Uncontrollable trembling. Strangely, I could not control the brusque movements my strong hands were generating. Perhaps it was the first rainfall in heaven that arose my uneasiness. Or perhaps it was the holy object I held prudently. I knew the sacred book was light in weight, but for some reason, I could not bring my soul to accept the tragedy.
Heaven did not feel as angelic as it had felt before the great battle. Despite the fact that the Blessed and Holy Ruler effortlessly defeated the rebels and their corrupt leader Lucifer, I still felt a fragment of loss within me. However, running inside the Everlasting Father's temple, my mixed thoughts soon vanished.
"Amnon," spoke the Almighty One. The Lord's dynamic, yet soothing voice instantaneously alleviated the uncontrollable anxiety within me.
"Yes, my Lord?" I answered as my knees and my damp pearly robe kissed the glossy temple floor. For I knew, being the apprentice of Michael the Archangel, I was still unworthy of laying my eyes upon the Almighty.
"Arise my dear son. Behold, I have been expecting you," He said as He stood up from His glorious divine throne to approach me.
"Me my Lord?" I asked, bewildered.
"Yes Amnon, you. As you know, I am an omniscient Creator. And as your Creator, I know that even though your soul abides in the heavens, your thoughts have not found peace. I know every thought that introduced itself to you. I have the answers to all. However, there is one thing I am not willing to do."
"And what is that Savior?"
"I will not answer what has not been asked," he explained in such a fatherly tone.
An abundance of concerns rushed through my mind, but as I felt the warm, gentle hand rest upon my muscular shoulder, I found my voice and questioned, "Why is it raining?"
Immediately, I received a disapproving glance from Michael, whom stood behind God almost unnoticeably. His pureness was so great that he seemed to disappear within the white background. Realizing how crude I had sounded, I spoke again. This time, in a mature, respectful tone. "Why, O Prince of Peace, have you allowed it to rain upon the heavens? I was unaware of the fact that rain could fall above the clouds you designed." I paused for a moment, believing my Father would quickly respond, but instead he gazed out into the horizon. Mysteriously, rather than looking up, he looked down; deep into the core of the Earth beneath us.
I waited for answers, with great uneasiness. No angel is worthy of questioning the Lord's actions, especially a young, inexperienced angel like me. I am merely an amateur being guided by Michael; only in charge of keeping the records of those who found and accepted God's mercy on Earth.
"I have allowed the waters to fall upon heaven to remind my wonderful creations, such as yourself, that like the inhabitants of the earth, you also are beneath me. If the rain lies above you, how much more do I as the Almighty God prevail above you? However, Amnon, it pains me that you have avoided telling me what is truly in your heart. I know the loss of your brother, Lucifer, has deeply troubled you. However, you must remember that it was Lucifer who chose his path, not I. For even in the heavens, I still give my subjects… my sons and daughters, the liberty of a free will."
Feeling more comfortable, I gazed deeply into my Creator's glistening eyes. After enduring a long pause of silence, I spoke, "Abba, then what is my path? As you yourself proclaimed, I am lost in the heavens. With you I feel at peace, yet without my dearest brother I am ruptured to the core."
"The Faithful One," he sighed.
"My Lord?" I replied fearfully, for fear overcame me. I had never heard my majestic Lord create such a distressed sound since Lucifer's condemnation.
"The Faithful One," He repeated this time in a more fatherly tone. "You, my son, have been given the name of the faithful."
Panic drowned me. I knew what He was trying to indicate to me. "Please, King of kings, spare me! Have mercy on such a novice as me!" I pleaded.
"Silence, Amnon! The Lord will have no more of this nonsense!" declared Michael. Just hearing his authoritative voice subdued my insanity.
But as I stared at my Mighty God, His holy face showed neither sorrow nor joy. Then, He spoke to me. "I am that I am. I am mercy, yet discipline. Amnon, I know that you love me. However, I also know that you continue to love the fallen more than any other angel. As your ruler, I only allow those who indefinitely love me to reside in my presence. You however, have lost the love you once had for me. For this reason, I will no longer allow you to stay with me among the pure."
My spirit shattered in pieces. How could this happen to me? I looked to Michael, my master, for assistance. I searched in vain. "Even when he lies in his miserable pit, he still manages to bring corruption to our paradise," Michael managed to murmur gravely. He turned his head, and strode honorably out of the temple. He never even looked back at me. Not once.
"You cannot be faithful to two, my beloved one. Discover who you are truly faithful to, and then you will discover where you belong," my God advised.
