Through the Seasons
by Her Pretty Smile
Synopsis: At first, the distance was two-sided. However, through the months... That invisible border between the two of us is disappearing little by little. I hope that someday, we can be close to each other. I hope that someday, I can save you from the darkness you're in. [For SasuSaku Month 2017]
Warning: Unbeta-ed; may contain mistakes or any of the sort.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Masashi Kishimoto owns it.
It was raining back then.
I was walking along the streets, trying to balance both my umbrella and school bag. The latter was heavy because it was filled with books, so I had a hard time even navigating myself on the path without wobbling slightly.
I managed to put my backpack on properly after a few seconds and sighed as I felt the literal heavy burden on my shoulders. Seriously, I needed to remind myself to place some of the books in my locker so I wouldn't have this much trouble.
I was still walking and grumbling to myself under my breath when I spotted a figure a few paces in front of me, his shoulders slumped over slightly and his arms wrapped around himself as he trembled from the cold. He didn't have anything on him; no umbrella, no bag... nothing.
The rain drenched his clothes completely and poured on him relentlessly.
I almost let out a gasp. He was going to catch a cold at this rate!
Hurrying towards him, I immediately placed the umbrella over both of us, shielding him from the weather. He stiffened, and whether it was from surprise or not, I didn't know, but what mattered was that I get him home as soon as possible so he could warm himself up.
"Are you okay?" I asked worriedly, wondering if I should take off my bag and fumble around for a jacket. The poor guy was really going to get himself sick because of the cold.
When he didn't answer, his posture still rigid, I instantly attempted to reach for his forehead to feel his temperature. I wanted to be a doctor someday, after all.
Suddenly, my hand was painfully swatted away as his head fully turned towards me. My eyes widened as I registered the distinctive rage on his face. His hair was so wet that his bangs were matted against his skin, and his long lashes were dripping with tiny dewdrops. His features, unmistakably refined and aesthetically pleasing, were contorted in anger as he regarded me viciously, his teeth gritted as he let out a tiny snarl.
"Don't touch me!" he yelled, his fists clenching dangerously.
Shocked and scared, I took a few steps backwards, causing him to lose his shield from the rain. I stared at him fearfully as he glowered at me.
"I—I'm sorry, I—" I tried to apologize.
But he didn't let me finish. He sent me one last death glare before turning his back on me and breaking into a mad run.
I watched his retreating back, my mouth still agape. I was trembling slightly. I couldn't even speak.
What...
Who is he...?
• • •
It was during spring when I saw him again.
"We have a new student here today," the teacher, Iruka, announced as gestured towards the aforementioned person beside him. "His name is Uchiha Sasuke. Sasuke, you may take the vacant seat at the very back."
My body went rigid when he passed me by, his hands inside his pockets. I swallowed my saliva as I heard the moderate sound of a chair being pulled back.
It was him, wasn't it? The guy who got angry at me for almost touching him.
I felt so afraid and interested in him at the same time. This mixed feeling crawled up my throat, reliving that slightly terrifying experience. Back then, I thought that he was going to do something to me. In all honesty, it wouldn't even surprise me if he never spoke to me in the whole school year.
So I steered away from him as inconspicuously as I could. It didn't seem like he remembered me, after all, and I didn't want to trigger his memory of what happened back then. If his glare alone was terrifying, then how much more would the words spewing out of his lips be?
"Hey, Sakura," Ino, my best friend, began, "don't you think that new guy is so cool?"
I stiffened slightly, trying to mask my apprehension. "A—Ah... Yeah," I agreed with a somewhat forced smile.
Thankfully, Ino didn't seem to notice my uncomfortable expression, only continuing to chatter.
For the weeks that followed, neither of us ever spoke to each other. He was a constant loner, only talking when spoken to. He never intruded in anyone's business, and he always got good grades. The two of us were neck and neck in the list for the top students in class. However, there was no competition or even friendly rivalry between us. I doubted that he even knew what I looked like.
Day by day, however, I noticed that my state of caution towards him was lessening bit by bit. I found myself relaxing more whenever he was close, as if I realized that the person he was that day was not his real personality. When I thought about it closely, his character had seemed more defensive and reflexive than anything.
