13 Reasons Why Not
by
Caydency Raine Jayde
Chapter One
Hi. My name is Felix, I'm 17 years old.. and I'm live and in stereo because I killed myself. The game is simple; listen and pass it along to the others. In this bag you will find seven cassette tapes, along with my trusty ol' walkman. You'll have to provide your own headphones guys; sorry, but I doubt you want some other kid's earwax in your own ears. Jokes aside.. These tapes each have two sides to them, one person per side. Take a seat, listen to them; grab a bite to eat and something to drink. Get.. comfortable, because this is the story of my life. As you finish the tapes, you'll pass it along to the next person mentioned. So on and so forth, until you reach the end. Of course, what happens at the end of the line is up to the last person. Should you decide to destroy these tapes, not pass them on, I have entrusted a second set to an undisclosed contact, who will very publicly display the contents of them; whatever they see fit. You'll also find a map. If you want the entire experience of my life, I've circled all sorts of locations to visit throughout these tapes.
The fuck was I thinking, speaking to you? You weren't the worst, but you destroyed any chance I had at future friendships; it was a constant case of Stockholm Syndrome. You bullied me.. and I let you do it because I thought that was what high school was all about. After all, I was new to the scene of popularity and friendships. Someone had to teach me and show me the ropes.. right? It all started with Monet's; with you. If it hadn't have been for your fucking gaze staring into mine across the floor, maybe I'd be talking about this to a therapy group instead of over tapes to a list of people who brought me to the decision to end my life.
All of a sudden, Alex's hand found its way to my shoulder and I jumped out of my skin for a few seconds before looking back at him. He smiled before gazing into my eyes, running his hand over my masculine chest and then moving his hand to hold my cheek. "I know that look. You're.. thinking about it again, aren't you?" A reluctant nod showed his arms how to move, where to go.. and soon they were around my frame and holding me close to his own. "I know. I know how bad it was for you; I attempted it too, remember? The scar on my head.. and yours on your chest. I'm.. happy Tony's boyfriend was there. He.. saved your life, Felix."
A smile formed over my lips as I snuggled into his hold, taking in his freshly-showered scent; god, he smells so fucking good. "I know. He still insists even now that I shouldn't do anything to repay him, but.. he helped me keep my life. I feel like I have to, you know?" With a nod from Alex, he slowly walked away to grab the remote to the radio system in his room, turning on an old song that we both knew well; it was the song we had our first slow dance together just months ago at the Winter Formal. Right before I left the building for some fresh air and tried to kill myself. The Night We Met by Lord Huron.. I'll never forget this song.
Alex came walking back to me, grabbing my hand and pulling me close in a slow-dancing position, a smile on his face. "You're so silly. You think about it all so much; the tapes, the formal, that night.. but it's okay." A sway to the right, my weight now on top of his shoes. "You think about it all the time.. and that's okay, because I'm right here with you for it all. When Sheri ran inside calling for me while on the phone with the 9-1-1 operators, all I saw was Brad holding his ripped up dress shirt over your head and a gun on the ground. The doctors were surprised you made any recovery at all, Felix; so was I. I think the moment I saw him holding your gunshot wound under his torn shirt, that's when I truly knew I couldn't live without you." We kept swaying to the music, Alex picking me up just a small amount to spin us around, smiling at me. "I can't live without you. I'm glad you're here."
I looked into his eyes, kissing him on the lips for a brief moment before pulling myself back into a hug with him, resting my forehead against his chest; I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes as the memories from that night ran through my head again. "Shh.. It's okay. We'll both get through it to-"
I started crumbling. My knees buckled and I moved to sit on the floor, now practically blubbering like an idiot and doing what the cool kids call an "ugly sob", knees pulled up to my chest. Alex knelt in front of me, grabbing my cheeks and forcing me to look into his eyes. "Felix, look at me." It took a moment. "Look at me." I finally managed it, looking up into his eyes. "It's okay. We're going to get through this together. I promise you we will." He could tell I was about to hyperventilate. "Deep breaths, Felix." He started to help me time it. "In." A few seconds. "Out." A few more. Over and over, he did this.. and as usual, it was a mere couple of moments before I stopped crying, looking into his eyes with peace, resolve, and a calming warmth in my own. "There we go. That's my Felix." He smiled, kissing my forehead and taking my hand, making sure to lace our fingers together. "Together."
