Since I started writing these slash stories before I got 45, and lots of major things happen in 45, this takes place in a sort of 'alternate universe' where the events in 45 didn't happen, just to save me from a lot of headaches (and you won't get totally confused by any contradictions you may come across).
Also, sorry guys, but there's a bit of guy bashing in here. Please don't take offense! It just kinda fits the girls' moods, 'cause face it, guys aren't high on their list of priorities anymore.
And I swear this is the last thing I'm going to say before I go on with the fic! I just need to send a shout out to my awesome beta'ers, Sky Sorceress and Lily, and thanks to everyone on the AAFF who sent me comments on this to help me. Now we can go on with the fic!
I Don't Know How To Love Her
By: Forlay
Real smooth, Tobias, > he told himself as he flew back, You'll be lucky if she doesn't turn you into roast hawk next time she sees you. >
He berated himself the entire flight back to the woods, he finally reached the edge of his territory, which he shared with Ax. Ax was still awake, watching the late night talk shows. Tobias was hoping to fly by unnoticed, but it's nearly impossible to sneak past an Andalite.
Hello, Tobias, > Ax called. Is your date over already? >
Tobias landed on a tree branch behind Ax with a sigh. You could say that. >
Did you decide to not go to a movie with Rachel? It hasn't been long enough for you to watch a whole movie, has it? >
Rachel and I had a bit of a...difference in opinion. >
What do you mean, difference in opinion? >
Never mind, Ax. It's kind of hard to explain. I hardly understand it myself. >
Ah. Perhaps you should call Jerry. He seems very adept at solving relationship problems. >
Jerry? As in...Jerry Springer? I don't think that'd be a very good choice, Ax. >
Why not? Going on his show relieves tension for many of his guests. Though I'll never understand why humans feel the need to throw heavy pieces of furniture at their loved ones. >
Nope, definitely can't go on Jerry when there's heavy furniture Rachel could throw at me. I'll never understand it either, Ax. I'm not a big fan of Jerry anyways. >
So what exactly happened between you and Rachel, if I may so inquire? >
Tobias sighed again. The short version? I ran out of the theatre in the middle of the movie on Rachel. >
Ax's stalk eyes both snapped in my direction, Why?! >
Rachel's been kind of freaking me out lately. She's been getting progressively distant the past couple weeks, and tonight at the movies...well, she said this afternoon that she loved me, but at the movies she...I didn't feel anything from her. >
Feel anything? I'm afraid I don't understand what you're saying, Tobias. >
Tobias sighed. How was he supposed to explain to an alien how he felt around Rachel, and what he usually felt coming from her? It didn't make any sense to him. It's like...we're usually so happy together, I can just fell it emanating from her. I mean, our arms were touching on the arm rest and I was nervous as hell, anytime I touch her I feel that way, and she usually seems excited too, but tonight...nothing. >
So...you ran away? >
Pretty much. >
Is this normal human behavior? Because if it is, I'm afraid I'll never understand. >
No, Ax, it's not normal human behavior, but whoever said I was a normal human? None of us in the Animorphs can really be classified as normal anymore. >
Have you explained this to Rachel? >
She didn't give me a chance. She saw me waiting for her outside the theatre, yelled at me that she didn't want to hear from me, and drove away. I was going to follow her, but figured that'd probably be a bad idea. >
Why don't you visit her now? > Ax suggested. Perhaps she's had time to 'cool down'. >
Not Rachel. Maybe I'll talk to her tomorrow. Anyway, I think I'm going to go to my tree and sleep, get this night over as soon as possible. >
I don't believe your state of being would have any bearing on the speed at which time passes, Tobias. >
It's another one of those expressions Ax. If I'm asleep, I'm not aware of the passage of time. >
Ah, > Ax said. Tobias doubted he really understood, but Ax was getting good at knowing when to drop a subject. Good night then, Tobias. >
'Night. >
Tobias flew over to Rachel's around eight the next morning, late enough so he wouldn't wake her, but early enough to catch her before she was gone for the day.
But what he hadn't planned on was Rachel having her window closed. She rarely had the window closed anymore, except for really cold evenings in winter. She must have been really pissed now.
Tobias perched on Rachel's window ledge and looked in on her. She was sitting at her desk, in front of her mirror, dressed in shorts and a T-shirt, twisting her hair up with a clip.
God, she's beautiful, Tobias thought to himself. He almost couldn't blame her for losing interest in him. Rachel would get any guys she wanted! But Tobias had always thought they had something special.
Rachel? > he called.