It was as if... he had gone through something terrible.
• • •
It was in the last part of summer season when my feelings towards him shifted slightly.
After classes ended, the earlier-predicted moderate rain occurred. I breathed out a sigh of relief when I realized that I brought my umbrella.
Opening it and letting it serve as a shield from the weather, I stepped out of the curb. Numerous students also walked out to the rain, either having their own umbrellas or just content to drape their jackets or coats over their heads. It became crowded for a while even though I had only walked a few meters away from the school. There were so many people, so I navigated myself cautiously when I walked towards the direction of the bus stop. I could hear the faint pitter-patter of the rain against the humming of melodies coming from the speakers of my earphones.
It was then that I saw him.
Gone was the ragged look on his face back when I first met him, which was also a rainy day, replaced by an expression of enigmatic, cold indifference. He was not, once again, holding an umbrella, but he wore the hood of his jacket over his head for at least protection from the weather. He seemed to be heading towards the direction of the school for a reason I did not know. Maybe he forgot something...
Suddenly, everything was in slow-motion.
His eyes, dull and a smoldering shade of black, were unchanging even as he almost passed me by. He was not looking at me, nor was he looking at anyone. It was as if he was alone in his own somber world, not caring about anything around him.
Even as I watched him until he disappeared from my sight, he never seemed to sense my stare. Even as I paused in my movements to turn my head and look at his retreating back, he never gave any sign or indication that he knew.
It was like he resolved to close himself off...
Yet I felt like I wanted him to look at me. To stare at me with those eyes of his. To speak to me with those lips that rarely uttered a word.
I wanted him... to notice me.
• • •
It was autumn when the winds of change flew by.
I loved catching maple leaves when they fell from trees. It may seem childlike, but ever since I was little, I liked to think that catching a maple leaf granted a wish. I had so many little wishes back then, like wanting a piano and even a tablet so I could play games on it. It was just a coincidence that all my wishes came true (especially the time when I wished for a friend and then I met Ino the next day), so the innocent, naïve belief that I could have my wishes granted if I caught a maple leaf was ingrained into my mind.
In school, every autumn, each class was assigned a time period within a particular day to help rake the multiple scattered leaves at the backyard. The academy I was in was not affluent by any means; there wasn't enough cleaning staff, so we students were the ones who would do the occasional community work.
I was finished with my area rather quickly since there were fortunately not much leaves to rake. I stood in the clearing, leaning the rake against my hip, and watched as a few leaves dropped from the maple trees.
I was so preoccupied and intent in viewing the tantalizing scenery that I didn't even notice that it was getting dark already, signalling the end of our period. When I finally recognized the sky's slow descent into darkness, I turned around and saw that some of my classmates were leaving already, I couldn't see Ino, though.
I hurried after them, picking up my face and clumsily adjusting the rake in my grip, only to run smack dab into a nearby tree when I was momentarily preoccupied.
"Ouch!" I cried out, clutching my forehead. There was probably going to be a bruise forming there later.
It was then that I noticed a figure moving from behind the tree.
My heart thudded unconsciously in my chest.
Uchiha Sasuke looked at me indifferently for the briefest of moments before walking away with his hands inside his pockets.
I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. Then, a maple leaf slowly twirled in its descent in front of my face, in the line of my sight towards his retreating back.
As if in a trance, I gently caught the leaf with my fingers.
I wish... I can someday be close to him.
To Uchiha... Sasuke.
• • •
It was winter when I got caught in a snow storm.
It was unintentional. It was in the middle of our school trip to the skiing resort; Ino and I were walking and talking among ourselves, so caught up in our conversation that we hadn't even realized that we were inadvertently moving away from the resort. The location a few kilometers away was a bit dangerous to those who wanted to wander in the woods near the mountains since there was a chance of a possible avalanche occurring. So, it was a good thing that Ino and I weren't too far since there was apparently a bit of distance from our position to the house we were staying in. We only needed to walk for a while to go back...
But then huge piles of snow suddenly fell from a small, sloping hill nearby, as if they had been accumulating there, forcing me and Ino apart.
Which was why I found myself shacking at a nearby cave, shivering as I tried to find a signal on my phone. Since the blizzard was a bit heavy and I had no idea where I was, I dind't even try to go outside. Compared to being out there, being inside was better and safer.
