Title: Chasing Cars
Rating: M
Genre: Slash, Romance/Angst/Tragedy
Summary: Leonard and Sheldon were friends…with benefits. No strings or emotional complications, just how Sheldon wanted it. But for Leonard there's more beneath surface, until tragedy strikes and takes his memory away.
Disclaimer: I don't own The Big Bang Theory or anyone affiliated with it. If I did, Johnny Galecki would never get to work.
Author's Notes: Yes, I should be working on my other story "Already Gone." But this wouldn't leave me alone. I blame Snow Patrol and their awesome ballads lol. I hope you enjoy!
Prologue
Sheldon sometimes wondered if happiness was created to warn people of impending doom.
Yes, he knows that that's a very strange thing for someone like him to even consider, but he can't help it. Staring at someone who knows you more intimately than anyone in the world and yet doesn't know you at all causes you to rethink things in your life.
It also causes guilt to play heavy on your heart. Especially in his case.
It had been a normal night, all things considered. Their friends Raj and Howard had gone home and it was only them left with a lovely jazz album and far too many thoughts on life and each other. Most of the time, Sheldon can ignore those thoughts. But when his dark haired roommate starts singing softly and unwittingly giving him those eyes while sipping a glass of deep red wine, he really can't help but wonder what if. The man was so attractive from his altruistic personality to his perfectly shaped buttocks. He was everything someone would want. Everything Sheldon wanted.
However, their agreement is rock solid and leaves no room for such dalliances with temptation. Sheldon wouldn't be able to cope with having to keep up with Leonard's not-so greatly hidden need for love and acceptance. He's just not that in touch with human emotions. He would too afraid of hurting the man and driving him away. So he allows himself this. Light, flirty banter and one to many touches of hands. It was enough for him. But those eyes…damn, they were beautiful. Sheldon could be happy if Leonard were to continue looking at him like that.
Fast-forward six months later and Penny moves in. Suddenly, Leonard isn't looking at him like that anymore, but at a pretty blonde girl. He doesn't like this. He doesn't like this at all. This girl could be the thing to rip away his carefully constructed happiness he found with Leonard. But Leonard is a man with needs. And Sheldon can't help but wonder what if again.
It finally happens two years later. He learns what the term "friends with benefits" means, and while hesitant to explore that in their relationship, he likes the implications. It makes Leonard pay attention to him again, but without the emotional component that makes it a real romantic relationship. It means he can almost literally have his cake and eat it too. And that first time together... He'll never forget how wonderful it felt to be inside that slick tightness or the sounds the smaller physicist made. He's pretty sure happiness was a word that he used to describe that moment, but now he doesn't quite think it was strong enough.
Truthfully, he never considered Leonard feelings on it. Six months in and he was shocked to find Leonard wondering when they would ever make it official.
Official was never in the cards.
The whole point of their new arrangement was so there was no official. It worked. Leonard got sex regularly and Sheldon got Leonard's undivided attention without having to deal with his emotional mood swings. Why would he want to complicate that?
And when he said as much, he didn't expect to see the absolutely devastated look in the other man's eyes. But even more, he didn't expect what was going to come later that night.
Now, staring through an ICU window; he really does believe happiness is a precursor to tragedy. Because that could only describe what his life was becoming.
His goal was to not lose Leonard, and he lost him anyway. He knew this when those eyes he loved looking at opened and the raspy voice asked, "Who are you?"