Note: I'm going to jump about between first & third person.
{ .x.o. | Reluctance | .o.x. }
{ .x. Kagome's P.O.V. .x. }
So… here we are again, I'm not even sure how it happened exactly this time. I don't think I deserve this… You see, the gang and me were just taking a day off of from demon hunting, jewel shard tracking, and all that. Miroku knew someone in this village that would allow us to stay with him for a while so that we could all rest. I thought it was a grand idea; we all did, but Inuyasha because he always has ants in his pants. Fire ants from the way he acted, too.
Of course… he suddenly settled down because a familiar scent caught his nose… then he was gone. He lied and said if we were going to dillydally around in town he was going to go stretch his legs, do you lie to try and not hurt my feelings or do you do it because you think I'm stupid and can't sense that she's near? I hope that it's for the former.
Anyway, that was a few hours ago. Now I'm stuck in this stupid wooden cellar, it's really not fair. Of course I'm going to be in a bad mood when the man I… I love, yes, love. I love Inuyasha. So to see him running off to her again… hurts. What's the best way to cover that up? To vent that pain? Anger. So when a perverted man—at least, I think he was—tried to pester this poor girl I stood up for her. I know she was thankful, she said so. The man decided to bother me instead, I know, I know, I've heard it all before; because of my outfit choice I just had to be asking for it. Truly, though, I was not asking for him to tug on my skirt.
I couldn't help that my leg snapped up in reflex and hit him where the sun doesn't shine. The only thing I regret is finding out that the creep was somehow related to the nobleman of the village which earned me time in a cell… damn my luck. I hope that Sango and Miroku figure out where I've gone soon, they'd be able to get me out… right?
"Kagome-chan?" Oh, thank the gods, a friendly face. I jumped up to my feet and over to the gate, "is that you? What are you doing?"
"Oh, Hojo-kun," it was still so strange to see Hojo Akitoki in the feudal era, and if it weren't for the fact that their hair styles were so different I wouldn't really be able to believe that he's not the same boy I see in school every day—well, when I go to school, that is. "It's a long story, but it's not my fault. Is there any way you can get me out of here…?"
"Let me see, hold on a moment," he requested with that sweet smile of his before he turned away to go speak to the guard.
He was my savor, my knight in shining amour, because he got me out there in a jiffy just like I hoped he would. "Thank you, thank you, thank you, Hojo-kun!"
"You're welcome," he laughed lightly, "I couldn't leave such a pretty girl in a place like that."
I just smiled all the more at the comment, how I'd love for Inuyasha to say the same. I know my heart would flutter like never before if he ever gave me such a compliment but, I sighed, I fear he never will. Not as long as she's around… no, I mentally slapped myself upside the head. That's too harsh, I'm not that type of person, it's not Kikyou's fault that Inuyasha is such a dog. It's his, and his alone.
If anything… no, I am the other woman. Kikyou was there first, she started to heal him, she was the first to accept him, she was the first he loved—if he even loves me, that is. I'm the one getting in the way of what was meant to be… but was it meant to be if they were torn apart by death? Then again, she was brought back and everything happens for a reason, right?
No, no, no, I'm not going to start debating that with myself again.
"Are you alright, Kagome-chan?"
"Yes," I meekly murmured, "fine."
"Will you be at the festival tonight?"
"There's a festival tonight?" I questioned as I looked over to him.
"The harvest festival, it should be a great deal of fun, I will be attending for certain so if you do seek me out."
"Alright, I'll do that for sure," a festival, that sounds like fun. Shippou would love that, we'd all love that. We could all use a break from our reality of daily struggle for a good time. I'd have to tell the others.
"Kagome?" I cringed, I couldn't help it, he just sounded so… not like himself. It took more will power than I knew I had to turn around to see Inuyasha. He had such a sublime look upon his face… I could feel my stomach turn.
"Um, I'll see you tonight, maybe, Hojo-kun," I smiled briefly at him; he nodded and then wished us the best before he left.