Inside, Rachel jumped. Her hand lost its grip on her hair, causing it to cascade down her back. She looked to the window and glared at Tobias.
Rachel, can I come in? I need to talk to you. >
Rachel turned away from the window and went back to her hair. This time she quickly twisted it up and clipped it in place.
It's about last night, Rachel, I know my behavior...left something to be desired. > He could see Rachel laugh at that. But I have a reason for it, I swear. >
He saw Rachel's shoulders lift and drop in a sigh. She went to the window and opened it slightly, just enough so that he could easily understand what she said. "Listen, Tobias, I really don't care what your reason was last night. I'm not ready to talk to you about it, or anything else, right now. Maybe I will eventually, but in the meantime, leave me alone. Please." With that, she shut the window, but Tobias stayed on the sill, in shock, and watched as Rachel checked herself one last time in the mirror, grabbed her purse and left the room.
Tobias flew from the window to a branch of an oak tree in Rachel's front yard. He was still perched there when Rachel's car backed out of the garage a few minutes later. Curious as to where she was going, and more than a little worried that she was going off to meet another guy, Tobias followed her. So long as she wasn't going to take the highway any where, he was sure he'd be able to keep up with her.
And he did. Rachel stuck to residential streets and before long Tobias recognized where she was headed: Cassie's.
Great, > Tobias muttered to himself. I'm going to be the subject of an infamous girl talk conversation. Life can't get much better than this. >
Cassie paced her living room. For some inexplicable reason, she was nervous about Rachel coming over.
No, Cassie, you know exactly why you're nervous. What if Rachel had changed her mind since the night before? What if she'd already talked to Tobias and had sorted everything out, leaving Cassie stranded with all these new feelings?
But all those thoughts stopped when the doorbell rang. "Here goes nothin'." She opened the door and let Rachel in.
"Uh, hi," Rachel said as she walked into Cassie's house.
"Yeah. Hi," Cassie replied.
The two girls went into the living room and sat on the couch. Cassie noticed Rachel was perched on the very edge. Then noticed that she was too. The two girls looked up at eachother and burst into a giggling fit.
"So nothing's changed since last night?" Rachel asked as she and Cassie relaxed and sat closer together on the couch.
"Not on my end," Cassie said. "Yours?"
"Nope," Rachel said. "If anything...my feelings are stronger."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, Tobias visited me this morning."
"Oh. Um, what happened?"
"He wanted to explain about last night."
"Did you let him?"
"No."
"Rachel!"
"What?!"
"You're going to have to listen to him eventually."
"I know...I just couldn't listen to him this morning. I mean, at first I was mad at him all over again, but as I listened to him try and get my attention...I kind of softened."
"Softened?" That wasn't usually a verb used with Rachel.
"Well, I wasn't mad anymore, but I couldn't listen to an explanation from him right then. I would have been tempted to tell him...about us."
"Yeah, what will we be doing about 'us'?"
Rachel shook her head. "I don't know...well, first of all, do we even want there to be an us?"
"What do you mean by that?"
"We could keep this under wraps for awhile. You keep going out with Jake, I'll stay single, and when we don't have to be so close to the guys anymore we can "come out"."
"No. First of all, I don't think I could continue going out with Jake that long since I don't have any romantic feelings for him anymore. And who knows how long we'll have to keep up the charade."
"Good point. So do you have any ideas?"
"Why don't we just let it happen naturally? Neither of us made a big announcement when we started going out with our respective guys, why should we now? We both make a clean break with our guys and we'll gradually catch on that we have a relationship."
Rachel sighed. "Maybe that's the logical why to go, but I want to make a big announcement. To them at least. I guess because...well, when it happened gradually between you and Jake, it was like, 'Oh, no big deal. They make a cute couple, yadda yadda yadda.' But with us...well, face it Cassie, we're gay, and American society doesn't accept homosexuality so well."
"So you think the guys will freak out if we leave it to them to figure out we're a couple?"
"Exactly. Ax might be okay with it, I'm sure he's seen it on TV. Marco will probably taunt us endlessly for reasons I'll never comprehend. And Jake and Tobias...they're the wild cards here. How will they react?"
Cassie thought about that for a moment. How would those two react? She hoped they'd be cool about it, but realistically? "I don't think either of them would hate us, at least not because we're gay. I don't think any one in our group is that narrow minded. They probably wouldn't be any more hurt than if we'd left them for other guys." I hope.
"Okay, that sounds reasonable. Sooo...we're just going to leave it up to them to figure out?"
Cassie's answer was interrupted by the phone ringing. "Hold on," she told Rachel. She ran to the kitchen extension and picked up the phone. "Hello?"