Suddenly, my eyes lost focus of the Holy One's handsome features. "I am going blind!" I thought to myself. What had once been my Master's glorious face warped into strange, dark colors. Intense murky colors clouded my vision. My body started to tighten. For the first time, I felt physical pain; a completely foreign experience from Heaven. What had once been dense muscle covered by silky skin decomposed into an airy matter. My head was in a whirl. An intense force smashed my flimsy spirit, tearing the sacred book from my tight grip, including all my calligraphy within the pages. Images of the great celestial war flashed in and out of my mind, as did my consciousness. Without warning, the unpleasantness stopped.
"Arise young one," a faint, but familiar voice whispered into my ear. As I stood up, I searched to find where the warm voice emanated from. I looked to my left, no one. I looked to my right, no one. Just sand dunes.
"This is what it must feel like," I thought to myself, "when one is physically separated from the Creator. No face to see. No hands to touch. Just a gracious voice." Ashamed at my present surroundings, I immediately looked down at the hard, crumbly floor.
"My feet!" I shrieked. "What has happened to my body? Where is my robe, along with its noteworthy golden embellishments?" For there was nothing to see other than the ground beneath me. My powerful body was nowhere within sight. Everything that once characterized my physique was replaced with complete transparency.
"Patience, Amnon," the Lord declared, this time appearing in a vision. "I know this is a new experience for you. Remember what I taught you. In my house, you never felt such pain or shock, but here- here it is quite the contrary," He firmly explained. "Listen to the wisdom I bestowed upon you. Let it guide you, Amnon," He added as His lovely features slowly faded into a cloudy silhouette.
I stretched out my hand, crying "Father, wait!" But it was too late, for His silhouette had already vanished into thin air.
"Patience," I remembered. "With patience comes understanding," I repeated to myself continuously. "I know where I am-Earth. For the circular light shining above me is but a flicker of light when compared to the glory of the Holy One. I know that I no longer dwell among the pure, but now among the sinners."
I walked through the desert, feeling no pain. Experiencing complete immunity from the scorching heat and the aggravating flies in the desert. "The Lord is good," I advised myself, but my phrase was interrupted by the sound of clashing swords. Bestial screams accompanied the sound of flesh being torn apart by sharp metal.
I couldn't believe the gruesome vision I was witnessing at the moment. "How could men do this to each other?" I exclaimed. "Do they not fear their God?" Instantaneously, my mind was cleared as I remembered that my brother Lucifer committed the same dark deed in heaven. If such a remarkable angel could wage war against his creator, then how could there be any hope for these mortal beings?
Angry, I ran in the middle of the battlefield. "Stop you fools! Do you not see that you will only bring destruction with your folly?" I hollered helplessly. Yet no action paused. No arm stopped piercing another man's heart. No battle cry ceased to resonate in the air. In despair, I walked to the top of the highest sandy slope, watching the humans kill each other off. If I had any tears (as an invisible being), I would have shed more than just one.
Strangely, I awoke the next morning. Never before had I tasted the pleasure of sleeping. I expected to hear only the wind, accompanied only by the sound of the migrating birds' wings. To my surprise, I heard the sound of voices rejoicing. I stood up, curious to see what lied beyond the hill I slept on. I thought no man could have survived yesterday's horrible event. But as I stepped forward, I felt something wriggle through my feet.
My heart raced. "THUMP, THUMP, THUMP...THUMP!" I must have skipped a heartbeat. What could possibly arise such a fear within me? I began muttering to myself, "I thought I-
"-You thought you were immune to everything, did you not?" hissed a voice coming from below. "Well, it seems you are mistaken. Though you are immune to the brisk night breeze, you are not immune to the abilities of my great power," said the disembodied voice. Its tone grew from unpleasant to eerie.
"What do you want from me?" My body trembled like never before. I came to realize what had touched me. It was a great, thick reptile with flaky scarlet skin. A creature so vile, I could not contain my displeasure.
"Compose yourself, my brother. I assume you were too great to live among the suppressed in paradise as well." But after analyzing me as a buzzard analyzes its corpus feast, it changed its mind. "Or perhaps I am the mistaken one. You seem weaker than I remember, Amnon. Are you sure you were not exiled from Heaven due to your incapacity to please Him?"
"Lucifer!" I gasped. How could I not see it? The foul gaze in the serpent's eyes showed no traces of purity or honesty.
"It seems that God not only abandoned you for your lack of power, but also for your lack of comprehension and speed," he said mockingly.
"The Holiest of all did not abandon me," I clarified. "I was placed here on Earth in order to identify who I am truly faithful to. However, now that I personally witnessed your boorish ways, I know not why I ever felt such an inclination towards you. Perhaps it is true that I am only faithful to Him. I am a fool for feeling such affectionate, merciful thoughts toward you."
