Your torture was meant to be love
Prologue
The sun loomed ahead casting hues of yellow radiances on the land. Rikimaru makes his way to the next town Kuhonbutsu to fetch an important scroll for Lord Gohda. Hazy minded, for a moment he forgets about the incidents that has happened a couple of days before. He feels free and easy with no worries when he recalls Ayame breaking the news to him excitedly "Lord Gohda would like us to get married the coming autumn". He remembers her twinkly brown eyes and the soft cherry red lips that had seemed to scream "Kiss me!" to him and a smile plays upon his lips. Rikimaru even whistles a fine tune of kingyo as the supposed feeling of being the luckiest man on earth creeps up on him. The air is filled with whiffs of mouth-watering fragrances and the stream that was generated from all that frying welcomed him as he traipsed by some stalls. People are pushing carts and rushing by him. Oxen and horses raced past him in a whirl. The wind that blew from the stream carried the sound of music of a qin. The perky calls of stable boys commanding "Hey-o!" while steering the carriage blends into the music. The morning scene is always noisy at the market place.
The bridge by the little stream that parted a pair of lanes is under repair. Rikimaru frowns slightly. He had been looking forward to visiting Old Kuze. Hastily, he makes a sudden resolution to visit him the nest time he makes a trip to Kuhonbutsu town and he would bring some high quality tea-cakes over as well.
Since there is much time to be spared, Rikimaru decides to look around a bit at the shops. Anyway, money is meant to be spent. Suddenly, a jade bangle catches his eye. It was pure green, of the lightest shade without a hint of impurity in it. Sparkling in the light, he reckons even an old hag will look fabulous with it. The sharp-tongued shopkeeper names an exorbitant price. Rikimaru purchases it without haggling. He knows she will love it. Then, he feels that it is enough and heads to the forest path. Lord Gohda's order was to return as soon as possible.
On the way, he feels the solid coolness of the jade bangle and knows that Sayuri will be elated when she receives it later. Sayuri has always had a penchant for pretty things. She fancies a large variety of things from golden hairclips to red ladybirds. He chuckles gleefully when he reminisces about the past. A few months ago, they were in a rice field. Sayuri was laughing as she played with those pesky ladybirds with gleaming wings. She scolded them for being naughty as the ladybirds were aphid eaters. She then explained to a confused Rikimaru that she wished insects need not eat fellow insects. Neighbors were not meant to be breakfast, she had said. Her innocence was too cute, too adorable that he didn't have the heart to explain the food pyramid to her. At that point, he was wondering why she always prattled on, on stuff like this. She was actually kind of weird. Like he would even ever care about puny insects like these.
Suddenly, Rikimaru grasps his chest and collapses under a saga tree. He breathes heavily, in out, in out, as the truth dawns upon him for the second time. Sayuri was long gone. He had killed Sayuri. Whether indirectly or directly, both were involved bloodshed. At that point, his inner mind seemed to be temporary malfunctioning and only capable of repeating two words.
She's gone…
She's gone…
She's gone…
Nostalgic washes over him as he realizes that he misses Sayuri. Maybe Sayuri was the one he loved all along? The thought that she was gone made him feel worse. He has Ayame, a caring master, love and all and the respect of many ninja clans, what more can he ask for?
What am I living for then?
To end it all, he draws out his Izoyoi and slashes himself swiftly with it. Cuts adorn him and vermillion blood flows profusely. He stares the deep gash as if willing all guilt to flow out.
All of a sudden, he blurts out "Sayuri, I need you!"
It will be very irresponsible of him if he said that in his dojo while training with Ayame, his bride to-be. Wait… did he not want Ayame?
Senselessly, he fights with his inner mind. He tries to think of Ayame with his flowing jet-black hair, almond shaped cats eyes that are worthy of stealing a man's heart at just one glance, toned shapely body from all that training and fair creamy skin that all ladies would die for. Indeed, she was beautiful. So gorgeous and perfect, she could be a geisha or maybe the most popular geisha in Nagoya. Flashbacks sting Rikimaru's mind. There was this terrible emptiness in him and the constant drip of his guilt like a leaking tap in an empty building.
