Title: She Disappears When I Get Near
Pairings: Jade/Tori, Jade/André
Rating: R
Length: 15, 000
Summary: It's the summer before their senior year and Jade just wants to know what Tori wants.
Notes: For thegirl20.
She forgets whose idea it is initially to go camping, but whoever it was, Tori thoroughly believes they need to be thanked. Their little campsite is a top a hill and shrouded in trees, a peaceful getaway from the bustling Hollywood streets and only a short walk down the hill to the beach – a prime location indeed. Beck or André knew one of the summertime park workers who had managed to secure them the space last minute. The four girls stayed in the trailer, the boys in a large tent outside. It went without saying who got the bed in Beck's trailer, but Trina and Tori had wrestled to win the small couch with the former winning by sheer stubborn force. Other than the intrusion of her sister, Tori definitely believes this trip is the best idea whoever thought of it ever had.
She also believes that the inclusion of the vodka coolers was an inspired idea, and for that she had to thank Jade. She had insisted that if they were going away for a week, a week with Trina no less, that they were going to go in full teenage style. Beck had been able to secure some beer, which the boys seemed to force down with a reproachful grimace, but Jade didn't have any interest in spending her week like that. She had sauntered into the liquor store on their drive up to the campsite with nothing but her credit card and a low cut top and walked out with a small cart full of fruity flavored drinks.
Tori supposes she has Jade's boobs to thank for her current state. She's tipsy, having steadily been consuming the hard lemonade that she had taken an early liking to, and one of the last few to stand, or rather sit, around the dying fire. She tells Jade as much, and properly thanks her breasts from across the smoldering wood and it earns her a laugh from the aforementioned girl. She and Jade have been getting along surprisingly well, with credit surely due to the drinks in their hands. For the last half hour they'd been discussing the residual school drama that they had heard in passing over the first few weeks of summer, The Slap being their resource.
She blushes when she realizes what she had said, but she's sure it's indiscernible from the flush that has already settled in on her cheeks. She glances around, but her embarrassment remains between the two of them as Cat, who's curled up next to André under a blanket, begins to doze in her seat.
"As much as I like this talk about boobs, I think it's time Little Red went to bed. And I am longing for that sweet sleeping bag." André eyes them a little as he stands from his spot with a bleary eyed Cat. "Y'all ain't gonna go all Camp Crystal Lake if you're alone with each other are you."
"Wow, what a topical comment, André. Any 'Never Been Kissed' jokes you desperate to break out?" Jade asks, surprisingly good humoredly, and Tori finds herself laughing as André waves them off, pushing Cat towards Beck's trailer as he ducked into the tent off by the trees. "And then there were two," Jade intones as she takes a long drink of her cooler.
"Okay it is…. five-thirty in the morning and I am not at all tired. How weird is that?" Tori burrowed into her borrowed pullover hoodie, breathing in the smell of André's cologne. "Hey, what're you… what're you doing?"
Her question is answered as the sound of a PearPhone camera shutter going off fills the quiet nature that surrounds them. Jade smiles a little to herself but takes another drink before answering. "It was a good light."
"Have I ever told you that you should be drunk all the time?"
"Like five times in the past hour."
"Because we get along so much better when you're drunk. And when I'm drunk. Okay, we'll both just be drunk all the time."
"Great for our relationship, bad for our liver."
Tori smiles and squints at the other girl, ignoring the way her eyes burned. "You don't get enough credit for being funny, you know that?" She pauses for moment to collect her thoughts. "Probably because you're generally always insulting someone when you are being witty."
"Funny? Witty? If I didn't know any better, Tori, I'd swear you were trying to butter me up." Jade tosses her plastic bottle in the general vicinity of the recyclables garbage bag and stands from her chair, a little wobbly at first. She looks over at Tori then, sliding the ends of her sleeves down to cover her palms as she does. "Come on. Let's go for a walk."
"A walk? You're not gonna… whatever André said, are you? Because I'd really like to not die tonight." Despite her hesitance, she's standing and draining what's left of her drink even as Jade grabs another one. She's all too pleased with herself when her bottle lands in the open bag. "So, where are we walking?"
Jade proves she would rather lead by example and begins to head down the slope, stopping every once in awhile to help a stumbling Tori. It happens enough that she concedes to letting the Latina take her arm as they walk down the hill, towards the sound of early morning waves at the lake below. They don't stop walking until sand crunches beneath their flip-flops, Tori tugging Jade to sit down before they get too close to the waves. The sun is just starting to really rise, turning the blue water pink and yellow in reflection, making the whole world seem a little brighter in the early morning haze.
"Never have I ever…" Jade begins, recalling the game the group had played earlier that evening, when the fire had been bright and crackling. She twists off the top of the cooler she brought down and digs a small hole in the sand between them to place it in while she repeats, "Never have I ever… had sex with a guy."
Tori blinks in surprise. When they had played as a group the questions had remained silly and superfluous despite all the teenage hormones and alcohol. She watches a little dazedly as Jade grabs the bottle and takes a sip. She hears the somewhat-mock gasp when she reaches for the bottle herself.
"Hollywood's sweet little darling has been deflowered?! Heavens, by who?"
Tori struggles to keep the smile off her face as she puts the bottle back down. She hates that voice, but she can't deny how funny it sounds. Being a happy drunk came with its drawbacks. "Is this '21 Questions' or is it 'Never Have I Ever'?"
Jade looks at her with a mixture of admiration and curiosity, but doesn't press until she finally reminds Tori that it's her turn.
"Right, right, right. Never have I ever…" Tori strains her mind to think of a good one, but the only topic that remains is sex. "Gone down on a guy." She scrunches her nose and laughs when Jade again reaches for the bottle. "Gross."
"You could not be more right," Jade agreed. "Never have I ever stayed up all night talking with a guy." When neither of them reach for the bottle she laughs. "God, men are useless. I managed to stay up all night talking to you and we barely have anything in common."
"Awh, come on. Strong silent-types not for you?"
"You have no idea what my type is, Vega."
She's silent for a long time because it's both true and she can't think of another response. "Never have I ever… given a guy a hickey."
Jade leans in to grab the bottle once more and takes a swig and Tori is unsurprised. She is surprised though at her own retort. "Never have I ever made out with another girl."
If her cheeks could turn any pinker, she's sure they would have the moment she reaches for the bottle. Jade looks amused and shocked in equal amounts. "You. Little. Lesbian. You have to tell me: is it a reoccurring thing or do you just get punch drunk gay?"
"The second one. It was just a stupid game of 'Seven Minutes in Heaven'." She remembered it the next morning, but her old friend Sarah Lincaster had barely remembered playing the game at all.
"It's okay if you're a lesbian, Tori. I accept you for who you are."
"I'm not a lesbian."
"It gets better, Tori."
"Please stop talking."
"Make me."
Tori does, under the influence of alcohol and the newfound bond she had acquired with Jade over their tumultuous friendship. She leans over and kisses the dark-haired girl, shocking Jade for the merest moment and pulling back immediately when she begins to respond.
"There, now you've kissed a girl."
Jade looks taken aback and almost impressed with Tori's backbone being present. "I think I have grounds to sue you for sexual assault."
Tori snorts but then leans closer to Jade again, stopping less than an inch from her face. "I'm sorry I sexually assaulted you, Jade West."
She seems to bite her tongue, something Tori rarely sees from Jade, but then her smirk returns briefly before she closes the gap again. She tosses the drink between them to her right as she slants her mouth against Tori's to the left. And just like that, Tori Vega is making out with Jade West, tangling her hands in her dark hair and pulling her overtop of her.
She wakes up to the feel if the water licking at her feet, feeling disoriented as she looks around. She stands shakily in the sand, trying to put fit her flip-flops back onto her feet as she squints in the bright sunlight. When Tori looks up she sees Jade is halfway up the hill, probably having woken up the same way as she did. She follows somewhat blindly, stumbling up the hill and eventually into Beck's trailer, stepping around Cat on the floor to take her place next to the bed that Jade had claimed. Jade seems to have passed out immediately, and as Tori drops to the piece of foam on the floor, she finds herself doing the same thing.
Most of them sleep into the early afternoon and spend the next few hours nursing hangovers. It's not until about four that they finally make their way down to the beach, most of them choosing to just lay on their beach towels in the sun while Beck and Robbie (and Rex) float on inflatable chairs on the calm lake water.
Tori takes every chance she can to glance over at Jade, who lays unperturbed in a deep purple bikini, her eyes closed. Cat is chatting at her nonsensically but she requires little more than a nod or a 'yeah', so Tori is able to go unnoticed as she slants her eyes over to look, hidden under her sunglasses.
"Jade, can I tell you something as a friend?" She hears André ask as he turns over onto his stomach, his towel situated between Tori and Jade.
