It began when I became his partner.
The first time someone ever touched me softly…
In dreams where an angel would hold me down removing bits of silk until exposing me completely. Forcing me down, pushing my legs apart with his hands, raping me. I called his name, the only person who can save me. I felt a soft hand, cool, gently touching my face; I'm still faint from the nightmare to even flinch at the movement of someone lying down next to me. He whispers "it's all okay, I'm here Hisoka." I feel his nose against my cheek and his lips against my ear. I open my eyes, its early morning, still dark so I can only see everything in gray light, "Tsuzuki?" I hope I didn't say his name out loud. "Yes …" his breath comes into contact with my neck, cool yet warm at the same time, I shiver. "Are you cold?" I feel him wrap his arms around my shoulders, fingers blending into my sweat damp hair. "No, no …I...I'm fine." I snap out quickly, I sit up in attempt to get away from him; he's making my heart race when he does things like this. I feel him sit up, the crinkle of my twisted bed sheets, I can also feel him silently staring at me, lingering minutes pass before he sadly says, "okay, …I'll go…. I hope you're all right." I feel his soft (like cream or some expensive silk…) hand gently trace down my spine, I shiver hard. I feel his pressure leave the bed, "Tsuzuki…" I turn, his hand is still touching the bed so I take both my hands and clasp around it and squeeze lightly, then I look up to see his face looking at me with such worry. "Tsuzuki,….if…. can you stay a little longer?" I expected him to be surprised, but his face still showed worry. "Hisoka…" this makes my heart stop, he pulls his hand away and traces it up to my face to burrow into my hair, cupping my face into his palm and I can only look at him in amazement as I feel the nervousness in my stomach begin. I could feel it….want, but what was it that he wanted?
He leaned down, he's so much taller than I am- his body so much more mature than mine, the view of his face was blocked by fine delicate black hair so that I couldn't see his expression. "Hisoka….if it's not….if you can that is…would you please to talk to me?" was this what he wanted? My heart was thudding so hard I felt the butterflies trickle all over, I was barely breathing, did he notice?
"Talk?....you know what happened as much as I do." Suddenly his hand left my face to trail down by chest and over my stomach, his finger tips lightly touching, I tried not to quiver…..they stopped at my waist band. "I want to talk about this…why you call me in your dreams….why is it if I touch you, you're so willing to escape immediately?" I felt my face burn and my heart rapidly beating about to burst from embarrassment. "Tell me…. what do you feel when I touch you like this?" his face looked up, his finger tips moved just under the elastic, I felt my face smolder with heat and the center of my body beat fiercely, was my heart trying to escape? "I…I…iii…" I couldn't breathe, my throat felt tense. He slowly removed his finger tips. Since I was sitting close to the edge of the bed he placed both hands palm down to each side of me only one knee supporting his weight, the other touching the floor. His face was close to mine, his nose almost touching my cheek; I aimed my head downward to avoid his stare…. I knew what he wanted of me now, he wanted me to explain this feeling I felt when he was around…. I felt his left hand leave it's place next to my right thigh then he lifted my chin to peek at me…he was smiling lightly at me, his eyes were black lacquer traced with hints of lilac…oh the thudding in my chest would it ever stop tonight?
He slowly, achingly tilted forward, I felt his nose touch my cheek first then his thumb fondly pushing my chin down causing my mouth to open somewhat. As if he were teasing, his lips came in contact with mine, just touching ,I wanted it to stop just as much as I wanted it to continue.
