AUTHOR'S NOTE: OMG, this story will get a LOT better in the second chapter; transvestites become a theme in the story then…. Oh, crap! I just told you what was going to happen! Geez.

"BRO, HANDS OFF THE PEANUT- DON'T MAKE ME DO SOMETHING I'LL REGRET!!!" said Jack.

"WHAT!?!? WHAT'RE YOU GOING TO DO, MAN!?!? YOU GONNA' KILL ME!??! WELL, FYI- I CAN'T DIE!!!" yelled Jack.

Jack considered this for a second, cocking his head toward the sky and thought hard. He then punched Jack.

"Yeah, but you can feel pain… NOW GIMME' THAT PEANUT!!"

The Jack on the floor impulsively thrust the peanut into his mouth, chewing furiously and smiling. The standing Jack's face turned pale in sheer terror.

"Di- did you just do what I think you did?" Jack whispered intensely, his body in its entirety shaking violently.

The standing Jack grabbed Jack's shoulders and rolled him over his body, onto the floor again, and then punched his face. Jack fought back.

At that moment, the two Jacks had caught the attention of the other Jacks and one Jack pulled Jack off Jack and another Jack helped the other Jack off the floor while one of the other Jacks talked to the one Jack. And I'm just gonna' say it for the hell of it… Jack Jack Jack Jack Jack.

"Jack… Jesus… that was the second time you went after Jack this month." Jack looked to the ground. "Is there something you wanna' talk about?"

"No. No. It's just-" Jack looked over at Jack. "He just keeps on taking my peanut ration!"

The Jack talking to him looked at the other, peanut-stealing Jack.

"He took your peanut ration?" Jack said, very seriously. Jack nodded.

"Yes! Jack ALWAYS does it!"

"Jack?" Jack asked.

"Yeah… oh, I wanted to talk to you, Jack." Jack put his arm around Jack. "Now, ever since Captain Jack left our Pearl… well, I think we're all under a lot of stress, now: and I don't think the fact that we're all named 'Jack' is helping… shouldn't we all have different names?"

The Jack he was talking to jumped backwards.

"WHAT!?" asked Jack, "But we're JACK- we have to all be named Jack... that's just how it IS."

Jack nodded his head.

"Yeah, I know that, but…can we at least have, like, adjectives to describe us?"

The Jack he was talking to seemed confused.

"Clarify." He said.

"Well…" Jack looked around at all the Jacks he could use for an example. "Ah! You see the shirtless Jack that Captain Jack killed- the one with all the tattoos?"

"Yeah, you mean Jack?"

"Well, I thought we could name him 'Very Tattooed Jack'." Said Jack, shrugging. "Or we could call me 'Peanut Jack', savvy? Because of my extreme infatuation with peanuts, get it? Call each other by adjectives that describe us."

The other Jack nodded.

"Oh… I get it. Can I be 'Dirty Dancing' Jack? 'Cuz I LOVE that movie."

"Um, sure… yeah. And maybe we can elect a new Captain or something."

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASP!!!!!!!

That was the sound of twenty Jacks gasping at the same time and looking toward Peanut Jack in a disturbed manner.

"What did he say?" said one of the Jacks amidst the crowd.

Dirty Dancing Jack slowly inched away from Peanut Jack, not wanting to be associated with him should an angry mob break out.

Peanut Jack took a deep breath through his nose and looked around at the gathered group of Jacks.

"I think it's time we moved on… I think we should get a new captain." Said Peanut Jack.

The other Jacks were still speechless, that is, until one of them spoke up.

"Why would we do that? Only Captain Jack can be the captain."

"JACK IS ALIVE, DARN IT!!!" yelled Peanut Jack, "It's time to let go!"

Once again, silence. One Jack started to weep.

"But… but we love him." said the crying Jack. The others nodded.

Peanut Jack sighed.

"Yeah, I know…we all loved him." he started. "… Er… maybe not LOVED him… but… we're not gay… especially for ourselves… um… ooh, this is confusing. Well, whatever. I also think we should have different names."

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASP!!!!!!!

That was the sound of twenty Jacks gasping at the same time and looking toward Peanut Jack in a disturbed manner.