"Well, since you're the only one here I can put up with for large amounts of time without making me want to gouge my eyes out, I guess it couldn't hurt."
"You should definitely wear a bikini all day, every day."
"Duly noted."
Tori stands, abruptly cutting Cat off mid-sentence. "This headache is killing me," she offers weakly as she gathers up her things, "I'm going back to the trailer to lay down."
"When I get a headache I hold my breath until I pass out. You should try that."
"Thanks, Cat… I'll… definitely…" she leaves without finishing her sentence (because, really) and makes her way up the hill. She turns on the generator connected to Beck's trailer so that when she enters it the fans they have plugged in are on full blast, helping cool her skin as she collapses onto her sleeping area.
A nap would be nice, would help her sort through why she woke up having to wash sand out of her hair and Jade's lipstick off her neck. It's a foggy blur, but she remembers it well enough to have it weigh on her, adding to the pressure that felt like it was about to burst through her temples.
Tori's eyes are drooping when she hears the door open. Jade walks in and tosses her towel down as she steps over Tori to stretch out on the bed, her head in her hand as she looks down at the Latina.
"Long night?"
Tori laughs despite herself. "I hate sand."
"It gets everywhere," Jade adds.
"So this… doesn't have to be a big deal, right?"
"You took the words out of my mouth, Tori."
Tori looks up at her, trying to keep her eyes from wandering over all the exposed skin her bikini revealed. Jade's body was definitely something to envy. When she meets the green-blue eyes above her again, Jade gracefully dropped to the floor, pinning Tori down beneath her.
"Well, since it's not a big deal anyway…" Her voice trails off and her lips drop for a quick kiss before she pulls back to gauge Tori's reaction, a smirk adorning her mouth. Tori hesitates slightly, but she can't deny the shiver that runs across her skin as she pulls Jade down to her. It's not a big deal, so she doesn't make it one when she soberly attacks Jade's lips with her own.
"Jade. What are you doing here?" She's stumbling over her words as she straightens on her bed, hastening to hide the half empty bag of chips she had been steadily devouring while she lounged and slamming her laptop closed, effectively shutting off the movie she had been watching. The camping trip ended three days ago and she hasn't heard from the other girl since.
"I was bored," Jade replies dismissively as she walks past the bed slowly, eyes roaming the space until they settled on something of interest. She stops in front of a shelf mounted on the far wall, eyes glazing over its contents. "Never took you for a reader."
"Yeah, I… I love books. I had a really good English teacher at my last school. Really passionate. Loved the classics."
"I can tell." Jade's fingers flit from Pride and Prejudice to Jane Eyre, dancing along the spines of the books until she comes to a stop on a blue one, imprinted with chandeliers. "Must have been disappointed when you came to Hollywood Arts. Our English classes always focus on plays. There's a class focused on American classics for seniors though."
"I didn't know that," Tori says with a smile. Normal, human conversations with Jade are rare enough for her to appreciate the ones that involve the taller girl in being even slightly cordial. "I'll have to remember. Have you read it?"
"Hm?" Jade looks back at her, though her fingers remain on the book. "Oh. No. I always mean to read all the 'great' novels but I never get around to it."
"You can borrow it, if you want. I think you'd like it."
"Did you?"
"Yes, but probably for different reasons than you will," she laughs. "Great Expectations features some pretty polarizing characters. I really liked the main character. I felt for him."
"And what reason do you think I have to bestowing my time on this novel?" Jade asks as she slips the aforementioned book from its spot to look it over.
"His love interest. Estella's… something else. And Miss Havisham, of course. Who doesn't love totally batshit old ladies?"
"Shh," Jade chides as she pivots towards the bed, landing on the edge of it with the Dickens classic in her hands. "You're spoiling it."
"Sorry," she replies immediately though Jade doesn't look truly angry. There's a beat of awkward silence before Jade suddenly leans over and slides Tori's laptop to face her, opening it without consent. "Hey. What if I had been looking at some really dirty porn and didn't want to lose my place?"
Jade actually smiles a little at the joke as she clicks around, her eyes on the screen. "Shut up." More silence follows, though it feels less forced. Tori watches as Jade's eyebrows sink further down her face. "Is this all your music?"
"Yeah… why?"
"All you have under 'musicals' is the Grease soundtrack."
"So?"
"So?" Jade parrots in apparent disgust. "How… how is that even possible when you go to a performing arts school?"
The next day Jade shows up with three CD cases in her hands. She holds them up one by one as she explains the merits of each.
"In The Heights. It's about Puerto Ricans and stuff, so I think it's in your blood to like it. It's also great to dance to. Wicked. It's just… like a staple. How do you not have this already? It's… whatever. You'll love it. And finally, Next to Normal. One of my personal favorites. It's hard to explain what's so great about it without giving it away. Don't look up the plot before you listen through, it'll spoil the fun. And make sure that when you listen to them, you listen to each soundtrack in one sitting. So you get the full effect."
She does love Wicked. Immediately and completely from her first listen through. And it sets her off to find as many videos as she can of the performances, instantly securing her second favorite actresses for each character (as much as she loves Megan Hilty's Glinda, Kristin Chenoweth is still her first and, obviously, original choice). Next to Normal immediately grabs her as well – has her laughing and crying too often and too easily. In The Heights is the last and is more to her liking than she originally thought when it opened with the main character rapping. She does love it though, so much so that she when she sets her PearPhone alarm clock/docking station for a song to wake up to, she chooses the opening track of the album and every day wakes up to,
"Lights up on Washington Heights, up at the break of day…"
All three of them leave her in tears, but she's totally fine with it. Her introduction of literature to Jade and Jade's of Broadway finally gives them something to really bond over. Other than the occasional makeout session.
Jade starts coming over more and more, though it's a bumpy start for them at first, filled with awkward silences and stuttering starts to conversations. But eventually they level out, and maybe a lot of their time together is spent doing different things – Tori will sit on her bed and play a game on her PearPad while Jade lays on the floor and reads, but they fill their silence with quiet music and it's fine.
"Macbeth?" Tori asks one day when she notices the title of the thin book as she glances over at Jade who sat at the end of the bed.
"Very good."
Tori sighs. "Why are you reading Macbeth?"
Jade sighs in return, as if explaining anything to Tori was as hopeless as trying to explain something to Cat. "Because, Tori, I'm going to be in it."
Tori raises her eyebrows, genuinely intrigued. "Really? Where? When? Who's putting it on? When did you audition?"
Jade calmly bookmarks her page, sets the book down on her stomach, and stares up at the ceiling while she speaks. "The school. They hold auditions at the end of the year for the annual summer play. You would know this if you listened in class."
"That's so awesome, Jade! Who are you playing?" She's sitting up now, a smile on her face.
Jade shifts a little and picks up the play again. "Lady Macbeth," she mumbles.
"Oh my god. That's, like, a big deal! You're gonna be so great."
"Not if you don't let me learn my lines, Tori," she snaps back, eying her warily as Tori approaches her on the bed.
"It's really a perfect fit, Jade. You're going to be amazing." Tori beams at her, even wider when Jade rolls her eyes, but she meets her gaze. Tori wants to lean down and kiss her, wants to make this something romantic, but it's not. "Do you need someone to run lines with?"
Nozu is particularly busy as she and Cat entered, the shorter girl bouncing on the balls of her feet as they stood in line waiting for a table. Tori feels a headache brewing as she takes in the chatter of the group of Northridge girls standing in front of them, her appetite starting to diminish.
"Oooh!" Cat squeals, tugging on Tori's jacket excitedly. "There's André and Jade! Let's go sit with them."
She's pulling Tori along before she can speak, pushing them past the Northridge girls and through the crowded restaurant until they end up at the far corner where their friends are seated. Jade glances up from the menu but doesn't offer any sort of greeting, but André welcomes them, grabbing more chairs from a nearby table for them to sit in before taking his seat next to Jade.
"And how are you two doing tonight?" he asks, sliding his menu over to them to let them peruse it.
"Better now," Tori replies passing the menu over to Cat. She always orders the same thing.
"I have to pee," Jade announces abruptly, standing from the table and sliding behind André.
"Oh my god, me too!"
"That's great, Cat." Jade leaves without another word, a redheaded shadow close behind her.
"So," Tori starts.
"So," André echoes clapping his hands together.
"Do you and Jade… like, hang out?"
"Tor, you have noticed that there's, like, a pack of us, right? And that we were hanging out with each other long before you happened to become a welcomed member of our group. Some of us for years before you came to Hollywood Arts."
Tori gives a small laugh, though it feels forced and she wonders if André picks up on it, but she busies herself with a menu instead of looking up to check. "I just didn't know that you guys were… close, I guess."
"We're not exactly exchanging best friend necklaces." There's something about André, the charming smile and warmness that makes Tori feel at ease. "But we do hang out. Sometimes. We're big horror movie fans. And she's a great writer. She helps me out with some of my songs – helps add some depth to them. Plus, having dinner with a hot chick is never a bad way to spend a Wednesday night."