"Hi, Cassie."
"Oh, hi, Jake."
"Well, you certainly sound happy to hear from me," Jake said with a chuckle.
"I'm sorry, Jake. What's up?"
"I was wondering if you wanted to go out this afternoon. There's a new under-20 club opening and I thought we could go together."
"That does sound fun, Jake...but I can't."
"But I thought you said your parents are out of town and you'd be free all day."
"They are. Out of town, I mean, but my plans have kinda changed."
"Oh. Okay. I understand." Cassie understood from his tone that he clearly didn't have a clue.
God, I feel like dirt for doing this to him. Do I love him? No. But do I still care for him as a friend? Yes. "But maybe we could get together for a quick lunch later. I need to talk to you."
"Why don't you just tell me now?"
"I think it'd be better if I told you this in person."
Jake must have sensed how serious she was. "What's wrong, Cassie? Just get it over with and tell me now."
Cassie leaned against a wall and closed her eyes. How to say this? "Jake... Ithinkweneedtostopseeingeachother."
"What?"
"I'm sorry to drop this on you like this. I just think we need to stop seeing eachother for awhile. That's why I wanted to see you in person --"
"No, no," Jake interrupted quickly. He sounded like he didn't want to hear anymore. "It's better this way. I'll talk to you later."
"Uh-huh. Bye." Cassie hung up the phone and drew in a long breath. Why had that been so hard?
"Cassie?" Rachel called from the living room. "Is everything alright?"
Cassie walked back to the couch and collapsed next to Rachel. "Sure. Everything's just dandy."
"Okay, something has to be wrong, you don't use sarcasm."
"That was Jake. I just broke up with him."
"Oh. How'd he take it?"
"He was shocked. He wasn't expecting it. And who could blame him? Now I have guilt."
"Guilt? Why?"
"He thought I loved him. I just told him so yesterday, and he hasn't done anything since to warrant a break up."
"Are you having second thoughts? 'Cause we can always go back to my original suggestion --"
"No," Cassie said firmly. "We're going to go through with this. We have feelings for eachother, we both know that. I'm not sure mine go all the way to 'love' since this is all so new, but that's not the point. Now will you stop fretting? It's beginning to weird me out, you're not acting like yourself at all."
"Will this serve as an apology?" she leaned down and gave Cassie a kiss.
Cassie smiled. "Oh, I think that'll do quite nicely."
Jake hung up his phone and leaned his forehead on the wall. He couldn't believe that Cassie broke up with him! And just yesterday she'd said she loved him. What had happened? He hadn't talked to her since then, so it couldn't have been something he'd done...unless...did he promise to call her yesterday? He ran through their conversation in his head. No, he hadn't. And even if he had, Cassie wouldn't have dumped him over one lousy phone call. Would she? She had been acting strange lately, but nothing he had, or hadn't, done in the last day would have made Cassie dump him. So something else was up.
He was started out of his thoughts by the phone ringing next to his ear. "Ow," he muttered as he picked up the receiver. "Hello?"
"Hey, Jake!"
"Hey, Marco. What's up?"
"You wouldn't believe what Erek told me he heard on the news."
"Erek has a knack for picking out all the tragic stuff. What now?" Obviously, the Fates just didn't mean for this to be Jake's best day.
"It's kinda complicated, we should get together at our usual place. Hang out a bit and talk about it."
"With the others?"
"Of course. You wanna call Cassie?"
"Uh, why don't you call her. I just got off the phone with her."
"Uh-oh, I don't like the sound of that. What happened?"
"She just broke up with me."
"Ouch. I'm sorry, man. Why don't I call her and Rachel then, you get the others."
"Thanks a lot, Marco."
"No problem. That's what I'm here for."
Marco said goodbye to Jake then dialed Cassie's number. What in the world had possessed the girl to dump Jake? Those two were perfect together, and while Jake wasn't always the brightest guy Marco knew, Cassie understood that. Something bad must have happened between them
It took awhile for Cassie to pick up. At the fifth ring, just as Marco was about to give up and try Rachel, Cassie answered, and she didn't sound too happy. "Hello?"
"Well, hello sunshine! You sound chipper today."
He heard Cassie sigh. "What's up, Marco?"
"Aw, you won't even perk up for me? Something must be wrong. First you dump Jake like yesterday's trash, and now you're acting all moody with me."
"You've already talked to Jake?"
"Why do you think I'm calling instead of him?"
"Good point. So, I repeat, what's up?"
"Erek has some news he wants to share with us all. Personally, I think the boy needs Prozac because, as Jake pointed out, he always picks out the tragedies and he always wants to share them with us."
