A Small Christmas Miracle
Christmas came to Magnolia, and we were once again having another celebration, with Lucy playing unwilling host. It was a mostly enjoyable celebration, at least until the alcohol and the holiday brought out everyone's inner romantic by removing their inhibitions. It's amazing and somewhat scary that after a few drinks, people become willing to do things that they'd be too embarrassed to do while sober, and this includes acting on long-standing romantic feelings, as was the case with four such pairs of individuals among the guests.
First, there's Lucy and Natsu. The two had always been close since Lucy joined the guild eight years ago, and whenever she got in trouble, he was always willing to save her, regardless of whether the enemy threatening her was criminals, a rival guild, a dark guild or even the kingdom of Fiore. Lucy was especially upset when Natsu left without saying anything- albeit ignorant of the idea that the guild that had always been there since Igneel's disappeared when Natsu was a young boy would disband in his absence. Lucy was willing to let it slide, though, so long as Natsu didn't complain about other people walking off without an explanation.
Then there's Juvia and Gray. Juvia's been all over Gray since our battle with her old guild, Phantom Lord, but with Gray, it's been a more complicated process. Initially, he seemed completely oblivious to Juvia's advances in defiance of all logic, just like he's oblivious to being cold with his shirt off, but he was surprisingly compassionate toward her considering they started out as enemies. When he first learned about her feelings for him, he tried to shoot her down as bluntly as possible without being unnecessarily cruel, but Juvia thought he was playing hard-to-get.
Of course, over time, her wild imagination seems to be gradually becoming true, and he seemed to become more receptive with her in some ways. When Juvia was forced to kill Gray's father in an attempt to stop Face from activating, he forgave her. When most of the guild went their separate ways, they spent the last six months living together. That time came to an end when Gray's markings re-emerged, and when I approached him for a mission to infiltrate Avatar. While I believe it was necessary to save thousands of innocent lives, I regret causing Juvia so much anguish, although I had to keep her in the dark for her own safety. This time, though, it was her turn to forgive Gray, and I was glad that she did. Part of it was because I was largely at fault for not telling her, but part of it is that I simply wished this possible couple the best of luck.
Speaking of enemies becoming allies, there's Gajeel and Levy. The Battle of Fairy Tail forced friends to fight each other, but these two ended up becoming closer in the process, with Gajeel taking a bolt of Laxus' lightning to save Levy, while she refused to join her two friends in beating him up when he refused to fight back. She was one of those who suffered most at his hands, and yet, she forgave him fairly readily. Of course, that doesn't mean that he doesn't get on her nerves from time to time; in fact, it is quite an achievement to bring out the mild-mannered Levy's temperamental side. In the end, though, I think it's a testament to how much she cares about him, and so long as they can work out their issues, they'll do just fine.
Even the Exceeds got in on the fun. Happy has always had a weird one-sided affection for Carla, who was the first female member of his species that he's met. Meanwhile, Carla was initially dismissive of everyone in Fairy Tail- much to the kindhearted, friendly and polite Wendy's chagrin- especially the "male cat." In spite of that, after the mission in Edolas, in which Carla learned of her past and was protected by Happy, Carla took steps toward admitting that she actually likes Happy.
Not everyone made it to the party that night, since Lucy's apartment was cramped as is, but I could think of other couples out there. There's my friends, Alzack and Bisca, who married and had a daughter during our seven years away. There's also a strange bond of sorts between Elfman and Evergreen, even though neither of them will openly admit it. Wendy also tells me that Ren of Blue Pegasus and Sherry of Lamia Scale are getting married; she's happy for the couple, but she's a bit worried about her close friend Chelia being lonely now that her older cousin Sherry has left the guild.
