'I don't want a triad, Hard Sir,' said Watt, mutinous tone belying the respectful address.
'All Soft Ones have triads,' said Estwald patiently. 'Surely you don't want to spend the rest of your life alone.'
'I do,' insisted Watt. 'Why shouldn't I? You don't have to have triads. It leaves more time for learning that way.'
'There's more to life than learning,' said Estwald.
'How would you know? Hard Ones don't have triads,' said Watt.
Estwald radiated a sad sort of amusement at that, but he didn't offer any sort of answer.
*
When a hard one approached Deen and told him to come with him the Parental felt a surge of excitement welling up inside him. Hard Ones seldom bothered with Parentals unless they were taking them to meet a Rational and the thought of being picked to form a triad made him giddy with joy. It was all very well for Emotionals to flock about chattering and Rationals had their learning in and out of triads. But until a Parental had a triad he didn't have anything and it was with a strong sense of life being about to begin that Deen waited impatiently where he was told.
The Rational who approached wasn't looking out for him, this was clearly a walk across the surface he used often. He held himself smaller than most Rationals but in a very tight and shapely ovoid that made Deen feel a little soft at the edges.
'Hello, left-fellow,' he said softly, feeling shy and almost fluttery in a way quite at odds with Parental blockishness.
The Rational stopped and looked at him. 'Hello, right-fellow,' he said, but his voice was strained and he was radiating distress. It was enough to make Deen feel distressed as well, maybe be wasn't the best looking of rights but there was no need to be so disgusted at the sight of him.
'What's wrong?' he asked, vaguely hopeful that it wasn't really anything about him, and flowed a little closer. Rationals were too dignified to flee, but this one nearly did and Deen was left behind flattening himself against the ground and feeling crushed.
When the Hard One came back Deen almost wished he was a young emotional and could sink right through the floor. 'I'm sorry, Hard Sir,' he said.
'So am I, right,' said the hard one. 'Watt told me he didn't want a triad, I thought perhaps meeting the right Parental…Well, maybe I'll have to let him be after all. Don't be sad, I'll find you a different left.'
Deen didn't say anything about that, too in awe at having a Hard One speak kindly to him, but he knew already he didn't want a different left. Parentals were creatures of instinct, there was no reason at all behind the knowledge, he just knew that he ought to be in a triad with that Rational and that now he'd seen him he wouldn't want any other.
It took Deen a while to find out his Rational's name. In the end he asked the Emotionals who could always be counted on to notice Rationals, especially ones that held themselves nicely. They giggled and fluttered and found the question almost indecent but they answered him and Deen stumped away with the name he wanted.
Watt's cavern looked a lot like you'd iexpect/i a cavern to look with only a Rational living in it thought Deen with a little flash of superiority. There were recordings and strange objects just left lying on the floor when a Parental would have tidied them away at once. Maybe he should tidy them away. He could sense Watt close by in one of the rooms (proof that they were meant to be together if he was this sensitive and they'd never even touched) but now that he was here Deen had no idea what to do. He didn't want to alarm Watt again, but maybe he could show him how useful a right-ling he could be. Pinching out a couple of appendages he started to stack recordings up neatly.
*
Watt was trying to concentrate on his recording, but was distracted by the sense of another Soft One's presence close by. Odd that he could sense it at all, Rationals were not usually sensitive although Watt knew he was a little more than most.
'Stop acting like an Emotional when you're only a left,' his Parental used to say, and the biting scorn of the ionly/i stung worse than the filthy accusation. It hadn't been Watt's fault that his mid-mother had died, robbing his Parental both of her and of his longed for mid-daughter and leaving him with only the one child already born instead of three.
Watt had done his best to make up for it, not placing himself in community care even when his Parental neglected him for days because then they'd know and his Parental would be shamed. When he'd been taken to the Hard Caverns at the start of the semester he'd held himself together so tightly it felt as if he'd go hard but his Parental hadn't even looked at him. It didn't matter after that, though, because Estwald had been impressed enough to pick him for a student. Everyone was in awe of Estwald, and suddenly Watt had status and respect.