His tongue inched forward; it was lush, warm, and sweet. My head felt dizzy and I dropped back from him. "Hisoka...are you okay? Did I …did I do something wrong?" I felt him sit next to me and place a cooled hand back on my forehead, "here lay down your flushed." He removed his hand and picked me up slightly to lay me back. He was over top of me now, I stared in shock at this determined expression on his face….want...."Hisoka…tell me what do you feel?" I turned my head to the side to look down at my hand next to me. "I don't know…this time that I've spent with you, being around you…my heart races, my breathing is funny and I feel flustered and edgy." I closed my eyes and let the heat of my face pass and let my cheeks turn in front of him. He sighed a long and sensuous sigh that made my chest tight. He cupped my face like he had a moment ago forcing me to look at him, he was much closer as I looked up his face was already touching mine, his mouth moving against mine. I was unsure of what I was doing so I tried to mimic the movements of his mouth, I felt him laugh, the sound vibrated in the air, but he continued and as he did I felt his weight on me along with his already hardened member, his hands holding my head, I let my arms wrap around his shoulders…so broad and strong….he began to open his mouth when I didn't he gently used his thumb on my chin to tilt my mouth open once more, I gasped and pulled away leaning my head in the other direction. "Hisoka…." I felt the smile in his voice, "come here…its fine." He kissed my neck little by little then began sucking and giving little bites that made me feel weak and almost willing to give in to anything he asked…
I could feel his body tensing up, he wouldn't turn to me so I began kissing the hallow of his throat, I felt him loosen up and his breathing harden… such mixed expressions he had. I lead the kisses down his collar bone till reaching the center of his chest; I felt his body quake with surprise and a subtle moan from his lips. I knew from the time he began calling my name in his sleep that he was falling for me, I had waited so long for some proof of this because I had already fallen for him, that holding back the yearn to hear his voice this way was insufferable… to feel this faultless skin, the heat from this body…. I lead them down to a nipple already raised from just touching and kissing, I rolled my tongue and sucked hearing little moans and stifled yelps as I nipped at it. I stopped and looked up at a blushing face and golden green eyes lustrous and baby's breath blonde hair dampened from his flushed skin looking down at me as well, I'll accept this as my proof. I went back to his body kissing downwards, over his stomach making him shiver and light little moans as I went. He had both his hands in my hair squeezing when he felt uneasy, I then began tugging his boxers free from him but he gasped and pushed me away.
"….ahh! ttsu..Tsuzuki!" I panted out as I felt him trying to remove what little clothing I wore. The feeling of him removing fabric made my skin crawl and my stomach revolted. "What's wrong? Are you okay?" he panted and looked up to me, sweat damp skin, his cheeks flushed and concerned for why I suddenly stopped him. I couldn't manage a single word…he kissed me suddenly just near my pelvic bone and I could feel his eyelashes sweep across my skin as he did… just this made my heart beat madly. He pulled lightly letting one side of my hipbones become exposed then the other side, inching it lower and lower. I could feel unwanted emotions stirring bringing tears to my eyes the feeling of being raped…I tried to hold this back, I wanted Tsuzuki to be the one to cleanse Muraki away, remove him from my body….
I felt him shaking and sniffing sounds, I looked up to see tears welling up in the corners of his eyes…Muraki "Oh Hisoka...no, no it's all okay…come here." I pulled him up by his wrists and held him then loosened to lean down and kiss his face wet with tears and sweat, he shivered. "Hisoka it's me... I...ii...I love you, I can't hurt you." His small face peered up to me eyes narrowed ready to cry at any moment. "Tsu *gasp* zuki…you… I...I love you too." He rubbed at the tears in his eyes and looked down, "I don't know if...I can do this." I pulled him close and kissed the top of his head. "Hisoka we can stop if you believe you can't handle this; just tell me what you want to do." I laid my head on top of his and squeezed him tight for effect, maybe even trying in vain to soothe whatever nightmarish feeling I had brought up. I felt him trying to move his head in a slow "no"
