The Doctor was his name. That's what he told me anyway; that's what he told everyone. But I figured out his real name, and was the only one who did. I barely knew him when we met, but I guess that's how it goes for everyone. One day he's at your door, the next you're showing up with him at someone else's. That's the way it was for a while; he'd ask where I wanted to go, I'd tell him, and we'd be off. But this last trip was different; we didn't really get ourselves into trouble as usual, but visited a planet called Gaoithe. There were no habitants, according to the Doctor the planet had been uninhabited for centuries. The original species was killed off by another that couldn't even survive on the planet for more than half a century.

"This is one of the oldest planets in this galaxy," he said, patting a formation with a warm hand. "The last of its kind, revisited by no one, with nothing to remember be these old decaying ruins." That's when it hit me, and I stopped. His name, right there in front of me. Literally, written on the ground in Gallifreyen, lying by his very own feet and he hadn't even noticed it. I whispered his name, but he didn't move.

"It's old, isn't it?" he marveled, gazing about. "Old and homey and full of lost memories." Like the time when he had made that first friend, a boy down the street (if that was even what you'd call it) where they'd play and talk after a long day of learning until that boy left for training where I thought he was dead "Well, come on," the Doctor said, grabbing my arm and dragging me forward.

"Why are we here?"

"Because I feel like it.

"Why?"

"We always go where you want and now we are where I want. There is no trouble, no feud, nothing. It's old and ruined and forgotten and this is where we are." He continued walking and I followed, like when he would follow his mother around the city, around the buildings, like he was lost or just wanted to wander because he had nothing better to do but maybe he did but didn't feel like it because there were so many things I had to be and had to do that I didn't want and why couldn't it stop for one day so that I could breathe, he could breathe

"What are we looking for?" I asked.

"We're not looking for anything. Pay attention."

"I am."

"You're not." He liked arguing. He argued a lot, with his mother when he was older, his brother, his sister, yes there was family and he loved them but not until they were gone like everything else like all the other stupid customs and rules and ways to be and behave and act and rule but he loved it because it was his and then he met a new friend and she was a girl and he fell in love with her and her with him and he loved her then not only after but oh did he miss her after and still does because there is a piece missing and it hasn't come back and no matter how hard he tries it just won't because it's gone like her but he remembers her and how they met in the box that was bigger on the inside and she was so different she was like him and he was so shy but talked to her anyway and she responded without anyone telling her to without any rules forcing her to she did it on her own

"Look at me," he snapped, grabbing my arm. "You know something, stop."

"I know nothing!"

"You know everything; you're starting to." He started to pace, taking out his sonic screwdriver and tapping it to his palm, thinking. He did that a lot then too, but he didn't always have the screwdriver the wondrous thing that always saved him with the little things like an exit here and a repair there and a band aid way over

"Stop it!" he shined it in my eyes, "hold still."

"Why?" I pulled back.

"I have to get into your mind." He was panicked. He was only panicked like this once some other time back when she was going when she was leaving because of him

"Doctor." He stopped. "What's happening to me?"

"You know my name."

"Doctor—"

"How'd you figure out my name?!" He wasn't mad, he wasn't upset. He was scared, like some dark thing inside him was discovered; something that would destroy him.

"What's going to happen, Doctor? What's going to happen to you?"

"Nothing to me, just hold still," he started towards me, I backed away. It wasn't even me anymore; I couldn't control myself. I called to him. He kept coming. A 'Doctor, stop;' and he touched me and there were so many flashes there was such a bright light I couldn't stand it at all my eyes were moving in all different directions and then I could see what was what could be and what couldn't and it hurt there were so many deaths everyone dying around me and I could do anything I couldn't save anyone he can't save everyone but I am him at this point and I am seeing the universe and there are all these faces of men women mostly women all around me laughing crying begging dying everywhere all at once and it's my fault and no one else's they would have been fine if I wasn't there if I hadn't swept them up but part of me says they wouldn't be but that doesn't matter because at least they would have lived and had children children that loved them and could pass on their stories and grow in front of their eyes with them and care for them when they were dead but they couldn't and there was this one woman who did have a child but that child was so messed up and it's my fault I love that child with all my heart but she is the worst possible being in the universe she killed me but saved me so many times and Galifrey my home so bright and alive with all those I knew and loved and I want to move away from the country go to a big city and run away from it all you know yes I do I did that do you miss it all the time I miss it all the time because it's gone I can never go back there are no people no buildings no voices no planet no family no help ever because I ran and I've been running my whole life and I've got to stop I have to stop but I'm so scared I'm terrified out of my mind because I have no one to stop with I've got all the time in the universe but I'm running out of it and now I see the Doctor and he's waving some light it my eye it's his screwdriver so he must be waking me up or pushing me away or shutting me down and I try to talk but I can't am I in his arms or what he is above me but his face changes it's not the Doctor I know he's different and there's blood on his face and he's sobbing and apologizing and it's that girl again that he loved so dearly more than anything more than fish sticks and custard and she's gone. And he killed her.