Watt realised the reason he was thinking of his Parental was because that was what he was sensing, the touch of a Parental moving about in his cavern. The thought made him pulse with shock and embarrassment and he wanted to run and demand Estwald remove it for him as if he was a silly Emotional that had seen something scary. But he was a Rational, a proper one no matter what his Parental had said, and he flowed cautiously through into the main cavern.
It was the Parental he had seen before, the one Estwald had wanted him to talk to, carefully stacking up his recordings and placing delicate experiments in alcoves instead of under heaps of dropped recordings. Watt had expected to be afraid, Parentals always made him nervous, he hadn't expected the sharp tug inside him at the domesticity of the scene. No matter what he said to Estwald he was a Soft One and he didn't really want to be alone.
'What are you doing in my cavern, right?' he demanded. The Parental dropped the recording he was holding and surprised Watt by pulsing. He had never seen a Parental pulse before and had always thought they were incapable of embarrassment.
'I wanted to see you again,' said the Parental. 'My name's Deen,' he added, as if knowing his name might change Watt's mind about him.
'I didn't want to see you,' said Watt, feeling a little guilty when the Parental's aura went sad. 'Why would you want to see me?'
'I like the way you feel,' said the Parental simply. 'I like you.'
Watt pulsed hard enough to lose his shape a little and had to pull himself back together sharply. It was impossible to understand. His own Parental hadn't been able to like him, not even when Parentals' whole worlds revolved around their children and Watt was the only child he had. Why would this Parental like him when all he'd done so far was be terribly rude?
For the first time Watt really looked at Deen instead of just seeing a random Parental. He was a little curved in his blockishness, it gave him a softer look than most Parentals, and there was a corresponding softness to his aura. Parentals ran on instinct and could be stubborn and pushy as a result, but this one felt gentle. Watt hesitated, still aware of the tug of longing towards the feeling of home seeing Deen here had caused and more flattered than he liked to admit at being wanted.
'You can stay if you really want to,' he said. 'But don't touch me.'
'Alright,' said Deen. And he resumed tidying while Watt retreated back to his room.
*
Living with Watt was rather frustrating although Deen never regretted pursuing him instead of waiting to be given another left-ling. The most frustrating thing was that he had really meant it about the touching. Never mind interpenetration, which Rationals were often embarrassed about, even a simple hug was out of the question. Then there was the question of Emotionals. Deen wanted an Emotional, he wanted a whole triad, he wanted to melt and he wanted a baby Rational growing inside him. But he knew that Watt would rather flee the cavern than melt, any intimacy was treated as terrifying by Deen's odd left-ling. And in they times they walked on the surface an Emotional only had to look at Watt to reduce him to a pulsing mass of confusion, which of course led to them waylaying him at every opportunity before running off giggling.
What they needed, thought Deen, was a sensible Emotional if there was such a thing. One who could use her natural sensitivity to help handle Watt's fear of intimacy instead of tormenting him or finding it funny. It was too much for a Parental to handle alone. But the Hard Ones were very clever, surely they would find the right mid-ling to complete the triad?
*
Lora had always been rather a spoilt little Emotional. The Battery Disaster which resulted in food poisoning from tainted energy had happened just before she was born and her right-brother and her left-brother had both died from it. Her parents, all three of them and not just her Parental, had been distraught by the loss and grateful to have a little-mid who was fine and healthy. Even her left-father had always made time to play with her, at first it had made up for her lack of brothers and later it made her less in need of the other Emotionals. Not that she didn't get on with them, she was happy to flock and chatter during the day. It was just nice to have adults to talk to as well, especially a Rational who could always tell her things the others didn't know. Their decision to have another three children before passing on also meant she never lost them the way other Emotionals did, and she would go to her Parental with problems even as an adult.
