summary: It's only been two weeks. It was the most painful wound he has ever had inflicted on him— ever.
series: fairy tail
rating: t
genre: tragedy/angst
note: i do not own fairy tail.
He traces his fingers down his chest, along the scar that reached from his collarbone and almost down to his waist, it just misses the guild stamp located on his right breast. It's still a bit tender. It's only been two weeks. It was the most painful wound he has ever had inflicted on him— ever. Blood literally oozed out, all down his body and his hands. And if it wasn't for the fact that he was incredibly pissed at the time, he probably would have cried. Even with the dark bruises and deep cuts that stained all along his body, they were all nothing compared to that one scar, nothing at all.
But here he is, tracing the scar as he ponders to himself, why did his heart hurt more than the actual wound itself? The wound is now almost healed, but it still hurts. It hurts to think about it. How he thought he was avenging his family and his mentor, but just ended up hurting those close to him.
He basically killed his own father.
Yes, he knows that. He thinks about it constantly. Right now he's thinking about it. He not only hurt his father; but Juvia too. He remembers what she told him, that she was the one who killed the demon controlling his father, and thus 'ending' Silver's life too. How tears pooled down her face as she sobbed out that she was so sorry and that she didn't deserve to love him. It tugged and pained at his heart to see her in such a shape. Usually so happy and cheerful, now sombre. Not only that, but a week after the battle with Tartarus, the old man went and decided to disband the guild.
For a couple moments, he believes. He believes that he has killed his mentor and his father, and that he has broken Juvia into a million pieces that he couldn't fix, and that he had abandoned his friends after a fight that had scared a majority of them.
He believes that he is a bad person, and it tears him apart, as if the scar on his chest and everywhere else on his body represents his thoughts. He was broken and scared.
He thinks, that he is despicable. And that he should just run off and be alone for the rest of his cursed life. But oh no, he's not that stupid. He owes it to his father to fulfill his dying wish, to defeat the wicked demon known as E.N.D and to avenge his loved ones.
Yes, that's right. That's his will to live. All and every single member of his family has left him— his mother and father, his mentor, his guild members. They're all gone. What is there to do now besides become stronger and do what his father could not?
He doesn't care if it's risky, or if it's hopeless, or even if there's a chance he'll never see any of his loved ones again. He's willing to take the risk. It's not like he was the only one hurt.
Juvia was, too.
His heart hurts thinking about her. Somehow, the image of her cheeks flooded with tears, her eyes and nose all red and puffy from crying all week, the bruises that stained all around her neck, sinks into his brain. That's all he sees when he closes his eyes, her pain. It makes him feel like shit. Juvia would do anything for him— she let his father rest in peace— yet all he's ever done was reject her love and affection, he broke he heart. He ripped it up and broke it into little pieces. She's now back to the original juvia, the rain woman who brought rain wherever she went.
There's a hollowness to her eyes, too. They look empty compared to the love they once had when she looked up at him. There's no more sparks in them. She looks up at him with pity and sadness, she doesn't even take the time to look after herself anymore. It's like… it's like she hates herself. She doesn't try to hide the scar on her cheek that Gray presumes she got from fighting Keith. She doesn't try to hide the bruises that wrapped around her entire neck, they're a reddish purple, tinted with a bit of black. Someone has gripped her by the throat with such a force that he's surprised it didn't snap her neck. But maybe life was cruel, and didn't let her know that she wanted to die until the chance was over with. She lets it show, to prove that finally, she has been defeated and broken, and that she has given up. He thinks, no, he knows. He knows that she does not sleep very often. She thinks she's a killer.
And for some reason, he hates himself for not being able to stop Natsu and Happy from leaving Lucy alone. She says, she's 'fine' and that he should not worry, but he is. He's worrying because he saw a lifeless look in her eyes. Something has happened to her, he knows that, but he does not know what. It looks like her heart has been broken.
He hasn't seen Aquarius' key in her bundle of keys for a while, he wonders if she left it at her apartment or if she's too scared to summon her spirit, she would know how to cheer her up.
And hey—? Are those bandages peeping out of her long sleeve shirt? Why would she be covering her wrist?
He hates seeing her force smiles and bid goodbye to their friends that slowly disappear. He wants to reach out and help, but how can he help her when he can't even help himself.
He can't help anyone.
And it's his fault. It always is his fault. And he hates himself for it. He has always been dark but now that he had no one left to hurt, he never truly understood how dark he could be. His heart is stained from scars that his former friends and family have left behind, and have left him with such an anxiety that he feels like he cannot even breathe.
Maybe, some scars aren't marked on his body, but on his heart and soul, too.
for the first day of the ft angst week. i have no idea where i was going with this story, but here it is.
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