When Wendy told me about it, I also was glad that Ren and Sherry got together, but to be honest, a part of me envies the two of them and rest of the lovebirds from my guild. Everyone I mentioned, including the six humans and two Exceeds before me, are (mostly) law-abiding members of legal guilds, meaning they can see each other any time. Even Ren and Sherry, whose relationship drew disapproval from the latter's guild master, were able to get tie the knot in the end. Even for those who aren't yet a couple, they have no greater obstacles than each other, and perhaps within seven years' time, we'll see at least one of them pop the question.
All this talk of engagements reminds me of Jellal. He was once my childhood friend, then my greatest enemy. But after helping to thwart his plan to revive Zeref and meeting him again later, I understood what he was going through, and how his misdeeds were the results off brainwashing and manipulation. I eventually learned that he was always the boy I knew him as in his heart, but realized that his meaning changed; I was in love with him, and I believed he reciprocated those feelings.
Unfortunately, as a result of the years of brainwashing and the actions he performed, he was now a criminal and a fugitive. Seeing me as someone who walked the path of the light, separate from his, he lied and claimed to be engaged, possibly assuming that since he had two attractive female companions for the past seven years I had gone missing. It seemed convincing...
...if not for the fact that Jellal was never a very good liar, not when he lied about being the mastermind behind the escape plan out of a desire to protect Sho, and not at this moment. He said what he needed to say, but not without the conviction necessary to get me to believe it. In spite of that, I got the message, and pretended to go along with it, hoping that he would pretend to believe me. He and I were walking separate paths, and had no desire to drag me, a mage in a legal guild with a relatively clean criminal record, into his world, since he couldn't join me in mine.
As you can see, unlike my other friends, I cannot merely go on a job with Jellal, hang out with him in the guild hall or invite him over to my place for Christmas. As such, what my friends did with those they loved was, to me, a tantalizing reminder of what I could not do. It's one of those sad but true facts of life that's most depressing when you think about it, so for the sake of my emotional well-being, I try not to. As a result, the pain is bearable, but I still feel it from time to time.
Most of the time, I try to keep those feelings inside. I've opened up to my friends more since they helped me put my demons to rest at the Tower of Heaven, but playing the cool, confident tough girl is what I tend to do in mostcases. As such, when I'm faced with reminders of my past suffering, present problems and concerns with the future, I soldier on as best as I can. I trust my friends, but know that are some things that I must figure out by myself, and some pains I must simply endure.
But then there's a saying, "In wine, there is truth." I'm reminded of Kagura drunkenly declaring Yukino her "property" after the Grand Magic Games and dragon invasion, possibly out of a misguided attempt to recruit her to Mermaid Heel. As such, after a few drinks, my inhibitions faded, and I challenged them to the Guild Master's Game. Somehow, they sobered up upon realizing what they were getting involved in, but it hardly mattered, as the Guild Master's orders were absolute, even with those who had the position did not know who would be obeying them. When I became Guild Master- a position I had briefly held for Fairy Tail in the fairly recent past- I subjected my guildmates to all manner of humiliation, cheating to win when my friends' commands proved too tame, and giving out commands of my own.
Of course, there's always a better cheater out there, and Gray's luck was good enough to pick out the winning stick, while his eyes were good enough to see mine. He went in for the kill, ordering me to go home naked, possibly hoping that the cold would sober me up, that I would be unable to participate further, or that I would beg for mercy, humiliating myself in front of those I had humiliated. I don't think he was expecting me to actually do it, even though my inhibitions were repressed as everyone else's, and futilely begged me to stop.
I was out the door for less than a minute when Jellal came by. The odds of this happening were impossible for me to calculate even while sober, and the implications of it were obvious to me even while I was intoxicated. The shock immediately sobered me up, but it was too late for me to get my clothes or make Jellal forget what he had seen, even if I cast Requip right then and there.
Jellal, however, only lost his stoic facade for a moment when he saw me naked, and simply asked me if I had been drinking. He offered me his coat and to walk me home. The streets of Magnolia were practically deserted for Christmas- although Juvia had seen more people than she would like while following one of my orders- so no one would be around to see a woman wearing nothing but an overcoat and a Santa hat with a man who was a fugitive from the Council, but I appreciated the company.