Right now it wasn't a problem that had brought her to their cavern but a happy occasion. Her little right-brother had just been born and she was allowed to hold him while Ollis, her Parental, looked on anxiously. 'Uh,' said Lora, hastily coalescing herself as her brother nearly slipped through her and then laughing at herself. 'He's beautiful. Can I invite some of my friends to see him?'
'As long as they're careful,' said Ollis, eager to show off his little right. Lora and her friends were at the age to form triads now, and babies had a special fascination for them. Ollis could count on compliments all around. After playing with her right-brother and slightly older left-brother for a bit Lora went to find her left-father.
Ett was studying when Lora found him. Most Emotionals wouldn't dream of disturbing their left-fathers especially if they were studying but Lora flowed in and switched off the recording without a qualm.
'Have you heard anything from the Hard Ones about placing me in a triad?' she asked. After seeing the babies it was the biggest thought in her head.
'What makes you think they discuss it with me, little-mid?' said Ett, looking up. 'Aren't you getting a bit eager? They haven't placed anyone from your generation yet.'
'You could discuss it with them,' said Lora. 'Tell them I'm ready.' She felt ready, although ready for what she couldn't say. Ready to be grown up, she thought.
'They're thinking about it. They know where they want to place you, but they're not sure the others are ready for you yet,' said Ett.
'They do discuss it with you!' said Lora. 'You liar.' He'd sagged a little out of shape while listening to his recording and she wanted to get revenge by tickling the way she used to. But it would be rather indecent now she was an adult. 'I'll tell my mid-mother to tickle you for that,' she said, opting for revenge at one remove and he pulsed amusement.
'That would be the first time you or Salla ever did what the other asked, wouldn't it?'
'Why aren't they ready for me? I'm ready for them,' said Lora.
'I don't know, I don't spend all my time discussing my daughter with Hard Ones,' said Ett. 'Go and ask them if you're that bothered.'
'Maybe I will,' said Lora, flowing out of the cavern.
*
'How are you and Deen getting along?' asked Estwald.
'Fine,' said Watt. He pulsed a little having his tutor ask after his right-ling and then felt more embarrassed because that made it look like they'd done something indecent when they hadn't.
'And how do you feel about having an Emotional added to your triad?'
'Deen would like that,' said Watt. He felt a bit sorry for Deen, he wasn't a very good left-ling and preferred to be left alone a lot of the time. Maybe an affectionate mid-ling would make up for that.
'But would you like it?' asked Estwald.
'What does it matter whether I like it or not? I said I didn't want a triad at all and you still brought Deen to me. Nobody cares what I want as long as I do what I'm supposed to,' said Watt, getting bigger as he spoke but folding in on himself afterwards. It was outbursts like that that made his Parental accuse him of acting like an Emotional and doing it in front of Estwald was humiliating. He'd probably exchange him for another student now.
Estwald made a soft vibration in the air around him, and Watt could feel sympathy in his aura. 'Soft Ones aren't just their roles or their triads,' said Estwald. 'You are individuals as well. We have our own reasons for wanting you to form a triad. Part of it is so that you will have children, you must realise how smart you are and that we want you to pass that on. But I, at least, don't wish to push you too far.'
'What's the other part?' asked Watt, intrigued.
'I can't tell you that,' said Estwald. 'But it is very important, you are very important, and one day you will know how much.'
'Can I wait a bit before having an Emotional?' asked Watt. 'I just don't…' And he trailed off rather than say he didn't want to melt.
'Of course,' said Estwald. 'I said I didn't want to push you.'
*
Deen was surprised when Watt approached him, normally his left-ling liked to keep a distance between them, but still deeply relieved. Maybe his relief spilled over a bit because Watt moved closer until they were nearly touching. Then, in a motion he clearly had to nerve himself up to, he leaned against Deen. Deen was careful not to interpenetrate or even snuggle up, he just went concave a bit to make himself more comfortable.
