Hello, welcome to my evil lair of evil Mwahaha! I am glad you decided to be forced into taking this tour of my evil lab, for I get really bored down here in this miserable cave of evil. Over here we have my evil tank full of evil piranhas, made ready to BITE OFF YOUR FLESH! As a demonstrator, one of you will be thrown into the tank. Jerrold is your name right? Jacob? Alrighty, watch as Jacob falls into the tank! HAHAHA! Watch him squirm like the pathetic human he is! Stare as the waters become red with his blood! HA HA ha ha.. ha… I thought the Piranhas would have done more damage than a couple bites… anyway moving along… wait what's that Jacob? You want to still follow? Sure I guess… BUT NO LOLIGAGING WORM!.. the worm is you Jacob... yes you are a worm... No I do not mean it literally... SHUT UP! Good, now lets continue.
Up next is my all famous super- DON'T TOUCH THAT IMBICILE! All powerful- GET AWAY! YOU FOOL! Incredible- AWAY ALL OF YOU er... STUPID DOO DOO HEADS! *sigh* Superb- YOU ARE ALL DESPICABLE TOUCH HUNGRY MONKEYS WITH ANTS IN YOUR TINY PEA SIZED BRAINS! *grumble mumble* OK, calm *deep breath* calm down... *sigh* For that I will skip this amazing feat of GENIUS and continue on without letting you watch this giant 470 inch plasma TV (of evil) that I designed for WORLD DOMINATION! and relaxation… mostly relaxation. Hey wait up!
Oooohhh! My favorite part of the trip! It's amazing just amazing! A true mark of my pure GENIUS! Look at it! A giant ice cream stand!... OF EVIL! If I so wish, I can get any flavor I want, such as ZOILNBERRY! Deeeelishous! What? You thought you got frosty treats down HERE? (You didn't? Well…) YOU DON'T MWAHAHA- *cough* Sodabot3.14! *cough* Rehydrate me! *cough* we're out? NOOOOOOOOOO! *cough, cough, cough* CURSE YOU ROBOT SLAVE! Cough I TOLD YOU WE WERE OUT! WHYYYY *cough* YY! *cough* I'll be right *cough* back… DON'T STEAL MY *cough* IRISISTABLE ICE CREAM!
Alright, I'm back let's continue. Ah yes, the 666 rooms of unspeakable horror. (and evil) If you may have already noticed, this hallway consists of 700 evil rooms of torture beyond your wildest dreams! Such as a documentary on boredom! Slightly uncomfortable temperatures! And a room with a moose! Now, if you have any complaints about the name, please walk into the incinerator on your right, thank y- Wait, your not really going to seriously walk... wow... didn't think anyone would actually walk in there. Any other of you nincompoops want to complain? No? Excellent! Forwards! EVIL WAITS FOR NO ALIEN!
So, we have reached the end of the tour of doom. Be sure to enter the gift shop and buy some useless EVIL stuff that has no purpose whatsoever, before I erase all of your minds. What, did you expect? Me? ALL POWERFUL EVIL GENIUS? would let my evil base get discovered before I launch my ingenious invasion of DOOOM? Absurd! Now please line up, and buy something from the gift shop before I turn your minds to mush! Done? Brilliant! Replacing brains with... out of human brains? Oh well, use the cow brains from those ones we abducted last week. Success! Only one died. Goodbye cow-humans! HEY! GET AWAY FROM MY TULIPS!