"You're probably right. Are we meeting at the usual place?"
"We always do. That's why it's called 'the usual place'."
"Alright. I'll tell Rachel."
"Darn, I wanted to talk to her. See if she wanted to go out and see a new movie with me this afternoon."
"Can't you guess what her answer would be, even if I let you talk to her?"
"You can't blame me fro trying. I take it she's over there?"
"Yeah."
"Then I guess I'll just pop the question when I see her."
"Good bye, Marco."
Marco sighed. "Why doesn't anyone love me? No, don't answer that Cassie. I'll see you around."
Jake flew over the area Tobias had claimed as his territory. He'd already told Ax about the meeting and had asked where Tobias was. Ax hadn't seen him since last night.
But Jake's peregrine falcon sight finally found Tobias perched in his tree.
Hey, Tobias, > Jake greeted well before landing in the tree. They had all been told by Tobias more than once not to sneak up on him while they were in their bird morphs.
Hi, Jake, > Tobias replied flatly.
You don't sound too good, > Jake said as he landed a few branches above Tobias.
It hasn't been a very good day. >
Join the club. >
What's happened with you? >
Cassie broke up with me. You? >
Rachel might as well have with me. >
I'm sorry. This really isn't our day. And I hate to make a bad day worse, but we've got to meet Erek at the barn. >
Tobias groaned. He always chooses the best times to bring us bad news. What is it this time? >
I don't know, Marco just told me that we were meeting him in the barn because he had news for us. >
Great. > Tobias stretched his wings out. Might as well get this over with. The sooner the better. >
Agreed, > Jake said. Both of them launched themselves from the tree and flew towards Cassie's barn.
Jake and Tobias were the last Animorphs to arrive at the meeting. Tobias took his usual place in the rafters, Jake demorphed and leaned against a support beam near the barn's entrance, about as far from Cassie as he could get, Rachel noticed. Cassie had been tending to the animals, but once Jake and Tobias arrived, Cassie sat next to Rachel on a work bench. Marco and Ax were sitting on a hay bale discussing some TV show they'd both seen the night before. And finally, Erek arrived.
"You certainly like showing up fashionably late, don't you?" Marco asked.
"What can I say? I like to make an entrance."
"Obviously," Rachel said dryly. "So what's up?"
"They're building a new entrance to the Yeerk pool."
Tobias muttered a curse. How many of those do they need? >
"The more they have, the easier it is to get prospective hosts to the pool," Erek explained.
"How complete is it?" Jake asked.
"I'd say around 75%. In a week it should be finished."
"Where is it?" Cassie asked.
"The rest room of the new Sharing sponsored skate park," Erek said. "We don't know why, but the Yeerks are targeting more kids lately than adults."
"Kids are more impressionable," Cassie hypothesized. "Get the kids raving about the Sharing and other Yeerk run groups and the parents get curious. And since these all seem to be such wholesome family oriented groups, parents are more than happy to join."
Rachel turned to Jake. "Well, you're the one who wanted the Yeerks to be more active. When are we going?"
"What's security like around the park, Erek?" Jake asked.
"During the day, all the builders have dracon beams, and there are always heavily armed Hork-Bajir hiding behind the holographic shrubs and trees. They know you'll strike if given half a chance. There's never less than a dozen Hork-Bajir there, and I think there's been double that number seen."
"A dozen Hork-Bajir? No problem. We've survived against worse odds," Rachel said.
Cassie laid a hand on Rachel's shoulder. "But what if there's 24 there? And before we've had the element of surprise on our side. All those Hork-Bajir are there expecting us to show."
"But we can't just let them put an entrance in the park," Rachel argued. "Do you know how many people will be using it once it'd finished?"
Jake sighed. "She's right. We've got to do this, no matter the odds. Is everyone free tonight?" there were nods around the group. "Alright, then let's meet up just outside the park around 9 tonight. We'll survey the scene and lay out the plan then. See you then." He abruptly pushed away from the support beam and left the barn.
"What's wrong with him?" Erek asked.
Cassie looked down at the ground. "We kind of broke up this morning and he didn't take it too well."
"Ah. That'd do it. I'll see you all later." He left then too, followed by Marco and Ax, who both morphed birds and flew to their homes.
Tobias was about to leave with them, but Rachel called to him. "Hey, Tobias, can I talk to you for a minute?"
Uh, sure, Rachel. > Rachel told Cassie she'd be back in a few minutes and met Tobias just outside the barn, where he was waiting in his human morph.