"Did Cat and I just interrupt a date or something?" she asks slowly.
She doesn't receive a verbal answer as Jade and Cat are making their way back to the table. And even though André shakes his head, she can't help but notice his wandering eyes and his and Jade's easy repertoire the rest of the meal.
One night she finds herself at Jade's (though she has to ask Beck for her address because Jade refused to give it to her), on what has to be the hottest night of the summer. There's rolling blackouts throughout Los Angeles and she hopes to beat the odds by getting dropped off at the West household, only to have the power shut off a twenty minutes after she arrives.
"This. Is. Hell," Jade whines as tosses her shirt across the room. She's left in her bra and shorts, lying on the middle of the floor. Tori is next to her, her shirt sweat soaked but she can't bring herself to strip down too. They have a candle lit in the far corner of the room (and that was hard enough for them to concede too because it was so hot) and Tori finds herself self-conscious next to Jade and her classic beauty body.
"Not much longer," Tori breathes as she lifts her shirt from her body, grimacing as it falls back down.
Jade stretches out to remove the hair that has collected at the nape of her neck but shudders when the back of her wrist brushes against Tori's side. "Okay, you have to take that off. That's disgusting."
"Stop trying to get me out of my clothes."
"Don't be shy, sweetheart. It's nothing I haven't seen before," Jade says in her 1940's movie star voice, tugging at the bottom of the shirt to reveal Tori's midriff. Tori rolls her eyes in return and takes off the offending item, wishing she hadn't worn a pink bra with little hearts all over it.
She doesn't feel self-conscious though, even when Jade turns to look at her, her hand skittering over her stomach and down to the shorts she wore. She meets Tori's gaze as she pops open the button of her capris.
Tori has to take a moment before she can formulate a reply. "So you are trying to get me out of my clothes."
"Stop talking, Tori," Jade mumbles as her lips descend on Tori's as she climbs over her, her lace bra weighing heavily on Tori's cotton one. For some reason it feels so much more intimate than their tryst in Beck's trailer, where they had even less on. Jade's skin slides against hers as her mouth bestows languid, heady kisses while Tori's hands slide down her back and around her hips. She loves this feeling, the sweaty skin and Jade's weight on top of her. It makes her feel safe and dangerous all at once.
She pushes herself up so she's sitting, Jade in her lap and their hands wandering. Her hands slide up, feeling the bumps of the other girl's spine. She can feel the other girl rocking against her; feel the lace bra scratching against her skin. Jade's braver than her, is unhooking Tori's bra, pulling away to kiss her slowly and softly as she reaches behind her back to undo her own. She's nothing if not fair as she pulls the straps down her arms, backing away from the brunette to toss it aside.
Jade does it for her, removing her bra slowly, giving her ample time to say no or stop anything that was happening. But at the same time she was still rocking against her, still pressing against her fully and completely with those sweet, intoxicating kisses. It's enough for Tori to let her bra fall between them, to beat Jade to the punch by sliding her hand across one of her full breasts, to let Jade take away those kisses to give a small murmur of approval.
Jade's not one to be bested though, her hands slide down from Tori's shoulders and past her chest and before Tori can blink the dark-haired girl has made her way to second base with the added bonus of the return of her lovely kisses. She's rougher now, now that her hands are squeezing at Tori's breasts. Her tongue pushes, her teeth bare down on Tori's lower lip, and god Tori can barely take the slow rocking motion anymore with her jeans still on. Her free hand rakes up Jade's back to grasp her head and pull them back down to the floor.
Tori's attention returns to her half-opened capris, and when it does Jade lifts up from her as much she can while her lips are still sliding against Tori's but before the zipper can be so much as touched, the lights flash on suddenly and without warning. Jade sits up then, still straddling Tori's waist as the air-conditioning blasts from the vents to chill their sweat soaked skin. Jade takes a moment to catch her breath then looks down to meet Tori's eyes, a smirk slowly forming on her lips.
"You're blushing," she laughs.
"You're half-naked," Tori counters, aware that the warmness in her cheeks isn't from the heady makeout session she had just participated in, but because she's staring up at a topless Jade West.
"It's a lot to take in, I know," Jade returns cockily, but she slides off Tori's hips and stands, heading towards the wardrobe. And that's the end of that, Tori thinks as she sits up and immediately pulls her knees to her chest. She needs to feel just a little less exposed. Jade's stripping down further, kicking away her shorts but Tori turns away. It's not until she hears Jade walking back towards her that she looks up.
Jade's holding a pair of plaid pajama bottoms and a loose Hollywood Arts t-shirt, dressed in a similar state herself. "You can stay over tonight."
Tori almost laughs, because everything Jade says seems like a command more than an offer. But she accepts the clothes and the offer of a Netflix movie marathon. She's never watched Dexter before, but she doesn't question the choice as they settle in on Jade's bed, a comfortable distance between them, even as the lights go off.
It's the first of many sleepovers. They're generally innocent, and it doesn't feel forced. Neither does it feel forced when Jade's hand makes its way up her shirt.
"What are you doing?" Tori asks through a yawn as she makes her way down the stairs to her kitchen.
Jade looks up from the spot where she's leaning against the counter, clad in a baggy shirt and sweatpants. She's next to the stove that currently has a small fire burning under the kettle. On her other side is a blue mug. Before Jade responds, Tori's already getting it a twin and filling her own cup with the same hot chocolate mix Jade had filled hers with.
"I stayed up to finish Great Expectations," the dark-haired girl replies.
"And then helped yourself to my kitchen it seems." Tori hops up on one of the stools and rubs her eyes. "So, the final verdict?"
"I liked it," comes the cryptic reply.
"I thought you would. Estella was undoubtedly to your favor, I take it?"
"I think she's a great character." Blue eyes drop down suddenly and Tori blinks at the response, not knowing what to make of it. "A different kind of character than you'd usually see back then."
"Yeah, totally." She hopes her response doesn't seem as forced as it feels. "I mean, you think of like Jane Eyre and Elizabeth Bennett for classic literature ladies. Estella kind of breaks that mold."
"The ending was left a little ambiguous," Jade intones, still staring at the floor.
"Um," Tori's bleary mind tries to recall the details of the Dickens classic, remembering not much except the central characters walking off in a morning haze. "Yeah, I guess. I thought it was hopeful, though."
"Did you?" Jade doesn't sound surprised but genuinely intrigued, her gaze lifting to meet Tori's suddenly. "You don't think… you don't think Estella was past the point of being able to love at that point in her life?"
"I didn't know this cocoa run would turn into a literary debate," Tori mumbles as she slides from one of the barstools to get the now steaming kettle. She pours the scalding water into the awaiting mugs. "I think Pip's devotion could outweigh a lifetime of emotional numbness. That's what the whole book leads up to. Maybe they didn't immediately run off into the sunset, but if someone could save Estella, it was Pip."
"But she thinks about love in terms like 'deceiving' men for their devotion, not a search for the one who could save her from her admitted failed nurturing at the hands of Miss Havisham," Jade retorts, far too seriously for one in the morning and it has Tori rubbing her eyes with one hand while she stirs the cocoa mix with the other.
"Well, yeah, because outside of Pip that was how she sought attention – filled her void. And it's a huge void to fill when you're brought up to be an emotionless, cruel robot." Tori squints through her glasses as she passes one mug to Jade, grabbing the other and stirring it as she sizes up the other girl. "You're not like Estella, you know. If that's what this is getting at. You're… full of emotions. Some of them needlessly cruel like Estella, yes, but there's like a whole spectrum."
Jade laughs emotionlessly and again drops her gaze to the floor, hand stirring the spoon in her cup. She doesn't offer anything else though, so Tori continues, "If you can feel resentment, you have a heart. If you can feel anger or hate, you have a heart. And Estella sure as hell seemed to feel those things when she and Miss Havisham had their little fight in front of Pip. To feel one thing, you have to know the opposite. If you feel resentment, it's because you know there's something better for you. If you feel angry you've gotta be gauging it by how happy you've been in the past. And if you feel hate, you must know that there's love somewhere inside you. We're human, that's how we work."
Tori lets out a breath and dares to take a sip of her steaming hot chocolate as Jade continues to stir hers monotonously. She stops suddenly, gaze scrunching as she looks over to Tori. "When in the hell did you get to be smart?"
"Truth be told I'm just glad that made sense to you because it is one in the freakin' morning and I am tired as fuck."
Tori has the authority now to walk into Jade's house unexpected (Jade's room is too far away from the door and she rarely feels the need to drop whatever she's doing to answer it), though usually her texts before she comes over are answered. Today, they haven't been. But everyone else had been busy or not answering their phones either, and Trina's constant talk of how unfair it is that she has to do a year at UCLA before she can audition for the drama program had been far too annoying to deal with.