I shook my head trying to silently tell him my answer, he didn't get it,"huh? Hisoka, you want to stop?" I exhaled, "Tsuzuki I want…I want you." Trying to get him to fully understand that I wanted him to be the one to finally touch me, remove the ache I felt being around him, I closed my eyes and reached for the hand that was wrapped around me squeezing my shoulder, and placed it between my legs with a shudder. "Hisoka." I felt him breathe my name into my ear, "Are you sure?" I pressed his hand a little harder against me and I couldn't control the slightest moan that came along with a hard shiver for more. I felt him laugh roughly at my display of wanting him, "okay, okay I get it…let me handle that alright?" he pulled his hand away slowly then gently forcing me to lie on the bed with my hips already exposed to him. "Tsuzuki …what are you doing?" he was getting up and leaving the room… he returned closing the door quietly behind him with some container in his hand…
He sat the bottle on the night stand then sat on the bed with his back to me, I heard him mumble to himself. I tried to mutely lie on my side without him noticing, he turned then and looked down at me with a hint of a smile on his face. He brought his had to cup my face while soothingly rubbing my face with his creamy thumb – how was his skin so smooth and soft like that?- he looked at me so intensely…I don't remember when he leaned down and began kissing me but he was and his mouth was demanding as he held my arms up on the pillows, next to me I felt him bring his legs on the bed then placing each against my hips, he stopped kissing my mouth and ran them down my neck bringing this tingling all down my body. I couldn't help releasing a loud moan; I wanted him to never stop touching me. "I'm going to take them off now Hisoka…" he panted into my ear, I could only reply with a moan as he pulled down my under wear. I felt his warm hands peel them down off my hips, I tried to focus ….These are Tsuzuki's hands... he was kissing my neck, he suddenly got up and began pulling them off my legs, I tried not to look up at him as the sensation of heat crossed my face, I shut my eyes tightly trying to keep my heart from surging out of my chest. His hand touched my face….so hot, his skin felt feverish…. "Hisoka open your eyes…it all okay, I promise." He kissed my cheek, I wondered if he could feel the fervor burning my face. I opened my eyes to see him looking at me with a small smile of relief. He kissed me hard, pushing his tongue deep into my mouth, my nerves shook my entire body, and I wanted him. I felt hot and dizzy and I wanted him to keep touching me, saying my name, holding me. He weighed down rubbing his erection against me, pushing his tongue deeper into my mouth, biting my bottom lip, I couldn't breathe my head was spinning. "His...o.a… you ok?" his breath was hot and gasping. "yyy...eah, just so much at once…it's hard to…ahhh... focus." Then he smiled at me, I looked at him with bewilderment.
His small face was so red and flushed he looked as if he could faint at any moment. He stared at my smile completely confused by my response; guess I'd have to explain, "Hisoka, it's how you're supposed to feel but if you can't handle something tell me." I leaned back to his mouth; I wanted him to feel everything. As I kissed him I removed my shirt and pants, hearing him moan to every movement made me harder and harder. I stopped to look at him, he was so thin and pale….delicate, his skin was so young and smooth not a single mark spoiled him. I went back to sucking on his throat, loving the feeling of making him moan and shudder. "ahhh…" He gasped loudly, I bit down on his neck with slight pressure, and I ran my hands through his tender arms to pull his chest close to mine. I pushed my pelvis against his, feeling his hardened member he gasped again into my neck. "Tsuzuki…ahhh…" I silenced him, kissing deep I felt I was being too rough but holding back was impossible now. I pushed his legs apart I felt his resistance, "Hisoka don't close your legs...let me feel you." I kissed his knee. "Tsuzuki…I…I can't move." He closed his eyes tightly, I pushed with a little more pressure and he didn't tighten up as I expected but gently allowed me to push them apart.
He pushed my legs a part, suddenly I felt him separate my cheeks and his tongue pushed against my entrance and I couldn't stop him or myself from crying out. "Hisoka, does this feel good?" I shook my head "yes" as he tried to push his tongue in, he sucked and rolled his tongue, I couldn't undergo any more it felt so strange, not even Muraki made me feel this way. I put my hands in his hair, running through the silk letting myself moan in want. Without warning he stopped, I heard a sound and his finger pushed slowly inside me. "ughhh!!....Tsuzu…ki! it hurts!" I lunged my hips away but he held me still by griping my thighs with his hands. "Hisoka hold still…relax." He kissed inside my thigh. I held as still as I could, it felt so bizarre the feeling of his finger pushing inside me.