Anything to try and appease me, I guess. "I wanted to apologize for this morning. I was still kinda pissed off, but I was wrong."
"I'm sorry, too. For last night, I mean. I just --"
Rachel interrupted him by putting a finger to his lips. "You don't need to explain, Tobias. I think I have a pretty good idea. And maybe it's better that you ran out on me, it made me realize something I've been denying for awhile."
"What's that?"
The words caught in Rachel's throat for a moment. Tobias looked so innocent and hopeful and...and loving, looking at her like that, and she was about to shatter all that for him. I wonder if this is how Cassie felt. "I -- we -- I can't go out with you anymore, Tobias." He stared at her blankly. "I really admire and respect you, Tobias. And I do love you...but not the same way as I once did."
"So you want to 'just be friends'?" Tobias asked ruefully. Rachel nodded. "Okay. I'm cool with that," but the look on his face told Rachel otherwise. Before she could say anymore, he'd begun to demorph. Rachel didn't want to stay and watch him so she ran back into the barn.
"How'd it go?" Cassie asked as Rachel resumed her seat on the workbench.
Rachel sighed. "Not any worse than Jake, I'd think. He's going to hate me for awhile, and I really don't blame him. But he'll get over it, right? And Jake, too?"
"I hope so."
The two sat in silence for a few moments before Rachel spoke again. "Did...did it hurt you to break up with Jake?"
"You know it did," Cassie said emphatically. "He's always going to be a good friend. At least, I hope he will be. And it's always hard to hurt a friend."
"Yeah, you're right. Of course. I just...oh, the look on his face when I told him. It made me feel like it would have been more humane to just shoot him." Rachel shook her head. "But he'll get over it. And hopefully before he does anything stupid."
Cassie raised an eyebrow. "He's a guy, Rachel. He can't go a day without doing something stupid."
Rachel laughed. "Too true." She quickly sobered, still feeling slightly guilty over the breakup, and looked at her watch. "It's nearly noon, I'd better be going. I'll see you around nine."
"See you."
Tobias was in the air above the skate park half an hour before their appointed meeting time. He needed some time alone, to think about what happened with Rachel earlier. He'd spent most of the day watching TV with Ax, trying to keep distracted, but he realized that he needed to think about it, at least a little.
The most prevalent question in his mind was why. He'd kind of expected Rachel to dump him after his actions the night before, but to have it actually happen, and with out giving him a chance to explain, seemed unreal to him.
But, he tried to rationalize, Rachel is a girl who acts on a whim. Her actions are rarely rational. But that did little to comfort him.
As it got close to 9, the others joined him above the park. First Ax, then Jake, Marco and Rachel arrived together, and finally Cassie.
Wait, Tobias thought, Marco and Rachel together? Could that be the reason she broke up with me? He quickly banished the thought. It was impossible. Rachel would avoid Marco if he were the only other person on Earth. Wouldn't she?
Dude, how are we supposed to know what's a Hork-Bajir and what's a regular plant? > Marco asked.
I think we'll just have to take a risk and show ourselves, > Cassie said.
That makes me optimistic about our odds of survival. >
Wait a second, > Tobias said. Watch the bushes closest to the rest room. The leaves don't move in the breeze. A casual observer wouldn't notice, but when you're looking for holograms, it's obvious. >
Looks like the Yeerks need to work on their hologram programming skills, > Rachel said with a mocking laugh. C'mon, let's do this! >
We need more of a plan than just attacking, Rachel, > Tobias said, sharper than he'd intended.
Jake began telling them his plan before an argument could erupt. Most of this is going to depend on them, unfortunately, so we have to be more cautious than usual, it's rare we have an enemy we can't see.
Find a sheltered spot well away from the holographic plants and morph battle morphs. I'll go out first to get their attention, once they attack follow. >
You alone against a dozen Hork-Bajir? > Cassie asked. That's insane, Jake. >
Do you have a better idea, Cassie? > Jake snapped. Cassie remained silent. Alright. Places,
everyone. >
Tobias stayed in the air as the others landed. He was remaining in his hawk form, so the sky seemed like the best place to wait for the attack. He'd be able to get in quicker and cause more damage if he dived into the fray.
He watched the others morph: Ax simply demorphed from harrier, Cassie morphed to wolf, Marco to gorilla, Jake to tiger. And Rachel, beautiful Rachel morphed her favorite morph, the grizzly bear. Why had he acted like such a jerk to her? How could he have let himself lose someone so...unique?
His eyes were drawn back to Jake, who was leaving the cover of a stand of trees. Stealthy as only a cat can be, he slinked into the open.