This was my life now; my life with Alex. I transferred to the school in the middle of the new year, after some kid named Bryce had been removed to go to jail for.. something I'm still fuzzy on. This guy Clay and Alex both helped me start to fit in at school, but not before Jessica managed to get her hands on my life. She constantly told me how I wasn't fitting in, how I never would; it hurt, but I put up with it because once again, I thought that was what high school was all about here at Liberty High. Of course, after the rumor Jessica spread that I kept physically and sexually abusing women was put to rest at long last, Clay and Alex saved the day and helped me through to this point today.
Clay.. That's right. He's visiting tonight. I had better help Alex get things straightened up around here. "You remember Clay is coming over, right?" Alex nodded his head and held my hands as we both rose to our feet, kissing my forehead. "Don't worry. We're still both here to help you; I promise." I gave him a smile before putting some distance between us both, heading for his door. "I'm glad your parents set us up with this apartment and paid the rent for us too. We can just.. do what we want to here."
All of a sudden, there was the ring of the doorbell, and my eyes looked back. "Oh. He's.. early." Alex smiled and put his hand on my shoulder, swaying a bit. "The place looks fine. I doubt he'll care, Felix." With that, he moved through a few rooms to the front door, greeting Clay and smiling, letting him in. "Hey Clay. How's it going?"
Clay moved his feet after staring for just a few short seconds at Alex's shirt, distracted by the patterns; somehow, it reminded him of Hannah. Going to sit on the couch after the invitation presented itself from Alex's mouth, he nodded to them. "Things are okay. Mom's been a little more laid-back this week than usual; I think something's up, but I'm going with it." His eyes moved to make contact with mine, giving me a thoughtful stare. "How are you doing, Felix?"
The question caught me off guard, leaving me speechless for a few seconds while I muddled over what to say. "Oh, I'm alright. I had a moment earlier, but Alex was there to help.. as usual." Curse my socially awkward self. That sounded so mean-spirited to Alex, but.. what else was I supposed to say? Moving to the kitchen to grab some drinks and snacks, I was stopped in my tracks after Clay asked a rather.. forward question. "Felix, can you tell me about the night of the Winter Formal?"
Alex scowled at him, clenching a fist and using his other hand to hold my shoulder. "Clay; have some consideration. You know he's still sensitive about that." As Clay was opening his mouth to apologize for the bluntness of his question, I shook my head at Alex and looked back at Clay. "It's fine. I don't mind talking about it. Honestly.. I never had the opportunity to tell Clay about it. Alex, would you go grab the drinks and snacks?" Alex gave a nod and headed off to the kitchen while I took my seat across from Clay in the recliner; its upholstery was still flawless even though it had been bought nearly six years ago.
"Well.. God. Where do I even start about that night?" That was all I had to say before honestly, my thoughts put my mouth on autopilot and started to do the talking for me.
That night was a blast.. quite literally. I remember the dance with Alex, the big group we danced with earlier on in the night.. but that's not even where it all starts.
Justin had made an appearance to try and make amends with Jessica, which blew up in his face. I had gotten to know him over the weeks, and much to Alex's disgust I let him hang with us that night, giving him a night of fun in the midst of all the chaos with his mother and constant rotation of boyfriends and hook-ups. Clay was there that night, with us, but.. when the slow dances all started, Alex and I drifted away from him to have it to ourselves.
Tony, being the mastermind and savior that he naturally was, brought out the boombox. He put his own tape in, his favorite song and now mine as well – The Night We Met by Lord Huron. He gave me one of the best memories on that night that I could have hoped for, in the middle of all the shit that was my life at that very point. Between everything Zach and his group had done to me, Jessica, Mr. Porter.. even god damn Bryce once he'd been released from jail, all I wanted that night was to live it up. I wanted, for one night of my life, to just be happy; to be separated from all of those thoughts of death, destruction.. and to replace them with those of happiness. However, even Tony's natural acts of kindness couldn't keep them away. Alex's arms, hands and natural rhythm couldn't keep them away. The dance ended and I excused myself from Alex to go get some fresh air by myself, and he allowed me that. God damn Alex, always being the nice guy, didn't push me on it; he just let me walk out of those double doors.
