Moments
Just a moment, that was all he needed. As he sat at the bar in the Citadel, his eyes skimmed over the vibrant blue drink. Hand drifted from the glass to his arm constantly, rubbing at his bicep where a beam had ripped through. After the events at the Collector's Base, it was impossible to come out unscathed, but at least it wasn't blatant suicide. Mental trauma racked him, but he tried to find hope in the galaxy he helped save. But hope wouldn't bring back the lives he lost…
Every time he closed his eyes, he was brought back to looking down on Tali's lifeless body. To pressing against a bullet wound, trying to save Zaeed. To running past Mordin's body, trying to get back to the Normandy to escape. The content of his stomach rose, but he forced it back down with another shot. "One more," he muttered, lowering his head as the bartender came back towards him for a refill. He had a high tolerance for alcohol, but when he wanted to get drunk it was remarkably easy. Shot, after shot after shot. Who'd say no to THE Commander Shepard?
Hands wrapped around the glass again, bringing it to his lips once more. Drowning the sorrow, or simply trying to drink himself to death. He couldn't remember how it started, but he'd have to figure out where to stop sooner or later. Choking down the drink, he lifted his head to look at the turian bartender who eyed him as the glass was pushed towards him once again. "…One more."
Attention taken by the alcohol, he couldn't be bothered to notice anyone or anything coming into the bar. His demons occupied his attention, clouding his sight. A figure moved into the bar, wearing standard alliance garb. Wearing her blue and gray uniform, but still looking rather dangerous. Her dark brown hair hung down to her shoulders. She moved to take a seat next to the drinking commander, looking over to him as he stared into his drink. "Funny, Skipper. I never saw you as the heavy drinking type."
His head finally lifted, the thoughts of the fallen drifting away as he looked to his side. A warm smile from Ashley was enough to make his heart skip a beat. "Ash… Thought you were on special orders from the Alliance to be kept away from me," he joked.
"Yeah, well." She waved the bartender over, ordering another two drinks for the two of them. "What they don't know won't hurt them." She slid the glass over to Shepard, the smile still lingering on her lips.
"Funny, Ash. I never saw you as the 'breaking orders' type." His mood seemed to brighten just a bit, ignoring the drink as he watched her down her own. "I take it you've heard?"
"Oh yeah," she said, nodding her head. "And, even if it was for the sake of humanity…" She turned on her seat to look at him. "I think you made the right choice. I think that it could've hurt our alliance with all the other aliens out here." She moved her hand onto his shoulder, nodding.
He smiled. "Too bad you couldn't come with me. I could've used your expertise in the field. We…" His mood seemed to lower again. "We lost a lot of good men and women out there… No memorials, no recognition. They just went down with the base."
"That wasn't your fault, Shepard. You saved everyone else from a suicide mission. You went into hell and managed to walk out with most of your team. Who else could say that?"
"I… I could have done more. I made the wrong calls, placed the wrong people. I should have done everything differently. I didn't… strategize well, I just kept rerunning the same unviable things." He shook his head, hands moving to his temples. "The end of the day, people idolize me as some kind of great hero. The messiah of the Alliance, but the truth of the matter is… I'm just a man. I can't shoulder all this and still keep composure. I… I messed up, Ash. I messed up real bad."
"You saved the galaxy, Shepard. Again. You saved your crew, you saved your teammates and you made it back from the center of the galaxy. Hell of all hells, and now you're here again. You're going to save the galaxy again, because you and I both know that it's not over with Sovereign and his friends. But this time, I'll be there to help you." She moved out of her seat, stepping closer to him and drawing him into a warm embrace. "I'm here with you, Shepard. And so is everyone else. We believe in you."
"Thanks, Ash." He drew his arms around her, feeling somewhat better about the situation but the death of his friends and comrades wouldn't wear off his mind any time soon. But until then, he'd have to get it together for all the other trillions of lives out there. He'd have to, or else they were all doomed.
"Y'know," she whispered, leaning close to his ear. "I never got to tell you what I wanted to after you came back from Saren, Sovereign and all the geth…
I love you."