I had the worst possible feeling as we stood there quite a few feet away, his eyes lazily lingering on me. He hadn't been gone that long… or had I just been locked away for longer than I thought? Who was supposed to say what? Why was I so nervous? He just said my name, nothing more, I shouldn't feel like this… I should be semi-pissed off if anything, like I usually am after his little excursions out to see her but he… he never returns with such a look on his face. It was that, that had to be why I couldn't seem to breathe.
He looked like he found peace...?
"Kagome," he started again, "we need to talk…"
Oh, gods, that was never good. When did anything good come after those four stupid words? "About…?"
That was when his golden gaze finally moved away from me and to the forest not too far from us, "I… I love Kikyou."
I know… I knew that, it wasn't some big shock, so why did it still feel like I got kicked in the gut?
"I owe it to her to stay with her. I… I want to stay with her. I'm going to stay with her."
Translation: "Kagome, sorry, but Kikyou wins." I felt my knees grow weak, ridiculous tears had already began to sting my eyes, I knew what he was saying, I really did but I still had to ask, "w-what are you saying, Inuyasha?"
"Kagome," he hung on my name for a moment before he took a breath and looked to me, "everyone's always telling me it's not fair… how I treat the two of you, how I…" he shook his head, "so, I'm just going to be with her in the end. I'm… I'm sorry, Kagome, I don't… want to hurt you."
"Wait… wait, that's fine, Inuyasha, I don't care what everyone says," I took a few steps closer to him as I pled but he just looked away again, "you don't have to go… you don't have to… to chose." Especially when your choice wasn't me…
"I'm sorry, Kagome," he repeated one last time.
{ : xox : … I'm sorry, Kagome… I'm sorry, Kagome… I'm sorry, Kagome… : xox : }
Those stupid, treacherous words rang out in her head until the festival started. That was when she decided not to feel sorry for herself, not to think of herself as a victim in some ridiculous romance. She'd get on… somehow, she'd make it. It... it hurt. The only thing she was thankful about was the festival was large and well stocked with sake so that she wouldn't run into her friends because she simply could not deal with that right then and, best yet, she could do what she was so often told made the pain go away—drink.
Now, Kagome never drank before for many good reasons, mostly the fact that she was underage back home, but there was a first for everything, right? So she took a bottle and managed through the bitter taste, hoping ever so hard that with each small shot the pain would dull just a bit more.
"Kagome-chan?"
"Hojo-kun!" She laughed not too far into her night as she walked over to him, "would you like to share a drink? Let it be my way of thanking you for before."
"If you insist," he chuckled back as he took a small glass from her.
In hindsight, it was probably not her best idea to drink so much with someone she knew so little about, but what was the worst thing that could occur?
The pain was gone once the bottle was, but so was her common sense, her judgment skills. So when Hojo Akitoki invited her back to his inn room the same thought as before crossed through the fog of her mind—what was the worst thing that could happen?
Stupidity, utter foolishness…. Somehow, he tripped, somehow, she fell, and somehow they ended up on the ground together. For some reason his lips brushed against hers, for some reason she thought it was fine to let hers repeat the action. Someway, it happened.
She thought—well, as much as a deeply intoxicated teenager could—that it couldn't hurt. She thought it would make everything fine. She thought it was revenge… she thought it would be fun. Didn't all the kids her age do that, anyway? If she never crossed the bone eaters well wouldn't there be a high likelihood that she would end up doing the deed with the Hojo from her era?
Normally, he wouldn't, truly, he had never… but he was a man, and she was a very pretty woman, so when you add the two with an immense amount of any alcohol little good comes from it.
If only they had known that before the night began…
{ : xox : … If only… If only… If only… If only : xox : }
No, no, no, no, no! Rang out louder than anything else could within her pounding head as she scurried around the room to retrieve all that had been spewed across it. With each new step came a new throb that beckoned for her to cease, to settle down, to lie back on the futon and keep her eyes closed to refuse the sunlight entrance but she couldn't... she had to dress quickly, slap herself on the face a few times, then leave without a word to the sleeping boy.