I pulled the confines of my jacket closer to my skin, feeling the cold creep into my veins. It was already past nighttime, and I was both hungry and chilly. I didn't bring anything with me except for my phone, so if I stayed here for too long, I'd soon die of hypothermia rather than hunger.
I didn't know how many hours had passed, but soon I shuddered awake and blinked blearily to adjust my vision. The revelation that I had fallen asleep scared me since there was a chance that I would never wake up again, so I snapped myself awake and checked my phone. I breathed out a sigh of relief when I saw that I had only been sleeping for thirty minutes. At least, I could sense that the storm was beginning to slow to a light fall.
Maybe I should go out and try to find my way back... But wait... It's too risky, I thought to myself, shaking my head. Plus, I was so hungry. I only hoped that Ino managed to get back safely. I was still very worried about her, but the fact that the path where she was earlier was closer to the resort relaxed me somewhat.
My eyes still half-lidded from sleep, I hugged my knees to my chest and focused my gaze on the ground, letting my mind wander. I needed to distract myself, at least until the snow stopped.
I hope... someone will save me.
• • •
It wasn't until minutes later that I heard it.
The sound of footsteps.
My hunger instantly forgotten and momentary adrenaline surging through my body, my legs took me to the direction of the cave's entrance.
I felt so elated. I'm not alone! Someone's here!
In my excitement, when the figure began to appear from the mouth, momentum caused me to bump chests with the person.
"Oh! I'm so sorry!" I apologized.
Then I saw that familiar face and my heart skipped a beat.
Sasuke, dressed in a brown, thick jacket and a black hat, glared at me as he took a step back.
"Don't come so close to me." His voice was irritated and held a small warning tone.
"H—Huh?" Realizing that I was practically stepping into his (rather large) personal bubble, I took a step back as well, feeling small and insignificant next to him. "I'm sorry..."
He grunted something in response, then threw a paper bag at me. I almost didn't catch it due to surprise.
"That girl said that you were gone for five hours and that you might be hungry," he said in a clipped tone. "So she sent us all food if one of us ever found you."
"Sent you all...?" I inquired tentatively.
"Your friend came to us earlier along with a teacher and pleaded that we go find you," he elaborated flatly. "Some of our classmates are out there searching for you despite it being almost morning already."
I hung my head in shame. "Then that means you're the first to find me..." I said softly. "Thank you."
He didn't respond, but at the corner of my eye, I could see him glancing outside for a moment, as if weighing his options. "The snow is starting to pick up," he spoke. "We'll have to stay here for a while until it stops. Though it's much better if we get out of here once the sky is bright so we could have clear illumination."
I looked out as well and saw that the snowfall's pace was a bit faster than before and I sighed. This was such an unlucky day.
I chanced a glance at Sasuke.
But at least... he's here with me.
• • •
We sat in silence for the next hour. There was still a lot of waiting time left before the sun would eventually rise.
I was slowly drifting into the realm of sleep once more, my eyes beginning to grow heavier by the minute. The filled bread Ino sent Sasuke satiated my hunger, so I was content for now. Not to mention that she sent him an extra thick coat as well so I could keep warm. I felt so grateful for what she did.
I'm going to treat her to shopping once we get back home, I promised.
I still felt cold, but it was considerably bearable now. With my jacket and the extra coat, I had no issues. Plus, Sasuke was near, so he was radiating body heat, enough for me to feel comfortable warmth.
The distance between us, however, was larger than what was considered casual. The thought of him hating to be close to me saddened me.
I wonder why he has an apparent aversion to touch...
I've noticed it every time. He doesn't like having physical contact with anyone. He always keeps his distance from everyone, not even letting them get within a hand's reach.
Still thinking about him, I drifted off to sleep.
However, after a few minutes, I was slightly shook awake by the impact of my head crashing on the cold, wet ground of the cave.
Ouch.
I must be so exhausted... I thought to myself tiredly. I didn't have the energy to pick myself up. I want my bed and my pillows...
Ow... Head hurts...
...
When I woke up again, I could feel the back of my head resting against something. It wasn't soft, but it wasn't hard or stiff, either.