Nothing happened until Jake was almost directly in front of one of the holographic trees. Tobias saw the image waver for a moment then drop completely. Jake saw it, too, but before he could attack, the Hork-Bajir lifted a dracon beam and shot at Jake, hitting the tiger in a hind leg. The night erupted into a chorus of animal cries as Tobias and the other Animorphs attacked from all directions.
Rachel delivered a mighty backhand to a Hork-Bajir just before it succeeded in getting her with the same move. With her murky bear vision, she surveyed the scene. Several Hork-Bajir were lying on the ground, dead or dying, and it looked like Ax was handling two more. Cassie had almost defeated one. Jake and Marco were standing over two freshly fallen HOrk-Bajir and she couldn't see Tobias, he was probably in the air, preparing for another strike.
Ax looked like he could use a little extra help, so Rachel lumbered over, catching one that was about to gain the upper hand on Ax by surprise with a hard blow to the back of its head.
Thank you, Rachel. >
No problem, Ax. >
Guys? I think we better split, > Tobias called. I see some cop cars coming, and I highly doubt they're actually our city's finest. >
Thanks, Tobias, > Jake called. Everybody get out of here. We've done all we can do here. >
What about the pool entrance? > Rachel asked.
No problem there. > Marco picked up a dracon beam from one of the fallen Hork-Bajir and fired it several times at the rest rooms, reducing the small building, and the entrance it concealed, to rubble.
Okay, now let's get out of here, > Jake said.
Rachel loped along awkwardly on her two hind legs, she'd lost her right front paw to one of the Hork-Bajir, back to the woods. Just before she reached the safety of the woods, she heard a howl behind her. A wolf howl.
Rachel looked around her frantically. Where had it come from?
"What was that?!" Rachel heard Jake shout. He'd already demorphed.
Tobias? Was that Cassie? > Rachel asked.
Yeah. Someone get over here fast. I'm taking care of the Hork-Bajir that got her, but someone needs to carry her back to where she can demorph. >
Rachel ran back to the battle field as fast as she could on two legs. Part of her noticed she was the only one out there, the others must have demorphed before Cassie had been attacked, but that realization was distant. She was focused on Cassie.
To your left, Rachel, > Tobias guided her. Yeah, right there in front of you. >
I see her, > Rachel snapped. She was close enough now to see what had happened: a dracon beam had burned clear through Cassie's side. Cassie's blood soaked sides were moving in rapid, shallow breaths.
Cassie? Can you hear me? > Rachel asked. Cassie's only answer was a weak whimper. Hold
on. > She slid her good front paw under Cassie side and lifted her over her shoulder as gently as she could.
Marco met her halfway back to the woods in a fresh gorilla morph. He took Cassie from Rachel and ran her back to the woods quicker than Rachel could have. Rachel demorphed as she ran back to the woods, not caring if she was seen. What was important was getting to Cassie. By the time she reached the woods, she and Marco were demorphed and everyone was standing around Cassie.
Rachel knelt besides Cassie and took her wolf head into her lap. "C'mon, Cassie! You've had worse than this, demorph!" Cassie's breathing had grown noticeably shallower in the short time Rachel had been separated from her.
"She hasn't made a sound since I grabbed her," Marco told Rachel quietly. "I don't think --"
"Shut up!" Rachel and Jake shouted at the same time.
Rachel looked back to her friend, saying a silent prayer for the first time in a long time. Don't let her die. Please, God, don't let her die!
Hey, look! > Tobias cried from his perch in a tree above Cassie. Watch her fur. >
Rachel stared intently at Cassie and noticed what Tobias had: Cassie's fur was slowly melting away. "She's demorphing!" Rachel said needlessly.
The entire group watched wordlessly as slowly Cassie's human features replaced the wolf ones.
After what seemed to be an agonizingly long time to the Animorphs, Cassie was fully human again. She slowly sat up and Rachel, overjoyed that Cassie was alive, grabbed her tightly and kissed her passionately. And Cassie kissed right back.
When they broke apart for air, Rachel kept holding Cassie in a tight hug. "I thought I'd lost you," she whispered in Cassie's ear.
"You nearly did," Cassie whispered back. "But, and this is the strangest thing, I heard you and Jake telling Marco to shut up and I knew I had to stay around. Keep you from killing one of them."
Rachel laughed and brushed at her eyes. She was surprised to find her hand came away wet. She was crying.
When they finally they let go of eachother and stood up, they realized the guys were still there, staring. Jake and Marco shared nearly identical looks of shock, Ax looked merely puzzled and Tobias...well, Tobias looked as he always did, but Rachel could guess he felt like Jake and Marco looked.