I started to push my finger in and out as he cried in pain, "relax Hisoka, it will only hurt for a moment…your so tight right now." I kissed his thigh again. He relaxed somewhat allowing me to push deeper. "aahhh! Tsu!" I removed my finger and got up to get the bottle I had gotten from the bathroom. "Tsuzuki… what is that?" his face turned to look at me, so flushed and his breathe irregular. "It an oil….to uh… well, make this easier for you." I sat on the bed and kissed his cheek. I got on top of him, I laid the bottle on the bed, and I kissed him pushing my tongue deep into his mouth as he moved his against mine. Using my legs to keep his legs apart, I grabbed the oil from the bed and applied some to my hand. I rubbed his entrance he gasped and tried to get away. "Hisoka, please let me." He moaned loudly and I took this as a yes. One finger slid in slowly feeling him stretch as I pushed my fingers deeper, "Ohhh! Tsuzuki it hurts!" he gasped in my mouth but I didn't stop… he moaned louder as I started to rub my fingers deep inside him, I felt him get harder under me; it was starting to feel satisfying for him. "Does it feel good now?" I kissed his throat, I could feel the vibrations as he cried out, sighed, or moaned. "…y...yes…Tsu..zuki." I stopped moving my fingers, I wanted to see him want me; want me to do more than just touch him. He paused and I could hear his breathing going fast catching air, "whh...what's wrong?" he looked at me with such a helpless look, face so flushed and full of want, I wanted to be inside him already.
"Hisoka do you want me to keep going?" I blushed; he wanted me to answer that? "Tsuzuki…I…uh yes?" my face burned, he looked down on me his lavender eyes singeing into me. "That doesn't answer my question Hisoka, do you want me to keep going?" he pushed his finger in and it felt wonderful. I couldn't help but move my hips against his finger trying to feel more, suddenly his hand held my hips down. "that's an answer." He kissed my stomach I shivered, what did he want me to do? He removed his finger I reacted by gasping. He pulled my hips so that our members touched then took his hand and held them both together tightly and moved his hand; I could feel myself about to meet the brink when he stopped. "Hisoka is it alright if I finish inside you?" he panted just as I had. "y..yes..." he let go and I sighed. He got the bottle once more and rubbed some on me, rubbing his finger against my entrance once more, it felt breathtaking and I watched as he applied it to himself, the nerves started to tingle in my stomach with anticipation.
I lay on top of him kissing his neck, his collar bone. I guided it in with my hand, slowly putting in the tip stretching him he yelled out my name trying to writhe free. "Hisoka relax….it will only hurt for a moment I promise." He tried his best as I finally had the rest of my shaft tightly inside him, he moaned but kept as relaxed as he could manage. "I'm going to move now, is that ok?" I kissed his forehead, he kept his eyes closed tightly breathing hard but able to nod his head in a silent "yes". He was so tight around me, I almost came from that. I began to pull out hearing him gasp then I thrust back into him. He moaned as I pushed in and out of him, his frail hands holding on to my back fingers pressed deep into my skin. I shoved harder into him feeling him tighten against my thrusting. "Tsuzuki!...ahhhh…keep going, please ahh." I pushed as far in as I could go, I felt him spill on to my chest as he moaned out my name. I was close now, I shoved harder and harder his body flexing with it,"Hisoka arhhh." I came in him. I fell on him exhausted, I never dreamed this morning that I'd ever get the chance to feel him inside, hear him call my name, see his tired face glowing from sex. "Tsuzuki?" his shaky voice. "Yes..h..Hisoka?" I looked at him; his face was even paler and almost faint. "…is it alright if I sleep now?" I couldn't help but smile and kissed him and pulled myself out of him, he winced and lightly sighed then laid his head in the crook of my shoulder with his hand on my chest and was out in moments. I pulled the comforter over us and fell asleep myself as the sun cracked through the blinds as we both slept the day away.