A/N: Hi everyone. I doubt that very many people will read this, but I wanted to write about Spooks: Code 9. This story is about Kylie's thoughts right before the end of the last episode. I'm not sure that I got it right. It was more a brain dump than anything else, but I think it turned out okay.
I don't want to die. I'm too young. I haven't lived yet.
I don't have time to grieve for the life that I will lose. I'm not ready. I'm f-ing scared.
The seconds tick down. I thought I had months to live, so I didn't grieve. I worked and played, trying not to concentrate on the one thing I knew I had to think about.
I thought that the pills would help. They would drag out my life for a few more months, a few more years. I never thought that I would die like this, standing here unable to stop the deaths of hundreds of thousands of people, all here to mourn the loss of family and friends, the loss of a city, all here to support the country in rebuilding. Little do they know that underneath where they were standing, there was something that could cause the country to crumble once more.
As I look to Jez and Vik, I know that they hate this as well. This bomb stands for so much that we hate. It stands for a traitor who we put our trust in. It stands for sickness and human horror that should be impossible to imagine. It stands for a country we fought so hard to protect falling apart once again.
But more than that, the bomb taunts us. It taunts us with each tick, amplified and echoing in the otherwise silent sewer system. It reminds us that we couldn't save Hannah, that we trusted Yates and she betrayed us in the worst way possible, that we didn't find the traitor until it was too late and Rachel was shot, possibly fatally, that we can do nothing but stand. We can do nothing but stand here as the seconds tick by, as the bomb squad works the task of their lives, not knowing if they will get out alive. Less than a minute, less than half a minute, the bomb still ticks down, its red numbers imprinting themselves onto our souls. The bomb squad works, but no one knows if it will be fast enough to save so many people from the same fate of those that they mourn here today. Oh, what cruel irony.
Ten seconds left. Time slows down as my thoughts race. The ticks are amplified in my head. I'm too stunned to cry. I reach out for Jez and hold his hand tightly.
Nine seconds. No words are needed to convey what we feel.
Eight seconds. I'm not ready to die. I have friends who are more like family and a job that I love.
Seven seconds. They're still working. I don't know what will happen. In my ear, I can hear Charlie crying softly.
Six seconds. I don't know if Rachel's dead. She's my best friend, my sister in all but blood. She's the other girl I can commiserate with in a line of work made up of mostly old men.
Five seconds. There's so much going on that I don't have time to say goodbye, to tell her how much she means to me, to tell her how much I respect and look up to her as a cop but also as a person.
Four seconds. It's not long now. It's so strange to think about how much can change in a few seconds.
Three seconds. I know that Rob and Charlie will continue to fight, even if we are gone. They have to. We won't die in vain.
Two seconds. I squeeze Jez's hand and he holds on just as tightly. Vik comes over and all of our emotions pour into one last hug.
One second. I knew I'd die young, but never like this. Maybe it will be easier to die like this, quickly and without pain. But it won't be painless, not with the tens of thousands of death it will cause. I would rather be poisoned a million times than be here, unable to stop the death and destruction. I can only hope that we won't die in vain.
Zero seconds. I'm reminded of the children's rhyme: Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty together again.
But Humpty didn't have Charlie and Rob. They have a reason to fight, more than ever. Charlie, Rob, never give up. There's no time to grieve for all that we've lost. Push until the end. Put our country together again.
A/N: Well, there you have it. Hopefully, I will be posting again soon, maybe My Fire, maybe another Spooks: Code 9 story. We'll see. I hope that you enjoyed.