"Amnon, you surely don't believe that," he whispered composedly. "Who is it that sent you to this chalky terrain? Not I… nor yourself. Who was it that stripped you from your powers? Not us. Who was it that removed you from your appearance? Not-"
"-Enough!" I interrupted. As much as I knew of his sinister intentions, I could not help but ruminate on the points he clearly made. "He did make quite a point," I thought to myself. "What if he is right… no that would be impossible. The wrong can never be right."
I suppose my extended pause of silence troubled my company, since he quickly added, "Living among the mortal is not as rotten as one would think. Really. You learn their ways, and even how to control their ways." By now, he had coiled himself tightly around my invisible leg.
"Control them?" I blurted.
From then on, I was able to do the unimaginable. I could command the human species to do what I wanted. Contrary to my previous encounter with humans, they could hear me. Under my new overlord, I came to perceive the weaknesses men and women were prone to. By committing devious deeds to the weaker beings, I became powerful. Instead of ending fierce battles, I started them. After all, men deserved it. They were the corrupt ones, not I. I was the fierce one. I was the powerful one. As I spread corruption, I feared nothing… except the rain. Oh, how I despised it…
"Amnon, I must confess, you have surprised me," Lucifer said to me one day, after I had commenced famine and deadly riots among the inferior beings of the earth. As he spoke these proud words to me, I felt a deep warmth rise within me. "I trust that you have found your calling. For remember, up in the heavens you were nothing. Only a scribe… not even that," he snickered, "but here-here you have become much greater. With my guidance, humans learned to fear you… to respect you. Now that I know that your intentions lie with mine, come with me Amnon, to my throne."
For some reason, even though I believed everything Lucifer stated, I was not prepared to make the commitment. I wanted to be free from a ruler, I wanted to rule myself. Steadily, my tongues and lips formed a low "No."
He looked at me, this time in his more human form, with his slightly deranged body figure. Up until now, his face looked radiant. Now, however, a sinister expression came upon his face. His brows formed an unpleasant geometric shape. His tongue coiled, revealing his rage. Suddenly, Lucifer began throwing blazing coals at me. From where he produced these excruciating objects I am unaware of.
"Do not tempt me," he warned. "Do not force me to unleash my full potential. If you are not with me, than you are with the one above! You cannot worship both. Amnon, you have helped me continue, and succeed with the battle I have waged upon Him. After assisting me on Earth, you cannot possibly abandon me… I will not allow it."
"THUMP THUMP THUMP!" my heart soared. I could no longer contain the fear I had within me. I attempted to escape as far and as fast as possible.
"It is impossible to shroud oneself from Satan's existence!" he howled, as I ran far away from him as possible.
He was right. It took me about seven human days to finally find shelter from Lucifer and his assistants. For seven days and six nights, I was tormented by the gnashing teeth of Beelzebub and the others. Disturbingly, Beelzebub had transformed through the course of the hunt. When I was first presented to him, he was a clever, intriguing individual. However, over the period of my escape, he converted into a revolting beast with gleaming, merciless eyes.
It was in an old tent where I found sanctuary. Manuscripts and papyrus paper concealed the dry earth beneath me. I am not positive why I found safety there, out of all places. But I do know that I found peace there.
For seven more days, I watched an elderly man write intently on numerous worn out scrolls. But on the eighth day, the scholarly scroll within me overpowered my desire to tempt the man. And so I began to read every phrase, every word this queer little man wrote with his delicate white feather and trembling flaky hands: You will be "drenched with the dew of heaven. Seven times will pass by for you until you acknowledge that the Most High is sovereign over all kingdoms on earth and gives them to anyone he wishes," Daniel 4:28...
I stopped. I realized how naive… no, how senseless and disobedient I became during my time spent on Earth. My eyes were opened. Since the very moment I arrived on Earth, my perspective was clouded. I learned that the battle I tried to stop was a battle conducted by God. I learned that the victorious howls came from God's chosen people. Most importantly, I became enlightened. I distinguished who this "Satan" was, and who he had been. For the longest time, even after the Great War waged in heaven, I ignored how ignorant and shortsighted Lucifer became. Most importantly, I attained the wisdom that God had intended to give me.
I was placed on this Earth for a reason. I was able to find shelter for a reason. My Holy Father was my reason.
As I stepped out of the hackneyed tent, a warm raindrop flowed down my cheek. It rolled to the tip of my pointy chin. Rain had fallen upon my face and shoulders on numerous occasions, as it continues to do so; as long as the battle continues between Heaven and Hell. Between God and Satan. Between me and myself. And for the first time, I welcomed the rain.