'Talk to me,' he suggested. Watt liked to talk to him even though he understood very little of it, both of them found it relaxing. Watt did talk, about the Positron Pump and the world on the other end of it and how it provided energy for them even though the sun was cooling down. Energy was food he explained and Deen took the opportunity to remind Watt that he should eat that day since he'd forgotten again. The cuddling didn't really last very long before Watt pulled away and shut himself in his room, but it was a start. Deen could be patient if his left-ling needed it.
*
Lora hadn't really been going to ask the Hard Ones about a triad but as her friends started getting triads and she didn't she began to seriously consider it. And at the back of her mind was the fact that if a Hard One was angry she could say, 'My left-father said I should talk to you, Hard Sir.' So she was feeling very daring when she slipped into the Hard Caverns and, although she had come there with a purpose, she was quickly distracted by staring at all the machinery. She had never seen anything like it.
The Hard Ones she saw didn't notice her, they all seemed intent on the work they were doing and talking to each other with air vibrations in the way Hard Ones did. Talking to two at once was beyond her, so Lora sneaked around looking for one on his own. When she found one he was looking at a screen and seemed a bit abstracted even for a Hard One.
'Excuse me, Hard Sir,' she said, and he looked up from the screen.
'Hello, mid,' he said. 'What are you doing here?'
'I wanted to know why I don't have a triad yet,' she said boldly.
He looked wistfully at the screen before turning his attention fully to her. 'What's your name, mid?' he asked.
'Lora,' said Lora and then, because she was being very bold already, 'What's yours?'
'Josten,' said the Hard One, gravely. 'You should talk to Estwald.'
Estwald was famous, he was the reason they all had enough food to eat, and the thought of talking to him made Lora's edges harden. She wasn't quite that brave.
'Must I?' she said, quivering a little. 'Can't you tell me?'
'Estwald is the reason you don't have a triad,' said Josten. 'He picked you out for his best student, but is delaying forming the triad. If you wish to know why, you should ask him.'
Josten turned back to his machine and Lora whispered her thanks so as not to disturb him. The thought of being picked out specially by Estwald made her feel all shivery and soft edged and she hugged the thought to herself as she crept away.
*
Deen was unhappy and Watt could feel it. The Parental hadn't been pushing him, hadn't even mentioned it, but as other Parentals around them had children Deen's aura became more and more mournful. As much as Watt told himself it was Deen's own fault for wanting a damaged Rational like him it made him feel guilty to be making his right-ling so miserable. A Parental with no children nor any prospect of them was bound to be unhappy and the thought brought back his own Parental, in despair at having only one child out of three, and made Watt shiver. Deen was worse off than that even and he hadn't turned bitter or nagging over it. Watt hadn't thought of it before, but he was recreating the wounded triad of his childhood by not getting an Emotional. Was that really what he wanted to do?
Touching Deen wasn't so bad, he was getting used to it, even looking forward to it at times. The thought of melting made him pulse and shiver at once but surely he could endure it. He had his studies the rest of the time, with no children his poor right-ling had nothing at all. Yes, thought Watt, he would tell Estwald he was ready to add an Emotional to their triad.
*
When he heard they would be getting an Emotional Deen didn't know whether to be ecstatic or worried. Most of the worry came from Watt, who was acting as if they would be passing on not forming a proper triad for the first time, and the rest of the worry came from hoping the Emotional wouldn't be angry with Watt for behaving strangely or torment him over it either. Probably it would be alright. Parentals were usually the ones who liked everyone to do things properly, but Deen found he didn't mind when it was Watt.
Deen worked off both anxiety and happiness cleaning the cavern from top to bottom and even decorated the Emotional's room a little bit with coloured clay. He wanted her to be happy here.
When Estwald brought Lora he just stared, he had never seen anything so beautiful in his life. She was soft and smoky and gorgeous and Deen felt the same sense of belonging to her he had felt with Watt, except that she seemed to feel the same as well. She flowed into the cavern and started expanding, filling the air with rarified wisps of her and Deen felt himself expanding as well in sympathy. He wanted to be inside her, to be inside Watt, and he looked for his left-ling even through the ecstasy he felt.