So she knocks, but when that goes unheard she tries the door and it gives way, something she takes as a sign that visitors were welcome. She hums as she climbs the staircase and makes her way down the hall, but Tori stops as she nears the end of it as the sounds of Jade's voice fill the air.
"Thy letters have transported me beyond this ignorant present, and I feel now the future in the instant!"
It's not her voice. Well it is, but it's her stage voice. One of them. The next one she hears surprises her, though. Because no matter how good Jade is, there's no way she can mimic a man's voice that well.
"My dearest love, Duncan comes here tonight." It's undoubtedly André's and it slows Tori to a halt.
"And when goes hence?"
"Tomorrow, as he purposes."
It's too much for Tori to bear, so she tiptoes to the open doorway. André is leaning against the desk, a playbook in his hand, but his eyes are on Jade who stands in the middle of the room, Lady Macbeth's monologue on the tip of her tongue.
"O, never shall sun that morrow see! Your face, my thane, is as a book where men may read strange matters: to beguile the time, look like the time; bear welcome in your eye, your hand, your tongue." She steps forward, closing the gap between her and André to grasp his hands desperately, an overzealous look in her eyes. "Look like the innocent flower, but be the serpent under't! He that's coming must be provided for: and you shall put this night's great business into my dispatch; which shall to all our nights and days to come give solely sovereign sway and masterdom."
She now has André's face in her hands, looking at him just as a loving wife would look at her husband. But there's mischief and ice in her gaze, one that wasn't like Jade's, but belonged solely to Lady Macbeth. He glances down at the book in his hands before meeting Jade's gaze again.
"We will speak further."
"Only look up clear; to alter favor ever is to fear." Her voice is sweet as her hands slide to André's neck. "Leave all the rest to me."
It's the end of the scene, if Tori remembers correctly, but Jade doesn't move away immediately, nor does André say anything. And she's holding her breath in the split second to see what happens, but her purse betrays her as it slips from her shoulder and falls with a clatter to the hardwood floor beneath her. Both André and Jade jump as she drops to her knees to gather up the things that have fallen out of her bag.
"God, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to – I mean, I wasn't like, being weird or whatever, but, um, that was great. Really great."
André's at her side helping her gather her belongings. "Jade's gonna kill it," he agrees.
The girl in question has dropped to her bed, her head cocked and her eyes slightly narrowed as she watches the two. "Tori, so nice of you to barge in."
"Really, I'm sorry. I didn't know… that you were rehearsing." She stands with André, who walks into the room to casually drop himself down into the chair in front of the desk.
"The lady needed a lord," he offers with a warm smile. Tori kind of hates that smile right now, it's putting her at ease when she feels like she shouldn't be. But André would tell her if something was going on between him and Jade. She's sure of it. He's her best friend. Not that she's told him of what's going on between her and Jade. "Tor?"
"What? Oh, no. Yeah, I mean." She's still standing at the doorway, shifting awkwardly from one foot to the other. "Really, it sounded great."
"Thank god I have your approval," Jade remarks somewhat disdainfully as she pulls a loose thread from her bedspread. She looks up eventually with her usual sardonic smile. "You don't have to stand at the door, Tori. You've already interrupted us, you may as well make yourself comfortable."
She doesn't feel like she has a choice, not with the way Jade is looking at her, so she awkwardly sits in the chair in the corner of the room, surrounded by half-melted candles and jars filled with oddities. "So…"
"Jade and I were thinking of ordering some Chinese and having a Macbeth marathon to help Jade get into the role some more. You in?" André asks, pivoting in his chair. "It'll probably get pretty old after awhile, but…"
"No, definitely. That sounds like… an awesome time."
André gives her a somewhat bemused smile but turns to open the laptop behind him so he can look up some menus online. Tori tries to meet Jade's gaze all evening but whenever she does, it's old Jade she sees, the one who hated her. And she honestly doesn't know what to make of it.
They have a kind of going away party for Robbie, who's going to be gone until the week before school starts. Tori couldn't be more happy for it because she hasn't spoken to Jade in half a week, and her time with André continues to make her feel like there's an elephant in the room between them.
But she feels at ease at the table as Jade takes a seat next to Cat on one of the couches while André chats with Beck in the kitchen. She's sitting at the table with Robbie as he discusses the exact plan his vacation. She interrupts him mid-sentence as she sees Jade get up to go upstairs, finally seeing it as an opportunity to talk without barraging her.
She nervously waits in the hall, far enough away from the bathroom door that she feels less like a stalker. Still, when Jade emerges, her eyes immediately roll.
"Can't I have a moment to myself?"
"Sorry. I just… did I do something wrong?"
"God, Tori, don't be so dramatic. You sound pathetic, you know that, right?" Jade smoothes out her skirt before crossing her arms and meeting Tori's gaze. "I've been busy rehearsing. Sorry that your summer plans revolve solely around me, but I have other things to do."
"You make it sound like I'm obsessed with you."
"Well, I wouldn't blame you if you were." At Tori's huff, Jade actually cracks a smile.
"I feel like we're back to square one. When it's taken me two years to get out of that spot. And now we… have other bonds between us, you know." Tori immediately regrets her words and tries to double back. "I know it's not a big deal, I just thought… it was fun." Jade stares her down until she continues, "Our thing doesn't have to be a big deal but I liked hanging out with you."
Jade looks down and then back up. "Things are only weird because you're making them weird."
"Well, you were a little icy when I interrupted… you and André."
"I was rehearsing," Jade snaps back immediately. "God, Tori. I'm sorry I have other friends to hang out with. You don't see me getting up in arms when you go to the mall with Cat."
"I know." Tori shifts uncomfortably, feeling like she doesn't have a leg to stand on here. "And whatever this is… isn't a big deal anyway."
"Right."
"So it wouldn't bother you at all if I went out with Luca Bidel this weekend?" Tori asks slowly.
"Why would it?" Jade asks exasperatedly, cocking her hip to the side as she breathes out a sigh.
"I… don't know. It's… whatever." Tori slides her hands into her back pockets and looks down. "I've liked hanging out with you. Sorry if I made it weird."
"Well, I haven't totally hated it, so you should be sorry." It catches Tori's attention enough that she finally meets Jade's eye again instead of looking past her, catching the almost not-there smile on Jade's lips. "How long before they notice we're missing?"
Tori's eyebrows draw down while she actually tries to figure out the question asked of her, and Jade's eyes roll again before she pulls the brunette into the bathroom and locks the door.
"Is there anything going on between you and Jade?" She's blunt because she's Tori, and sometimes her filter is non-existent, especially with her friends. She's sitting on André's bed while he composes a song on his various keyboards and soundboards. He only glances up at her before he laughs and continues on with his sound editing, only one of his headphones covering his ears.
"Why do you keep asking me about her?"
"I just don't think that crush you had on her has disappeared completely," she replies cautiously, folding her knees under her, glancing at her phone to seem nonchalant.
"You're probably right." André is nothing if not always open with her. She kind of hates it now because she used to be so open with him. "Tor, you have to admit, she's like… super gorgeous."
"She is." Tori gets a sinking feeling in her chest.
"And talented. And funny, when she wants to be. Smart. And single." He shrugs and pulls his headphones down around his neck and leans back in his chair. "We haven't hooked up or anything, if that's what you're asking. We're just friends. We have a lot of fun when we hang out."
"Good… I mean… I think it's great. That she's branching out a bit. You know, after being attached to Beck's hip for so long."
"We were friends long before Beck was even in the picture, you know." His fingers dance over a few more keys, though his eyes stay locked with hers.
Tori blinks. "No. I guess… I always assumed you knew him, they started dating, and that she go into the group that way."
"Nah, Jade and I went to the same elementary school. We were always the leads in the plays and stuff. She wouldn't have applied for Hollywood Arts for me, I don't think. We helped each other with our auditions."
It kind of hits her like a truck, this load of information she didn't know. When she first came to Hollywood Arts and joined this circle of friends, the questions on her mind were how Beck and Jade ever got together, if Robbie always had Rex, how Cat came to be around them – but never their backstories with each other. Like characters in a play, she just assumed they existed quietly until she came along. She feels kind of full of herself for casting herself as the lead like that.
"I never knew. You never told me."
"You never had a huge interest in Jade before," he counters, playing a few more bars on his keyboard.
"I…" She considers spilling everything then, but it felt wrong to do so without Jade's permission. And God knows André couldn't keep a secret to save his life. "We've been hanging out this summer."
"And you don't see anyone making a federal case about it."
She laughs and throws a pillow at him. "I know, I know. You always seemed so scared of her."
"Oh, there is no way of getting around being scared of Jade. Unless you're the most terrifying person on the planet yourself."
Tori laughs again and falls back on his bed. "You know, you were a pretty good Macbeth."