"Uh-oh," Cassie whispered. Rachel nodded in agreement.
"Um, hi, guys," Cassie managed to stammer.
"Hi yourself," Marco said hoarsely. "You - and her - you're - you just -"
"Well, it's finally happened: Marco's at a loss for words," Rachel said brightly. Too brightly.
Jake didn't have a better grasp on language. "You two are - how? You -"
"Yes, we have a lot to explain," Cassie said. "And we will. But how about tomorrow? We're all tired and -"
"Uh-uh. I wanna hear about this now," Marco said, apparently regaining his vocabulary. "I think you two have some of explaining to do."
"We don't have to explain anything to you, Marco," Rachel said defensively. "I think you can figure things out on your own."
But some of us do have questions, > Tobias said quietly. Like...why? >
I believe we should have this conversation elsewhere, > Ax interrupted. The Yeerk police officers have arrived in the park. >
Rachel looked to Cassie. "Should we talk to them?"
Cassie sighed. "We knew they had to find out eventually. Why not now? We can all go to my place, my parents aren't home yet, thank God."
Jake nodded quickly. Angrily, Rachel thought. "E-everyone who's interested to Cassie house." He began to morph.
"Who'd want to miss this?" Marco asked.
"This isn't Pay-Per-View, Marco," Rachel warned him as both of them began to morph.
No, it's better. >
Rachel waited for Cassie to finish morphing so they could fly back to Cassie's together.
Are you alright? > Rachel asked once they were aloft.
Yeah. I just morphed slow so we could hang back and talk. >
What do we tell them? >
The truth. >
What is the the truth, Cassie? Do we want to tell them we're in love? You said so yourself this morning that you weren't sure since all of this is so new. >
I didn't tell you the complete truth back there, > Cassie admitted. When you said you thought you'd lost me? I didn't want to risk anyone over hearing, but I couldn't die because part of me kept nagging that I'd be leaving someone very special behind if I died. Someone very special...that I'd just found. >
If Rachel had been human at the time, she was sure she'd begin crying again. I love you too, Cassie. >
Ax was the only Animorph who chose not to attend Rachel and Cassie's confessional, saying that this was a human matter and he had no interest in who humans chose to pair off with.
But Jake was plenty interested. Of all the scenarios he'd come up with in his nightmares of how he could lose Cassie someday, not one had included this.
The remaining five Animorphs were gathered in Cassie's living room. Rachel and Cassie were sitting on the couch, holding hands as if to draw support from eachother. Marco was sprawled sideways across a recliner and Tobias, who'd morphed human, was sitting in another one, not looking very comfortable. Jake remained standing.
"I want to know the same thing Tobias does," Jake began. "Why?"
"Why what?" Rachel asked angrily.
"You two! Together! And - and dumping us." He looked to Tobias on the last part for emphasis.
Cassie's soft mellow voice was a stark contrast to Jake and Rachel's angry ones. "Why does anyone love anyone else, Jake? Why was I attracted to you in the first place, and you to me? When you can come up with a good answer to that question, you'll have the answer to yours."
"Then how long has this been going on?" Tobias asked.
"Yesterday," Rachel answered, calmer than before.
That sent Jake off again. "Yesterday?! You two broke off long term relationships for what may very well be a whim?"
"God, Jake, what is your problem?!" Rachel demanded, standing up to look her cousin in the face. "Is this all really because Cassie and I are together now? Or is there something deeper here? Are you just a general bigot towards gay people, or are Cassie and I just lucky?"
"What are you saying, that I'm a gay-bashing homophobic?"
"I didn't say anything. I just asked."
"Whoa, both of you, chill!" Marco said, jumping up and forcing himself between Jake and Rachel. "Rachel, we both know Jake well enough to know he isn't a bigot of any kind, he's just a little freaked out by this. And I can't blame him. How would you react if, say, he and Tobias suddenly revealed they were in love with a huge PDA?
"And Jake, you need to sit down for a few minutes and just shut up. If you could hear yourself, you'd understand why Rachel's accusing you of being homophobic. If I didn't know you better, I'd agree with her." Rachel and Jake glared at eachother for a moment more before taking seats.
"Thank you, Marco," Cassie said as she put an arm around Rachel's shoulder.
"Any time," Marco said.
Cassie looked to Jake. "To answer your question, Jake, I think this has been building for quite awhile, but yesterday was the first time Rachel and I allowed ourselves to admit it to ourselves. And eachother."