My freshly-polished dress shoes finally hit the cement patio outside, my breath leaving my body. Beside me, I found Brad; I guess he'd sensed my distress and followed me. Fucking Christ, he's like a bear and can sense fear, I guess. I kept my hands in my pockets, looking the other way and fighting off my tears for a moment to talk. "Your boyfriend didn't follow you out?"
It was almost comical how I could be so nice to him before, but that one comment didn't throw him off either. He always knew when to expect my ass-backwards phrases and questions, and he simply just gave me an airy laugh. "No. He doesn't always push it; he knows when to leave me be. I gotta have my space too, you know?" I nodded. I understood. I understood because now it was me. "You're always attached at the hip to Alex. What's on your mind, kid?"
Kid? What did he think I was, fucking ten? I didn't let it get the best of me, and simply just shrugged my shoulders in response, letting the cool breeze hit my face before shuddering a bit. "Nothing. I can't have my own space from him too?" Brad laughed at me, nodding his head and smirking. "Alright Felix, you got me there." I didn't know what the hell I was doing anymore. This conversation.. it was coming to me so easily, but god damn; it just wasn't helping keep the thoughts at bay. I knew what I wanted to do, what I had to do to make it all stop.
Brad had no time to react to what I was doing; my gun was in my left pocket where he was at my right. The barrel and the opening were at my temple, head still turned the other way; my eyes were welling up with tears and spilling over too. I couldn't believe I was finally at the point where I felt this was even necessary, but god damn it all if I didn't want it all to stop. My finger pulled the trigger, and immediately Brad turned to look at me.
Alex had long since returned to my side, sitting on one of the arms of the recliner and holding my shoulders for comfort as I told my story. Well, told it up until my memory had begun to fade off. Of course, Alex inserted himself into the conversation to continue explaining things where he could recount them.
Alex's Point of View
I had been left with Justin while Clay had ventured off to the bathroom, presumably to splash his face full of water so he could avoid any further contact with the drunken fucks of the party. I decided to just stand and talk with him, acting like I was comfortable with his company, for the sake of letting him feel like someone gave a shit about him at this moment in time.
Over the music, I heard someone yelling my name; they sounded distressed. Once I was clear that my name was being called out, I used it as an excuse to get away from Justin for a moment. I fought through the crowd and was met with Sheri, who was on the phone crying. "Sheri, what's wrong?" She finished explaining things on the phone and brought it from her mouth to finally speak to me. "You need to go outside, now." I was confused but did as suggested, and once my shoes hit the cement, I was in shock.
All I saw was a gun on the patio, blood everywhere and the wound on Felix's temple being pressed down on by Brad's ripped up dress shirt, whose face was contorted with effort and distress. My feet could barely even move themselves before I fell to my knees, my hands nearly touching Felix's limp body before Sheri stopped me. "Alex, stop; the ambulance is already on the way here. Let Brad handle it and try to stay calm, okay?" Her sobs interrupted her words, but it was clear that I needed to take her advice.
Brad's shirt was absorbing blood at a rapid amount and speed, and he was looking around and audibly begging the ambulance to get there sooner, lest Felix be met with death itself on the one night that should have mattered the most to me. "Felix, no; you're not doing this to Alex tonight!"
It was nearly fifteen more minutes before the ambulance arrived, doing what they could to keep Felix alive while moving him into the back of the vehicle, and I jumped inside. It was causing a scene outside, enough that even Clay stepped outside and met my eyes for a split second before the doors to the ambulance had been shut.
Felix's Point of View
My eyes looked up into Clay's own, who had the epitome of awe and shock written all over his face. "Felix, I-" He cut himself off, visibly struggling to find words as he saw the tears welling up in my eyes again. "Felix, man.. No, don't cry.." I shook my head at him and wiped my eyes clean and clear, sniffling before taking a breath. "It's okay. The only way I'll ever get past it is to talk about it." Alex nodded to me, putting his cheek against mine as he sat beside me. He turned my head so that I was looking into his eyes, and contact between us alone told me everything he was wanting to ask me; if I was okay. A simple nod told him that he could let go of me, and go sit in his own chair.
Clay exhaled deeply and looked up at me again, opening his mouth and hesitating for just a few seconds before finding his words. "Don't take this the wrong way, Felix; I'm only saying this as reassurance. You could have said something to us. We were right there for you the whole time; Tony and Brad too. We all were and still are there and here for you, okay? Don't ever not speak up again. I don't think I could lose you, like I lost Jeff and then Hannah." His gaze started to drift to the floor, clearly deep in thought about the two events. "I care about you Felix. You can always talk to me, just like Alex. Okay?"