"I was, wasn't I? About time a brother broke through on the Scottish play. Maybe I'll tell them to sack the other guy so Jade can be my crazy wife onstage."
She goes out with Luca Bidel on a very nice date. They eat very nice food, go see a very nice movie, and share a very nice kiss after he walks her to the door of house afterwards.
It's all very nice.
She doesn't know when that became so boring.
Tori feels more at ease when they hang out next, the group settled into the small trailer parked in Beck's driveway. But Cat surprises them as she comes through the door with not only a new boyfriend, but also a bag full of purple-green weed.
"My brother told me to get rid of it. First I was gonna go out to the desert and bury it, but Josh told me he thought it'd be a… what?" She turns to look up at the blonde she brought with her, who doesn't look like this is the first time he's been in a room full of strangers with a bag of drugs.
"A party favor."
"Right!"
"I am totally in," Beck says after a moment of silence and he waves them in, closing the door behind them and taking a seat on Josh's other side as he begins rolling a joint. Jade seems unperturbed on the couch, but André looks genuinely excited. And Tori… well, she likes the smell enough that she sits up from the plush carpet she's been laying on to make sure she's not overlooked when it's finally passed around.
A half an hour later has everyone feeling as hazy as the smoke is making the trailer look. Beck's too paranoid to open the recently installed new windows to allow ventilation though, afraid his parents will walk by at any moment and ground him for the rest of his high school life. Cat checked out early, though she kisses Josh whenever he's finished taking a hit, fitting perfectly in the blonde boy's lap. Tori's sitting on the couch, her feet stretched out in front of her and Jade to her right, to whom she promptly passes the second dying joint to before the flame burns away the paper too quickly.
"Looks like Miss West gets the last hit," André comments.
"You make it sound like I can't share," Jade chides, inhaling deeply before tossing the dying ember over Tori's head and into the dirty fish tank in the corner of the room. She then leans forward and grabs André's chin, pulling him close and breathing out the smoke into his mouth. Their lips never meet, but still Tori feels uncomfortable as Jade pulls away with a raised eyebrow and André sits back with a self-satisfied smirk before blowing out the smoke.
"I should probably get going," Tori announces as she stands unsteadily, but immediately she feels herself being tugged back down by her belt loops.
"Sit down, Tori, you're not going anywhere." Jade's hand slides up and underneath her shirt, to brush against the heated skin of her lower back.
"Guess we know who holds the whip here," Josh comments as his fingers expertly roles another joint. "I'll give you guys twenty bucks to make out." It earns him a sharp jab from the redheaded girl in his lap but a look of appreciation from the two other boys in the group.
"Please, like I'm that cheap. Tori might be, but I'm not."
"I'm not, for the record," Tori butts in grumpily as she readjusts in her seat, Jade's arm still around her back.
"For this joint then?"
"Well, as long as it's for drugs." Tori doesn't really hear Jade's response, but she feels her head being turned and Jade's familiar mouth on hers. There's a loud cheer of encouragement from the other people in the trailer, but Tori's mind is swimming so fast that she can barely recognize the voices. Jade doesn't make a spectacle out of their little show, pulling back less than a minute before she advanced, looking all too pleased with herself.
"I…" She's blushing and she knows it, but the head rush gives her enough gusto to lift herself onto her feet and grab her purse before pausing. "I definitely have to go now. I'll talk to you guys later. Nice meeting you, Jeff."
"It's Josh."
"I don't really care," she replies slowly as she walks by him, waving behind her head to Beck and quickly closing the door before the smell of cannabis can escape the silver trailer. She's turned the corner at the driveway before she hears it open and close again.
"Tori. Tori, come on." Jade's tugging her elbow and pulling her to a halt before she can hear the footsteps behind her. Tori notices their prized joint in her hand. "I'm… sorry. I didn't know you'd freak out."
"I'm not freaking out," Tori counters, pulling her arm free and continuing on.
"I actually thought you'd like it." Jade grabs her again and pushes her back against a lamppost. She's not intimidating, despite her hold and her dominance, she's just… Jade. "Just tell me what you want, Tori."
"I don't know," she says stubbornly looking down.
She can feel Jade staring at her, her grip still tight on Tori's arms. But it loosens and she steps away. "Then what the hell are you so mad about?"
"Hey!" They both jump as André turns the corner, his silver chain catching in the light. "Tor, you know you don't even live in this direction, right?"
She didn't. She had kind of just been running. "You guys can go back, I'll be fine."
Jade steps away as André approaches. "I'm partied out."
"Me too," André says warmly as he steps between them, slipping his arms around their waists and leading them down the street – in the proper direction. "I feel like I owe it to you to provide an escort after that show you put on."
"You definitely do," Jade replies easily, her own hand going around his back and brushing against Tori's shoulder with every step they take.
Tori mimics the position, but doesn't say much as they walk towards her home. Jade is surprisingly chatty, whether due to the drugs or André's flirting with her, Tori couldn't say. But she doesn't mind the attention being diverted, she has to put a lot of effort into just walking and she ends up being thankful that André interrupted them because he seems to be the only one who seems to know where he's going and what he's doing.
When they make it to the Vega household, Tori doesn't hold her breath, stepping through the threshold before she can look back at the two of them. "Thanks for walking me home."
"Ah, it's no problem, girl."
"See you later, Harris." It surprises Tori enough to turn back around in her living room to see Jade unlatch herself from the dark skinned boy, but she notices the lingering hand.
"Anytime, ladies. But you have to promise to save that joint for me."
He leaves with smile as he closes the door, leaving Tori facing Jade across the living room. Tori shifts uncomfortably and looks up at the ceiling. "I think I'm gonna go to bed."
"Lead the way," Jade intones as she cocks her hip to the side.
She hates that Jade can leave with her no option but to obey. Tori sighs and walks up the stairs, aware of the footsteps behind her, but she never looks back. She doesn't turn the light on when she enters her room, just the purple lava lamp she has on top of her dresser before she pulls out pajama pants and a shirt, hesitating before grabbing another set and tossing them back behind her. Jade must catch them because she doesn't hear the sound of the clothes hitting the floor, but she does hear the sound of the zipper.
When she's changed she turns around, only to see a newly clad Jade advancing toward her. She doesn't stop until she's standing in front of Tori, her eyes dark in the limited light while her pale skin seems to glow. She smiles before opening the top drawer and tossing the joint inside.
"Hope your mom doesn't do your laundry."
"She doesn't."
Jade looks her up and down and then backs away, turning back towards the bed. She's pulling back the covers and setting up the pillows (she always steals one pillow to put under her legs). She glances over her shoulder before sliding under the sheets.
"Bedtime, Tori."
Tori sees Jade's Slap update about being having a summer cold that she hasn't been able to shake around the time she finishes the last chapter of Jude the Obscure and decides to do the neighbourly thing and make her mother make chicken soup for her to bring over.
Jade opens the door and closes it again, and Tori has to smile a little because it makes her feel more at ease to see Jade up to her old tricks.
"I have chicken noodle soup," she says to the door and after a moment it opens again, with Jade waving her in. The pale girl with the flushed cheeks settles in on a corner of the couch, pulling a blanket around and looking extremely miserable as she does so. "So, I'll just get you a bowl then."
It takes Jade a good half hour to finish one bowl and Tori tries to remain quiet as she does.
"Thanks," she mumbles as she sets the bowl down the coffee table and returns to her position in the corner, her voice hoarse as she returns to resting her head to her hand.
Tori, who's sitting at the opposite to her smiles. "Why don't you lay down? We can fire up the Netflix queue."
Jade looks at her almost suspiciously, like she used to when Tori would be nice to her, but relents when Tori sets a pillow on her empty lap and pats it. She stretches out on the couch and rearranges her blanket as Tori searches through the titles, her hand gently resting on Jade's head.
"No romantic comedies."
"What if it's a classic?"
"Depends on who you're offering."
"Audrey?"
Breakfast at Tiffany's is settled upon. Then Roman Holiday. Then they throw in Some Like it Hot for a change. By the time they finish their mini-marathon, Jade's mother has returned from work and night has fallen. They make their way up to Jade's room, and the dark-haired girl collapses on her bed. Tori brings her a glass of water before she readies herself to leave.
"You can stay," Jade says, her face buried in a pillow.
Tori doesn't debate it. It's nice being around a somewhat vulnerable Jade, nice being the caretaker to someone who hates being taken care of. She digs out a pair of sweatpants for herself and then settles in on the other side of the bed. To her surprise, Jade reaches over, pressing her fever-warmed forehead into Tori's neck and curling her hand in her shirt.
"Beck would never be around me when I was sick. He was a germaphobe."
"I drink lots of orange juice and eat my apples."
"Shut up, Tori."