Marco shook his head. "Y'know, I can understand Jake's anger, and Bird Boy's shock, but personally, I just find this all kind of funny. I've always thought of you two as some of the straightest people I know, with your fairy tale romances. And now look at you! But I'm happy for you, really. Sure, I'd always hoped that if Xena and Bird-Boy broke up, she'd come running to me -"
"Fat chance of that happening," Rachel interrupted.
"Hey, you can't blame me for dreaming. But anyways, I don't feel quite as left out now. With you two together, the rest of us guys are all on equal ground. He sent sly looks to the other two guys. "Unless someone else wants to come out tonight?" Jake grabbed the pillow on his chair and threw it at Marco as Tobias did the same.
"So would this explain why you've been growing distant lately?" Tobias asked Rachel once everyone had settled down.
"I think so," Rachel said. "Guys, this is as new and unexpected for us as it is for you. We're still not totally sure about anything in our relationship."
"Except that we love eachother," Cassie said, which earned her startled looks from the guys. Cassie ignored them. "And, Jake anyway, I know you well enough to know you'll be blaming yourself for pushing me away, and that's not true. You've been nothing but loving to me for as long as I've known you, I'm the one who's changed, and not because of you."
"Changed? Oh, yeah, I think we can safely say you've changed."
"Jake, why are you being such an ass about this?!" Rachel demanded. "I can understand you being shocked, that's a natural reaction. But acting like a jerk isn't your style. So what's brought it on?"
"We're still the same people, Jake," Cassie said. "We haven't changed in that respect. From where I'm sitting, you're the one who's changed, Jake. The Jake I loved wasn't a close minded jerk. So why are you acting this way now?"
Jake sighed. Why was he acting this way? Why were Marco and Tobias, especially, acting like this was nothing? The way he saw it, he had every right to be angry. His girlfriend broke up with him and started going out with his cousin for God's sake! "You know, I think I have a right to be upset here. Cassie, you broke up with me! Isn't a guy allowed to be angry about that? And to add insult to injury, you start going out with my cousin."
"Who happens to be female," Cassie said.
"Yes! I mean, no! It's not because of that. I'd be just as angry if you'd started going out with, I don't know, Marco."
"Yeah, and that's more plausible than her going out with me?" Rachel asked.
"Argh! I'm hurt, Xena."
Jake sighed again. He wasn't going to win this one. "Fine. I'm sorry for being a jerk and blowing this out of proportion. I'm happy for you two and wish you the best. Now, I have to be getting back home."
Cassie looked troubled, but only said, "Thank you, Jake."
"I've gotta go, too," Marco said. "See you all later."
"You going too, Tobias?" Rachel asked as the other two guys got ready to go.
"Oh, uh, yeah," Tobias said. "But first..." He stood up from his chair and bent over Rachel. He gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I understand now, and I'm happy for you two, really. And I'm sure Jake will be, too. That was my original reaction, back in the woods. So give him a while to get over the shock."
"Thanks, Tobias," Rachel said with a smile.
The two girls watched from the couch as the guys let themselves out. Once they were gone they fell back against the couch. "Well, that could have gone better," Rachel said.
"Yeah," Cassie agreed. "All that Jake said at the end...he was just BSing so he could get out of there. He's still angry."
"That's just so out of character for Jake. I don't understand it. He's usually a very open minded guy. So why did he flip now?"
"I think he's just in shock, like Tobias said. No, he doesn't usually respond like that, but he's been extremely uptight lately, tonight he just finally snapped. He'll see what an idiot he's being eventually."
"But how long is 'eventually'? Tomorrow? Next week? Next year? What if eventually doesn't come before our next mission and he puts his personal bias before the good of the group? What then?"
"Rachel, he has no personal bias. He's just a guy, like any other guy, who's hurt because his girl dumped him for someone else." Cassie paused, remembering. "Remember once when I was worried that Jake wasn't asking me out because I was black you told me that he didn't even know I'm black? It's basically the same thing here. He said so himself: he'd act the same if I'd dumped him for Marco."
"But you just said you didn't believe him when he was saying that."
"No, I said I didn't believe his apology. He thinks he's in the right, when he's obviously not."
Rachel shook her head. "I'll never be able to understand that sixth sense you have for people, Cassie."
Cassie smiled. "Just like I'll never understand the sixth sense you have for sales at the mall."
Rachel laughed. "Speaking of sales...with that new swim suit of yours, you wanna go to the beach next weekend?"
Cassie didn't answer for a moment. Was this a date? An actual date? Could she handle that? Of course, to the rest of the world, it'd just look like two friends enjoying the day, but she'd know it was different.
But what the hell? "I'd love to."