Author's Note:

First of all, I don't own Cold Case or any of the characters that exist within the show. Now that we have that obvious bit of business out of the way, I want to welcome you to my John/Lilly…ish fanfiction. If the idea disturbs you, it's probably best not to read it. In regards to Lilly's negative thoughts on Diane, remember that this is before they started bonding, when Diane was still being very high-handed with most everyone, especially Lilly. This is part one of two, and I would love to hear from you, so please review.

Hopefully

Yates and Boss had a thing. Lilly hadn't wasted much time letting Scotty know, it was like high school all over again. When you had this kind of dirt, you weren't gonna keep it to yourself. Petty and immature though it may have been, Lilly didn't feel like taking the high road. "A thing-thing?" Scotty had asked.

No, a thing where they painted Easter eggs, a sarcastic little voice in Lilly's head shot back. She didn't voice it because a bigger part of her brain didn't blame Scotty for clarifying, it was Stillman after all. He was not the kind of man who stepped out on his wife, he was not the kind of man that had sex with women like Diane Yates. He was above all that, or so Lilly thought.

It disturbed her because it had her brain spinning, made her wonder what other secrets John Stillman was hiding. Any detective worth their salt had the natural urge to snoop...their job just gave them a good excuse to act on that urge. Not that it was any of her business, it's not like she'd want her dirty laundry on view for the entertainment of the department. The problem was that human nature was human nature, and when you were curious, it didn't matter if it was your business or not...you still wanted to know. You added a cop's aforementioned inclination to get the bottom of things and boy, you had a potent combination.

She knew that Stillman's marriage had been on the rocks at the end, and he fell into the trap a lot of people did...drowning your sorrows with sex. Yates had probably wagged her tail enough times, and one night he might have said: "What the hell" and went for it. It was logical, but so unStillmanlike. The only time she'd seen him act affected by a woman was the one time his ex-wife showed up and he'd gotten all rattled.

Okay, it wasn't like Lilly hadn't realized there was a man underneath the Lieutenant Stillman part, all of them had a personal bond to the man that went beyond the job. He cared about them, they cared about him. They'd all hung out together off the clock, and the girl who had trust issues the size of Mexico trusted him completely. She may have let him down a few times, but he'd never let her down even once. But him having wild monkey sex? No way and now she found out that running around with Agent Cougar was what busted up his marriage.

"That's what she said," she assured Scotty. Diane Yates might be a lot of irritating things, but she didn't strike Lilly as the type to tell that kind of bald faced lie. "It broke up his marriage."

"Wow," was all Scotty could say. Yeah, wow. Steady as he goes Stillman going outside the colored lines like that.

He hadn't let her down now, she reminded herself sternly. Putting people up on pedestals was stupid and unfair. So many men in her life had done it to her, Joseph being the most recent. He'd made her more than she was and when she screwed up, he was done. Her best hadn't been enough, he'd wanted everything. She'd felt inadequate and messed up when he walked out on her, and it took her a long time to figure out that it hadn't been 100% her fault. If Joseph had really loved her then he would have given her a second chance, he would have met her half way. Yeah, she'd definitely made a mistake but that wasn't enough to walk out on someone you loved. He'd only loved the woman he thought she was.

And if she cared about Stillman then she wouldn't judge him, she wouldn't lose any of her respect for him. He'd made a mistake but he was human, of course he'd made mistakes. Still, it was freaky to think about and it put her on edge to that Diane was in his orbit again. Lilly wouldn't past her to put the move on 'Johnny', (ugh!) to use the old times' sake card.

She didn't know why it bugged her so much, it's not like there would have been anything wrong with it this time around. Stillman was definitely single and maybe he was lonely. While not a stud or even handsome in the traditional sense, Lilly had always thought he had a certain appeal. While not young anymore, he was still in shape and virile. There was no reason he had to be a monk, there was no reason why he couldn't make plenty of women happy, why not Yates?

She'll make hamburger out him, that's why, Lilly thought to herself, half relieved to have concrete justification. Boss had a heart of gold, that much hadn't changed and Agent Cougar didn't strike Lilly as the type to give a crap. She'd be all over him to butter him up and keep her on the F.B.I's side, but the minute she didn't need him, she'd dump his ass in a New York minute. Obviously, the last time around they hadn't lasted.

Since when did John Stillman mix business with pleasure, anyway? Lilly forced herself not to scowl but her eyes narrowed nonetheless. Close though they might have been, Stillman had never once flirted with her, never even gave her an appreciative glance. She might as well have looked like Vera for all the attention he'd ever paid her. Not, of course, that she wanted him to be interested in her...it was just the point. She was a woman, wasn't she? It wasn't that she wanted him to hoot and holler (although the image wouldn't hold up anyway) or try to get her in bed, but a young, attractive woman should count for something.

