It Only Hurts When I Breathe

Dr. Addison Montgomery never even saw it coming. She'd thought that she and Alex Karev were happy. They both sat in the oncall room early that day. They both wore scrubs; Addison's, the navy blue of the Attendings, and Alex's were a light blue. Addison leaned against him, feeling safer and happier than she had felt in a long time. She sat beside Alex, her shoulder touching his.

"I really don't want rounds to start," Addison said softly. "I wish this could just freeze up, stay like this forever."

"Same." Alex said, his arms draped over his knees as his head tilted slightly in Addison's direction. "But we'll have to face the music at some point."

Addison sighed softly, and then let her head fall lightly onto Alex's shoulder, leaning against him. Alex slid his arm around her shoulders, and Addison lifted her head to kiss him. His lips were soft, feeling as though he had just applied Chap Stick to them. Addison looked into his eyes, then pushed herself upward and kissed him again, incredibly turned on. A part of her want to pull that scrub top over his head, to feel the curves and muscle of his toned body. Merely it was the comfort. The comfort of feeling as though someone loved her.

Alex kissed her back but he pulled away gently. "Addie, not now."

"Why not?" Addison countered, her hand running down Alex's cheek. Alex found himself fixated by her blue-eyed gaze. "Nobody's here yet."

"It's not a good idea, Addison." Alex said. "Anyone could walk in."

Addison studied his face, and then closed her eyes, exhaling slowly with her forehead pressed gently against his. She wrapped both arms around his neck and he held her tightly in an affectionate embrace. His arms circled her waist, feeling every delicate curve. He slid his hands down, his thumbs burrowing under the band of her scrub pants and gently stroked her hip bone when one of the pagers went off. Addison reached over, finding much to her disappointment it was hers.

"It's me." Addison muttered, straightening. Alex displayed his obvious protest, sliding his hands under her scrub top and gently stroked her flat stomach. The coolness of his hands against her skin sent chills up Addison's spine.

"Don't go yet," He tilted his head. Addison grinned, kissing him.

"I have to. I'll catch you around later, OK?" She said, then got up, leaving the oncall room. As she did, she adjusted her scrub top and bottoms, the feeling of his touch still tingling.

Hours later, Addison left one of her patient's rooms and headed toward the Nurse's Station. "Nurse Debbie, have you seen Dr. Karev?"

Debbie looked up from a chart she was reading. "Yes, he needed a consult from Nurse Olivia on a patient."

Addison's eyebrows rose. Odd. Alex didn't say anything about it before. Addison gave a nod in thanks and headed off toward one of the exam rooms. As she passed the oncall room, voices caught her attention.

"This isn't a good idea. What if Montgomery finds us?"

"She won't. She's too busy. Besides, she's probably still after Shepherd." Addison recognized Alex's voice automatically, and it killed her to be right this time. She opened the door to find Alex and Olivia on the same bed Addison and Alex had been leaning against just hours ago. Upon seeing her, Olivia sprang up and Alex jumped back toward the corner.

"Addison, wait. This isn't how it looks—" Alex said quickly. Addison didn't need to hear anymore. She stood stiffly as Olivia shuffled out of the room and closed it behind her. She'd seen all she needed to.

Shit. Alex thought and shoved each foot into his clogs. After about ten minutes he left the room and searched everywhere for Addison. He came upon the stairs, went down and in the corner, found Addison sitting on the steps, with Meredith Grey sitting beside her and Izzie Stevens on step up one from them. Addison's eyes were red and puffy, and tears streaked her face. Meredith's hand was on her arm. Every head turned in Alex's direction when he approached.

"Addison, it wasn't what you think. I swear." Alex said breathlessly. Addison turned her head.

"Alex, just go." Meredith shot him a look.

"I just want to talk to her—" Alex sputtered.

"You've said enough and done enough. Just go." Izzie snapped. Alex looked to Addison, trying to catch her eye.

"Addison… I'm so sorry…" He said. Addison shook her head.

"I cared about you, Alex. I felt safe around you and was convinced you'd never do anything to hurt me," She said, her voice thick. "I was wrong. You're no better than Mark… or me for that matter. But now I know how Derek felt when I did what I did."

"Addison—" Alex tried again. Addison shook her head, turning away.

"Just go away, Karev. Please." Addison murmured.

Karev. The word stung. Especially since Addison hadn't called him that in months. He left, and as soon as he did so, Addison's head sank into her hands and she began to sob.

"Oh, Addison," Meredith murmured, taking the older woman into her arms, pulling her to her gently. Addison let her head drop into the offered embrace and cried into Meredith's shoulder. Meredith kept her arms wrapped around Addison's shoulders, and from behind, Izzie rubbed Addison's back in small circles.

"I really thought he cared about me. I never thought he'd do this," Addison wept. Izzie moved down closer to her, still rubbing their friend's back.

"Addison, he's Alex. I know you don't want to hear it, but I don't know a single person he's been faithful to." Izzie said softly. "He cheated on me with Olivia at one point, I know how you feel."

Addison shut her eyes as though in pain and shook her head. Another wave of sobs wracked her body, a gut-wrenching, pained sound they never thought they'd hear out of the ruthless, tough-to-the-core Attending. Meredith unwound her arms from around Addison, letting Izzie take her gently. Addison sank into Izzie's arms and the two hugged tightly.

"Addison?" They heard another female voice. Addison lifted her head.

"It's Callie," She said, looking up. Callie Torres came down the stairs and found the two interns and her friend, immediately coming to Addison's side.

"What happened?" She asked, immediately putting an arm around Addison's shoulders, as though claiming her place. Addison and Callie had quickly become close friends.

"She found Alex and Olivia together," Meredith explained. Addison bit her lip as more tears streamed down her face.

"Oh, God. Oh, honey, I'm so sorry." Callie muttered. She pulled Addison gently into her arms and Addison began to sob, breaking down completely.

"What did I do wrong, Callie?" Addison wept heavily. "It had to have been my fault."

"No. Addie, don't say that for a second. In no way was it your fault." Callie said, pulling Addison closer. Addison's face was buried into the young Hispanic woman's shoulder. Callie stroked her red hair and Meredith came up and sat beside them. Callie allowed Meredith the room. It seemed like Derek's girlfriend had a change of heart toward Addison. This woman was like family to Derek, and now she was hurting worst. Meredith felt as though she could do more to help than she realized.

"Oh, Addison," Meredith murmured, putting her arms around her. The three sat, with Addison into Callie's shoulder, and Meredith, rubbing Addison's back with her lean against it as well, trying to make human contact in an effort to comfort her.

A couple days had gone by, and Addison sat in her hotel room, sitting at the window with her legs pulled up to her chest, wearing black leggings. Her laptop sat in her lap on hibernate, until she pressed on of the keys with a sigh. She heard the computer buzz as the screen lit up, and Addison opened Microsoft Outlook™. She noticed a couple new emails, but her attention zoned in on one from Alex. She clicked on his email.

To: afmshepherdsgh.med

From: akarevsgh.med

Subject: I'm sorry

Message:

Addison,

I'm so sorry about what happened. If there is any way I could take it back, I would. There are a couple things I want to talk to you about. Meet me Joe's tonight at 8 pm. See u there.

Alex