It took me a moment to realize that it was a bag. I wasn't carrying one, so it must be...
I smiled at the realization and went back to sleep.
• • •
I think it was in spring when I started to fall in love with him.
Ever since the snowstorm incident, I believed that there was something dormant and pure in his heart. Maybe there was something hidden behind that apathetic mask of his. Maybe, behind that mask was just a lonely boy who could only find an outlet by hating the world around him.
I may only count our interactions in one hand, but I wanted to know about him. I wanted to explore his personality, to discover parts of him that I had never seen before. I wanted to know the things he liked, the things he disliked, his favourite hobbies, his profound, hidden dreams...
I wanted to see him relaxed for once. I wanted to see him with his eyes soft and gentle.
I wanted to see him smile.
I wanted to see him happy.
But how can I do that when he won't even let me in?
When he won't let anyone else in?
When he shuts his world off from everyone including me?
I was nothing to him. I was just one of those people in his surroundings.
I wonder if I can be his friend someday.
I let out a sigh.
Ino, who was walking beside me, noticed my forlorn expression. "What's on your mind, Sakura?" she asked in concern. "You've been thinking a lot about something recently."
I shook my head. I didn't want to tell Ino about my feelings yet until I was absolutely certain. "It's nothing," I lied.
Ino frowned, but she let it go. Inwardly, I was so glad that she was giving me a little space which I needed at the moment.
She was such a good friend.
"Hey, Sakura-chan! Ino!"
Ino and I turned around and saw Uzumaki Naruto running towards us with Sai in tow.
Naruto was a close friend of mine. Sai, on the other hand, was a classmate of ours who had transferred here in the Academy just a month ago.
"Hey, Naruto," Ino greeted. "What's up?"
"Nothing special. Although..." Naruto frowned as he stared at something behind us.
Following his gaze, I saw that he was looking at Sasuke who was sitting under a tree and reading a book.
"He blew me off again, you know," Naruto complained. "I've tried to talk to him a couple of times, but he always straight-out ignored me every time!"
"Well... he is a bit reserved..." Ino commented tentatively.
"He seems like a jerk," remarked Sai bluntly.
"He is a jerk!" Naruto grumbled. "He treats everyone like they're not even there!"
My chest tightened at their words. It was true, but still...
"Well, maybe he has a reason why he's so closed off," I tried to reason. "We shouldn't judge him like that yet."
Ino sent me a curious sidelong glance. I ignored it.
Naruto blinked, unconsciously scratching the back of his head in thought. "Huh... You've got a point there..." Then he grinned. "Then I shouldn't give up just yet!" He then started to run over towards Sasuke.
"Hey, wait!" I cried out, attempting to pull him back by his collar.
However, I missed.
"Naruto!"
He couldn't seem to hear me.
Ino, Sai, and I followed after him.
"Hey, Sasuke!" Naruto yelled in greeting.
Sasuke ignored him, continuing to read his book in silence.
Naruto persisted. "Hey, c'mon! Let's hang out at that new ramen shop that just opened today! You're skin's so pale. You need to go out more often!" He then made a move to grab Sasuke's shoulder.
My heart skipped a beat. "Naruto, don't—"
But I was too late.
Sasuke must've sensed movement coming his way, because he immediately stood up and took a few steps away from Naruto, anger reflecting in his expression.
"Who do you think you are?!" he snapped, all signs of indifference gone from his expression. "Can't you just leave me alone?! You're so stupid!"
Naruto gaped at him in shock. "What the — hey! I was only trying to help—"
"Well, I don't need your help!" Sasuke ground out harshly before proceeding to storm away.
"You're a bastard."
My heart jolted. It was Sai who spoke.
Sasuke stopped in his tracks. When I looked closely, I saw that his hands were slowly clenching into fists.
Apparently, Naruto noticed it, too, because his expression turned hesitant. "Hey, Sai—" he began to warn.
However, Sai didn't seem to get the situation. "Will you stop being a coward now?" In contrast to his words, his smile appeared innocent. "All Naruto-kun did was try to be your friend when nobody else did. Yet you are angry about that?"
Beside me, Ino swallowed. "This isn't good..." I heard her mutter under her breath.