I nodded to him, watching Alex stand up and begin to walk away while he verbally excused himself to the bathroom down the hallway. "There's stuff that happened to me that Alex doesn't know about. Things that Bryce did that I haven't told Alex about. He dragged me to one of his parties before the Winter Formal, and.. and I found myself in the hot tub. He got in with me, and he just.. shut me down." My eyes were fucking welling up with tears again. God damn it all. They were spilling out again. Fuck. "He just.. forced himself on me. I begged him to stop. I told him no.. I struggled. He didn't stop."
Clay's eyes were locked in a dead stare against my body, and his mouth was slightly ajar in shock and disgust at what he heard. "Felix-" He was interrupted by a sob, and before he knew it, I was breaking down again. Clay quickly stood up as I began to fall from my chair, his body kneeling down in front of me and arms lifting me up to stand. Then, before I knew it, his arms were around me and he was swaying us both back and forth while uttering words of pure comfort while sounding so socially awkward yet not. Here I was, still hysterically crying, sobbing loudly as Alex could be heard walking back up the hallway; quite quickly might I add.
"Clay, what happened?" Clay looked up at Alex, not letting go of my body because he could hear and tell it was calming me down. "He started to have a breakdown, so I just.. stood him up and held him." Alex rubbed my head from the side, sighing before looking back into Clay's eyes. "What did you or he say?"
Clay knew not to say it; at least, not yet. "Now isn't the time. We'll tell you when it's right. Is that okay, Alex?" Alex nodded, and soon it was just pure silence after the clock struck 5 PM and some odd minutes. "Hey, let's go to Monet's for some coffee and food. I heard once that hot chocolate is the cure for all things shitty in life." He could tell by the sparkle in my eyes that it was a good idea, and he smiled back at me. "That would be really nice Alex. Clay, you wanna come along?" He nodded to us, moving back a little bit. "Yeah. That would be nice."
We got ready to go and locked up the house, piling into my Honda Accord from 2014. It took us all of ten minutes to get to the cafe, and I made extra sure to get my parallel parking perfect this time around; it wasn't my strong suit. It wasn't perfect this time either, but close enough right? We entered the cafe to be greeted by the chime of the bell on the door. Clay appeared to be looking around, not seeing Skye anywhere; he even made a comment on it. "Skye always works Tuesdays.." He shook his head and told Alex and I to find a table while he ordered our drinks. Hot chocolate for myself and Alex, and a slow-drip coffee for Clay.
He met us at the table, a concerned look on his face. "Skye apparently never showed for work today. She wasn't at school either. Hate to say it after this eventful day, but I'm worried about her." Alex looked at him and then took a sip of his hot chocolate. "Have some coffee, relax. I'm sure she's alright." With a shrug of his shoulders, Clay hesitantly resolved to let the issue go for the time being, taking a small sip of his coffee. Conversation flowed through all three of us and before we knew it, half an hour had passed us by. Clay was in the middle of talking about his mother's crazy behaviors during the tapes from Hannah, and he was interrupted with a phone call with the generic ringtone, the one he'd set for numbers not yet saved.
"Hello? … Skye, hold on; what's- … Put it down, Skye. Alex, Felix and I are coming, okay? … Skye, we're coming." Alex gave Clay a concerned look as the phone call went on, soon sharing that same gaze with me before we both stared back at Clay. "Clay, what's going on?" Clay looked up into Alex's eyes, looking scared shitless. "Skye said she was on the cliff where Tony and I went to listen to my tape. She wants to shoot herself and jump off. We-" He swallowed his own spit, growing into a bit of a panic. "We have to go, now."
Without another second to waste, I grabbed my keys and we all ran outside, jumping into my car. Once buckled, I turned on my hazard lights and started speeding down the roads while carefully following Clay's directions to me. Once we had arrived a good twenty minutes later, we quickly exited the vehicle and started running up the way to find where Skye was; she was nowhere to be seen. Clay was frozen in his place, looking down at a small spot of flat land just over the edge of the cliff. Alex and I noticed his gaze looking down and joined him, my hands clasping over my mouth and Alex jaw dropped in shock. There was Skye, blood surrounding her chest and the gun nowhere to be found; she wasn't moving.