She stills sees Jade almost every other day. Tori wonders if she's getting on Jade's nerves constantly, but their conversations become easier as time goes on. Tori makes Jade suffer through watching Smash one day (because Tori doesn't mind Katharine McPhee that much, despite Jade's complete and total disgust with her attempting to be in competition with Megan Hilty (the music is so good though, both of them are instantly addicted)), and Jade actually sits her down and discusses the importance of Citizen Kane after they watch it, without being condescending. Tori likes when Jade gets passionate about any form of art, it reminds her that behind the scissors and mood swings, Jade is an artist through and through.
They don't kiss though – don't touch at all, really, even though they've spent so many days and nights together now. They're friends, which is all that Tori's ever wanted. But now it feels like she's missing out.
It's a surprise when Jade invites them all for an all night movie marathon – it was a rare occasion for any of them to get an invite at all, let alone a small party of them. Jade had even promised to let the marathon be a democratic vote instead of a filming of her favorite slasher movies. They had even gotten Robbie on the webcam so he and Rex could join them. For the first time in a long time, Tori feels like they are all normal again.
She wakes up at an ungodly hour, the sun barely peaking through the windows of Jade's living room. Cat is sleeping at the other end of the couch and Beck is on the floor by her feet, while Robbie snores on the webcam. She awkwardly steps over the boy sleeping in front of the couch and stumbles up the stairs in search of the bathroom. She makes it there without trouble, stopping at the vanity on her way out to run her hands over an expensive looking vial of perfume. She unspins the top of it to pull out the straw and dab a drop on her wrist, rubbing it to her other one so she can take in the smell. It's undoubtedly Jade's, a rich, heady scent of sweet flowers. Orchids, she decides as she returns the bottle to where it stood before and opens the door.
She doesn't know why she hadn't heard it before, maybe she had been too distracted by her desperate need for the bathroom, but it's unmistakable. Panting. Tori doesn't know what compels her to search out the origins of the sound (or maybe she does) but she's tiptoeing down the hallway anyway.
They didn't even bother to close the door, and it leaves Tori with the sense that Jade doesn't particularly care whether or not she's caught. The sheets are barely covering them, Jade's exposed leg hooked over André's hip as he moves overtop her. His face is pressed into her neck, a hand on her hip, but hers is wide open for Tori to see. Jade's eyes are cinched shut but her jaw is slack, giving plenty of opportunity for her desperate pants and gasps to be heard. One of her hands is around André's neck and the other is across his lower back, nails digging into his skin even deeper as he turns his head to kiss her. Porcelain and chocolate.
Before she can admit to herself how good they look together she's dazedly slipping down the hall and stumbling back down the staircase. Tori doesn't even think as she grabs her phone and purse, but she's sure her slamming the door behind her is totally unintentional. Or maybe subconscious.
"Are you kidding me?" Comes the snapped greeting from her sister.
"Please come pick me up."
"Tori, it's not even five in the morning. I need my beauty sleep not only to avoid bags under my eyes – which the cameras amplify, might I remind you – but to also keep me mentally agile."
At the sound of the call disconnecting Tori sighs and redials, her pace a brisk walk.
"I wasn't joking–"
"I'll buy you breakfast."
Tori has never been more thankful for her sister's addiction to waffles as she is now. She pauses in her story she smiles gratefully at the waitress's impeccable timing with her coffee refills and waits for her to leave before finishing her story to her sister.
"So you're a lesbian."
"I'm not a lesbian."
"Tori, I'm your sister," Trina insists, pouring more syrup over her waffles and mashing in the whipped cream, "you don't have to lie to me. Besides, mom and I already had bets on how long it would take you to come out. I was silly to think you'd wait until your first college girlfriend. Mom totally had you pegged for a pre-graduation closet opening."
Tori has to take a minute before she can formulate her reply. "You guys think I'm gay? Mom thinks I'm gay?"
"Yeah, we were like seventy-to-eighty percent sure."
"I'm not gay."
"Right, because it's straight girls who hook up with other chicks and then get jealous when they sleep with guys."
"Okay, first of all, experimenting is totally healthy and natural. Dr. Phil says so. Or Dr. Drew. Doctors. Whatever. Second of all, it's not like it's just any guy, he's my best friend. And she totally went behind my back."
"Oh, so André and Jade belong to you."
"That's not what I meant," Tori sputters.
"But they need your permission to do anything with any person on this planet?"
Tori sighs and grabs a slice of her bacon, taking a chomp. "Well, no. But… you have to admit there's a difference between hooking up with anyone and these two hooking up with each other."
"Okay, I'll give you a little slack on that. But… that's what single, horny teenagers do. Especially in that little group of yours, apparently." Trina takes a sip of her own coffee and then another bite of her waffles. "You can't be mad at them, Tori. They didn't do anything wrong."
"You just said–"
"That I'd give you some slack that it's a weird position for you to be in when your best friend is hooking up with the girl you're gay for," Trina explains, cutting up her waffle with the edge of her fork.
"I'm not gay!" Tori's voice is somewhat high pitched due to her strained nerves and lack of sleep, and her exclamation is heard in the across the small diner, earning her a glance from the few patrons inside.
In response Trina just raises her eyebrows and continues on with her waffles. "Whatever you say, Tor."
To his credit, André is at her place later that afternoon, the smile on his face unwavering as knocks a beat on her open bedroom door to announce his arrival.
"It's the disappearing Puerto Rican in the flesh. Girl, where the hell did you get to this morning?"
Tori does her best to smile back, dressed in yoga pants and a loose UCLA sweater, her glasses on as she sets down her copy of Les Misérables. She had tried to mentally prepare herself for her next confrontation with both André and Jade, but it had ended up in too many headaches.
"Trina called me. She had a waffle craving." When had lying to her best friend become so easy?
"Now I feel bad for you, kid."
"I'd believe you if you didn't have that smile on your face," Tori counters lightly, wrapping her arms around her legs and pulling her knees to her chest.
André laughs and runs a hand over his head before collapsing in a beanbag chair she has in the corner. "Well, since you've been bugging me so much about it, I didn't want to keep it from you. Not that I would have anyway, but… Jade and I… met last night."
She actually snorts. "André, we're not in the second grade. You can say the word 'sex', you know."
He laughs again and adjusts the chain on his neck. "Jade and I had sex."
"Congratulations?"
"Well, I think they're in order."
"Then congratulations." Tori clears her throat and tries to avoid looking directly at him.
"Well, I wasn't expecting a tickertape parade or anything, but I thought you'd be a little more interested in the details." He stops for a moment. "Well, maybe not the details, but, like, how we came to be."
"Please don't use that term."
"I regretted it as soon as I said it."
Tori laughs a little as she drops her gaze to her toes, focusing on the chipped nail polish, picking at it in lieu of looking at André. "I'd prefer to skip the details, in any way, if you don't mind. But, whatever makes you happy, André." She glances up then, but only for a split second. "So what does this mean for you two?"
"I… have no idea, to be honest. We didn't really talk much, if you know what I'm saying." His laugh dies when he notices her eye roll, but he remains jovial. "Do you think… Jade and me make sense? Like as a thing?"
"As a thing?"
"You're too smart to play dumb, Tori Vega," he accuses.
"I think you guys would make a lot of sense," she says slowly, finally meeting his eyes.
"I think we would to." It's quiet for a minute before he speaks again. "I'm not sure it'll lead anywhere though."
"It already led to her bedroom," Tori counters sardonically.
"You know what I mean."
"I do," she agrees quietly.
"But, might as well have some fun while it lasts, right?"
He laughs when she throws a pillow at him and the incident goes unmentioned for the rest of the day
Luca Bidel is a nice distraction. Cute, sweet, and funny enough. She tries not to think about how she might be using him for the purposes of getting over Jade (who she was never really into in the first place), but the differences between them are a welcome change. Luca, with his tan skin, hazel eyes, easy smiles and the calloused fingers he's earned after years of guitar playing.
When he invites her over to his house, he plays constantly, coaxes her into singing, and compliments her endlessly on her voice. He's sweet enough to wait for her to pull him on the bed. He's not overly forward, but she is. She takes off her shirt and claws at his and then pulls him back down to her, feeling the hard muscles press against her torso and the five o'clock shadow scratch against her chin.
Tori doesn't call him again.
It takes her more than a week before she can enter the West household again, welcomed in with a smile from Jade's very normal looking mother. She doesn't hear a thing coming from Jade's from as she approaches, and when she finally enters she sees the raven-haired girl sitting at her desk, furiously writing notes in the margins of what appeared to a script.
"Knock, knock," she says lightly, though Jade doesn't stir, doesn't look up. "What's up?"
"Not much," Jade replies as she turns the page of her script, bringing the end of the pencil in her hand to tap it against her lips as she reads.
"Busy?" Jade shrugs and the strap of her tank top falls down her shoulder in result. Tori steps in awkwardly, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. "I can leave if you want me to."