Now that I think about it, I think Jellal would be right at home in Fairy Tail. The first Master once said that he didn't bear our crest, but he had the same heart as us, and I don't think any of the antics we get up to would faze him. Since Jellal was once one of the ten Wizard Saints along with the Master, and put up a good fight against Jura, another of the Wizard Saints, despite having to hide his abilities, he could easily become an S-Class member of the guild, thus augmenting Fairy Tail's fighting forces. Perhaps he still feels the need to atone for his crimes, but he could do a lot of good fighting alongside us, enough so that he could someday earn the right to forgive himself.
I couldn't help but think that perhaps having Jellal join us in Fairy Tail might not solely be a possibility. We could cover him up in the baggy robe, hood and face mask and say that Mystogan had come back from Edolas, just like our Lisanna had. If anyone outside of Fairy Tail knew or suspected otherwise, I'd have Mest alter their memories.
But then there's the Council. The old Council- those who took office after most of their predecessors were forced to resign after playing into Jellal and Ultear's hands- did not take Jellal's brainwashing or subsequent memory loss into account when they sentenced him to death. Jellal's desire to atone for the crimes he was manipulated into committing won't likely win him any points given that to do so, he let Meredy and Ultear break him out of prison, and with their help, destroyed many dark guilds, something the Council considers illegal without openly admitting how often their inaction has forced people like us to take matters into their own hands. I don't exactly like the rule against guild wars- it has a good purpose, but it's never deterred any of our enemies, while putting us at risk for being punished for protecting ourselves and innocent people- but it's the law. There are also many people who suffered as a result of Jellal's actions, regardless of whether he was in his right mind when he did them. Kagura and Millianna know the truth, but they're quite conflicted about what they heard. Millianna in particular became uncharacteristically depressed after Ultear confessed to manipulating Jellal, once she had enough time to think it over. Both Kagura and Millianna needed someone to hate for Simon's death, but even though things aren't quite that simple, the process of forgiving Jellal won't be, either. Since it took a long time for me to come to terms with how I felt about him, I have no right to judge those who still feel bitter about what he did to them in the past.
I can't help but feel a bit helpless. I had enough of a fiendish imagination to think of humiliating orders for my friends, even if they didn't always go as planned- Gajeel wasn't my first choice of someone I wanted to see naked- but it doesn't do me any good when it comes of thinking of ways to help Jellal. When the Council came for him after the mission to defeat the Oracion Seis, all I could think of was taking responsibility for the ensuing brawl so that my friends and allies(...and Ichiya) didn't wind up in prison along with him. Once Jellal was taken into a carriage to spend the rest of his life in prison, the most I could do was keep my emotions together, and then I broke down and wept inconsolably once I was alone.
I'm most vulnerable in those moments when I have enough time to dwell on what troubles me. I might have the physical and mental fortitude to fight while exhausted, heavily injured or in great pain, but I cannot simply forget about or turn a blind eye to what troubles me. I spent most of my childhood in the shadow of the Tower of Heaven, even after escaping from it, and once Jellal drops me off at home, I'll likely start thinking about when and whether I'll see him again.
Still, whatever the reasons, Jellal came tonight, and walked me home, when I'd never expected him to show up. That, in and of itself, is a small Christmas miracle, and perhaps worth getting drunk enough to do a game like this.
Author's Notes
Thank you for reading this.
I was inspired to write it after seeing the Christmas chapter, in which Erza admits to Jellal that she's somewhat jealous of her friends for being to get together with their loved ones for Christmas.
One has to wonder why Erza didn't use Requip when she was out naked in the snow, but one could imagine that it was too late and that the damage had been done.
Incidentally, it's a bit unclear when in the story the extra chapter takes place, because it's after the second time skip (Carla can turn into a human form), but apparently before the Albareth invasion (Natsu's arm is still wrapped up).