How pathetic… how she hated herself, how stupid she was. How completely unromantic, how crushing… what girl wanted her first time to be like that…? She did… with him, didn't she? They were both naked, they were together on the futon, her arms were wrapped about him, and his legs around hers… oh, she wanted to throw up in repulsion.
"Kagome!"Miroku cried out, only to cause her another pulse of pain for some many reason—the guilt, the shame, the god-awful headache.
"We were worried about you," Sango sighed as they walked up to the inn she had just left, "where did you go?"
She barely heard what they said, all she noticed was that Inuyasha was there with them… his eyes evaluating every bit of her over and over again. A terrible, stern, look upon his face… oh no, she closed her eyes when she figured it out. He could smell what she had done the night before.
Wait, she took a breath before walking all the way over to her friends, she hadn't done anything to be sorry for. She wasn't with Inuyasha, he had made his choice, he was going to be with Kikyou once everything was said and done. They were nothing more than friends—if that.
"Sorry," she managed with a smile, "I didn't mean to worry you guys. I just had so much fun at the festival that I got carried away…" really, really carried away...
"Shall we go, then?" Miroku inquired, winning a unanimous agreement amongst them.
It wasn't until they were a fair distance away that she discovered Inuyasha had told the others his decision, too. Sango and her were at the head, Inuyasha at the far back, and while they both knew that he could hear them Sango gave her condolences to Kagome anyway, making sure to tell her loud enough that she could do better, anyway. Miroku did the same midway through the day, then Shippou.
It didn't help at all, though.
She couldn't be more thankful when they stopped close to dusk at a campsite not too far from a hot spring. After all, she did yearn to cleanse herself from last night's fiasco. For the first time in two days she felt luck was on her side when Sango and Shippou said they wouldn't be coming to join Kagome until later.
At least she didn't remember the pain of her first time, that was good, wasn't it? She tried her best to compile a list of why she shouldn't feel so shamed, if she was in her world would she? She was the last of her friend's that hadn't been with a boy…
"Kagome," she winced at the detachment within his usually obnoxious voice before she turned to see Inuyasha standing there—his arms folded, his golden gaze still glancing about her.
"What?" She nearly hissed, truly, the last thing she could deal with at the moment was him. Didn't he have enough sense to leave her be?
"Are you alright?" It was the first time he brought his gaze to meet hers, "did something happen last night…?"
Yes, yes, something rather catastrophic occurred but she knew what he was getting at, "nope."
"No?" He dragged out dully, "nothing…?"
"What I do is none of your business, Inuyasha," she declared firmly, "now if you don't mind, I'm going to go wash up."
"Good," he muttered right as she turned away, which snapped her back around so she could storm up to him.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
His eyes narrowed upon her before he snickered back, "I've had to endure smelling him on you all day. It's disgusting. Who would have thought you'd do something like that."
She opened her mouth to retort but couldn't seem to locate her voice… it wasn't fair, she felt bad enough about it as it was without him rubbing it into her face. She only did it because of him, because of the pain he caused her, because she wanted to stop feeling so shitty… how could he stand there and judge her so crudely? How could he be so cruel?
"I hate you," just came out, flawlessly, fiery, from her pressed lips, "Inuyasha."
His eyes widened at that, they were locked on her as she turned and began off towards the hot spring once more… he couldn't let her go with the last word, not when she was the one that… "Whatever, at least I'm not a who—"
"SIT!"
{ : xox : … SIT… SIT… SIT… SIT... : xox : }
{ .x. Inuyasha's P.O.V. .x. }
That bitch! She's always saying that damn word and making me smack down onto the ground. Screw it, as soon as I could get up I was out of there, running as fast as I could away from all of them. I didn't need her, I didn't need them, I would be fine by myself. I'd be more than fine, I'd be great.
She hates me… I don't care; I don't give a shit what Kagome thinks of me. It's not Kagome that matters… it's Kikyou. I love Kikyou, Kagome's just some cheap imitation. Kikyou would never have done what Kagome did… gods, I'll never get that smell out of my nose. Her calla lily scent smeared with that damn kid's. How could Kagome?