Again Jade shrugs, bringing her pencil back down to the paper she's holding. Tori doesn't really know what to say, so she remains quiet. Eventually, Jade speaks though she still doesn't look up from what she's doing. "Haven't seen you in awhile."
"Oh, well I've been… doing stuff."
"Mhmm."
"Went out with Luca again."
"Lucky you," Jade breathes as she delicately erases something then rewrites.
"I heard about… I heard…" she blurts out, looking down before clearing her throat and trying to recover, stumbling over her words until she finally manages to half-complete her sentence, "you and André..."
"Judging by the way you stormed out of here last week, I assume you mean that literally."
Tori's cheeks flare and she looks up angrily. "You're a bitch."
"Yuuup," Jade agrees, eyes still on her script.
"Did you do it on purpose? Just to bug me? Pick my best friend to add some salt to the wound." Her hands are curling into Jade's comforter, knuckles white.
"Contrary to popular belief, Tori, no one's world revolves around you, let alone mine." Jade's gaze is sharp as it finally meets Tori's, her eyes a steely blue. It's a sharp look she was used to seeing just two years ago, but it seems so foreign now. "And André's been my friend far longer than he's been yours, if you recall. What we do is absolutely none of your business."
"Of course it is!" Tori snaps.
"And why is that, hm?" Tori doesn't respond because she doesn't really have an answer. But she holds Jade's gaze anyway, as steadfastly as she can. "What do you want, Tori?"
Tori glares at her because she doesn't know what else to do. She's just so angry, she's hurt and she doesn't know why. And she's sitting on the bed where it happened and it hits her a second too late how weird that is, so she stands up quickly and heads back out the door.
She makes a point to not make anything weird between André and herself, and ends up hanging out with him and Beck more and more. When Cat can break away from her boyfriend, she joins them. Sometimes Jade is there, but her new busy rehearsal schedule keeps her tied up more often than not lately.
"You haven't asked," André says one day out of the blue while Cat and Beck play an intense match of video game tennis.
Tori looks up from the pitcher of lemonade she's stirring with a quizzical look. "I wasn't aware there was something I should be asking."
"About me and Jade."
"Ah." She continues stirring. "I figured you'd tell me if you wanted to."
"We decided to not make a big deal out of it. As fun as it was."
"Oh."
"You know, as my best friend, I think you're supposed to be offering me more support and love, here." He holds out a glass for her to pour the yellow liquid into.
"Sorry. It's just… you guys talked it out or something."
"Yeah. Figured we're better off as friends. Besides, she's busy."
"Well… that's too bad?" She feels awkward but doesn't know what else to say.
"Has anyone ever told you that you're terrible at consoling people?"
Tori rolls her eyes and grabs three more glasses. "Because you look so broken-hearted. Five bucks says you already have a date lined up for Friday night."
"If I had any money on me, it'd be going to you, Vega."
She's been hanging out at Jade's all summer, she knows when her mom works night shifts, she knows that her little brother goes to her dad's on those nights, and it just takes a quick call to the school to see when the rehearsal will be over. So Tori slips into Jade's house a half an hour after the time Jade should have arrived home, putting the spare key back in its hiding spot like she'd seen the blue-eyed girl do so many times.
It's eerily quiet and calm as enters, locking the door behind her again. She takes her time making her way up to the sound of muffled music, surprised to find it's not coming from Jade's room, but the one across the hall. She turns the knob and pushes through quietly.
"Jesus Christ, Tori," Jade hisses as she gives a visible start in the large clawfoot tub by the window, The Black Keys echoing around the room, coming from the Pearpad and speakers set up on the vanity. "What the hell is your problem?"
Tori shrugs as she closes the door behind her. Her purse drops to the floor as she surveys Jade, her hair pinned up and her face free of make up: she looks different. Tired.
"Your eyes are totally bloodshot, by the way. You probably shouldn't get high before you break into someone's house. Might hinder you in some way." She sinks back down into the foamy water, sighing a little as she does.
Her mind is hazy, there's no doubt about that, but even if it weren't she wouldn't know why she was here. Mostly because she misses Jade, she wants to think as she advances towards the tub, but it's far more likely that it was to prove something. Her slip-on shoes fall off her feet before she reaches the white porcelain feature, its own feet painted gold. Jade doesn't open her eyes.
So Tori makes her, swinging her leg around and lowering herself over Jade, the water rising dangerously close to the lip as she does. That gets her attention, earns Tori Jade's confused gaze. She's about to say something when Tori cut her off, kissing her as her tank top and jeans shorts become soaked. She bites at the full lower lip, earns herself a gasp and skips the preamble, sliding a hand down Jade's stomach and between her legs.
Jade makes some sort of strangled noise in her throat, her hands rising out of the water to wrap around Tori's back, to grab her face, wet fingers sliding across her skin. Her eyes are shut tight, but her hips rise to meet Tori's hand, each motion sending a small wave of water over the edge of the tub. She kind of hates that the music is drowning out the breathy gasps and small moans, but Jade's tangling her hands in Tori's now wet hair and tugging her down to kiss her.
She's never done anything like this before, never thought this would be the first time she would do anything like this, but Jade's not complaining, only bucking her hips up to meet every slide and bump that Tori's clumsy hand offers her. Everything is made more awkward by the slippery porcelain tub, by Tori's inexperience, by Jade's tight hold on her, but it works long enough for Tori to feel her muscles contract the dark-haired girl freezes underneath her, ripping her mouth away to let out one last whimper.
Jade holds her down close while her breathing slows and evens out. It's Tori who has to rip herself free, pulling herself out of the tub and carefully sliding onto the soaked floor mat. She crawls over to the vanity to lean against it while she collects her own thoughts, dazedly wringing out the drenched ends of her hair.
"What was that?" Comes a voice from above her. She can't see Jade's face, but her voice is soft, if not somewhat strained. She can barely hear it though, over the song she used to love.
I'm so wrapped up in a daze
Hoping this is just a phase
But when all is said and done
I know you are still the one
Tori reaches up to grab the counter of the vanity to steady herself as she stands, taking shaky steps over to her pick up her shoes and her purse. She doesn't look behind her as she leaves.
"Tori!"
Trina doesn't ask her questions when she picks her up, but refuses to let her sit down until she's grabbed an old blanket from the trunk to drape over her seat covers.
Tori really needs to get her license.
Tori ignores her phone, stays off her laptop, even refuses to watch TV for fear that something starring Audrey will pop up on the movie channels. Electronic detox. Instead she reads, Pride and Prejudice even though it's a bit of a torture. Jade is no Mr. Darcy, but the similarities are enough that she makes herself suffer through it.
"I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun."
Tori groans and falls back on her bed.
André eventually stops taking her silence as an answer and invites himself over, holding an envelope in his hands.
"Did you bring up my mail?"
"No, Miss Smartypants." He moves her legs so he can sit down on the end of her bed. "Tickets to Jade's play. Sinjin is one of the ushers so I bribed him to get us some good seats for opening night. Middle of the second row," he finishes in a singsong voice.
"Ah." She watches as he pulls out one and presses it inside of the open book in her lap. "I'm not sure if I'll be up to going, André."
"What the hell happened between you two? She won't tell me, but clearly you guys have had some issues."
"It's complicated," she says stubbornly, looking down at the ticket.
"Of course it is. We're middle class teenagers who go to an exclusive school. Life will never be as hard as it is now." He laughs when Tori smacks him with a pillow. "Okay, you don't have to tell me. But I will be here next Friday at seven to pick you up. If you don't come, I'll probably have to give the ticket to Trina. You wouldn't possibly be so cruel, would you?"
Jade hasn't tried to contact her since their bath time adventure; she hasn't even updated her Slap page. Tori's not surprised though, when she shows up unannounced. She looks like she's just come from rehearsal, and judging by the time of night, Tori assumes she has. She doesn't speak when she enters Tori's room, just closes the door behind her and leans against it while she waits for some sort of explanation.
Tori has none to give, but she closes her book and takes off her glasses because if Jade's gonna punch her, she's not getting blood on the pages of Jane Austen. She stands up so she can place it back on her bookshelf, the ticket to Macbeth sticking out the top of her bookmarked page. She turns to face Jade and waits.
It's tense but Tori keeps her chin up, because she is the one who started all of this, from the very beginning. Jade gave her the fuel to keep going, but she's made her own choices. So when Jade advances towards her, she prepares herself for a sharp smack against her cheek.
Instead, Jade grabs her by her shoulders and slams her against the wall, kissing her roughly. It's less of a kiss and more of an attack, and Tori wonders if this is how she felt in the bathtub. If it is, she doesn't mind. She's more than willing to accept this punishment, this revenge, if that's what it is. But Tori's not going to be the bait waiting to be caught, she kisses back, keeps in time with every vicious move of Jade's lips.
