet Starclan.
Bluestar steps a little closer. He has done well for the clan and now he is here to join us forever. All of the Thunderclan cats. Started to cheer until dawn had light up the black sky.
3 moons ago
Chapter 1 Jayfeather's death
Jayfeather did I get it this time, Lilypaw shoved the herb over to him. Yes, Jayfeather shoved the herbs back to her. Can you bring these to your mom?
Okay, Lilypaw picked up the herbs and walked over to the nursery and turned to see her newborn sister and brother softly squeaking clutching on to Dovewing's pelt.
Here you go, Lilypaw whispered handing her the seeds. Thank you, Dovewing said taking the seeds and falling back asleep.
As Lilyleaf looked back down before leaving the nursery she noticed the weirdest thing about her brother. He had a white lines inside his eyes.
She ran back to Jayfeather explaining what she saw. Jayfeather just sat up and walked toward the nursery. Jayfeather picked up the kit, What do you see? Try to guess where Lilypaw was.
I see nothing but a pure light color like… Lilypaw paused for a moment, He's blind isn't he. Jayfeather set the kit down as the kit felt his way back to his mother. So one of them is def as the other is blind.
Lilypaw looked down for a moment and then looked at Jayfeather. We'll tell your mother when she wakes up. Jayfeather stretched and left the door. Lilypaw followed.
Bramblestar, Graystripe bursted through the door. Making Bramblestar jump back. Amberpaw and Dewpaw… Graystripe took a deep breathe until Bramblestar cut him off. Slow down your not a young as you used to be.
Bramblestar put a playful smile on his face. They're missing and Dawn patrol spotted a fox. What? Bramblestar's playful look sank down into a frown. Are they near. Well, their scents are still new so, they couldn't be that far.
Go and take two warriors of your choice. Bramblestar flicked his tail signing him to leave. Graystripe thought to him-self. Lionblaze and Squirrelflight. He walked over to the warriors den.
He looked through the den until he heard a scream. He jumped up ran through the brambles and followed the sound until he spotted Dewpaw circling a Shadowclan and Windclan kit. They were small kits.
About a third of Dewpaw. What are you doing? Graystripe stood between the kits and Dewpaw. They shoved Amberpaw into a fox hole. Did you help him… Wait shaking his head to get his facts straight.
We'll deal with your guy's punishment later. Now guard me so I don't get pushed in too. Graystripe reached down to grab Amberpaw. Okay Dewpaw stood in front of the kits. I almost got him lifting Amberpaw up from the hole.
There Graystripe lifted him to the edge and watched him get up the rest of the way. Lionblaze walked in. Did you need Graystripe. Ya, taking another breathe. Bring these to their rightful clans. We're our own clan.
The Windclan kit said first. Foreverclan! Then clan that last forever, The Shadowclan kit explained. Looking up realizing that it was past dawn. Were late lets go. Running back to their own clan.
Should I go tell, Lionblaze gazed at graystripe. He started to breathe harder and harder.