"Oh, do shut up Private Holmes!" AU in which Sherlock is a soldier and John is a Captain. Captain John Watson takes a shine to a new recruit, Holmes is his name, Sherlock Holmes.
"Right! We're all out here now, we've got a nice team, I don't see why we can't all make it home for Christmas." I saw Lestrade, the other Officer assigned to this cadre, shoot a look at a curly haired soldier who seemed bored with what was happening and scowling unnecessarily at another one in the group, who seemed utterly lost with what was just said.
"You, stand up." I stood up and motioned for the curly haired soldier to do the same, "Might as well get to know everyone." I said as I walked over to him, "Come to attention," he did so with a smile on his face. "Something funny, soldier? Do I have some egg on my face from my breakfast?" I asked sarcastically.
"No, Captain. Watson. That would be highly unlikely considering you had toast and jam for breakfast," he smirked and added the next bit on just to annoy me, "Sir." It was said with a smirk and huge goofy grin.
"You are a soldier and I am a captain. I hold a rank, do you?" I waited for no reply, "No, therefore stop glaring at the soldier over there," I waved my hand to the person that he was giving dirty looks to and turned back to him, "And listen to your superiors."
I don't know why but something about his height and his gage made my voice crack on the last word. He was taller than me by a few inches but he didn't use it to intimidate, if anything he used it to assure the others of safety, well all except two, and you could tell that he'd already grown attached to his team, except for two of them.
"Yes, sir." He said again, but a glint entered his eyes, "Maybe, Sir, you should, and this is just a suggestion, Sir, tell Anderson over there to stop thinking and then, Sir, I would be able to concentrate on what you're saying and not listening to the cogs turning in his brain as he tries to figure out what 'here' means." He smirked, "Sir."
"Oi! I know what team means you mindless git!" The soldier, Anderson I'm guessing, spoke up as he glared back at Holmes.
"Shut up." I said to him, silencing his arguments. "Name?" I asked the curly haired soldier in front.
"Holmes, Sir, Sherlock Holmes."
"I've met your sort before, intimidating me by over-using sir? Don't even try it because, when it comes down to it, I could be the one to save your life. If you continue to talk to everyone like you spoke to Anderson then maybe it won't be only me who wants to help you, everyone else would too."
"You want to help me?" his mouth turned up into a half-smile and he smirked at the comment.
"Holmes, if I get you 7 and myself home then I get a paycheck. Each one that we lose gets taken out of that and is another thing for me to hold on my hands if I don't save you, and I don't like feeling guilt." I almost spat the words and backed away. "Sorry, Lestrade, mind if I take it from here?"
"I mentioned earlier that I am the 2 I.C? This is Captain John Watson and he is the I.C." Lestrade moved to the side and sat where I was earlier, I then stood in the exact spot where he'd left.
"I don't know you all," I started, "My name is John Watson, you call me Watson on the field and John in the pub. Now, let's go round and tell each other our names." I suggested, pointing to Holmes who had now returned to his seated position.
"You know my name." He said, a bored tone in his voice.
"Tell us again."
"Holmes."
"Good," I pointed to the next person, a tall blonde man with big muscles.
"Moran, Sebastian Moran."
"Moron, more like." Holmes muttered under his breath, this guy was really getting on my nerves.
I pointed to the next person. "Hooper, Molly." She squeaked out, she seemed a bit too meek to be in the army but I left it, after all she was looking at Sherlock, probably joined for him.
"Moriarty. Jim Moriarty, you may or may not like me, either way I don't care because by the end of this I will be alive and you may not." His voice was Irish, and so soft as he said it in a sing-song tune that it took a moment for his words to register.
"We are all getting out of this, Christmas is five weeks away and we will all be at home for four." I snapped and turned to the next person, another lady, "Name?" I asked impatiently.
"Sally Donovan." She said, she was the only one in the room that was slouched over in her chair, the others meant business but I didn't see why she was here.
"And you?" I asked, pointing my finger to the last person in the room.
"Anderson." He replied, his voice cold.
"Just Anderson?" I enquired.
"Just Anderson." He smiled and then dropped it as his face returned to seriousness.
"Well, we have a friendly bunch here." I rolled my eyes and sighed as Sherlock stood up.
"Anderson is a dunce, Donovan is clearly in love with him, God knows why. Hooper is mooning over me, Moron and Moriarty are here because they are criminals, it was this or prison, I'm here because my mother and brother are expecting it of me, you are here because it's better than the home life and Lestrade has an unhappy relationship so he stays here." Sherlock rattled off.
"Moran!" Sebastian shouted.
"Freak!" Donovan's tone was icy and she spoke straight after Moran had finished.
"Whatever." Sherlock rolled his eyes and fake bowed for sarcasm before sitting down again. I noticed Hoopers face turning unusually red and she looked down.
"Holmes, stop this and try to get along with the other people!" I shouted, "Now let's go over the plan for tonight, we're going straight out tonight."
"Big mistake, not with Sherlock here." I could hear Lestrade murmur and I looked at Holmes with confusion but I saw a smile break out on his face, no doubt he had witty comments already building in his mind.