Of Chat Up Lines and Rejection
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
James: We may not be in Professor Flitwick's class, but you still are charming.
Lily: Glad one of us is.
James: I don't have an invisibility cloak but do you think tonight I can visit your restricted section?
Lily: I can't believe you just said that. No.
James: I want to get my basilisk into your chamber of secrets.
Lily: Sweet Merlin, go away.
James: My love for you burns like a dying phoenix.
Lily: I hear your herpes does, too.
James: You know, Hagrid is not the only giant on campus.
Lily: Well, that changes things...
James: Really?
Lily: No.
James: Wanna make some magic together? My wand is at the ready.
Lily: I'd like to know what I did to deserve this.
James: If you were a quaffle and I was a chaser during a quidditch match, I'd score with you.
Lily: Shh. I'm writing your parents a Christmas card.
James: Really?
Lily: Mhm. It says, "You should have used protection."
James:I must have had some Felix Felicis because I think I'm about to get lucky.
Lily: One too many Bludgers to the head can create illusions.
James: Without you I feel like I'm in Azkaban and dementors are sucking away my soul.
Lily: If only that were true.
James: You know, the Sorting Hat placed me in Gryffindor. I think it's because like Godric Gryffindor himself, I too have an impressive sword.
Lily: You. Are. Ridiculous.
James: Want to go to the Hog's Head, if you know what I mean?
Lily: You've got to be kidding.
James: I never joke around, what do you take me for?
Lily: A pain in my arse.
James: Alright, if you insist...
Lily: NO!
James: Being without you is like being under the Cruciatus Curse.
Lily: I don't think you can say that without experience, come here.
James: Uhhhhh, I have Quidditch practice...
Lily: Bye.
James: Want to have a Tri-Wizards Tournament? Well not really "Tri-Wizard," I was thinking more one wizard and two witches.
Lily: I think just I vomited a little.
James: I've been whomping my willow thinking about you.
Lily: I have no words to describe how sickening that was.
James: Really? I think you did...
Lily: Shut up.
James: If I was to look into the Mirror of Erised, I would see the two of us together.
Lily: Same.
James: -Grins-
Lily: But you would be drowning in the lake.
James: Do you know the Petrificus Totalus spell? Because you make me stiff.
Lily: James Potter, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
James: Whatever turns you on.
James: I'm not an Animagus but sometimes I can be real animal.
Lily: You're wrong on two counts. One: You are an Animagus. And two: You're also a moron.
James: How 'bout you and me go look for the Room of Requirement?
Lily: How 'bout no?
James: You know Platform 9 and 3/4? Well I know something else with the same exact measurements.
Lily: Your brain? I know. Bit small, I think.
James: A couple nights with me and Moaning Myrtle will have to get a new nickname.
Lily: -continues doing work-
James: So, that's a no then?
Lily: Amazing. You do catch on.
James: What do you say we disapparate out of here.
Lily: You go first.
James: You look like you'd be a good Quidditch player. Want to ride my broomstick?
Lily: I would rather marry the Giant Squid.
James: You know, when I said, "Accio beautiful girl," I didn't expect it to work!
Lily: Well, James... They DO call it magic.
James: I know my name's not Xenophilius, but I sure know how to Lovegood if you know what I mean.
Lily: I wish I didn't.
James: If I were going to produce a patronus, you'd be my happy thought.
Lily: A Daily Prophet Headline reading: "Hogwarts Student, James Potter has Vanished. Never to be Seen or Heard from Again," is my happy thought.
James: Will you be my Horcrux tonight, so l can give a piece of my soul to you?
Lily: No, thanks.
James: I know you want me to manage your mischief!
Lily: You manage enough of your own.
James: Is that a challenge?
Lily: NO!
James: You must be magical because I've fallen under your spell.
Lily: Five points to Gryffindor.
James: For?
Lily: Overstating the obvious.
James: Want to head to the Shrieking Shack? We could do some shrieking of our own.
Lily: Want to take a long walk off a short pier?
James: Are you using the Confundus charm or are you just naturally mind blowing?
Lily: Nope. You're just naturally dim-witted.
James: The thought of you makes something vast and silver erupt from my wand.
Lily: The thought of you makes my uterus want to shrivel up and die.
James: Why is that?
Lily: To prevent it from bearing an offspring like you.
James: I must need Occlumency, because I can't get you out of my thoughts.
Lily: That's a shame, you haven't much space up there to spare.
James: I might as well be under the Imperius curse, because I'd do anything for you.
Lily: Really?
James: Yes. Exluding: Going away, being quiet, never asking you out again, et cetera.
Lily: False advertising.
James: If I were a Seeker and you were a Snitch, would you let me catch you?
Lily: You're a Chaser.
James: -grumbles- The ONE time you remember...
James: I don't have any muggle money, but I do have a sickle and two knuts.