Obviously I made the right choice… I did… I'm sure I did. But… did I make her do that? It doesn't seem like something she'd ever do… it was Kagome. She was like a saint, one of the purest people I know… and I did hurt her, I could tell. Gods, I didn't mean to hurt her. I'm doing the right thing. I am. I have to be.
Just when I needed it the most, I caught a whiff of faint bellflowers, dirt, and bones. Kikyou… I wanted to see her so badly I picked up my speed and rushed towards her, leaping over anything and everything in my way. I had to see her, she'd make everything better. She'd prove to me that I made the right choice.
I'll just stay with her. I won't return to the group. It'd be like old times, when I'd go out with Kikyou to help her exterminate a demon. Just like old times… we could be together like old times.
{ : xox : … like old times… like old times… like old times… like old times... : xox : }
It wasn't fair… he was just too cruel. I would have never done something so stupid if it weren't for his heartless actions… No, that's what really got me, what made it all the more worse. It was a heartfelt decision, his heart had made the choice, it just was not in my favor… it was in hers. And could I blame him? Could I blame her?
Weren't they meant to be? I wasn't meant for Inuyasha, right? I was from the future; I am meant to stay there, aren't I?
Even though I wanted to, even though my bad side told me to, I know that none of this is… is Kikyou's fault. She's not the one that kept Inuyasha's feeling wayward. If anything, she was a victim of the situation just like I was. It's Inuyasha's fault… it's his cruelty of constantly going back and forth… back and forth…
Fine, fine, fine… OK, whatever, he can live happily ever after with Kikyou. I won't get in the way. The least he could do is be kind to me, not tease and taunt me… he had broken my heart.
{ : xox : … had broken my heart… had broken my heart… had broken my heart… : xox : }
"Kikyou," Inuyasha breathlessly greeted as he leaped down in front of her. He knew she knew he was coming, her chocolate orbs washed over him a few times before she said anything.
"Hello, Inuyasha."
He didn't waste any more time before he took a step forward and pulled her into an embrace, "I've decided… Kikyou, that I'm going to be with you, no matter what. I… I still care for you," still loved her, "I don't want you to be alone anymore. I want to protect you like I swore I would. We can beat Naraku together."
"Inuyasha," she mused before she indulged herself by returning his embrace. Though, she only allowed the moment to linger for a short time it was enough to remind her just a bit of who she once was, how they once were…
"I'm not going to let you be alone anymore…" Inuyasha repeated as he buried his nose into her hair that no longer smelled as sweet as it did fifty years ago.
"I am meant to be alone," she whispered before pulling away from him enough so that he would look in to her eyes, "I am no longer part of the living, yet not quite dead, thus I do not belong with either."
"Kikyou—"
"Thank you," a rarity occurred right then, her smile from the old days returned, "for all that you have said…" though, he often spoke sweetly and never stuck with it, it was still enough to bring her some joy. "I forgive you, Inuyasha, I have for a long time. I will never hold you to your promises; you are free to return to your friends."
"What? No," he snarled some, "I don't want to. I want to—"
"I do to," she hushed, "but it was not meant to be… I take comfort in the fact that my soul still found you in another life. If we could change the past, if we could foresee what Naraku was about to do, if we could stop it… then I would more than gladly allow you to stay but that will never be."
"Kikyou…" he murmured before he looked away, "I don't get it."
"I believe," she paused for moment before she pulled away from him all the way, "that you do."
His golden gaze glanced back to her but he simply shook his head, stubborn as ever.
"I will destroy Naraku alone, I will complete the shikon no tama alone," her usual persona returned then as she collected her bow and arrows, "I do not wish for you to come with me. Please return to your friends, Inuyasha, please return to Kagome. She and you… are meant to be. Do you understand now?"
"But," he murmured, "but… Kikyou…"
"But nothing, Inuyasha, the past is the past… that shall never change. I am of the past; I will remain as such forever. You can move on from there, to your future… return to Kagome, return to the rest. Once Naraku is gone… so will I, but they won't." That seemed to be the last of what she wished to say until she stopped and turned slightly to see him one last time before she disappeared into the forest, "I am glad that you've found a place to fit in finally, Inuyasha."