Watt was expanding too, spreading into smoke, and for a moment everything was as it should be and Deen felt complete. Then Watt contracted, pulling himself into a hastily formed ovoid that looked like smushed together clay.
'Sorry,' he gasped at his smoky right and mid. 'I ican't/i' With no pretence at Rational dignity he fled.
Deen coalesced hastily, feeling anxious and cheated and like he owed the Emotional an apology. She coalesced more slowly, swirling angrily.
'I'm sorry,' said Deen. 'I don't know what's wrong with him. Go after him, please.'
He hoped an Emotional would be able to understand where a Parental couldn't, that she would be able to get to the bottom of his left-ling's problems, but he underestimated how angry she was.
'Why should I go after him when he runs away from me?' she said. 'I'm going to find the Hard Ones and ask for a real triad. Who wants a mid-Rational like him?'
'Don't call him names!' said Deen, but she was already gone and all his hopes went with her.
*
Lora felt like all her dreams were in pieces. For so long she had been left while all her friends got triads and through it all she held on to the fact that her triad would be the best. She was being saved for the best student of the most famous Hard One and she hadn't even thought to ask why he wasn't ready for her yet. Now she knew, he didn't want her at all. It wasn't iher/i fault, she told herself angrily. He was the one who had something wrong with him.
Despite her threat, Lora wasn't really going to the Hard Caverns. She was angry and upset and needed someone stable and reliable to unburden herself at. Which meant there was only one thing to do; she was going home. She swirled through the cavern in a distraught glide and found Ollis putting the children to bed. Fortunately it didn't take him long, especially once he saw how upset she was, and she was able to tell him the whole story in one woeful outburst. Ollis listened quietly and then pinched out a hand for her. She was too old to touch it without embarrassing him so she flowed around it instead and found it calmed her down all the same.
'What am I going to do?' she asked, although she didn't really expect an answer. Parentals weren't great thinkers although they were excellent listeners.
'You could ask Salla,' said Ollis. 'Maybe another Emotional would know.'
'No,' said Lora. 'I am not going to ask my mid-mother for advice. This is a problem with my triad and I'm going to deal with it.' She pulled herself together resolutely, taking on a less wispy aspect than normal. 'Thank you for listening, Daddy,' she added.
'Any time, mid-dear,' said Ollis affectionately. Lora flowed onto the surface having come to a decision now she had vented her feelings. Deen had been right, as the Emotional of the group it was her place to work through problems to do with feelings. She hadn't paid enough attention to that in the first place, if she had she would have sensed the Rational's distress and known better than to go straight into melting. So she should at least try to fix the mistake before giving up on the triad she had been placed in. And she wouldn't talk to any emotionals because they'd either tease her for her mistake or tell her it was all Watt's fault and she should demand better treatment.
It was easy to find Watt once she was near his cavern, even though he was trying to damp his aura. She'd nearly melted with him and her sensitivity was excellent. He was curled between two rocks on the surface, still badly wrinkled and not properly ovoid. It was a shame, he'd been such a nice shape when she'd first seen him.
'I need to talk to you,' she said.
Watt wriggled a bit further away from her, as far as he could get without penetrating the rocks and Lora knew he was far too prudish to risk doing that. 'I said I was sorry,' he told her.
'I know,' she said. 'But that's not the important bit. I need to know iwhy/i you don't like melting.'
'It feels bad,' he said and she could feel the shame and distress he was radiating but couldn't describe.
*
Even as a child Watt had been unusually sensitive, although not so much as an Emotional. But where Emotionals were cared for and protected by their Parentals he had only been neglected. An Emotional would have been kept away from certain things, her whereabouts known at all times. An Emotional would never have followed a strong emotion and caught her Parental and left-father rubbing frantically through each other while radiating despair and shame. And if she had, if she had melted into a horrified puddle on her bedroom floor and stayed there shivering for hours, her Parental would have noticed. At that moment Watt had decided he hated Parentals and Emotionals both and wanted nothing to do with either of them. He didn't tell Lora the whole story, he told her halting fragments and her intuition somehow filled in sentences.