Maybe not so young, a little voice taunted. She was in her early 40's, and a quick guess told her she wasn't that much younger than Yates. Olay products could only do so much, time was every woman's enemy. How long before her age started actively showing? The gallons of coffee and late nights were going to start showing too. While Lilly would have liked to believe herself above vanity, that she was all cop, she wasn't. She liked to look good as much as any other woman.

Young compared to boss, she maintained silently but fiercely, not wanting to dwell on her age. When she was a kid, he'd already made detective, probably recently promoted. Everyone assumed she saw Stillman through a daughter's eyes, and although she was devoted to him and admired him, she realized that she didn't see him as a father. As a mentor, for sure, but her daddy issues didn't extend to John.

As she mused, Scotty returned to his own paperwork, leaving her to her thoughts. He probably thought she was thinking about case related stuff, and that was more than fine with her. She barely understood her own train of thought, she'd never be able to explain it to anyone else. She glanced at her Latino partner, affection stirring within. If anyone on the team ever crossed the line, she supposed logically it'd be her and Scotty. They were close, and he wasn't that much younger. In the early days of their partnership, they'd flirted occasionally, and Lilly had nursed a tiny crush on him. Nothing serious, just appreciating old-fashioned chemistry. It hadn't stopped her from having a brief and over-rated thing with Kite, and she'd never really expected anything to come from it.

Admittedly, it added salt in the wound when Scotty had sex with her flake of a baby sister, and Lilly's crush had died an angry death. Of course, her and Scotty's friendship was strong enough to survive and flourish, and Lilly was even willing to admit in retrospect she'd overreacted. (Well, she wouldn't have admitted it to him, but to herself.) Still, the days of flirting were over. All the same, she was more likely to hook up with Scotty than anyone else in the group.

She saw Yates railroad Boss away from Kat, who looked annoyed. No one would ever lay bets on Lilly and Stillman hitting the sheets, of course they wouldn't. The idea was absurd...wasn't it? Her throat went dry and eyes wide when it didn't seem so stupid.

It would be twisted, Lilly insisted to herself. She'd known him...well, forever. He'd been the detective on the scene when she'd earned her 49...she'd been only ten friggin' years old. Wasn't like he was your godfather, you didn't see him for years after the case got closed...an annoying little voice reminded her. When they crossed paths again, eleven years later, of course they'd both remembered, but by tactic agreement, never brought it up directly. He respected it was a sore topic, John would never intentionally hit a raw nerve.

Stick to Stillman or boss, she ordered her brain. She could just imagine how awkward it would be if she slipped up one day. "Morning, did you want to see me, John?" She'd never called him by his first name, everyone else she did, but never the boss. He hadn't made it to where he had in life by being unobservant, he'd pick up on it in a New York minute. Come to think of it, anyone else would, too. Didn't want to give anyone the wrong idea, especially since there was nothing to get ideas about.

No, Stillman wasn't her type, not in any way shape or form. She didn't date older men, if anything her type ran slightly younger. Slightly, never drastically. She wasn't shallow, some of her boyfriends were merely average, Joseph and Patrick fell into that category. In bed, she tended to be the sexual aggressor, whatever the dynamics had been previously. Being in bed with Stillman would be too tricky, how could she get naked with someone she'd worked beside for twenty plus years?

Easy, after some making out you take off your clothes, he takes off his...pretty simple, actually. Lilly almost smacked her own head to stop the inappropriate thoughts, but Scotty would probably wonder why and she didn't feel like explaining. She shouldn't have been able to actually picture going to bed with Joh-Stillman, but she could...easily enough. She was trying not to wonder what he'd be like as a lover. They said it was the quiet ones you had to watch out for and in Lilly's experience, it tended to be true. But she was pretty sure she'd never find out from firsthand experience, and she certainly wasn't going to pump Miss Classified for info.

She couldn't help wondering, if circumstances were different, if her and Stillman worked different PD's, if they would have ever hit it off that way. He would have understood her, he would never have left her. The question was, would he have been enough? Would she have blown it, chasing after the eternal pipe dream that was Ray?

Stupid, stupid, stupid thoughts! Lilly growled internally. This was beyond lame and pointless.

"Lil, you okay?" Scotty questioned, a little amused. "I know Yates is kind of like nails plus chalkboard-"

"Fine, I'm fine. However not?" Lilly all but snapped. She wasn't mad at Scotty, more at herself because he'd obviously picked up on her mood and now she was giving more of herself away. Thankfully, he misread the root of her irritation.

"'Cause you look like you want to chuck a table at somebody?" Scotty teased.

Lilly ignored him, choosing to look instead at the exchange between Yates and Stillman instead. When they turned to stare at her, in light of her bizarre train of thought, she was unnerved. For a paranoid second, she wondered if Diane could read minds, and discounted it. If she had, Agent Cougar would have been all over her ass about the things she'd been thinking earlier, something about where she could shove her the F.B.I. attitude and how far. The blonde detective definitely knew boss couldn't read minds, so she was safe...hopefully.