The awful scenario plays back. A couple of months ago, he was frolicking in the meadows with Sayuri. Her golden smile had melted his icy heart. Then, she had donned a simple pale pink cotton kimono but her beauty shone out brightly. They were playing a game she had made up "Catch me or you have to play a punishment game". Running through the tall weeds and laughing had been so much fun. Rikimaru sped up and caught Sayuri by the waist. Caught by surpise, she tripped and fell-backwards. He fell on her too. She pouted and prodded his nose. "Ouch, Riki sen-pai". Both of them looked lovingly into each other's eyes, he was sure. Silence was present, except for a few lone birds chirping. His head was thudding wildly and his brain kept going "Kiss her". Rikimaru did not dare too for a lady's virtue was of upmost importance. But boldness seized him and slowly he lowered his face and their lips touched slightly. Sayuri's eyes were half-closed and lips puckered up too. They both knew what they wanted. He deepened the kiss and brought their moment into a higher level. The magical feeling was something he had allowed himself to keep a secret. Her arms were draped around his neck. Her hands on his back were so hot. Pleasure surged through him. He had decided he would not do anything else but out of control, he nuzzled her neck biting and nibbling here and there. She had moaned a little which aroused him further. The realization that he was a ninja; someone whom his village had trusted for protection, but not some sex maniac forced him to stop. When Rikimaru pulled away, Sayuri's eyes flew open and she shoved him aside. Her flushed face was glowing. She turned her nose up and declared "Let's go home now." With that, she got up and ran southwards in the direction of an old Susugi tree. He was so mesmerized that only when she turn around and shouted" Come on!" did he get back to earth.
Now, he remembers that feeling so well. It was her craziness and cheekiness which made him head-over heels on her. From that time onwards, he went ga-ga over her and even swore to make her his bride. But what happened after that?
The thoughts of his betrayal raced through his mind uninvited. He fends them away to no avail. The image of her as a broken doll on the ground, bruised and bleeding popped out. Her cries and tear-stained face. Her pleading eyes for him to stop those men. And most of all, it pains Rikimaru now to see the vivid memory of her leaning against a tree trunk with her knees to her chin, in his head. She was in a fetal position and he could see the part between her legs which had been still bleeding and torn. He roughly recalls himself grabbing her chin and forcing her to look him in the eye. Her downcast eyes refused to as she had been too ashamed and humiliated to. He had slapped her hard and a new stream of blood flowed down her adjourning swollen lips. A lone tear leaked from the corner of her left eye. Unable to admit defeat, Rikimaru had pulled her scalp upwards and cursed in her face. Those dark blue searching eyes full of hurt have been haunting him for ages.
Full of angst, he loathed himself for doing such a forgivable thing to the girl who loved him so much. So much that she was willing to give him her voice and hearing for his sight. The things he had don't to her did not faze her, not a single bit. This made Rikimaru understand the power of love. But if he had once wanted her to himself, why did he hire ruffians to take her? He simply could not comprehend this. Frantically, he searched his heart for an immediate answer to his demanding questions. Nothing sensible came out. His mind was blanker than empty sheepskin scripts from the writing shop.
The repeated act of stabbing is a self-punishment he inflicts on himself. The once shiny blade of the Izayoi is now of a rusty scarlet shade. After taking the lives of numerous enermies, it is probably time to go. This is the most brass decision he has taken without the consultation of his master. At least he does not live in a cloudy delusion anymore. The ground infested with fallen saga seeds is swimming in his blood. His head is swirling and he is feeling light. Before he faints, he whispers "Sayuri, please forgive me".
And he knows she will.
Note:
Kingyo- meaning goldfish. This song goes like this : "Kin-gyo ee! Kin-gyo!". I think people sang it in the past!
Sayuri is a lady from my imagination. I've always thought that ninja being mysterious and full of secrets should be the "prince charming" for many girls at that time. As you read on, you will see how the story develops and what sort of person Sayuri is.
I used this name because of my love for Memoirs of a Geisha!
I hope that you can review my story! And if you are reading this bit, thank you!!! Yes, thanks for reading! Please remember to spread the Tenchu love around!!!