«Avada Kedavra! » the voice filled the room and then the green light blinded her again.
Tonks woke up crying, breathing heavily and feeling her forehead damp with sweat. It had been a few months since Sirius was killed, and she still had those nightmares. She tried to go back to sleep, but she couldn't – as she had expected – and after a while tossing and turning she got up. I'll go to the kitchen, have some tea or something, see if I calm myself down…
She left her bedroom, as quiet as she could, trying not to wake up the only person that was with her in 12 Grimmauld Place. At first it had been really difficult for both of them to stay there – all the memories and the pain after they had seen their friend die… But they were the only people who could stay.
As Tonks approached the kitchen, she realized she wasn't the only one who couldn't sleep. She took a deep breath and made sure there were no tears on her face.
"Wotcher, Remus!" she said yawning. Right then, she heard a thud as Lupin hit his head against a cupboard while he turned to look at her. "Sorry! I didn't mean to scare you! You okay?" she couldn't help a little chuckle as she came to him. Merlin, how can I find him so cute when he's pulling a grimace?
"Ouch! Oh, hello, Tonks! See, you're not the only one who can be clumsy here." she hit him playfully on the arm, "You couldn't sleep?"
"Let me see." she was so close now; he was starting to blush, so he bowed his head trying her not to notice. "No, I couldn't, I had a nightmare… You're just fine but you may have a bump later." she was feeling the spot where he had just hit himself and he winced on purpose. "Oh, don't be such a baby!"
They were both smiling. She's got such a beautiful smile… And then he realized what she had just said.
"Was it that nightmare again, Tonks?" she looked away, as if trying to avoid the question, "I suppose that is a yes."
She could feel a lump in her throat again. Not now, Tonks, don't cry now, not in front of him…
"It's okay, you don't have to worry – I'm getting used to it…" but at the end her voice started to shake and she turned her back to him so he wouldn't see her burst into tears.
"Tonks…" he approached her and softly put his hand on her arm. I can't see her like this- she doesn't deserve this pain, she's so young, so cheerful… She shouldn't be going through this – and this is only the beginning.
She then turned and hugged him, her eyes full of tears, her face buried in his chest.
"It was my fault, Remus… If I had… Bellatrix… He would…" she tried to speak between sobs.
"Tonks" he made her lift her face so she would be looking at him, "It was not your fault, you hear me, don't you ever think that. It was not your fault, it was nobody's fault, it just… happened. That is how war works. It's unfair, it hurts, but it's just the way it is. But we will get through this, okay?" he smiled weakly. If only I could ease her pain, make her feel safe…
"Now, do you know what will make you feel better?" he said while wiping away her tears with his thumb, "A mug of hot chocolate." he was smiling widely now, trying to make her a little more comfortable.
"That's your solution for everything, Remus?" she chuckled. He was looking at her with such an intense gaze she started to blush.
"Well, I know it's not a solution for almost anything, but it always helps."
A few minutes later they were heading to the living room. Lupin never used magic when it came to chocolate – "it's not as good as if you cook it yourself", he said. Tonks couldn't believe how easily he was making her forget about the nightmare. He's always so nice with me. And I have to admit he looks cute cooking with his pajamas on…
"Let me help you with that." he was taking the mugs and she wanted to feel useful.
"No way am I letting take any of the mugs – I don't want my precious chocolate spilled on the floor, thank you." she hit him playfully on the back. She loved it when he behaved like that, so relaxed – though this time he had a point…"After you." even when it was only the two of them he was so polite.
They sat on the tinny, old couch. Tonks was taking most of the space, as usual, with her legs folded under herself. She took her wand to set a fire in the fireplace in front of them so they wouldn't freeze.
"I hope you like it." he smiled handing her one of the mugs.
They stayed quiet for a while, listening to the creak of the fire ad sipping their chocolates. She was so at ease that, without thinking, she rested her head on his shoulder. When she realized it, she thought he would feel embarrassed somehow – they were not usually this close – but then, she felt his hand rest on her waist, as if they had done that a thousand times before. What am I doing? I shouldn't be holding her like this, but it feels so… right.
"Why couldn't you sleep?" she asked as casually as she could.
He took a deep breath. "I was having a nightmare too." he said quietly – his voice now sounded tired.
"Was it Sirius too?" she needed the comfort of knowing she wasn't the only one going through a hard time getting over it.
"Yes, but he wasn't the only one who died in my nightmare…" it was obvious that he wouldn't say more.
It was probably about James and Lily too.
If only she knew… She couldn't have been more wrong.
They fell quiet again, but this time, Tonks was even more relaxed and started to feel sleepy. I wish we could always be like this, together…
She barely noticed Lupin taking her mug from her hands and placing it carefully on a nearby table.
"Tonks, you should go to bed now, you'll be more comfortable there" he whispered, he would have stayed like that forever, but he felt it was the best thing to do.
I don't think I'll fell comfier than here. But that wasn't the problem.
"I don't want to be alone… Remus, please, stay with me." she said hugging him even closer.
"Of course I will." he smiled. I can't say no to her, especially not now that she looks so helpless, and definitely not now that we're so close.
Lupin then took his wand and enlarged the couch, so they could better lie down, and covered them both with a blanket. She rested her head on his chest and her hand on his side, as if making sure he wouldn't leave.
"Are you better now?" he asked while resting his hand on her waist again.
She just nodded and a short while later was deeply asleep. He could finally sleep too, now that she was safe in his arms, now that he knew he wouldn't lose her like in the nightmare that had woken him up.
But at that moment, the only thing he could think of doing was whisper I love you in her ear. He didn't dare say it though, not even now that she was asleep. He was too poor, too old and too dangerous: what right did he have to love her?
He couldn't have been more wrong. If only he knew…