Disclaimer: I do not own GH or any of their characters this is merely my fanfiction
Authors Note: I am a beloved Jasam fan, I think they are wonderful and the GH writers are driving me insane with the current storyline and I know it will go one forever before they get back together…and so here lies the reason why I am writing this fanfiction. My story begins right after the July 11th episode
Chapter #1
Jason stood there outside of Kelly's diner for what felt like hours twisting his wedding band in his fingers. He had never felt so many emotions at one time, and could not seem to process them. He was confused, hurt, angry, regretful, and indecisive all at once. Sam was his wife. He knew this, but yet they were so a part from where they had been, so much had happened to tear them a part.
He knew that the root of their problems stemmed from himself. He could not seem to except Franco's baby, even though he knew he was pushing away Sam by doing that. But he could not lie to her, it just wasn't in him. But then, when he found her baby after life had been taken out of him he knew in that moment that he could have loved this little boy. He could have been a father to him and raised him to be his own with Sam. But he would never get the chance.
When he had decided to send his men after John McBain he had not been thinking about all of the angles. He just wanted him to go away. He wanted him to stop going after Sonny and his business, and he wanted him to stop going after his wife. He wanted Sam to stop confiding in this man, and come to him. Except, what Jason had come to realize was this was not Mcbain's fault, it was his and his alone. He had refused to support his wife in her time of need and she had turned to John because she couldn't turn to her own husband.
What had been the most unexpected and excruciating part of this whole story had been that his attack against McBain had ultimately cost Sam her baby. And for that, there was no return. How could she ever trust him again and love him knowing that if it wasn't for him she would have her son. No, there was no going back, especially after the happenings on the 4th of July. Kissing other people that night had been the nail in the coffin, but if that was true why was he standing outside of Kelly's hoping to God that Sam would come back and he could catch a glimpse of what she really felt.
When Sam had entered Kelly's earlier she had seemed genially hurt that Jason would turn the Elizabeth. This struck Jason as very hypocritical because of what he had witnessed between Sam and McBain, until she began to explain. It was just a kiss, she was drunk, and they were both upset. This was something that Jason could relate to and understand, and he wanted to go to her and make everything right. But there was no return, not after everything that had happened.
And so as the sun went down and as the wind picked up Jason took a seat at one of the patio chairs outside of Kelly's. He sat to remember his marriage, to try and figure out how he was going to let Sam go when he was still so desperately in love with her. How he was going to begin to start over, even when he didn't want to.
Sam sat at her desk at the new Sun office and tried to read over the documents that were in front of her. Try as she might she could not seem to focus today. After her run in with Jason and Elizabeth at Kelly's she wasn't sure if she would ever think of anything else besides her husband kissing his ex. She knew she had no right to confront them when she did, not after what conspired between her and McBain on the docks. But, she was never one to think before she acted, she relied on her instincts, and all of them were screaming at her to go in confront the two of them.
What she had not been prepared for was Jason to come back at her and reveal that he saw the kiss the night before. She was mortified that he had seen her at her weakest point, betraying their wedding vows. No matter how hurt, upset, and drunk she was she should not have kissed McBain. She still didn't really understand it herself why she did. There was definitely chemistry between the two of them, but she would never feel for him, or anyone, like she did for Jason.
Jason haunted her every thought. He was her rock, her home, and now he was her estranged husband and she was not sure that they would ever get back to one another. How could she get over the fact that if it wasn't for Jason her son would be alive? She wanted so bad to forgive and forget, but how could she? Being a mother was the one and only thing that she wanted and she would never get it again.
Dr. Lee had said that Sam could still conceive children, that wasn't the issue. But Sam knew that she could never risk loosing another child again. She had fallen a part after her daughter passed, and with Jason's help she came back to life. And now all of her hopes and dreams of having a family with Jason was gone for good. There was no going back.
Sam had to figure out how she was going to come back to life this time, and this time she had to do it on her own. She could not rely on Jason anymore, she had to focus just on herself. And with that Sam looked down at the documents on her desk once more and made a mental promise to try to go on with her life. She was a survivor and she could survive this.