Clay scrambled to grab his phone from his pocket, dialing 9-1-1 and starting to shake all over. The call was quick; there was a girl who looked to be dead from a wound to the chest, and soon Clay was off the phone and telling us that an ambulance was on the way. He was fidgety; pacing back and forth while he waiting anxiously, paying no attention to neither Alex or myself. The sirens could be heard getting closer and closer; finally they were in front of us, flashing brightly in our faces.
The paramedics piled out and rushed over, being careful about getting Skye up onto safer ground, inspecting her body. They checked for a pulse everywhere, looking horrifically somber as they made eye contact with Clay. "I'm sorry son; there's nothing you can do. She's already gone."
"Clay!" I snapped back into reality, Alex having been waving his hand in my face for a good moment or two before I realized what was going on; that I had just had a horrifying scenario play out in my head that she'd actually killed herself. "I'm sorry. What?" Alex sighed and turned Clay's head to face the counter, making him see that Skye had finally arrived to help clean up for the night. A smile formed over Clay's lips, a sigh of relief leaving them and the last of the coffee moving past them. "Thank god. Sorry about that. I just kinda.. spaced out there and got lost in thought, Alex." Alex just shrugged it off as nothing too important, taking another sip of his hot chocolate whereas mine was long past gone.
We were all planning to leave soon, when Clay told us to hang back because he wanted to talk with Skye. He headed to the counter to catch her before she went to the kitchen, calling her name. "Hey, Skye." Once he had her attention turned to his direction, he sighed. "Hang back a few? I wanna talk with you before you leave." She gave him a perplexed look but eventually agreed to his request, heading into the kitchen to help fulfill her end of the bargain to help clean up after the rush that had ended just shortly before we'd all arrived.
Clay's Point of View
Finally it was over, and Skye and I could have our talk. She saw me sitting at one of the tables at the far corner of the cafe, waiting for her, and she slowly joined me. "Skye, where were you today? You never showed for school.. and you were late to work today." She cocked an eyebrow at me, giving me an absolutely floored look. "Are you my parent now? I don't have to tell you where I am or why I was late somewhere, Clay." I sighed deeply and turned my head to look out of the window beside us, mulling over my thoughts very carefully before looking back at her. "What's going on Skye? You've been really scarce lately, and it's worrying me."
Finally, she gave me an answer.. but it wasn't what I would have ever wanted to hear. "I'm just getting things in order." I knew those words. I said them to Porter when talking to him and detailing Hannah's last day alive. All I knew was that my blood was running cold and slow through my body, because I knew what she meant. I wanted to beg her not to, but my mouth wouldn't open. "I guess there's nothing left to say." She stood up out of the chair and started to walk away. Damn it! Say something. I couldn't. My lips wouldn't move and my body was just frozen. Then she said something to me that really set it all in stone for me, as if it hadn't have been already. "Stay safe, Clay."
The bell rang as the door opened and then shut behind her, and my body still refused to move. I could hear footsteps shuffling toward me, familiar voices talking to me; I couldn't tell what they were saying to me. All I could think about was that Skye wanted to kill herself, but being reminded of Hannah's death and Felix's attempted suicide only shut me down when she brought about the thought of wanting to end her own. I couldn't say anything to beg her not to, I couldn't move to grab her wrist and stop her from walking away. In this moment, I was useless, and Skye was soon going to be gone.
Slowly, the sounds were growing ever duller in my ears; heavily muffled. My eyes were welling up with tears and overflowing with them; at that same moment, I felt hands on my body, shaking me. I was sinking, and unable to claw out of it; I felt my world just slipping away, everything out of my control. One thing however, drew me from my trance; it was Alex's hand slapping me right across my left cheek, reddening it over the course of a few seconds and forcing me to grab it in pain.
Finally they had my attention, and Alex made good use of it. "Clay, what the fuck is going on? What's wrong with you?" I felt the tears immediately come back in full force, my eyes closing as I drew out the words. "Skye wants to kill herself. She-" I looked away and sobbed, wiping my eyes to try and see straight again. "She said the same thing I told Porter when I told him about Hannah's last day alive. That she was gone today trying to "get things in order". I just.. It made me think of Hannah's death and Felix attempting to take his own, and I just shut down."
