I'm pretty sure this format has been used before..? Oo; but anyways! A crackfic that was written for dncontest's prompt, "CRACK PAIRING". If it's possible, it's L/Eraldo/Denevue. Ridiculous, I know.
Hi, you've reached Deneuve's phone, and I'm obviously not available to answer right now. I'm probably off solving mysterious and unsolvable cases before Eraldo Coil or L, so please leave a message after the beep. Oh, and before you do that, do me a quick favor, and look in any nearby reflective surface. If the face of Eraldo peers back at you, do the whole world a favor and please, get a lobotomy. Or throw yourself into the nearest large body of water- that is preferable, if a lobotomy is not offered in any immediate hospitals. L, you're awesome. Call me again Saturday night. Bye!
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.
Hi, you've reached the super-secret number of Eraldo Coil's cellular, and there is a 13 percent chance that I will never actually answer or call you back. If this is Deneuve- baby, I didn't mean to stand you up. Honestly. I'm being as honest as someone can be, and you and I both know the exact algorithms for truth theories and I can repeat them to you if you like. I'm not implying that you're stupid, I know, I'm just saying that I think I deserve a second chance. I hope you're not doing something with L this weekend.
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.
..Watari? Is this on?
2 percent that this is L. 3 percent confidence in telling you, the caller, that this is L, because 4 percent confidence that this is not L, but simply an automated machine imitating L's voice. 1 percent chance that L will probably call you back, and less than 1 percent chance that L will call you back in person. 5 percent chance that L is out solving cases, or thinking about something extraordinarily difficult that most minds will not be able to comprehend. 2 percent chance that L is too occupied with eating something sweet and thinking about aforementioned sweets to pick up his phone. 2 percent confidence in L finding his phone to return the caller's call. 3 percent chance that L is actually corroborating with other fine minds of the world, including the second and third best detectives. L will not be naming them, because in truth, naming them would implicate that L would know them in person. Nobody knows L in person. L is 5 percent sure in the fact that nobody truly knows L, therefore L is also questioning exactly who had called and who had acquired this num-
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.