OF COURSE I DON"T OWN THEM. I have my own characters to keep me busy. THIS Is just for fun!
Grissom and Sara have been on relationship tilt-a-whirls with each other since the very beginning. One question—why does she put up with it for so long? Is he really that oblivious? What happens when they each make decisions regarding the other? What if those decisions are polar opposites? What if—she decides to give up on him, just as he figures things out?
Bumpy ride. Grissom's got his work cut out for him now!!!!
After Grissom left, telling her he'd not let Ecklie fire her, Sara gave some honest thought to their convoluted and dysfunctional relationship.
When had she let herself get in this situation? This hopeless feeling of why bother?
Her mind replayed that day, that case nearly a year ago. That's when she'd first given up Grissom had tried to distance her so much that week. She hadn't known why then, not until Grissom had spoken.
She'd watched through the glass and felt her heart harden at Grissom's words.
She'd had no idea he felt that way. Why hadn't he said something before? Done something about it? Did he honestly think she'd wait forever for him to figure things out?
Love was something that had to be nurtured—she'd learned that the hard way. So why had she waited so long to make a decision about the entomologist?
Part of her already knew the answer. Fear. She feared that if she got the man she thought she wanted she'd somehow mess it up.
It was time she stopped being afraid. Time she stopped waiting for the unattainable. It wasn't going to happen and she'd wasted enough time.
She didn't need Grissom. It was time she realized that and started acting like the self-sufficient, confident woman she wanted to be. More like Catherine. The single mother seemed capable of anything. Wasn't she Grissom's right hand—and the left?
What right did Grissom have to decide her life for her?
Only that which she gave him. It was time to start taking control of things again.
But how?
First, she was going to stop mooning over the man whenever he got near. Enough was enough—she had her pride. It was time she developed some dignity as well. Stop trying to get him to notice her. After all—he saw her every day
Second, she was going to start getting out more. No more staying at home reading and researching just to have interesting things to talk to the man about. Enough bugs for her. And enough entomologists.
Third, quit spending all her time at work. Was it worth it really? Letting it consume her, flirting with alcoholism, developing an ulcer? It was just a job, nothing more. Not worth killing herself slowly over.
Fourth, stop beating herself up about things she couldn't change, about what she didn't like about herself. If she'd learned one thing on this job it was that everyone was imperfect—even her.
Last, get out of her small cramped apartment. Find one that's more like the home she always wanted. Had she even finished unpacking all the boxes from the move here? That had been four years ago at least.
The rest of her life started today. She was still here, everyone else in her life might be either dead or superficial—but she wasn't.
Per Grissom's orders she was officially on suspension for her actions with Ecklie. Three weeks. She was going to put them to good use.
It took two days to find the place she wanted. Another three to finish the paperwork. By the time her three week's enforced vacation was up she had hired a moving company and everything was in her new place—a three bedroom condo in a relatively nice neighborhood. It was near a small park. She walked there before her shift started, sitting down to think. To reaffirm what she'd already decided.
Gilbert Grissom was a part of her past and she was determined to keep him there. They were colleagues—no more. It was time to stop. This was more than just a rationalization, this was cold hard fact. She dealt in facts, it was time to follow the evidence.
She and only she was responsible for her own happiness. She was not making herself happy.
She began her metamorphosis at work.
She'd been paged early and met Grissom in the lobby where he quickly filled her in on the specifics of the case. He had one hand wrapped around her upper arm, an unconscious action that she usually didn't mind.
This time she squared her shoulders and pulled away, ignoring his strangely hurt and perplexed expression. No more letting him casually touch her then back away.
She kept her distance while they processed Martha Krell's hotel room, processing one side of the room while he went to work in the bathroom. He seemed to sense something was wrong, spoke to her hesitantly whenever it was necessary to speak.
After taking the evidence they'd managed to collect from the disinfected crime scene—the killer had tried cleaning up after himself—back to the lab she hurriedly split away from him and Greg.
She'd made a resolution but that didn't make it any easier to be near him. She spent the next few hours running trace samples on the evidence. She was about to take a break when her pager went off, flashing the message Busy. Go see Ecklie about case. GG.
Dammit. Ecklie was her least favorite man in the whole building. She stopped short—who better than? If she was truly taking control of her life and being a responsible adult, able to control her emotions, who better to practice on than Ecklie?
She paused just in side the lay out room, seeing the assistant director spreading evidence photos out on the table. How to begin. He was her boss and after her words to him a few weeks ago and Grissom's refusal to fire her, things were naturally tense. Maybe she could rectify that?
"Ecklie? What's up?"
He looked at her suspiciously, and she almost laughed. Surely he wasn't expecting her head to explode? Fangs to suddenly protrude?
"I paged Grissom," Was all he said.
"And he paged me. How can I help you?"
He went into detail and she had to admit she was intrigued. Sue Stein's scene was eerily like Martha Krell's. He made a comment about the fingerprint not being able to be processed. Sara knew that technology had come pretty far in the last five years. "That was then. This is now."
As she left she wondered if her words could mean something else.