Alex was floored, Felix already running out of the door to the cafe to try and find Skye; naturally, she was already long gone from the area. None of us knew where she lived; not even the cafe employees knew where she lived. Only the manager knew, and none of us even knew who the fuck that was. Finally, Alex pulled up a chair and sat in front of me at the angle, looking into my eyes. "I want to be so furious with you for not doing anything Clay, but.." He sighed out. "I can't, because you heard me explain how I reacted when I saw Felix that night." He brought his arms around my body, holding me tightly while the tears just spilled from my eyes. Sobs forced my body to contract and spasm, my mouth open and my own saliva just stringing out and making Alex's shirt wet. I couldn't even make myself care enough to stop it; I was hysterical. Skye was out on a mission to kill herself, and not knowing the first place to look for her, I knew it was over.
The final employee was, an hour later, trying to get us out; I didn't want to move. Rather, I couldn't make myself move; it was just too hard. It felt like weights were attached to my ankles and keeping me glued to the chair. Felix and Alex finally pulled me up out of my chair, dragging me out of the door of the cafe so the employees could close up shop. Alex could see I was still struggling with the reality I was facing, and finally pulled his phone out of his pocket and sent a quick text. To who, I don't know; I couldn't make myself care enough to glance over and look. We all stood leaning against the brick wall behind us, waiting for something, as they never tried to make me get into the car. After half an hour had passed, Tony's car approached us and parked in front of Felix's own. He got out of the car and immediately was in front of me, holding me in his arms.. which was a bit awkward given his height in comparison to my own.
I didn't move or say anything, eyes just blankly staring in front of me; they were just.. dead inside. I was dead inside. "Clay, it's already ten o'clock. We have to get you home." Finally, I spoke, but it was almost too mumbled to be understood. "I want to find Skye." Tony pulled out of the hug and looked at me in shock, soon nodding his head and looking to Alex and Felix. "You two head on home. I'll take care of him."
Immediately, Alex gave a protest that for once, Felix agreed with. "No way, Tony. We're not going home until this is all over." Tony was about to argue, but decided against it as even though I clearly wouldn't have cared, that it wouldn't be healthy for me to have to listen to that. "Okay. Get in my car. I know where she lives."
We all piled into Tony's car after Alex forced me into the passenger seat up front. Tony played some of his cassette tapes while he drove, and soon we pulled up on the side of the road in front of a small house fit for.. one. Alex mumbled for a moment, greeted with Tony's words. "She lives alone." He paused for a moment, getting out of the car and sighing. "Come on."
After being forced out of the car and up to the door, we found ourselves standing in front of the one thing standing between what could either be a dead end or the moment of truth. Tony was shocked to see the front door was left slightly ajar, and he pushed it open with his fingers; his ears were immediately greeted with the creak of the door and.. that was it. There was just silence in this house; that was scary. Then again, it wasn't like I could tell; everything from my sight to my hearing was just a blur for me at this point. Tony led us down the hall and finally peered into what appeared to be a bedroom, Skye sitting on the edge of the bed and staring at the floor.
She looked up to see us all standing in the hall, sighing out and raising her hands up, immediately letting them fall out of irritation. "So what, now you guys just have the right to barge into my house, too? Thanks Tony; now they know where I live." Alex scowled at her, stepping forward to be at the front of us four. "I had no choice but to involve Tony, who chose to bring us here. When you told Clay that you hadn't shown up anywhere today because you were "trying to get things in order", he just shut down. Why do you think he didn't follow you when you left? You walked right out of Monet's, and he's been a fucking shell ever since, Skye!" He started advancing toward her, a fire in him that Felix hadn't seen in him in all his time of knowing him. "We know what you want to do, and we feel bad for you, but you can't get frustrated with Clay for not following you out of that cafe when you know how hard he was impacted by not only Felix, but Hannah too; for not saying anything."
Skye looked at me; I could hardly tell, but she did; I could feel her gaze on me. "You're joking, right?" Alex shook his head at her, stepping aside and forcing Felix to do the same, so she was forced to see me in my entirety. "Does this look like I'm fucking joking, Skye? Do you want this to get even worse?" She, for the first time in all our time of knowing her, started to just.. grow smaller. "No, I-" Alex put his hand up to signal her to shut up, and she did. "He's been so fucking worried about you; we all were. Skye, we're here to help, but you have to talk to us. You know we'll all listen and that we'll all help, but you have to fucking talk to us."
