warnings: infidelity. I was tired, and listening to Ed Sheeran's new song for the Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug, I See Fire, and, well... yeah. I hope you like.
And if we should die tonight
Then we should all die together
i.
Together, they are amorphous.
They are one, they move in sync. Gravity seems to push them together and apart as once; they fight and they bend and they're trying not to break.
They are too busy to think.
What they are doing is instinctual, natural.
She forgets there's another waiting for her at home, and he forgets his sister is gone, six feet underneath the snow that sprinkles Boston sparsely.
ii.
Everything's great and everything's perfect. If she closes her eyes and steadies her breathing, she can hear him on the other side of the bed, and sometimes she'll pretend the world is moving in sync with the rises and falls of his chest.
When they're together, they are everything. They are infinity and they are nothing, and gravity is the center of them.
The sheets only cover half her body - but she doesn't mind that the chill of the wind blows through the open curtains, because he's draped over her, one hand on the curve of her waist.
And she loves him and hates him at the same time. She can't decide anymore.
iii.
He is very alone.
Sometimes there are others in his presence, but his head is a cage, and he's in there. As hard as he screams and pounds on the bars, he's locked in there. The keys have been thrown down a well, and someone has caught them at the bottom.
She has.
He's flooded with guilt - taking another man's woman - but at the same time, he finds he doesn't care. The other man breaks her and shatters her heart, but sometimes, just for a night, they're able to fix each other up with tape, and he finds that's all that matters.
iv.
Her brother knows.
He knows of the hushed whispers and the midnights spent in bed, with another's sheets touching her bare skin.
And he's just too fucking noble, because that kid - man - (since when was he a man?) doesn't say anything. He says yes to watching her children while she goes and dances with someone else.
And the kicker is? Her brother doesn't even mind. He cares too much about her happiness to care about anyone else's.
v.
She wants to end it, she really does.
She doesn't want the viscous cycle to build her up again and knock her down. Over and over. Because she's there, and she's breathing, and she feels so guilty.
In those moments before, she feels like such a failure. She knows what she is going to do with him, behind the one she is promised to's back.
But she's there, and he's like hot chocolate on a winter day and shade in the summer; he's a protector, a do-gooder, a feel-better. She can't even stop to think, with him.
And she feels so guilty when she's floating on clouds, but she can't find it in her to pop herself and crash down.