This is the sequel to my previous story The Reason, which involved a female John. You will have to read my previous story in order to understand this one. Just as my last story, the journal entry chapters will not be very long. They are used to start the story or move them along. Enjoy and please review. :)
March 5th, 2012
This can't be happening to me. Just when I thought things couldn't get worse. The flashbacks and nightmares were bad enough as it is, they're like the screams of a riot and they won't go away. Sherlock has been helpful; every time I have a flashback he kneels down on the floor with me and gets me to calm down. I am surprised he puts up with me; this happens at least three times a week. I feel like I am at the mercy of my fear and there is nothing I can do to fix it.
I should have seen this coming; ever since Sherlock got out of the hospital I noticed something different about myself. I guess I just didn't want to believe it. Now there is nothing I can do, it's out of my control. These thoughts won't leave my head and it's destroying me. I've tried as hard as I could to erase the past, but it won't go away. I even thought I could just accept it, but it still haunts me. I wish I could just trade my life with someone else. Anyone else would be better than this.
I can't even begin to think what I am going to do about this, or how I am going to tell Sherlock. After everything that happened, there was never a worse moment than sitting on the bathroom floor, sobbing and gripping the pregnancy test. My whole future flashed before my eyes after I saw the results. Even though I am not in love with Sherlock, I would much prefer for this child to be his. Will Sherlock think any less of me? What will happen when everyone else finds out? I can't hide this for much longer; it will get pretty obvious sooner or later. I just have to handle this like I handled everything else, I'll tell him tomorrow. I can't imagine his reaction, so I have to prepare myself for anything.
Goodbye for now,
Jane H. Watson