DISCLAIMER: I don't own fma or any of the characters.
Losing A Brother
Losing Maes was like losing a brother, no, it was like losing a part of one's self.
I sat in my apartment staring into space. Lieutenant Colonel – no – Brigadier General Maes Hughes was found dead in a telephone booth just outside Central Headquarters. The bloodstains on the booth – his bloodstains – were being washed away, for everyone else to forget him. I watched the glass cleaner smudge Maes' blood against the cold hardness of the booth. I was angry and depressed at the same time. I was torn; all's I could do was watch as his life was being washed away.
The day of the funeral was much hard for me to contain my tears. Elicia's cries for her father were unbearable. They pulled at my heartstrings. She pleaded and begged her mother that her father had a lot of work to do. I would absolutely hate to be in Gracia's position right now. How in the world do you tell and four-year-old child that their father can't do his work, that he won't be coming home? There's just no way to sugar coat such a thing. Though I am very proud of Gracia. She's still standing after the loss of her husband. She has – is – doing something that even I, the Flame Alchemist, can't even do. I bet Maes is proud of her as well.
We've gone through so much together, Maes and I. Dreadful high school, the military, life in general. He was always badgering me to settle down with a good wife and have a couple kids. That was his life, that life was made for him, not for me. Although Maes' death has made me look around at all the people who have stayed by my side for so long. Havoc, Fuery, Breada, Falman… and of course, Riza Hawkeye.
They've all been helping me but none as long as Riza. She's been by my side withstanding Ishbal, the military, years of her precious time spent aiding me. I try to protect them all by telling myself I don't need anyone. Who am I kidding though? I need them all, especially Riza. I don't know what I would do without her, probably become some random drunk in a bar every not wasting my life away…
I swirled a half-drunk glass of vodka. I stared into the liquid and can't help but remember, remember all the memories of us three. The strong ones of Ishbal and the small ones of the simple desk life in the military. The smells, the sounds, the tastes, sights… everything feels so fresh in my memory. Ishbal and its smell of burning flesh, its sounds of gunshots, people screaming, the taste of metallic blood in my mouth and on the ruined streets of what used to be quiet towns.
I clear my head by shaking it. Suddenly I feel anger swell in my chest. How could Maes be so stupid? Didn't I tell him to be careful, to stay safe if not for his sake but for his family's? No look what he's done! He's left behind a wife and a child! My grip on the glass becomes a vice.
I hear a slamming from somewhere in my apartment. I was so wrapped up in my ranting thoughts I didn't realize someone was here. Footsteps approached where I sat in a cozy chair in the living room. The steps are soft; a woman's foot.
"You know Colonel, alcohol corrupts the mind and body." Her voice is gentle and low in a whisper, dreamy. Very different from her work tone. She has always commented on my drinking, saying it's not a healthy habit to have. I send her a weak smile, which falls of my face in seconds.
She crosses the sea of tattered, stained-brown carpet to stand in front of me. She crouches down to my eye level. I turn away from her angelic, untainted being. I have no right to look upon something so pure when I am saturated in many other's blood.
I flinch as her hand contacts my face with a feather soft touch. She brings me to meet her eyes. Her eyes drill holes into mine as she wordlessly scoops the alcoholic beverage out of my grasp. I can't look away, even though I should. It's as if her caramel eyes are magnets.
With one of her hands she caresses the side of my face. With the other she rakes her creamy fingers through my short black hair, pushing aside the locks that had fallen into my face.
"You shouldn't blame yourself for his death. You weren't responsible for it. You weren't." She murmurs faintly against my forehead. I feel blessed by this angel, whose golden hair is pulled into its usual fashion. I begin to sense myself grow hot from her body hovering over mine. I should try to wiggle my way out of her hold but I can't; I'm frozen.
"Riza… you're wrong. I am the cause of his death. Had he not been my friend, helped me or rather, known me, he would still be alive. It's my fault entirely. I widowed a woman and I left a child fatherless. I can't look at Elicia without thinking that thought running through my mind. Tell me, how can you POSSIBLY say it's not my fault when it obviously is?" I shook my head, "Why do you try to make me out as an innocent when I have none?"
She stared at me. A blank expression marred her beautiful face. I couldn't look at her; I glanced away. She wouldn't have it though. Riza grabbed the side of my head and forcefully pulled it to match hers. I winced at the pain and lowered my eyes.
"Roy Mustang you will say no such thing ever again do you hear me?" Her piercing, glowing eyes searched my black holes. I nodded slowly and her hard face changed immediately from full on rage to sorrowful sadness. Unshed tears watered, blurred Riza's gorgeous eyes. I swept the teardrops that were beginning to leak from their barrier away with the pad of my thumb. I know we were both out of order but I could careless.
She fell into my arms; into my lap with salty tears running down her delicate looking cheeks. All I could do was embrace her. I couldn't – wouldn't – say anything. This time the silence was pleasant while I stroked her tense back comfortingly.
Riza tilted her head up to mine. The look she had. It was beautiful yet hopeless, depressing. I felt it was too awful to be upon such a lovely face. I leaned down to her mouth. A fraction of an inch away I stopped to peer into her captivating eyes for the earth only knows why. I brushed across her lips and captured her mouth in a gentle kiss.
I felt a rumbling in her throat, which my brain understood as a growling moan. She urged for more by pushing her body closer to mine, which I obliged. I ran my palms over her bare arms slowly and down to her waist where they skimmed the clothing covering her body to her back.
Riza Hawkeye was a dream, a lovely platonic dream. Her slender fingers crept under the blue oxford shirt I was wearing to my abs. I groaned as her silky fingers trailed on my hot skin sending what felt like electric currents through my veins.
My hands cupped her rear as I tried to stand. Seemingly understanding she wrapped her legs tightly around my hips and her arms flew to coil around my neck. Riza's lips attacked my neck as we stumbled down the hallway to my room. I almost dropped her a few times from the unbelievable sensations of her nibbles on my neck. I shut the door behind us.
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I guess losing Maes made me realize I couldn't lose anything else in my life either. I finally fulfilled Maes' wish for me…at least one of them. That night I made love to Riza. The next morning I asked her to marry me. A bit hasty I have to admit but I couldn't – can't – stand to live without her. Now we're happily married, secretly of course.
I hope, Maes, that you are happy because I'm living my life for you. I pay frequent visits to Gracia and Elicia to make sure they're ok. Elicia has gotten so big; I think she's going to start kindergarten soon. Gracia is doing ok. She confides in Riza a lot. For holidays I invite them to dinner, they are, of course, my brother's family. Because losing you Maes, I realized I had lost my brother.
Rizahawkeye21A/N: hey it's been awhile. Hopefully you like it. please review.