When Sasuke still didn't respond, Sai continued on, "If you have such a big problem with making friends, then why did you go to school in the first place? You should've gotten yourself home-schooled instead. Your parents are paying for your tuition here, right? It seems that you are wasting their efforts. I am curious, though: did your parents raise you to be this rude? If that's the case, then maybe they're just as rude as—"
He never got to finish his sentence.
My fist throbbed after I punched him hard on the cheek. Sprawled unceremoniously on the ground, Sai touched the sore spot on his face, looking at me with something akin to surprise in his eyes.
"S—Sakura!" Ino exclaimed.
Snapped out of his shocked stupor, Naruto stared at me, not knowing what he should do or say. "Sakura-chan... you..."
Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted Sasuke who was now facing us and staring at the scene before his eyes with something similar to genuine surprise on his face.
"I have had enough of your insensitivity," I growled at Sai. "You say all those things without thinking as if you know exactly what kind of person he is! I know that you're always so brutally blunt and clueless about everything, but that was going too far!" I unclenched my fist and shot him one last glare. "You should also never insult anyone's family like that! Got it?!"
I stormed out of the field, ignoring the bewildered stares I was receiving. But I didn't care about it at the moment. I was just so angry at Sai that my blood was still boiling. My heart was pounding loudly in my chest and my skin was tingling all over from adrenaline.
Why was I so angry, anyway? I couldn't explain it well.
...I just didn't like him speaking that way about Sasuke.
• • •
After being scolded by the teacher for causing a ruckus, I found myself going towards the detention room with my hands still shaking slightly. I had never done that kind of thing before. Everything was rushing into my head; the surreal memory of punching Sai without even thinking, the startled faces of Naruto, Sasuke, and Ino...
I was always a rational person, so I had never done something so atrocious as hitting a person. Sai may be like that, but he had a hard past from what I heard from Naruto. Even if he did that, it was still unintentional.
Shame filled my gut and I realized that I would have to apologize to Sai tomorrow for giving him a bruise on his face.
That didn't mean, however, that I was going to forgive him for speaking those things.
I let out a sigh as I rounded the corner.
When I lifted my head, I stopped walking.
There, before me, was Sasuke. His hands were in his pockets as he walked towards my direction. When he spotted me, though, he paused, as if wondering what he was going to do.
"U—Um, hello," I greeted hesitantly.
He didn't say anything, only looking at me with an unreadable expression on his face.
I swallowed, feeling myself tense at the uncertain atmosphere.
Then he spoke.
"You did that for me," he said in a matter-of-fact tone. "Why?"
I blinked in surprise. "W—Why...? Well, uh..." I wracked my brain for something convincing to say. "I, um... just thought that it was unfair for him to say that. He was treading on personal borders which shouldn't be crossed..."
Sasuke stared at my face, as if searching for something there, before nodding almost imperceptibly.
My heart lightened a bit at that.
Then his eyes came to rest upon my still-shaking hands.
Noticing his stare, I immediately tried to stop the trembling by clasping my hands together. "A—Ah, this is nothing," I tried to explain, fumbling for words. "I never knew punching somebody would be this exciting! Ahahaha..."
I almost wanted to smack myself for cracking such a lame joke.
There was an awkward silence for a moment before he stepped towards me.
"..." He slowly reached towards my hands.
My heart skipped several beats.
Oh my gosh...
Is he...?
Then he stopped mid-way, as if suddenly realizing what he had been about to do. He retracted his hand and began to pass me by.
I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. Relief and disappointment filled my chest at the same time.
I guess it's too much to expect a touch from him this quickly...
But just as I thought that he was just going to walk away, he stopped when he was mere inches beside me.
Then he spoke.
"...Thank you."
My eyes widened.
As the sound of his footsteps disappeared, I turned around, staring at the corner where he disappeared to.
Elation and something foreign filled my chest.
Uchiha Sasuke...
My heart suddenly beat loudly in my chest.
...I like you.
A smile curved my lips.
The trembling of my hands had ceased.
Maybe... someday... there won't be an invisible line between us anymore.
Maybe someday...
I can get close to you.
I started to walk away as well.
And maybe someday...
I can touch you.
fin
For SS Month 2017 on Tumblr. Day 6 Prompt: Thank You.