Crass Cooper

Summary: Kurt hasn't seen his boyfriend in a week. So naturally things are getting hot and heavy, until they're interrupted by Blaine's bemused older brother. Rated M for sex and language. Klaine. No Andercest.

Warnings: Guy-on-guy sex. Mentions of heterosexual sex.

A/N: This is my first ever time writing smut, so don't judge me too harshly. I tried to keep it tasteful. The reasoning for the title will become really become apparent in Chapter Three, which will be posted in a few days.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee.

"God, I've missed this," Blaine breathed as he pressed Kurt up against the front door, and shoved his tongue down his boyfriend's throat.

After he removed said tongue, Kurt chuckled, "I should go away more often if this how you greet my return."

Kurt had spent the last seven days on a family camping trip in the mountains. As much as he had begged and pleaded not to go, Burt had forced him, saying it was a 'family obligation'. Kurt had been forced to learn how to build a fire, wash in a stream, and share a tiny two-man tent with one enormous Finn Hudson. Worst of all was the lack of cell reception, preventing him calling Blaine and seeking comfort from him. After arriving home, Kurt had a quick (but necessary) shower, and drove over to his boyfriend's house, who greeted him at the front door with a very passionate, sloppy kiss.

"Bedroom?" Kurt asked.

"Too far," Blaine replied and dragged him from the front door and into the living room, awkwardly removing his shirt while simultaneously planting kisses on Kurt the whole way, before pulling him down onto the sofa.

"Your parents?" Kurt asked, letting his hands run wild over Blaine's chest.

Eliciting a soft groan, the smaller man responded, "Out of town 'til Monday."

"Wonderful," Kurt smiled, and pounced on him, letting his tongue work all over every bit of exposed flesh it could find.

"Kurt..." Blaine moaned, as Kurt lay on top of him, mouth buried into his neck. He began to notice a familiar tightening in his pants, and immediately realised that even though he was shirtless, he and Kurt were still wearing way too many clothes, and began undoing the many buttons, zippers and snaps that adorned Kurt's body.

A few minutes later, and after a few frustrated growls from Blaine as he tried to get Kurt's clothes off, both boys had been stripped naked, and were far too engrossed in each other's bodies to notice the sound of a car pulling into the driveway. Blaine had flipped the two over so that he was on top, straddling Kurt and grinding his hips down on top of him, desperate for some relief.

Wrapped in each other's arms, moaning softly while their erections rubbed together, slick with pre-cum, Blaine began to speak. "God, I've needed this, I've had to rely on my right hand all week thanks to you being gone."

"Lucky you," Kurt replied, taking his tongue away from Blaine's shoulder to do so, "I haven't done anything since before I left."

"Saving it up for me?" Blaine teased, as Kurt slipped his hands behind Blaine and grabbed his ass, pulling him down closer to him.

"Hardly," Kurt moaned as Blaine's fingers found his nipples. "I was sleeping in close quarters with Finn all week, didn't have a chance. Not that it stopped him though. Heard him jerking off a few times while he thought I was asleep."

"Gross."

"I know." Kurt replied, as he began to grope Blaine's (in his opinion, perfect) ass, while still maintaining the steady rhythm of their hips moving together. It was at this point that Kurt noticed that something was very, very wrong with the situation, and froze.

"Hey Blaine?" He started nervously, "Speaking of brothers."

"Yeah? What about them?" Blaine carried on, oblivious to what Kurt was seeing, and continued to grind his hips into the elder boy, moaning hard.

"Umm..." Kurt couldn't finish, a mixture of fear, shock and embarrassment flooding him, preventing him from doing so.

Blaine had started to wonder why Kurt had ceased all movement. Moving his hand down between them to grab both of their manhoods, Blaine said, "Babe, your dick is getting soft. Why have you stopped?"

"Probably because I'm here." A voice that was certainly not Kurt's replied.

Blaine froze in his tracks, and noticed for the first time the wide-eyed look of fear and shock on his boyfriend's face, which was pointed in the direction of the hallway. Slowly turning his head behind him to where Kurt was looking, he saw a man leaning against the doorway to the living room. And he had a very mischievous smirk on his face.

"Cooper..." Blaine said, turning red from embarrassment as he said it.

"Well well, little brother." Cooper began, half laughing. "I certainly wasn't expecting to see this when I walked through the door."

"Kurt." He added, nodding to boy under Blaine.

Kurt was speechless, unable to reply, or even move. He was very aware of the position that Blaine's older brother had caught them in. Kurt was lying naked under Blaine on the sofa, as Blaine (also naked) was straddling him. Kurt's hands were firmly grasped on Blaine's buttocks, and Blaine had his hand wrapped around both of their dicks. Kurt was very thankful that Cooper was unable to see that last part from where he stood. And while he was certainly embarrassed to say the least, he could only imagine the embarrassment that Blaine felt. After all, it wasn't him that had some guy groping his bare ass in front of his brother.

Kurt had seemingly forgotten how to talk, and just shakily nodded his head towards the elder Anderson.

"What the hell are you doing here Coop?" Blaine was absolutely mortified, and was still frozen in place, but he was able to let out a vaguely angry question.

Cooper on the other hand looked positively gleeful at having discovered Blaine in such a compromising position. "Now how is that a way to welcome your favourite brother?"

"Cooper..." Blaine warned.

"Little tip Blainers, it's hard to threaten someone when you're naked, just saying. But as to why I'm here. I was bored in LA, thought I'd come home and surprise you." Cooper said, then added laughing, "Although to be honest, I think you surprised me more than I did you. Aren't you glad to see me?"

"Thrilled," Blaine said sarcastically, "Now get out!" He yelled.

"Blaine we just talked about this. If I can see your ass, you can't threaten." Cooper teased.

Blaine regained partial control of his body and threw a nearby shoe at his brother's head, taking care not to expose any more of himself to Cooper as he did so.

Narrowly avoiding the projectile, Cooper relented, picked Blaine's discarded shirt off the floor and waved it in defeat. He was very clearly enjoying every moment of this.

"Alright, I give, no more shoes. I'm going to go into the kitchen and let you two get dressed." Cooper said, as he started to walk out of the room, tossing Blaine his shirt as he did so.

Just as he was about to enter the kitchen, he stopped, turned, and started fumbling for something in his jeans.

"Cooper?" Blaine warned again.

"Naked. Ass. Threaten. Remember?" Finally finding what he was looking for, he took his phone out, and quickly snapped a picture of the embracing boys.

"What the hell are you doing?" Blaine practically screeched, falling off Kurt and the sofa, and onto the floor. As he did so he accidentally fully exposed both of them to Cooper.

"Future blackmailing opportunities..." he said slowly, head tilted and very obviously gazing down at both Kurt and Blaine's naked bodies, as the two scrambled to find something to cover their rapidly deflating erections.

"Huh," he began, "Looks like Kurt is the bigger one in the relationship. Does that mean he tops?"

"COOPER!" Blaine yelled and aimed another shoe at his head. Cooper merely smirked again, but he took the hint and retreated to the kitchen.

Once the boys were alone, Kurt, who had remained completely silent during the ordeal, once again found his voice.

"What just happened?" He said to a very flustered looking Blaine.

To be continued...

A/N: So that's Chapter One, it is a little light on the smut, but I think it still counts, and there will be more in future. Chapter two will be up tomorrow.