He remembers when he first felt a shift in their strong friendship; they'd been kids then, and it had both been exciting and vaguely terrifying.
Konekomaru watched his best friend, the one he liked as far more, for the first time ever with new eyes.
It had stopped him first though he felt the nervous twinge of anxiety come on shortly after.
He knew as well as one could that boys couldn't get pregnant; he knew Bon was supposed to have kids for his family's sake and felt his own desire to raise kids and just know that he'd always have people to come home to.
It hurt to think that he may have to hide his feelings and that Bon may never accept his own feelings or at least give him a chance.
Konekomaru was quieter as those days passed by, said less and less to Bon, and refused to answer as to why whenever the other boy got impatient and demanded to know.
He pretended that these questions weren't for him and that they didn't potentially mean that their friendship may be destroyed.
The smaller boy tried to smile if only for the sake of relieving his best friend's fears though it never seemed to really work no matter how hard he tried; Bon just knew him too well.
He remembers when they'd all decided to enroll at True Cross and become exorcists together, remembers the excited look in Bon's eyes.
It made him smile to just think about that.
Konekomaru wasn't as quiet anymore; he was scared he'd lose his only contact with his best friend if he didn't talk to him much at all though he'd grown used to the feelings that piled high in his chest, it still worried him to think about how Bon would feel about them.
He tried the other boy's first name out on his tongue, watched it roll around, and wondered briefly which name the other boy preferred.
It thrilled him during the moments when he realized how much Bon truly cared and how protective he was over him; it made him happy to think about how loved he was by him regardless of how it wasn't the love he sought.
He hoped every day that no one caught the look in his eyes when he stared at Bon a little too long and that no one noticed his own overprotective streak where Bon was concerned.
Konekomaru found in the moments that he worried most, that he'd pick out which girl that Bon might like more and end up with; none of them were any similar to Konekomaru.
Bon never talked about girls nor did he talk about dating; he spoke of studying and becoming an exorcist, taking over his father's job as headpriest.
It made Konekomaru smile to hear those things and yet he always listened closely to hear of any sign of his friend falling for someone, any sign of a crush really.
He was too scared to bring up the questions and also a little scared of asking whether Bon really did like girls.
Renzou was easier to understand in that regard, but Konekomaru only cared about how Bon felt in that regard, he still was glad to have a model to base things off of in case Bon wasn't so attracted to girls.
He remembers the day that Bon asked him why he chose to still be around, why he cared so much in a sense.
It was awkward and crawled up his skin in the worst kind of fear that suddenly Bon wanted to reject his friendship, wanted to know why Konekomaru stared at him with the look of someone very much in love.
"I care about you. I'd never leave your side." It was soft and fearful, but Bon deserved the truth though he couldn't begin to say the three words that were trapped beneath his tongue.
"Miwa." It was a soft statement and yet the use of his first name sent his belly off with butterflies that he tried to hide among the sudden bright red of his face.
"Yes?" It was a nervous question rather than a statement as he stared into Bon's dark eyes.
"I feel the same way. I-I won't ever leave your side, and I care about you. In fact, I-I love you." It clearly had taken courage to say as Miwa finally leaned closer to his friend; they'd never used those three words even within the context of friendship before.
"I-I love you too." It was as if finally some degree of confidence rose up in Miwa though the kiss from Bon that he'd received afterward drained it.
He felt nervous as he stepped closer and let his arms loop around solid muscle and savored the rich, definitely male taste of the man in front of him.
It reminded him of how musky the other smelled, and he felt himself cling to the other, wishing that he'd had some experience of this sort, so as to not disappoint his friend with his lack of kissing ability.
He hugged close and felt the skipping beat of his heart and the joy at being so close to Bon.
Miwa now finds himself smiling at the hand over his own and at the proximity of perfectly warm muscles against his shoulder.
He realizes that it doesn't matter whether anyone would find this wrong for the two of them as he thrills over being so close to the one that he'd fallen for.
Miwa curls closer and savors that proximity that every moment that he waited for made all the better.
He knew now that the other had loved him for a long time too and that these feelings were true and just as beautiful as Konekomaru had always dreamed them to be.
Konekomaru smiles and leans against hard muscle that always keeps him standing strong.