"What did he say?" said one of the Jacks amidst the crowd.

Peanut Jack sighed and repeated himself.

"I think it would be easier if we had adjectives in our names… we can still all be named 'Jack' but just with some little twist to it. We can just change our names a little bit."

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASP!!!!!!!

That was the sound of twenty Jacks gasping at the same time and looking toward Peanut Jack in a disturbed manner.

"What did he say?" said one of the Jacks amidst the crowd.

"WILL YOU GUYS STOP THAT!?!?" yelled Peanut Jack. "Look- change isn't always bad… our system of governing ourselves is flawed… flawed like a… well, just flawed. I think Captain Jack would have liked to have seen us getting on peacefully among ourselves."

Many Jacks nodded and discussed this with the other Jacks next to them.

"One must admit he DOES have a point…," said one.

"And I think we're open for a few changes around here." Said another.

"But who'll we elect as new leader?" asked one.

Peanut Jack was just about to modestly volunteer to be leader when a yell erupted from the crowd.

"I submit myself to be leader!!" said one of the Jacks. All the Jacks looked around to find who had said that, when Very Tattoed Jack emerged from the gathering.

"It is I, Jack! Who elect myself as leader!" Very Tattooed Jack put his clenched fists on his hip like a super hero. He then thrust his head toward the sky and grinned like a fox.

Peanut Jack couldn't help but laugh at Very Tattooed Jack and exclaimed;

"I'm sorry, Jack- but your not exactly fit to lead, I mean, Captain Jack tried to KILL you because you couldn't get something done!"

Jacks started to talk again amongst themselves. Trying to protect his image, Very Tattooed Jack took his fists of his hips and leered at Peanut Jack.

"Oh, yeah? Well, Captain Jack killed YOU first!" argued Very Tattooed Jack. More murmurs from the group.

Peanut Jack chuckled as if it wasn't an argument at all.

"Yeah, but Captain Jack killed me for a PEANUT: you were incompetent in your duties." Peanut Jack smirked and Very Tattooed Jack look down at his feet.

The emotional Jack that was crying stepped up and offered a very agreeable point (in my opinion).

"Bu- but… that Jack is shirtless… that's gotta' count for something, right?"

The group of Jacks nodded enthusiastically and uttered approving sentences. Peanut Jack was confused.

"What does that have to do with ANYTHING?" asked Peanut Jack. "So what if he has his shirt off? I can do that too!"

"Yeah, but you never do." Said one of the Jacks. There were more murmers.

"SO? That just means he's an egotistical idiot!"

"HE'S CHARISMATIC!" screamed one of the Jacks.

"HE'S BRAVE!!" screamed another.

"HE'S HERETICAL!!!"

"HE'S NOT EXACTLY THE BUFFEST THING IN TOWN BUT DEFINITELY SEXY!!!!!"

"ALL HAIL VERY TATTOOED JACK!!!!" yelled one of the Jacks.

Everyone surround Very Tattooed Jack and picked him up, carrying him on top of his shoulders as they paraded around the ship.

"Morons." Said Peanut Jack. "They're all morons."

The little spectacle the Jacks had created lasted hours and hours on end and Peanut Jack sat on a barrel, grimacing and frowning, watching all his brethrens strut about like idiots. Very Tattooed Jack- who had been let down by the other Jacks- waltzed over to Peanut Jack and cockily said;

"Oh, don't feel so bad, Jack-"

"My name's Peanut Jack now."

"Alright, don't feel bad, Peanut Jack, I have a special position in my anarchy for you-"

"I think you mean 'hierarchy'."

"Mm hm, yeah, whatever. Well, anyway- I decided that YOOOOOOOOOU can be official Name Caller!"

"Name Caller? Is that it? That's the stupidest job in the-"

"BE GRATEFUL YE EVEN HAVE A JOB, MAGGOT!!" yelled Very Tattooed Jack. "You choose everyone's names tomorrow."

And, with that, Very Tattooed Jack sashayed away, followed by a menagerie of Jacks.

"Imbeciles." Said Peanut Jack.

AUTHOR'S (OTHER) NOTE: don't be fooled, this won't be a big thousand-chapter thingy… I don't think it's going to be longer than eight or nine chapters…