Then she was faded silently into night.
{ : xox : … faded silently into the night… faded silently into the night…: xox : }
{ .x. Kikyou's P.O.V. .x. }
Stoic, silent, secluded… sometimes I wish I had not been brought back from the dead. Then I remember how I would not know the truth and it makes this whole horrid ordeal worth it. I am no longer who I once was… He is no longer the same, either. We no longer need the other for comfort.
I often wonder who is to blame for the day I died, for the day I sealed him to the tree… was it ours? For not trusting each other enough to think 'what was that?' 'could that have really been him?' and I constantly come to the same conclusion. It is Naraku's. I was just mortally wounded, how could I possibly think straight?
I don't think I had ever been so scared in all my life, how was I to stop and evaluate the situation fully when I only had moments until I was dead? I suppose I should have, and in a perfect world I would have, but… we do not live in a perfect world.
No matter what, even when I thought he killed me… I loved Inuyasha, I love him. I can never be with him, though, so I… have to give him away to Kagome. To the living, to his future. I started to heal him, I began to break down his barrier, and I can find solace in the fact that my reincarnation will finish that.
It took time after I came back to find something that could comfort me, something that gave me something relatively close to hope… and in the end, surprisingly enough, Kagome gave me that. She is my reincarnation, she has the better half of my soul now, and she still found Inuyasha. A part of me will always be with him…
{ :xox : …A part of me… A part of me… A part of me… A part of me… :xox: }
Did she make sense…? Was she right…? A part of him, the part that loved the past, wanted to think she was wrong that she was just saying that for his sake… but then another part beckoned for him to run as fast as he could, to backtrack, to return to the group. He didn't bother to talk to any of them, it was apparent from the scent of the campsite that Kagome wasn't there. Was she still at the hot spring?
Had something happened…?
Without really thinking it through he leaped onto a rock that stood out of the hot spring to scan around until his gaze locked upon a stunned, gawking, Kagome.
"Wh-What are you doing?!" She shrieked as her arms wrapped around her chest and dipped deeper into the water.
"Why are you still here?" He stuttered as he spun around to look away, his cheeks lightly blushed.
"What's it matter!? Go away!"
It took him some time to remember what it was that brought him to her… "l-look, Kagome, I'm… sorry."
"Yeah, whatever," she murmured before falling deeper into the water so her mouth was covered. She'd been linger about the hot spring since he left, she had been out of it half the time then decided to get back in again since she had yet to feel fully cleansed from the night before… maybe she wouldn't ever.
"I am," he kept up with a bit more force, his head tilted a bit to the side so he was almost looking over at her but he knew better then to turn all the way around again. At least she no longer reeked of that man… it still made his blood boil to think that anyone had touched her like that, that he allowed such a thing to occur…
He just heard something similar to another, "whatever", from her below the water.
"I… saw Kikyou," he could feel her tense up. He had known her for so long now that he had developed something close to a sixth sense for predicting when a 'sit' was about to occur, so he tread lightly, "and… and I made a mistake."
"What?" She questioned as she popped out of the water some, "what'd you do?"
"Nothing bad," he snickered, "I mean… can I just take it back?"
"Take what back…?" She mumbled as she tilted to the side some, almost enough that she could see his golden gaze.
"Take… what I said yesterday back."
"You mean," she cocked an eye brow, "the whole… you pick Kikyou thing?"
She just saw him nod.
"So… what you are going back to being indifferent towards the matter?" She snapped, "no, you can't take it back. You made your choice, now you have to live with it."
He had sort of expected that but he wasn't going to give up, he turned around to show his determination upon his face but the faded rather quickly when he noticed she had come almost all the way out of the water so her chest was fully exposed, "I… I… I…"
"Inuyasha!" She screamed as she ducked back down, "sit!"
In retrospect, she probably shouldn't have shouted that out when it meant he would go face first into the hot spring. It was pretty steaming and if someone just dipped all the way in without wading and adjusting to the heat it could hurt... And it was water, he couldn't breathe in it.
One… he didn't pop back up.
Two… she waded a bit closer to the spot he was flung down in.