Lily: I'm happy for you, really.
James: Are you a boggart? 'Cause I have a fear of beautiful girls.
Lily: You should be afraid.
James: After a romantic night with me, you are going to need a timeturner because you are going to want to experience it again and again.
Lily: Highly unlikely.
James: Are you speaking parseltongue? 'Cause you're talking to my snake.
Lily: I am speaking English. GO. AWAY.
James: Your smile is like expelliarmus: simple but disarming.
Lily: Aren't you tired of rejection?
James: They say I'm like the horn of a crumple-horned snorkack. Explosive.
Lily: If only that were true, then you would also be imaginary.
James: What's the password to your portrait?
Lily: Severed head.
James: My heart's splinched without you.
Lily: Shame.
James: Yeah, I've got a pretty good batch of Polyjuice going, wanna taste?
Lily: Not even slightly.
James: I'm a goblin. Let me stroke your vault.
Lily: I'm Devil's Snare, allow me to choke the life out of you.
James: You're like a bottle of Skele-Gro: growing me a bone.
Lily: You are making my head hurt.
James: Ditto.
James: Why don't I make like Salazar and slither inside of you?
Lily: I'm a little bit offended that you think that could work on me.
James: Did you survive the Avada Kedavra curse? 'Cause you're drop dead gorgeous.
Lily: You must love rejection.
James: What flavor are your Bertie Bott's?
Lily: Poison.
James: I can be your house elf. I'll do whatever you want and I don't need any clothes.
Lily: Great. And then when you die of "natural causes" I'll mount your head on the wall.
James: No, no. I'm the one who does the mounting around here.
James: I need a pensieve because my head is filled with thoughts about you.
Lily: I'm glad.
James: Really?
Lily: Atleast it is filled with something.
James: How do I get into your Department of Mysteries?
Lily: That's simple, go to sleep.
James: Huh?
Lily: Only in your dreams.
James: Why don't you come tame my dragon?
Lily: Why don't you just go away?
James: Just like the Slytherin common room, how 'bout my snake in your dungeons?
Lily: How 'bout no? With a side of sod off.
James: I don't know a thing about Merlin's pants, but I'd love to get into yours!
Lily: You don't know a whole lot about anything.
James: Wanna play with my Sorcerer's Stones?
Lily: Want to play Leave Lily Alone?
James: Not really, my game sounds like more fun.
James: You don't have to worry about me, I've been tested for Hogwarts, if you know what I mean.
Lily: I don't worry about you, for the record.
James: If you were a basilisk, I wouldn't mind dying just to look into your eyes.
Lily: What I would give to be a basilisk.
James: Are you a dementor? Because you send chills up my spine.
Lily: James, I am trying to study.
James: We could be on the same Quidditch team, I'm a Beater and you're a Keeper.
Lily: Alert the Daily Prophet when you're finished with all of these chat up lines.
James: Engorgio! Oh wait I don't need magic to enlarge this... But I could use you.
Lily: I could use a lifetime of silence.
James: Firenze and I have a lot in common, we both have parts like a horse.
Lily: Arrogance isn't becoming.
James: Did you say "Wingardium Leviosa"? Cause you've got me rising, baby.
Lily: Don't call me baby.
James: So you're the Head Girl of your house, huh?
Lily: Eww. Just, eww.
James: Are you a dementor? Because you just took my breath away.
Lily: I thought we set that matter straight a while ago.
James: Yeah girls call me "Aguamenti." Everytime they hear my name, they get wet.
Lily: -walks away-
James: It's a portkey.... once you touch it, it will take you somewhere you have never been before.
Lily: So it's probably oddly-mishapen and inanimate? ...That's attractive.
James: Want to learn to speak troll? I can get you grunting in no time.
Lily: Azkaban is the only thing protecting you from death.
James: Would you like a butterbeer?
Lily: I don't trust you.
James: It's a portkey. Next thing you know we'll be back at my place.
Lily: Oh, goodie.
James: I don't need the mirror of Erised to know that you're everything I desire.
Lily: Please go away.
James: Did you just cast a spell on me baby? Because I'm feeling an engorgio charm coming on.
Lily: One has surely been cast on the thing sitting on your shoulders.
James: The sorting hat says you should be in my house... Wait. What's that? It also says you should be in my bed.
Lily: A thousand times, no.
James: Did you use Relashio? 'Cause there's sparks between us.
Lily: If only there were several continents.
James: Did you cast Impervio on me? Cause when I'm near you I can't control my body.
Lily: Nope, just your mouth.
James: Not even Veritaserum could make me express how much I'm truly attracted to you.
Lily: Just. Stop. Speaking.
James: I can teach you Arithmancy, it's easy.
Lily: Like you.
James: No. You + Me = Magic.
Lily: My brain is dying
Author's Note; If you know of any hilarious HP chat up lines, please let me know!! :)