'You don't hate Deen, though,' she said. 'Do you hate me?'
'No!' he said quickly, before realising her question had been flirtatious as much as serious and pulsing himself still further out of shape.
'It isn't bad, melting,' she said. 'What you felt was only bad because they wanted an Emotional and didn't have one. And you shouldn't have seen it when you were that young, anyway. But you have an Emotional and I'll ishow/i you it can be good.'
Watt didn't know what to say to that, he couldn't melt with them. He couldn't.
'Here,' said Lora. 'Touch me.'
Watt cautiously pinched out an arm and touched her smoky surface, she flowed gently against him and then through him and it didn't feel bad at all. Then she was plastered to his exposed surface and he didn't know what he was feeling as shocks of helpless laughter ran through him. It was strange but a very long way from the desperate and erotic tryst he remembered seeing.
Lora was laughing too. 'Even for a Rational out of shape, you're ticklish,' she said. 'See, this isn't so bad.'
'It, it's alright,' he said, squirming away from her and laughing. He wondered if playing with siblings would have been like this.
'Want to go back and tell Deen we've made up?' she asked, pulling away, and Watt suddenly realised how sad Deen felt as he waited back in the cavern. He followed Lora, feeling better about things and eager to cheer his right-ling up as well.
*
Deen was ecstatic when Lora and Watt came back together, still more when he realised she'd persuaded Watt to touch her. Things went better after that, although they still went slowly. Whatever was wrong with Watt, Lora had a handle on it now and Emotionals were always sensitive. She had a way of knowing when Watt could be coaxed into cuddling with them and when he really did need to be left alone. Often she would turn cuddling playful, as if they were siblings and not a triad. Deen felt it wasn't quite right, but Watt seemed to find a playful edge to things reassuring and at least they all got to touch one another this way. And, of course, he could touch Lora even when Watt wouldn't touch either of them. It made him feel guilty to be leaving his left-ling out, but that was the way Watt seemed to want it so he could hardly help growing closer to his mid-ling.
*
'How is your triad getting on?' asked Estwald.
'Good,' said Watt. He hesitated, finding it difficult to talk about things other than lessons. 'I like them. Thank you for bringing them to me.'
'You're welcome,' said Estwald. 'It's good to know I chose well for you. You three still haven't melted yet, though.'
Watt pulsed uncomfortably and wondered how the Hard One knew. There was no way he could ask, and he certainly couldn't explain why they hadn't melted. Fortunately Estwald turned the conversation back to differential equations, and Watt didn't have to say anything further.
When he reached home he could feel the other two were happy together before he entered and felt a twinge of envy that they were so at ease around each other. They must have felt it too (his whole triad was unusually sensitive, was there something important about that?) because they mobbed him lovingly the moment he entered.
'Hello, left-dear,' said Lora, swirling against him a little more glutinously than usual. 'Guess what I want to do?'
He knew and he was frozen simultaneously by fear and desire. 'Can we?' asked Deen, cuddling hopefully against his back. 'We don't have to.'
They were the best mid-ling and right-ling in the whole world, thought Watt with a sudden rush of affection, and he wanted to be inside them as desperately as he feared it. 'Yes,' he said. 'I-I want to.'
Lora started dissipating into mist and he let himself be drawn into it instead of running or resisting, let himself soften around the edges. Deen was losing his blocky shape, becoming a thicker mist, and Watt wanted them both so much, or was it them wanting him as emotions bled into one another along with their bodies? They were inside him and around him and he was inside them and it was so glorious he couldn't take it any longer.
They came out of it three days later, all feeling fulfilled and happy after their first melt. It really wasn't so bad after all, Watt decided, at least if it was them.