Three… there weren't even bubbles.
Four… he was OK, right? He hadn't hit his head on a rock or something… right?
Five… she took a few more steps closer and began to panic.
Six… she couldn't take it she dunked down all the way to find him coming up just then, so she did the same.
"Oh my god! Inuyasha, are you OK?" She fretted over as she cupped his face with her hands, his clothes were soaking wet along with his hair and hers, it made a smile crack upon her face. He truly looked like a wet dog.
"Damn it, Kagome!" He cursed like he always did after that word had been put into play before he took a deep breath, "you could have killed me!"
"Stop being such a baby!" She scolded, "I knew you'd be fine."
"Keh," he muttered right as he noticed the proximity of the two… and the fact that she was still starch naked.
"Inuyasha, gods, you pervert, go away!" She demanded as she turned her back to him.
He could do that… if he really didn't want to hear the word 'sit' again then that was exactly what he should do but… did she still hate him? If so, he couldn't live with that. Anyone could hate him but Kagome, so he lifted his arms out of the water and wrapped them around her instead.
She froze briefly before she let him pull her to him, so her back was pressed against his chest, "wh-what are you doing… Inuyasha?"
"Making a different choice," he murmured into her ear.
It made her heart flutter and her body shiver all at once but weren't they just pretty words? "Why should I believe you this time? Won't you just change your mind in a day or so?"
"No."
"I don't believe you…" though, she wanted to, desperately as his grip tightened.
"I don't know what to tell you then," he wasn't Miroku and he knew it, there wasn't any way he could charm his way out of it.
"Inuyasha," she stuttered before she pulled his arms slightly so he would loosen them. He was certain she wanted to leave but she did just the opposite, she turned to wrap her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his.
She had always wanted to, after all… so why not now? What was there to stop her? When he responded by kissing her back she believed him a little bit more. And a just a tiny-bit more when he began to discard his soaked kimono out of the spring so he could pull her to him.
Usually, she'd probably would not allow such a thing to occur but… really, again, why not?
"Kagome," he whispered before his lips moved down to her neck and her back met the wall of the hot spring.
She just closed her eyes, she didn't remember much of anything about the night before but she couldn't imagine it felt the same. She squirmed when she felt him trail down to her chest.
"I-Inuyasha… I," she placed her hands upon his cheeks to get him to look up at her, "I… I," she might as well, but she had to take a few breaths to gain her courage back, "I… love you."
His golden gaze widened as he held her closer, did she just say that? Did she…? "Kagome… I…" it took time for him to find the next word, "love you, too."
{ :xox : …I love you, too … I love you, too … I love you, too… I love you, too… :xox: }
"Inuyasha, ow!" Kagome cried out as she pushed him away from her, "stop it! That hurts."
"I thought…" he paused as he raised a brow, his golden gaze wondering about the girl below him, "didn't you…? Last night…?"
It took her some time to think it through, it might still hurt… but not that much… and she didn't remember actually doing anything with Hojo… so maybe, just maybe, "I was really intoxicated last night… I don't remember…?"
"Well," he shrugged lightly, "there's only one way to find out."
"No!" She protested before she raised her hand to slap him, "it'll hurt!"
"Of course it will—"
"Then I don't wanna…"
He rolled his eyes as he knelt down to kiss her once more, "it's alright."
"I still love you..." she mumbled as she wrapped her arms around his neck.
"Yeah, yeah, me too."
A/N: A simple one shot with a plot that's been a million times. Well, now it's a million and one. More than anything this was just for fun and a retaliation to all the other stories when Inuyash picks Kikyou InuxKag ones when Kikyou always ends up being portrayed as some psycho bitch.
So... this is OK as a T story, yeah? Or should I make it M because there's just hints to situations and nothing descriptive so I figured it was a T. Someone tell me if it should be M, but I don't think so.
And the ending, it's meant to be more amusing than romantic and to also hint towards the fact that she didn't do the drunken side-ways tango with Hojo--just in case you didn't pick up on that.
Anyway, hope you enjoyed, hope you review, and thanks for reading.