It's all their tension being released, at least that's what it's supposed to be – should be. But if anything, Jade kissing her just seems to add more fodder to the fire for Tori. She allows her shirt to be pulled off, but counters by tugging at Jade's button up shirt, the snaps giving way easily, but her nails catch on Jade's soft skin and unintentionally leave three vicious scratch marks at the top of her breast. It earns her a hiss and Jade bites down roughly in return and instantly Tori tastes copper.
Jade takes her former lead, skips the foreplay and pushes her hands under the elastic waistband of her yoga pants, and grinds her hand against the front of Tori's underwear (and really, she has to stop buying things with hearts on them), and Tori can feel her knees growing weak instantly. She allows Jade to pin her more forcefully against the wall, her other hand dropping to one of Tori's thigh, to lift it up around her waist so her hand can move more freely.
All of Tori's gasps are swallowed by Jade's greedy mouth, but she has to tear away when she feels Jade finally push past her underwear and press into her. It's an intoxicating mixture of friction and dominance that has Tori's head falling back against the wall, a flush spreading across her neck as Jade's teeth rake across the skin there. She wants it, loves it, but as their rhythm picks up and her stomach starts to tighten, Tori can't help but feel like something is off. The dizzying high is too much, too soon.
"Stop," she gasps roughly, surprising herself with own command. It slips out of her, almost unnoticed by her own brain, but Jade hears her, her hand slowing and her bowed head pulling away from Tori's neck as she repeats herself, "Stop."
When Jade steps back Tori stumbles to the side so she can push the window open and breathe in some fresh air. Her gasps start to fade and she notices the blood under her nails, and it reminds her to look back. Jade's standing there, looking small and somewhat defeated, the scratch marks on her chest a bright and brutal red.
She runs her clean hand through her dark hair and looks away before returning her gaze to Tori, swallowing before she speaks. "I thought this is what you wanted."
Tori turns around fully and sinks to the floor as her stomach slowly unwinds, her eyes on her knees. She has no response to Jade, doesn't even have the dignity to meet her gaze or offer some sort of apology. Eventually Jade leaves.
Whenever someone passes them, she has to pick up the gift she has on the floor. Tori will be more than thankful when the seats are all full, she's shifting awkwardly in her seat enough as it is and the constant movements around her aren't helping put her mind at ease.
"Will you calm down?" André asks, placing a calming hand on her bouncing knee.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Of course." André looks particularly handsome tonight and his dress shirt and bowtie. Hipster-y, but cute.
"What led up to you and Jade… being you and Jade?"
"I thought you didn't want any details," he responds with a raised eyebrow.
"I don't… I just wanna know how you sweet-talked her, I guess."
André laughs and then stands up to allow the woman next to him to get up and leave, taking care of the bouquet of flowers in his lap. He waits until they're sitting again before answering.
"Well, all of you had fallen asleep, and we were kind of cuddling on the couch, or whatever, watching the credits role and she… asked me what I wanted."
"And?"
The lights begin to dim and an announcer comes on asking them all to turn off their cellphones. André turns to her and shrugs. "I told her."
Even an unbiased eye would agree that Jade West steals the show as Lady Macbeth. She's vicious and gentle at the same time, captivating whenever she steps onto the stage. Her counterpart can't begin to match the stage presence she has, but luckily he keeps up with his partner as much as he can. When the sleepwalking scene arrives, the audience is hushed – or awed, in Tori's case. It's as if Jade has been taken over by a spirit, her movements not her own, her words seeming almost involuntary. Power and passion and tragedy all ooze from every line Jade speaks. When Lady Macbeth dies offstage, Jade's cry echoing through the auditorium, it's like a knife in her heart.
She receives wild applause when she steps out to take her bow, her face constrained but clearly full of pride over her performance.
They get Sinjin to sneak them backstage and lead them to Jade's dressing room. She beckons them in as they knock, already dressed, and accepts André's hug with a laugh as he spins her around.
"Amazing. You had the woman next to me crying. For Lady Macbeth. Do you have any idea how crazy that is?"
"I'd take it up with that lady," Jade agrees, accepting the roses he offers her. There's a small bout of silence before André clears her throat.
"Well, I'm gonna go see what Lady Macduff is doing." He snatches one of the roses from the dozen he brought her and leaves with a smile, the door closing behind him.
"You really were amazing." Tori shifts awkwardly, the package in her hand wrapped in a royal purple cellophane that crinkles with every move she makes. "I… I don't think any other actress could do Lady Macbeth as much justice as you did."
"It's nice of you to say so," Jade replies, placing the bouquet André gave her on her small make up table. "You two were the only ones who could make it tonight. My parents aren't even going to be able to until tomorrow night. God willing they're seated far enough apart. Beck, Robbie, Cat and Jeff or Jon or whatever are coming to the matinee on Sunday."
Tori nods and plays with the ribbon atop of her present before she remembers that she's supposed to be giving it to Jade, not just holding it. "Oh. Here. I was gonna get you a bouquet but when André and I went to the flower shop, this reminded me of you."
Jade's eyebrow raises, the stud having yet to be returned to it. She accepts the present and unwraps it delicately. Underneath the cellophane is potted orchid, its blooms a deep violet, speckled with white dots.
"It's gorgeous, Tori," Jade says quietly, her finger delicately running over on of the petals.
"What, um, what are you doing now?"
"Cast party."
"Right, right…" Tori chews on her cheek and then clears her throat. "Well, I'll talk to you later."
I'm at the door.
It comes at a little before three in the morning, but Tori's up because she hates the stretch in Pride and Prejudice when Mr. Bingley and Jane are happy and engaged while Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy have yet to reconcile, so she always pushes to finish as soon as she can. She's at her favorite part, Lady Catherine de Bourgh's confrontation with Elizabeth, but she puts the ticket stub in at the top to bookmark her page anyway, and practically flies down the stairs.
When she opens the door, she sees Jade, as dressed down as she's probably ever been. No make-up, her hair pinned back, dressed in a zip-up hoodie and track shorts. Her eyebrow stud has returned though.
"I didn't want to wake anyone up by knocking," Jade says as she steps through the entryway, unzipping her hoodie a little. The scratch marks on her chest have faded to a light pink, though they had still been covered with stage makeup during the production anyway.
"I figured you'd be tired after a show and an after party."
"We have three more shows to do, it was pretty tame."
"So why'd you come here?" Tori asks as she sits on the couch. There are no lights on, save for the ones on the patio that the large windows filter in.
But Jade's still in half-shadows at the door. She waits patiently, bides her time, but doesn't give a verbal response. Only walks towards her, in a way that would be menacing had she been in her usual attire and state. But now that she's dressed down, it seems cautious. Like she's giving Tori time to take an out if she wants it.
She settles herself on Tori's lap, her knees on either side of her hips and her hands resting at Tori's collarbone. Jade scrutinizes her for a long time before she asks again:
"What do you want, Tori?"
"You," Tori whispers finally, setting her hands on Jade's hips.
Jade kisses her then, not softly, but soundly and sweetly. She pulls away with Tori's head in her hands. "I'm tired. Let's go to bed."
As Tori walks into school, her first day of her senior year, she doesn't know what to with herself. She goes to her assigned locker and presses the button, smiling as the stars light up. She tosses her jacket inside and pulls out the books for her American Classics class, her own copy of The Great Gatsby in her hands. Eventually her friends pile in around her.
When Jade arrives to greet them, there's no theatrics, no condescending marks. Her arms slips around Tori's waist, her own copy of Gatsby in her hands and a look on her face that dared anyone to speak out against her.
No one does.
But as they make their way to their respective classes, slowly breaking off one-by-one, André lingers.
"So any chance of me getting in on this threeway?"
Author's Note: Received this review and wanted to respond to it:
why does every one make jade a slut who do drug. when she have said on more then one occasion that she hate both. all those strory should be label as OOC bc this is not jade or tori for that mater
a) First of all, I don't think Nickelodeon has ever mentioned Jade hating either drugs or "sluts" because neither are a suitable subject for a children's show, b) Having sex with two people who you've known for years in the span of three months does not make you a "slut", having sex in general does not make you a slut, Jade was not being a slut in this fic she was looking to feel wanted and loved from two dear friends, one of whom she was looking for a relationship with, and furthermore, doing drugs does not make you a bad person and, along with sex, is something many teenagers experiment with, c) All fanfiction is OOC. We create it and recreate the characters in doing so. Jade and Tori getting together at all would be OOC for Nickelodeon, and yet we still ship them and do our best to keep them to keep them in character while doing OOC things, such as having sex, drinking, using drugs, and showing an interest in the same sex (as Nickelodeon and Victorious, despite it's subtle messages to the contrary, are still conservative enough that they have yet to introduce a homosexual character (besides Tori who is super gay)), d) *everyone, *does, *has, *than, *hates, *stories, *labeled, *because, *matter.