Author's Note: This came from the Dratchet Discord Chat. We were talking about how much we loved Megatron reading to people and someone mentioned him reading to the whole ship.
doesn't really fit at any point in the timeline, so imagine its in a universe where all your favs aren't dead
the book Megatron is reading is Go the F**k to Sleep by Adam Mansbach
Megatron's acceptance to read over the intercom at had intrigued the whole crew. Rodimus had asked him in front of everyone, and, while he usually didn't give into pressure, he felt he had to accept. Very few mechs came to his poetry readings, and this was the best way to have them listen. He would have refused if he had known Rodimus would later pull him aside and explain the whole thing was an elaborate prank.
"So tensions are still a bit high after, you know..." Rodimus didn't have to explain, and Megatron was glad he didn't. "So Drift had the idea to have you read for the whole ship to help them trust you more. I decided to take it further because no one wants to hear the stuff you write."
Megatron felt an ache in his spark, and it took all his will not to punch Rodimus for the comment. Ignoring him, Rodimus continued. "I want you to find something funny to read them, to lift their spirits and show you're not completely a big grump. You're gonna have to find something without anyone finding out, or you'll spoil the fun."
He knew he could have told Rodimus he wasn't going to go along with his plan, but he was willing to do almost anything to earn the crew's trust. After quietly walking away, Megatron locked himself in his hab suite and started looking through lists of books. During the war, he had Soundwave archive books from planets they landed on to preserve them. Most of them were historic, although Soundwave collected him as much poetry as possible.
Against his better judgment, Megatron opened up the file containing writings from Earth. Thinking about Earth was like picking at a scab. Many Cybertronians had bad memories of Earth, and it was understandable. Throughout their long, drawn-out war, Earth had the highest concentrations of pain and failures Megatron had felt. He wasn't sure why he thought he would find something humorous from this list, but he felt drawn to it.
Halfway through the archive, Megatron found a book that had him convinced Rodimus messed with his datapad. Even if it was real, he couldn't imagine Soundwave deciding it was something that needed archived. Looking through the file didn't provide any answers, but Megatron thanked Primus that it was something he could use.
Rodimus seemed surprised at Megatron's confidence when he walked into the room. He took a seat in front of the microphone as Rodimus leaned on the desk. "Wow, did you actually find something?" he asked, "Or did you attempt to write something that you would find funny but would bore the rest of us?"
Ignoring him, which is something Megatron was slowly getting better at, he opened his datapad and turned on the mic.
"This is Megatron. As you all know, Rodimus has asked me to read to you in hopes to boost morale. What I will be reading is not one of my own works, but writing from Earth."
Megatron glanced at Rodimus, who was covering his mouth and trying not to laugh. He took a breath and started reading:
"The cats nestle close to their kittens,
The lambs have lain down with the sheep.
You're cozy and warm in your bed, my dear.
Please go the fuck to sleep."