Skye didn't answer, but I could hear the bed creak and footsteps grow closer to me. Eventually, her slit wrists and arms were around me, pulling me close. "I'm sorry, Clay." That finally snapped me back in; I could feel her in my arms, alive and with a beating heart against my chest. I started to tear up, wrapping my arms back around her body and encasing her in warmth and security. She immediately sank into my hold, her eyes welling up with tears as she started to take in just what had happened to me when she said what she had earlier at Monet's, and she started sobbing. "I'm so scared, Clay. My parents ditched me, I'm losing everybody else. I just-" I shut her up immediately with my own words, holding the back her head with one of my hands. "You have us, Skye, and we're not going anywhere. I promise."
Tony was happy to see me back to my usual self, and before long, everyone was. Skye had calmed down enough to fall asleep in her bed, and we took that as our cue to leave. Tony locked Skye's front door behind us all as he shut it, and we all piled into his car to head back to Monet's. Felix and Alex agreed to go their separate way and Tony to take me home.
"Clay, you don't have a thing for goth-girl, do you?" If I'd been drinking anything, I would have spit it out at that. "What? You're kidding, right?" Tony shook his head a bit, chuckling at my reaction. "You got really bad off tonight, Clay. That's why I asked." I nodded, leaning my head back against the headrest. "I know. I just.. When she told me what she did, that she hadn't been anywhere today because she had been "trying to get things in order", everything about Hannah came flooding back. When I remembered that, everything about her and Felix just came in at once. I just.. shut down. I couldn't handle it, Tony.. the thought of losing her too. She's one of my other really good friends, and when she said that.. When she said that, I knew what she wanted to do, and everything just started to sink for me."
Tony nodded his head and looked out at the road in front of him, glancing over at me as he saw my hands move to get my phone from my pocket. I shot my mother a text, to ensure her everything was fine. As per her requests this past week, I told her that Skye had a suicide scare and I couldn't get to my phone, but that we'd managed to calm her down; I made sure to tell her that yes, everything was fine, and that Tony was in the process of bringing me home and that I'd be there at most within ten more minutes. "I couldn't help it. I just.. I don't want to lose someone else to suicide; at least not yet. I'm not ready for that."
Immediately, Tony was pulling the car off to the side of the road. I was about to question why, but then I realized that we were in front of my house. "Clay, you're not ever going to be ready to lose someone, much less to suicide, but you can't just say you don't want to because you're not ready yet. You've got to put on your big guy pants and deal with it head on. I know it's sensitive for you right now, but you have to understand that life won't wait for you to be ready. You understand, right?" I nodded my head to him, looking at my feet before cursing to myself. "Shit. I forgot my bag in Felix's car." Tony looked as if he was about to say something, but I shook my head to cut him off since he was looking right at me. "Don't worry about it; I'll have them bring it to me in the morning before class. I'll see you later Tony."
Tony pulled away after I'd gotten out of the car safely, and I turned around to walk into my house. Soon as I had closed the door behind me, mom came rushing to me and embraced me, holding the back of my head with her hand. "Oh, Clay. I got your text. Honey, are you okay?" I nodded after pulling out of the hug, putting my hand on her shoulder. "Yeah; I'm okay mom. I'm just.. really tired." I went to go upstairs to my room, and stopped about halfway up. "It's kinda meaningless, but I forgot my bookbag with Felix and Alex, so don't stop me if you see me without it in the morning. I'm texting them to bring it to school for me." She nodded to me, giving me a bright 'good night' as I made my way up the rest of the stairs and into my room.
I took my shoes off while removing my jacket, just throwing them on the floor with my shirt and pants once those were gone too. I sat on my bed and placed myself under my covers, closing my eyes and sinking into the comfort of my mattress, grabbing my phone from the nightstand and texting Alex. 'Hey. I accidentally left my bag in Felix's car. Make sure to bring it to me in the morning for school.' A couple of minutes later, I got the familiar 'whoosh' sound effect of an incoming text message, glancing back to my screen. 'got it. felix and I are headed to sleep. Night clay'. I locked my phone and put it back on the stand, closing my eyes and slowly drifting away.